Between the Lines
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing them. Everything recognizable from the Harry Potter Series belongs to J.K. Rowling.
A/N: Aurore and Briarwood Circle plotline taking the backseat for a moment for Lupin/Tonks. Don't worry, it's not gone, just not a major part of the story right now since Lupin lost his memory of the only reason he should remember it (following me?). But I hope you guys will like this chapter too, as my intention was for the story to be mainly about them.
Tonks gritted her teeth in frustration. Just how much more paperwork was she expected to complete before she was allowed to leave the ministry? It was almost 10:30, and she had been working for most of the day. As soon as she had stood up to leave, she'd been bombarded with a huge assignment and had been told to finish it tonight.
Shifting through the loose rolls of parchment, her eyes scanned them without seeing. She buried her face in her hands and tried to resist the urge to pull at her hair, which was short and pink today. Alright, just finish this up and then you can leave. One more. Time was passing so slowly it seemed, but then again, maybe it was passing quickly… the hour was late. How had it gotten so late? Too late to still be at work, anyway. The tedious task was taking longer and longer as her mind disengaged from the process out of sheer boredom.
Finally finishing the last bit of paperwork, Tonks got up and stretched, almost doing a small dance out of pure thankfulness that she was at last done. At first she was going to apparate back to her flat, but she decided to stop by Grimmauld Place first. Her flat would be empty; she'd be alone. And right now, all she wanted was someone to talk to. It didn't matter who.
Everything had been going wrong lately. This latest little development with her job was nothing. Sure, it bothered her, but it was merely the last straw. So many other things had been building up. Ah, well, time to forget about all that.
Before she knew exactly where she had envisioned, Tonks ended up in the library of Grimmauld Place. I guess I'm in the mood to read an old favorite.
But then her eye caught another figure, sitting on the couch at one end of the room. His quiet grace was a strong presence in the room. Apparently, the loud popping noise of her apparation had startled Lupin. He was staring at her in mild shock. "Good evening," he said, after a pause.
"Wotcher."
Lupin's gaze returned to his book, a bit too suddenly, as if he'd realized he had been staring. But when she turned to the shelves and began scanning titles, he became curious. Why did she apparate straight to the library?
Running a finger absently along the spines of the books as she passed, Tonks' hair became a deep shade of violet and her skin darkened in hue. Luminous indigo eyes completed the transformation.
"Where is it?" She muttered to herself. Moving on, and deciding on another title, she plucked a rather heavy volume from the shelves and sat down next to Lupin. Well, not exactly next to him. She was on the other end of the couch, leaning her elbow on one of the arms. Resting so that her chin was in her hand and her knees were bent, her feet on the middle cushion, Tonks attempted to get comfortable.
It wasn't working very well, but she gave up, deciding she didn't care. It must be how stressed out she was, and had nothing to do with the way she was sitting, so there wasn't any point in trying.
"Why did you change?" a soft voice asked, snapping her back to reality.
She had almost forgotten Remus was there. Glancing over at him, she saw that he hadn't looked up from his book. Tonks shrugged. "I didn't really think about it, it just happened. That's been happening a lot lately." She was glad he wasn't looking at her. It gave her a sense of personal space, like he wasn't really demanding an answer, just asking out of curiosity or concern.
The words were becoming harder and harder to focus on. Her eyes kept slipping and everything was becoming blurry. The tear rolled off her nose and onto the book and she let it, making no indication that she even knew it existed. "Remus?" she said in a shaky voice.
His amber eyes locked with her indigo ones and she bit her lip, willing herself to stop crying or finish what she had been about to say, or for Merlin's sake, just do anything, but she couldn't. The sobs were starting to come now, and she closed her eyes against her embarrassment. How could she have let this dam inside her burst in front of him?
Lupin looked distressed, but not at a total loss like most men when it comes to crying women. "Did I offend you by asking? I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean—"
Tonks's semi-amused and shaky laugh through her tears cut him short. "No." She said it again, firmer this time. "No, it wasn't you. I'm sorry. It's just…"
She couldn't quite bring herself to continue and he moved closer, giving her shoulder a comforting squeeze. It was simply a friendly gesture, meant to soothe her in some small way. He didn't want to make her feel any more vulnerable than she already did. "I'll listen, if you need to talk about this."
Tonks smiled sadly, and the tears were coming slower now. "Thanks. I think I'm just stressed out, or I wouldn't make this big a deal out of it." She took a deep, shuddering breath and dispelled all her doubts. It would do her some good to get this out of her system. "This is going to sound a bit ridiculous, but…I feel like I'm loosing myself. I can't keep my appearance all the time anymore and it's harder and harder to remember or return to my own form. The changes happen so automatically…I'm just influenced by what's around me and I don't change for me."
Lupin knew all too well what it was like to loose yourself. Every month during his transformation he would have little to no control over his actions, but the memories of everything he did would haunt him. When the moon was full he became lost in the senses of the wolf, the instinct to hunt, to bite and scratch.
A vague smile hovered over his lips. He wiped a tear from her cheek. "You have such a strong, vibrant personality, Nymphadora. And I can always see it, no matter what you look like."
She didn't correct him and say 'Tonks'. The sense of ease his words left her with was too much for so trivial a thing to bother her now. Her head came to rest on his shoulder. "Remus, thank you." The words sounded barely more than a whisper.
He held her gently, his arm about her shoulders. "All I said was the truth, but if it brought you any comfort, then I am glad. That's what friends are for."
"Friends," she echoed. It was true, she'd barely known him before that mission on Briarwood Circle last week. But she knew he was a perfect gentleman, she'd gotten that impression the first time she met him. "I'm honored to have you as my friend, Remus."
Lupin tensed. What if she was repulsed when she found out that he was a werewolf? And it would have to be when, not if, because he couldn't endanger her by not letting her know. It would be so hard, though. This was why he never let himself trust others completely. He couldn't get his hopes up for someone to understand and then be crushed when they ran in fear.
Tonks pulled away. "What is it?" She shoved him playfully, her usual demeanor returning now that her burden had been relieved. Her grin faded as he didn't respond. There was a world of distance between them that had not been there a moment ago. Confused, she tried to figure out what he could possibly be thinking.
Subconsciously, he traced on of the scars that ran across his face. It dawned on her. "I already know."
"What?" His amber eyes came back to the present, and regarded her with a mixture of disbelief and wonder.
"About your…lycanthropy," she said carefully.
"How? How long?"
"Since the last full moon."
"And yet you aren't, well, horrified?"
"No," she said. "Why would that change anything?"
He was speechless.
"I see you for who you are, not what you change into." There was a mischievious lilt to her voice as her words vaguely shadowed his earlier statement. "I'm accepting you, not cringing in repulsion as you obviously expect. Why can't you understand that? That's what friends are for."
She knew it sounded a little cheesy, but she hoped the combination of throwing his own words back at him and her tone that demanded attention would get through to him. His eyes met hers and the look in them broke her heart. He definitely had been needing someone to say that, someone that understood the werewolf was a part of him that had to be accepted too, not just ignored.
Lupin was feeling quite vulnerable, his most dreaded secret exposed. But she had confided in him as well, and they had both benefited from it. He managed a small smile, to say that he understood, heard her. But his head was still reeling from the shock and he could not think of any reply.
She yawned, got up, and leaned over to give him a hug. "Goodnight, Remus. Thanks for the chat. I feel a lot better now."
"Anytime," he murmured.
The book he had been reading was next to him, and the cover caught Tonk's attention. "Hey, what do you know? That's the book I was looking for."
Her smile vanished into the darkness as she closed the door behind her. Remus shook his head and laughed softly.
The title: With the Changing Tides.
A/N: So, what do you think? Review! And interpret the book title however you want.
