Lone Wolf
A/N: Sorry! I really didn't mean to leave you guys hanging that long. I haven't had much internet access (family stuff again…grr…waiting for this all to get settled out); I thought I would be able to post this the day after I posted the first one. So, here it is now. And I might or might not be able to post again for a little while, but it'll give me time to think of lots of good ideas!
Sirius moved first. Indecision had frozen him. Would transforming truly be of any benefit? The wolf and the dog were fairly evenly matched. In his dog form he had tackled the wolf before, kept it at bay, but his claws and fangs would more easily harm the human Lupin. He could not bear to hurt his friend, even if Moony was not himself.
He decided against transforming and attempted to restrain the other. It was a noble effort, but unsuccessful. Sirius cried out amid the chaos, "Tonks, now would be a good time to leave."
"No! Sirius, I can take care of myself." It seemed that no one wanted to believe that was true. Her youth and clumsy manner didn't exactly reek of auror material, but Tonks had guts and could keep her wits about her in a crisis. Those qualities had been tested and proven on several occasions. Why did everyone still treat her like a little girl?
Tonks bolted, but not to leave. The movement attracted Lupin, who tore after her. Sirius was just about to follow them when Buckbeak gave a terrified cry. Hooves danced in panic and shook the ceiling above Sirius's head. Animals have an uncanny way of sensing when something is wrong. The poor creature might just collapse the ceiling if I don't go calm him down. A nagging remnant of guilt plaguing him for leaving Tonks to fend for herself, Sirius ascended the stairs rather than descending them.
Meanwhile, the peacefulness of the starlit kitchen was abruptly broken at Tonks skidded in, moving so fast she hung on to one edge of the doorway and used the momentum to make a rapid, drastic change in direction. Trying to put on the brakes, she ended up practically somersaulting over the table so that it was between her and Lupin. His eyes pinned her with a shocking intensity. The ruthless gleam looked so strange and out-of-place.
They stared each other down for a few moments. Her pale blue eyes shone softly, full of determination and holding no trace of fear. Finally, Tonks, never breaking eye contact, moved to the edge of the table on her side and kicked open one of the cupboards with her foot. Another well-aimed kick sent all the pots and pans within sprawling with a deafening clatter to the tile floor. He snarled and, believing her distracted, lunged.
A quarter of the moon was now shadowed, but the silvery light that remained uncovered hit him square in the eyes as he leapt. The aggressiveness quailed and fear was clearly etched in every line of his face. The wolf's control lessened as fear of the moon's presence chased it away. Shimmering brightly, tears of regret stung at his eyes, though not a singe one slid down. The glimpse of Remus, whom she knew she had seen in that instant, tugged at Tonks's heart. He's there, somewhere, helplessly watching himself do these things that he must live with later.
In the moment of lucidity he attempted to stop his attack; he ended up cutting the leap short, tripping over the pots and pans and then proceeding to fall backwards. It was the perfect opportunity for her to escape the kitchen. She did not waste it. Sparing a glance at the clock on her way out, she thought, Just keep him running for 35 minutes. I can do that. Then he can't hurt himself anymore. The danger to herself scarcely crossed her mind. This was for Lupin. It felt so right to be here for his sake that the consideration that there was any sacrafice on her part came with a start. Is there really anything I'd rather be doing than making this full moon easier for him?
The wolf re-oriented himself, shaking Lupin's head after the fall in a blur of tawny, gray-streaked hair. The gesture felt unnatural, his human shoulders tense and unaccustomed to such a movement. But the eclipse no longer predominated his field of vision, and the moon's power over him surged through his body, his own blood the tides it called forth. The chase was born anew as her lingering scent filled his nostrils.
Sirius raced through the house, wondering at his own motives. Surely Buckbeak couldn't collapse the ceiling. Yes, he did want to calm the hippogriff, but it was more of an excuse to leave. In fact, he was surprised Tonks hadn't seen right through it. Although, he supposed she was rather preoccupied.
As soon as the words had passed his lips about her leaving, he realized he didn't want her to. And though he probably didn't even know it, neither did Lupin. That man was stubborn to a fault sometimes, especially in his consideration of other people. Someone needed to get him past that. Sirius himself had been unable to do it, but he hadn't tried other than a few playful arguments back at Hogwarts. He and James would always use humor to end the arguments. Lupin would remain calm and collected, rational in the face of their fury or distress.
But whenever it was said in a joking manner, Moony, just face it. You're stuck with us. No matter how many times you try to scare us off, we're still coming back, Lupin couldn't help but smile and relent. The whole world, or everyone who knew about his condition, with very few exceptions, feared him or was repulsed by him. It didn't matter that only once a month was he a savage monster. Anyone so inflicted couldn't possibly be a decent person the rest of the time. Those were the attitudes he grew up with, lived with, dealt with every day, expected. If he expected anything else it only led to disappointment, for the fear and repulsion were there, however deep they were buried, and could resurface at any time.
When shown that true, honorable intention of friendship, which he craved more than anything, he could not resist.
Sirius reached Buckbeak, speaking soothingly to reassure the majestic creature that no harm would come to him. The franticness ceased, but Buckbeak was agitated and let it be known. Blue-gray feathers were fluffed out to make the hippogriff appear nearly twice his size, and his great wings began to unfurl. Sirius made a low reverence, but Buckbeak was so familiar with him it was unnecessary. An uncertain trill greeted the wizard.
A dead ferret placated the hippogriff quickly enough. Greedily devouring the snack, Buckbeak forgot why he had been so upset. Sirius watched him eat, lost deep in his own thoughts. There was too much time for them in confinement, something he had learned both from his years at Azkaban and now here, at Grimmauld Place. The void idleness and excess time would ever be filled by thought.
Sometimes he wished he could clear his mind of every last one, because after a while they all began to weigh down on him. Thinking of Harry or Lupin or Tonks never failed to cheer him up, but even then free time let him think things out too far. Like the whispered warning that came unbidden, Unfortuantely, love is so much more complicated than friendship.
A harsh, ragged sound cut the air that Tonks dimly registered was her own breathing. She was in excellent shape but half an hour of running through the house avoiding someone with every intention of attacking you was taking its toll. They had gone from the kitchen to the living room, back upstairs, down again, and finally to the backyard, which was spacious and provided room to run with less obstacles for Tonks to trip over. However, noting the final stages of the eclipse, she directed them to the den, figuring he would want to be inside for the transformation.
The night sky illuminated nothing, the starlight pale and flickering and far too distant. Lupin looked none the worse for the wear, as far as being out of breath. The madness that drove him paid no heed to endurance.
The pain must have reached its height, for he sprinted forward with a sudden burst of energy and an echo of poisoned hope in the deep amber orbs that were his eyes.
Tonks ran through the springy grass, which felt lush and cool under her feet, but also made them itch unbearably. There had been no time for her to don her shoes and she hated wearing them most of the time anyway. Reaching the door, she slammed it behind her in order to gain a few precious seconds of time. It creaked and bent under the strain Lupin put on it until she was sure it would burst.
But the door wasn't locked because she did want him to come in. He eventually found the handle and enough sense to remember it's use. As Tonks ran through the hallway, she abandoned her usual practice of remaining as silent as possible so as not to wake up the portrait. "Hey! You want to scream, now's the time to do it!" Mrs. Black woke with her face contorted in rage and, as expected, commenced her usual litany of bellowed insults.
Lupin's sensitive ears were almost bleeding from the volume and pitch of her cries. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and covered his ears with his hands, doubling over. Despite this setback, the wolf's determination remained undimmed. It took several moments before he could bring himself to move again, and he let out a shriek of his own as he did so, but he moved as fluidly and with as single-mindedness of purpose as ever.
Sheer elation bubbled within Tonks that it was almost over. No one had been harmed; she had succeeded. But the celebration was a second too soon.
He caught up with her at the eleventh hour. The strength of his fingers as they closed around her throat was impossible. Flesh and bone could not be so strong. She started to choke and gasped for breath, seeking his eyes but unable to find them amid the flurry of movement as he flung her against the wall.
Lupin had not let go of her in the process. The iron grip fixed firmly about the base of her throat. But now his face was inches from her own and she was trapped between him and the wall.
Biting or scratching she steeled herself for, they were what the wolf's instincts called out for him to do, but this conflicted hesitation came as a surprise. Tonks could tell he was fighting the urges with every last ounce of willpower. His upper lip twitched in what she thought was a snarl, but turned out to be an effort to speak.
"W-w-wrrrrrrghhhhhhh." It turned into a growl and he tried again. "W-why?"
The meaning was clear to her. Why did I come? Why did I risk this? He could read the distinct lack of fear in her face and it confused him.
Tonks brought her hands up to pry his off of her throat. It lessened a little, but that was his doing, and the pressure increased again as the battle for control continued to wage.
A complete silence unlike any she had previously experienced descended and Tonks knew without knowing how she knew that the shadow now fully encompassed the moon. He jerked back as if he had been burned his eyelids fluttered in his exertion not to pass out in pain.
The slight form of the young witch sunk to the ground, weak and dizzy, gingerly fingering the purple marks around her throat. She steadied her breathing and gulped a few times before managing, "Because I am not going to let you live your whole life afraid of yourself and what you can do. Because no one deserves to feel so much guilt for something they cannot help, and you needed someone to tell you that. And because you don't have to be the lone wolf, if you would just let someone in and believe them when they say they accept you the way you are."
He was beyond speech, but his eyes softened before widening with a flare of pain, and she knew he had heard her.
The transformation was easier this time; Lupin was ready. Normally the transformation was the part he dreaded, but this time….the eclipse turned the world upside down and bent all the rules. This time, it would be as easy, if not as painless, as it would ever get, because the wolf had already been trying for more than an hour to break free.
His body bent backwards at an awkward angle and his fingers and toes tensed as he went rigid. Fur erupted along his back and arms; his face elongated, nose and mouth merging into a muzzle. Before it fully sunk in that he was changing it was done, and a wolf stood before her. Light brown fur flecked with gray.
Tonks sighed and leaned her head back against the wall, breathing deeply. She bit her lip, waiting. What next? The wolf whimpered and walked forward timidly, exhausted. He laid his head on her lap and curled up next to her to sleep.
A/N: Worth the wait, I hope?
Reviewer Responses:
Bograt: I hope it wasn't too horrible of a tantrum…I know, I'm so sorry about the cliffhanger. I really thought I'd be able to get this up sooner. Glad you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reviewing!
Alli-Baby: Thanks for the feedback about the cliffhangers. I'll keep it all in mind. Next time if I know I won't be able to update I'll leave the story in a better place. Yeah, writing that part gave me shivers too. I just felt so bad for him. Thanks for being such a loyal reviewer!
dreamy-crazygirl: I understand, I have that habit too sometimes but now that I write and understand how much reviews mean I try to keep up with it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Duck Goddess:Descriptions in this chapter flow with the ones in the last, and are they just as realistic? I'm trying to work with what's in the books but also give it my own spin because of the eclipse part. I can't tell you how much I appreciate having such a loyal reviewer from the beginning of the story!
Sammy Black: Yay! A positive reaction to the cliffhanger! I've had a few good responses but most people are just frustrated.
TreCoolLuver: Thank you! I have to say it's not entirely original, but I really like how their relationship evolves because the characters are truly perfect for each other, and I can envision each stage. As much tension and hinting as there has been, I still wouldn't classify them as much more than friends yet, and they still have a long way to go. Hope you'll stick around and see where this story goes!
Blondie09: I'm sorry you don't approve, and I appreciate you telling me so. Again, I wouldn't have ended it there if I had known it would be more than a day before I would be able to post the next installment. But I write for me and end the chapter where my muse insists. However, I could post both chapters later and closer together if there'll be a cliffhanger, since I do post for the readers.
Rukia:I love to explore the dynamics of both characters. They are fascinating, and I'm thrilled you think it all flows smoothly. If you're interested, and the grammar is what's stopping you from publishing, I'd be more than happy to beta for you. I love editing stories and I'm something of a grammar freak. (Plus it's much easier to edit other stories than your own). Let me know by your next review or e-mail me at elletholorien20 (at) aol
