Link sighed with relief as he sipped at the coffee. Blessed coffee. Nectar of the godesses or summat. Wonderful when one needed to stay awake and alert and far faaar away from demented bird-princes.

Laughing inwardly at his dashing escape, Link recalled it all. The horrible bondage gear (read as: nothing) Komali had shown him, the effeminate bird-boy's bird-brained schemes to make the charmingly rugged blonde hero into his twisted love-slave! His daring escape from the taloned clutches of the pigeon-headed prince and his harpy of a sage cohort!

He was broken out of his exaggerated revelry by a faceful of fuming pirate, unfortunately. Link 'eeped' and shrunk backward as Tetra glared daggers at him.

"I am going to hurt you soooo badly that your GRANDCHILDREN will be born with scars!" She snarled, whipping out her dagger.

"I'M GOING TO CUT OFF YOUR BAAAA-"

Gonzo delicately picked the screeching pirate up by the back of her vest, grinning sheepishly at Link, who was blushing inexplicably.

"RRRRRGH! NOOOBODY PARADES MY DIN-DAMNED UNDIES AROUND TOWN AND REMAINS UNSCATHED! NOOOOOOOBOOOOOODEEEEEEEE!"

She kicked out wildly, leaping from the thuggish pirate's grasp and giving a potted plant a flying kick. She then realized that maybe that wasn't a good idea as her right foot exploded into pain.

"SONUVA -"

She launched into a series of violent curses, mostly involving the Godesses' more..delicate bodyparts. Several sailors blushed, and one fainted daintily, dropping his flowered teacup and laying there, pinky still out.

Link winced - possibly from sympathy, but more likely because of Tetra's .. colourful language. Gonzo tapped her lightly on the shoulder and muttered something to her, which probably was what caused her to plop down in the lotus position. We can only hope.

"Caaalming circles...calming circles.." She inhaled deeply, eyes closed, then hopped up. Snapping her fingers delicately at Gonzo, she pranced off down the stairs.

Gonzo gave Link another sheepish grin before plucking the lightweight hero off the ground like a raisin and slinging him over his well-muscled shoulder, much to said hero's displeasure.

He proceeded to launch quite a deal of verbal abuse on Gonzo and his mother, which caused the large pirate's ears to turn a subtle shade of crimson.

---

Tetra surveyed her cabin for a moment, staring around ponderously.

"Mm. Gonzo, be a dear and stick him on the bed for me." She said, grinning at the tunicked boy who was now tied up thoroughly, not to mention attacking the much larger pirate with a volley of unpleasent cursing.

Motioning vaguely for him to bugger off, she closed the heavy drapes that would close off the room from any curious pirates. Well, ideally, the boys would always just crowd around outside..she needed to get a door.

She stalked over to the bed, grinning nastily at the captive. As she had said..

Nobody revealed that she wore pink boxers to the population of Windfall and got away with it.

"Soo.." She said in an artificially sweetened tone, stroking her chin ponderously.

"Where shall I begin dismembering you? Or maaaybe I'll just tie you to a pole on some remote island...Five-Eye Reef is looking aaaawfully remote." She smirked, eyes narrowed.

Holy Din this is..kinky. Commented a rather obnoxious voice in his head.

Oh shut up, would you? He blushed, wriggling weakly against the rope.

She raised an eyebrow, staring piercingly at him.

"Or maybe I'll.." She went oddly quiet and tapped the side of the bed, while his mind was busily thinking of a great number of rather perverted ends to that sentance. Another portion of his brain that he had privately labeled the 'half-assed survival turd' kicked into action as a particularly evil grin slowly formed on the girl pirate's face.

Wobbling desperately back and forth, Link managed to knock himself on top of Tetra, who gave an indignant if muffled shriek. All rational thought fled as survival instincts surfaced and the hero planted a full-blown kiss on her lips.

"MMRGH!" Long hours of ranting from Gonzo during her childhood returned to the pirate's mind and she kneed upward. Link let out a shrill yelp and fell off the bed, eyes crossing as the furious female stood up, fuming.

"What in all bloody hell do you think you're doing?!" She shrieked, blushing horribly as her right eye twitched slightly.

"...paiiiin..."

---

A/N: Whargh. D: