Rate: PG-13
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Genre: angst & romance
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all the characters, and surely this fan fiction is not for commercial use. It is merely for my, and hopefully, your entertainment.
Spoilers: slightly mentioned HBP
Summary: After a very cold winter night, Sirius and James found their dear friend Remus didn't come back from the Whomping Willow. What had happened to him?
Notes: Miss Vaughn was very kind to beta read my fiction for the third time! A million thanks to her! She's the best beta I've ever met. She's very careful and gave me many wise suggestions. I love her very much! And my thanks to my friend Ning He (I hope that she doesn't mind I put her name in such an order). She suggested me to change "chicken soup" into "sandwich" and change " meadow" into "wildland" giggle
Chapter Two
In a dark room, a little boy lay on the floor, unconscious. His naked body was covered with blood, some large wounds still bleeding. There were many scratches and blood stains on the floor and furniture, as if some ferocious beast had been here for a whole night.
As the first ray of the morning sun came into the room through a window and landed on the boy's pale and blood-stained face, he opened his eyes wearily. He stirred a little, and felt severe pains all over his body, then remembered what had happened last night, and what he had to do next.
"They're waiting for me," the boy murmured, then reached for a robe to cover himself, and crawled to his feet by the support of a wall.
It was very difficult for him to walk, but he managed not to faint again, and staggered out of the room.
That day proved to be a sunny November day, and Sirius knew it as he was walking jovially down the corridor to have breakfast with James and Peter, greeting everyone who passed by with a big smile—it was a heart attack for most of the girls.
When Sirius arrived at the Great Hall, to his delight, Remus was waving to them from Gryffindor table, with three empty seats next to him.
But no, not again. Sirius sighed when he saw the bandages on Remus's neck, which were carefully hidden under his collars, but still was not able to escape Sirius's keen eyes.
Before James and Peter had noticed anything, Sirius strode towards Remus and sat down next to his friend. "I had told you to take care of yourself, and what's the reason that you got hurt this time?" he said angrily.
"Sorry, Sirius, I was rather careless that I…I fell off a ladder…" Remus said apologetically.
"Well, last month you were injured in a Muggle car accident when you were on the way to see your sick mother, and now you are hurt again!" Sirius shouted.
"It doesn't matter at all. Only a small part that…"
Before Remus could finished his sentence, Sirius grabbed his right arm suddenly, and drew up the sleeve—a heavily bandaged arm revealed itself.
"Explain!" Sirius shouted at Remus, who looked very baffled.
"Sirius, treat him better, OK? Remus's hurt," said James, who came between them later. "And Remus, why don't you stay in the hospital wing?"
"I have to take lessons." Remus smiled mildly. "Moreover, Madam Pomfrey's medicine will heal my wounds as good as new in a day."
"But you should have stayed there until they all healed," Sirius said impatiently. "Sometimes I really don't understand your strange behaviours, and I think you're concealing something from us…"
Suddenly, a scary looking dark owl zoomed into the hall, interrupting Sirius.
"Salome, our home owl. It must be from Reggie," said Sirius, unsealing the letter that was just sent to him.
Dear Siri,
I'm very sorry that I was unable to reply to your letters these days, because I'm under Mum's watch. Mum says this is the last letter I can write to you, Siri.
Since she has been back from Hogwarts, she treats me more strictly and gives me more lessons. I'm rather scared of the Dark Arts she teaches, but I have no choice. However, nothing could make me more upset than the fact that she forbids my correspondence with you, my dear brother. Mum says you are out of her control when you are at school, but she still has me in hand. Although I am not as brave as you, Siri, I think I will get over it before you come home next summer.
Sorry I can't write to you anymore, but I'll miss you.
Take care of yourself.
Love as always,
Reggie
After Sirius read Regulus's letter, he felt his head aching, as if the world around him was dazzling, making him blind. However, he didn't lose his temper this time, for before he did it, somebody's hand was on his own hand—it was cold, but very pleasant, calming him down.
As he removed his other hand that covered his face, he saw it was Remus's badly bandaged hand.
Two days later, when Sirius was about to head to supper, James seized him by the hand, and said, "You forget what day it is, mate?"
"Your birthday?"
"No, it's Bonfire Night," said James.
"But we don't observe it at Hogwarts. What's the fun in it for us?"
"We celebrate it outside, then." James winked. "Come on, we'll bring Remus and Peter, and walk under my Invisibility Cloak to Hogsmeade. We can build a bonfire in a wildland and sit around it."
"James, I didn't know you were so crazy," Sirius concluded. "You're luring your friends into breaking the school rules."
"Will you risk getting detention for it?" James smiled.
"Of course." Sirius grinned.
They asked Peter later, who just walked out from the Transfiguration classroom with Remus, and he hesitated for a moment, but finally accepted their invitation happily. Then they asked Remus carefully, for he was a good student that cared about school rules, but to their surprise and excitement, Remus accepted it with a smile.
At night, in a very large wildland, a bonfire was flaming away merrily. Four boys were sitting around it and singing loudly: "Remember, remember the fifth of November," as great fireworks were displaying overhead. Lots of food, such as cheesey saucey sauce, Norfolk Hearts, and toffee apples that they obtained from the kitchen raid lay about their feet, and potatoes were shoved into the bottom of the bonfire.
"Boys, boys," James cleared his throat, standing up, "before the potatoes bake, let us do a Fire Divination. I just learnt it today."
"What do you do that for? I don't believe in destiny," said Sirius, biting a toffee apple.
"Practise makes perfect. You never can say you know it unless you can use it. And it seems a good chance tonight," James retorted.
"Do it, James. It's a good idea." Peter agreed with James.
"Flammo!" James cast a spell at the fire, but he couldn't see if anything changed in front of him.
"Can you see anything?" James asked Sirius as he leaned towards him, and saw a man's shadow reflect on the flame, his hair tangled and long.
"If it is a Divination, I don't think it means anything," Sirius said.
"What about you two, Remus and Peter?" James called to them, both of whom were examining the flame in front of them.
"I see a shadow that resembles a rat, but I don't know what it means," said Peter.
"A shadow of a man. Maybe it's myself after twenty years." Remus smiled. "What about you, James?"
James shrugged. "I see nothing."
"Told you Divination's rubbish. Future's unpredictable. The only one can control destiny is ourselves." Sirius unwrapped the foil covering a potato.
"Yes, future is unpredictable. And I don't know what the future might be. I just wish we could be friends forever," Remus said seriously, passing the pepper to Sirius.
"Why can't we be friends forever?" said Sirius matter-of-factly. "I believe we can because we all wish it so."
"Yeah, Sirius's right. Let the so-called destiny go to hell!" James said cheerfully. "Let's vow our forever friendship tonight!"
"For friendship!" The four of them raised their mugs.
As each of them had a mouthful of potato, Sirius saw a tear in Remus's eye.
"Thank you, James, Sirius, and Peter. I never thought I could have friends again," Remus said.
"I don't think such an amiable person like you could have no friends, and I'm so proud that I have a friend like you," said Sirius, smiling.
"I used to think Remus was very shy, but actually, he's as amiable as an angel," Peter added.
"For our amiable angel!" said James, raising his mug.
"For our Remus!" they chorused.
Remus wiped away his tears, then smiled more brightly than the others had ever seen before. And Sirius secretly wished he could see Remus smile forever.
At midnight, the four of them dragged their weary bodies back to the dormitory under the Invisibility Cloak, but very happily so.
The lights went out, and Sirius was putting on his pyjamas on his four-poster bed, but suddenly the curtain was drawn up, and an untidy head peeped in.
"James!" Sirius jumped, doing up the rest of his buttons more quickly.
"Don't be as easily frightened as a girl, Sirius." James gave him an evil smile. "Peter, Remus and I just want to share your bed."
Before Sirius could object, James jumped in, followed by Remus and Peter.
"Hah, we'll have a very warm night!" James wrestled Sirius down, pinning him on the bed, but Sirius's legs kicked James's belly, and then he turned him over, bestriding him.
"Be submissive, then, will you?" Sirius threatened.
"You bet." James grinned.
Remus blushed a little at this sight, and drew the bedclothes up to cover himself. "Let's sleep now. We still have lessons tomorrow," he implored.
Maybe all of them were tired out, and soon they fell asleep. It was funny to watch four boys sleeping in a bed—the bed was just large enough to hold four eleven-year-old boys, so they cuddled up together, feeling the heat emanating from each other's body, and breathing peacefully in one rhythm. But James finally felt the crowdedness in his sleep, and succeeded in kicking Sirius, who slept next to him, out of the bed.
Sirius, however, didn't wake up at all, and continued his dream in spite of coldness and discomfort. It seemed he had lost himself in the depths of a very odd dream.
In the dream, he grew into a man with long dark hair, just like the shadow he saw in the flame of the bonfire. He found himself standing in the middle of the hall of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, which was rather derelict, and deserted. His voice echoed down the hall as he cried out, "Regulus!", but the only sound he heard was the echo of his voice. Despaired, he stopped calling his brother, and felt himself frozen in the sudden coldness and darkness, unable to move, or to cry.
Then he heard someone say quietly, "Sirius." And a hand reached out to touch his right hand from darkness; he remembered he had felt the same cold hand somewhere before, but his body became warmer, as if he was basking in the sunlight.
Next morning, when others were still sleeping, Sirius opened his eyes, and was surprised to find himself lying on the floor near his own bed. But what made him even more surprised was that his head was comfortably supported by a pillow, his body was covered by a thick blanket, and the fast-asleep Remus was crouching by his side, placing his palm upon Sirius's right one.
Don't tell me he's been keeping this posture for a whole night! Sirius almost jumped, but he carefully removed Remus's hand from his own, lest his dear friend should be woken up.
Quietly, Sirius carried the pillow and the blanket to Remus's bed, and lifted Remus up with his arms—Remus's size was much smaller than Sirius's, so Sirius was able to carry him to the bed steadily without waking him up.
When Sirius just laid Remus onto the bed, and covered him with bedclothes, James woke up on his bed with a huge yawn, and said, "Morning, mate!"
Sirius shushed him at once, and said in a very low voice, "Let him sleep more for a while!"
December finally came, bringing lots of snow and northern wind. During several days in succession, hardly a student could be seen on the grounds of Hogwarts; they all sat in front of fireplaces in their spare time, listening to the blizzard roaring outside.
Night came much earlier than usual, but Sirius and James had lost track of time as they had spent a whole afternoon on cleaning the library.
"That old fox! We just wanted to teach the arrogant Slytherin Bighead Boy a lesson, why should he put us in detention?" complained Sirius.
"Filch is always siding with Malfoy," James sighed. "What a partial world! No wonder it's in war outside Hogwarts."
"Speaking of outside, have you noticed it's all dark now?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, I'm starting to feel hungry, but we can't leave here. There're still some sections left to…"
At this moment, a boy approached them, interrupting James's speech—it was Remus, a dinner box in his hands.
"James, Sirius, I got dinner for you, for supper is over already." Remus held out the box, and James took it.
"Thank you!" James opened it. "Wow, steak sandwiches, your favourite, Sirius!"
But Sirius ignored him, and turned to Remus. "I thought you were going home tonight."
"Yeah, I'm going now, but I wanted to bring you dinner first," Remus said.
"You should've left earlier, for it's totally dark outside. How can you leave now?" Sirius asked worriedly.
"I have to, Sirius. I'll be back tomorrow," Remus promised.
"Then you should go now, quick," Sirius urged.
"Take care of yourself, Remus," James said.
Remus gave them a wave, and left.
James started to wolf down the dinner, but Sirius didn't move.
"Why don't you eat, Sirius? Remus was so kind to waste his precious time in bringing us this dinner."
"I'm wondering why he goes home once a month," Sirius said.
James stopped eating, and looked at him.
"Have you ever thought about why Remus always comes from home the next day with loads of wounds?" he continued.
James still stayed silent.
"And, have you ever noticed, that the day when he leaves every month…" Sirius paused, and went to the window, drawing up the curtain—the snow had stopped, and a moon was emerging from the clouds.
"Is full moon," they both said at the same time.
"Yes, I have noticed," James said, "that he's a werewolf."
"You knew it! Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius shook James fiercely.
"Remus doesn't want anybody know his secret, especially us." James tried to free Sirius's hand from his shoulder. "And what will you do, now that you know he's a werewolf? Abandon him?"
"Of course I won't! He's my friend!" Sirius shouted.
"That will do, Sirius. It makes no difference whether Remus's a werewolf or not, or we know Remus's a werewolf or not."
"I know… I just don't understand how such a kind person like him could be a ferocious beast once a month…"
"Most people don't want to be a werewolf, because they're dark creatures and driven out of human society. However, have you ever heard that many small children are attacked by werewolves who are Lord Voldemort's supporters?"
Sirius nodded. He remembered his mother never let Regulus and him go out at night, and one night when he ran away from home, his mother sent all her dear snakes to find him.
"In order to enlarge the number of their werewolf fellows, they attack human children, and teach them—or they'll realise by themselves one day—that they should go against society, because society will go against them too. Sirius, what do you think would happen if Remus didn't go to Hogwarts?"
"You don't mean he'll join Voldemort when he grows up?" Sirius was shocked by the supposition.
"Probably. Because Remus doesn't think himself as an equal to us, he dared not make friends with us at first—partly because he didn't want his secret be discovered, of course—and if he continues separating himself from normal people, he might go to the dark side one day. Fortunately, he came to Hogwarts, and has us as his friends. Under our influence, he's become as normal as us."
"Not only normal, but…" Sirius was interrupted by a sudden sound from behind a book shelf, and he went to see who was behind it.
It was Peter, who seemed to have been hiding there for a long while, listening to their conversation.
"Sorry, James and Sirius, I didn't mean to…" Peter said timidly.
"Well, since you're our friend, you have the right to know," James said, "but please don't tell anybody, or let Remus know we know his secret, OK?"
"No, I won't say anything," Peter said.
Sirius hardly slept a wink that night—since he knew Remus was a werewolf, he was very anxious about Remus's transformation, wondering if he was still alright through such a cold winter night.
When morning finally came, Sirius jumped out of his bed, and found James in his school robes, ready to go out—he was not the only one who was worried about Remus.
They went quickly to the Great Hall, expecting poor Remus was waiting at the table for them, with bandages around his hands. However, Remus was not there.
Maybe it's too early, they thought. So they sat and waited, without eating anything.
Ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes…time seemed ticking away very slowly, but the Great Hall was full of students at last, and Peter came.
"James and Sirius, where's Remus?" he asked.
James shook his head, and Sirius stood up, and said, "I have to find him. Something must have happened."
"I'll go with you." James stood up too.
"Me too!" said Peter.
"No, listen, Peter," James said, "you go to class with the other students, and if Remus comes back, you can tell him where we have gone."
"Quick, James." Sirius started to run, and James followed.
"Good luck to you both!" Peter waved from behind them.
Sirius and James ran to the hospital wing first, where they found no Remus. And got to their feet again.
"Have you any clue where he could be?" panted Sirius as he was running down the corridor.
"The only clue I've got is the tunnel behind the Whomping Willow, which Remus led us to last time," James said breathlessly.
"Is it probable that he transforms there?"
"I think so. It's a secret place that only a few people know how to get into, and Remus can't wander freely in Hogwarts when he's a werewolf, can he?"
"You're right." Sirius ran even faster.
They ran out of the castle, down to the grounds, where was covered with thick white snow, and finally arrived at the Whomping Willow.
Sirius picked one of the branches that were scattered on the snow, and hit the trunk of the tree. The tree froze at once, and they got into the entrance at the roots of the tree, went through a very long tunnel, and found themselves in a dusty old house, where the floor and every piece of furniture were full of scratches made by some beast.
They searched every corner of the house, but found nobody there. Filled with despair, Sirius leant against a wall, gazing at the battered iron bar on a window, and murmured, "He must suffer a lot when he transforms into a werewolf…but where's he now? He did promise he'd be back…"
"Poor Remus, in such a cold winter night…it was freezing outside…hang on, did you notice why there were many branches at the entrance?" James asked.
"Could it be the werewolf that attacked the tree? Maybe he didn't get in here last night, and transformed at the entrance?" Sirius said anxiously.
"Probably. Last night Remus went out very late, and the full moon had almost risen. The werewolf might have gotten lose on the grounds before Remus could have enough time to get in the entrance."
"That fool!" Sirius hit his fist heavily against the wall. "He shouldn't've visited us! Being outside was very dangerous, and now I don't know what's happened to him!"
"Sirius, the only thing we can do now is to find Remus as quickly as possible; let's go out to search for any tracks he left."
Sirius pulled himself together again, and followed James out of the entrance to search.
"James, there!" Sirius called to James, pointing to a clump of bushes. Behind the bushes, there was a small pool of blood on the white snow; near it, there was a long trail of blood stains.
They traced the blood stains for about a dozen minutes, and on the border of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, they found the stains disappear in front of a cottage.
Sirius and James exchanged an anxious look, then seeing nobody there, they climbed up the fences, got into the backyard, and went in opposite directions to search.
When Sirius came across a hovel, he saw some blood on the wooden door, and kicked the door open. The hovel was rather smelly, even mixing with the smell of blood.
In a dark corner, somebody was lying on a pile of straw.
Oh, Merlin, no. Sirius was shocked by the scene.
It was Remus lying there—his naked body exposed in the cold, blood all over it, and there was a very large wound on his left leg. A big iron collar was tied around his thin neck, binding him to a bar that connected to the wall.
"Remus!" Sirius dashed to his friend at once, bent down, and felt his pulse. Making sure Remus was still alive, Sirius took off his robe to cover the naked body, and held in his arms to make it warm.
The door of the hovel opened again, and James got in. "Merlin, is he all right?" James ran forwards, and cast a spell to unlock the collar.
"He must have been caught be a villager when he was a werewolf. We must take him away from here quickly, otherwise the people of this cottage will know who's the werewolf," James said urgently.
"Then I can see who captured Remus here, and make them regret how they treated my friend!" Sirius clenched his teeth.
"I know you're angry, but we can do it later, Sirius. We have to leave right away, quick!"
James supported Sirius, who was trying to carry Remus' still form on his back. He covered the unconscious boy with his robe, just in case Sirius' wasn't enough.
Fortunately, they succeeded in leaving the cottage without being seen by anybody, and soon they were striding on the Hogwarts grounds.
Sirius felt the body on his back shift a little, and heard Remus mumble, "…What…happened?"
"Don't worry, Remus. You're safe now. We're taking you to the hospital wing," Sirius said.
Feeling his friend's head rest on his shoulder again, Sirius fell into silence, and hastened his speed. James followed.
Things went more smoothly afterwards. After Madam Pomfrey gave Remus a quick check, and told them that there was no fatal wounds on him and he would be well very soon; Sirius and James went out to wait in the corridor.
To their surprise, Dumbledore was waiting there for them, and asked them to go to his office for a talk.
The talk was just as what they had expected—Dumbledore demanded that they not tell anyone that Remus was a werewolf, and thanked them for rescuing him.
Dumbledore's comparatively long speech was totally nonsense to Sirius, for he was rather eager to go back to the hospital wing to see how Remus was now.
Finally, when they finished drinking a cup of tea (in spite of the heat, Sirius finished it in only two mouthfuls), Dumbledore permitted them to go.
When they went back to the hospital wing, they were glad to be told by Madam Pomfrey that they could see Remus, for he was cured now.
But as Sirius approached Remus's bed, he said, "Where's he, Madam Pomfrey?"
"Isn't he in his bed?" Pomphrey answered from several beds away.
"No, there's no one here." James pointed to the empty bed.
"Damn!" Sirius cursed, and turned to leave.
"Wait, Sirius!" James called behind him.
But Sirius had run out of sight.
Before he can do that, I have to stop him. Sirius thought as he ran towards the Gryffindor dormitories.
However, it was too late—when Sirius arrived at their dormitory, he found all the books on Remus's desk were gone, and even the clothes folded up at the end of his friend's bed were no longer there.
"Sirius." He heard someone call him, and as he turned around, he saw Kingsley standing at the door.
"I saw Remus leave the dormitory with a large suitcase about half an hour ago," Kingsley said. "Is he going home?"
"No, I won't let him go anywhere." Sirius started to leave. "And thanks for telling me."
Kingsley smiled as Sirius passed him by and ran down to the corridor.
In a large snow-covered wildland, a boy was walking slowly and quite unsteadily with a huge suitcase. The tip of his nose was slightly pink from the frozen wind, but his cheeks were as pale as snow.
Suddenly, he felt a fit of fierce pain in his left leg, and fell down to the ground.
He raised his head, and looked around, not to look for help, for he had gotten used to solving this problem alone—it was only because when he suddenly stopped walking, he noticed he had been here before.
It was merely a month ago that his friends and him had sat at a bonfire and vowed their lifelong friendship, but now after a succession of days' snow falls, the meadow had become totally unrecognisable.
Everything will change, he sighed, feeling the coldness nip into his bones, then to his heart. He had never felt so cold before, as if he was drowning in a lonely, boundless frozen sea, never could leave, or even move.
Let me drown…let me drown…He stared at the sky for a long, long while.
"Remus!" he heard somebody shouting behind him.
Oh, it couldn't be…he knew that voice, and he always liked to hear it, for whenever its owner was around him, there would be a ray of light; although he had thought he would never hear the voice again, when he turned his head around, the person he saw was just the one he had expected—
"Sirius!" he cried out—if he was on his feet, he could have lost control and dashed forwards to embrace Sirius.
"Remus…you…fool…" Sirius panted, still out of breath. "Why did you leave us?"
"I'm a werewolf…" Remus said in a low voice, looking very sad, "I can't stay at Hogwarts and pretend to be your friend."
"You are my friend! And James's, and Peter's!" Sirius said loudly. "Remember what we said that night?"
"But I thought you all abandoned me when I woke up in the hospital wing. You were not there…"
"We were in Dumbledore's office at that moment. We didn't mean to leave you alone."
"Really?" Remus looked at Sirius incredulously.
"Really." Sirius bent down to him. "We don't mind whether you're a werewolf or a vampire, we all love you as a friend of ours. And I think, you are not only as normal as us, you're the most perfect person I've ever met."
Hearing this, Remus could no longer keep from crying, and let tears roll down his cheeks. "Thanks, Sirius," he said.
"Stop crying like a baby," Sirius teased, and, to Remus's surprise, Sirius kissed him on the cheek, licking the tears with his tongue like a dog.
Before Remus realised what had happened, Sirius got to his feet, and gave him a hand.
"Remus, let's go back.," Sirius said, smiling, his handsome face full of radiance, and everything near him seemed to shine.
Remus nodded, and held his friend's hand, both of his cheeks burning fiercely.
END
