Chapter 24 Annoying Spleen Snatcher

Even though he had seen the inside of Bunny's house multiple times over, seeing it now still sent Iggy over the moon. Not only seeing it, mind you, but also touching it and smelling it. The inside of Bunny's abode smelled distinctly of cinnamon based potpourri, and getting to leave his fingerprints on the lavender walls, the elegant, smooth furniture, and other things of note…it was Iggy's personal field day. Not even his most ambitious science projects have given him this high a level of joy.

Bunny approached Iggy just as he got done examining a snow globe (a snow globe extremely important to the plot of the show too). "You've been pleasantly giddy today. I can tell." She placed her hands on his shoulders and started massaging them. This action practically caused Iggy to melt. "It's nice to see you in a nice mood." She giggled. "You're more easy to manipulate when you are."

Iggy raised an eyebrow. "Easy to manipulate?"

"Oh," Bunny said, seizing up. "I meant you're more easy to please. Yeah, that's it."

She kissed the nape of Iggy's neck. The action, warm and sweet, sent goosebumps all up and down Iggy's arms. He turned toward the lovely woman, chortling as he did. "Why you are as sparkly as a firecracker. And just as dangerous!" He planted his lips directly on hers. While he did that, he put his hands on her hips, caressing her figure and all of its curves. The miss soon morphed into an action filled with tongue. Iggy didn't care how his siblings might view his current action; the best possible place for his tongue was halfway down Bunny's throat. Tell him he's wrong. I dare you.

"Well well," Bunny said as she pulled away. "Shall we take this into the bedroom?"

Iggy's face lit up. The bedroom! The one place he hadn't been to, the place where magic happened and dreams came true. He grabbed Bunny by the arms and swerved her into a dipping motion. With the image of her chocolate brown eyes locked tightly in his gaze and the feel of her breasts touching his own chest, he gave her one more big kiss before smiling at her.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Bunny's eyes twinkled, making their color ever more lively. Pulling her back to her feet, Iggy led her to the bedroom with his hand in hers. Thousands of pleasant thoughts soared through his head, fantasies that he wished to make happen being among them. It wasn't until they were halfway down the hallway that they ran into a complication.

You see, a window rested just on the right hand wall. And through that window, Iggy saw a strange, humanoid creature. With carnation pink skin, a rainbow colored beak like a toucan, and tentacles extending from the armpits wrapped around the arms, this creature was a sight to see. Iggy stared into its eyes (black whites, red irises, and white pupils), feeling…confused.

Bunny held onto him extra tightly. "Derek, what in the world is that?!"

Iggy took a step closer to the window, pressing his lips together in a firm line. "It's a spleen snatcher," he said, more to himself than to Bunny. He furrowed his brow. "Strange. They're not supposed to make their debut until Season 6."

The spleen snatcher alien stared into Iggy's face. It's eyebrows scrunched up, clearly in a way that was supposed to make him look threatening to the Koopaling and his lover.

"Derek Utterman," the alien gave him a raised eyebrow. "You are about to discover a world of…"

"Pass," Iggy said. With one quick motion, he closed the drapes. With the alien out of sight, he turned toward the still terrified Bunny and gave her a smile. "Cosplayers. They can never stick to themselves." He put his arm around her shoulders. "Now, why don't you and I continue on our trek toward your bedroom." He chuckled. "One of the few times that the destination is more important than the journey."

"Ahh!" Iggy breathed in satisfaction. He pressed Bunny's blanket toward his chest; it was even silkier than he had ever hoped to dream about. In some ways, it was an even lovelier sensation than he and Bunny having…

"Oh, Derek!" Bunny exclaimed. Her smile was brighter than a red giant star, and made her look just as hot. "That was incredible!" She took hold of his hand. "Since when did you get so good at this?"

Iggy snorted. "Well, let's just say I've had a lot of practice…" he leaned in closer and whispered in her ear, "Why don't we do it again?"

Bunny's grin grew bigger. She was just about to answer when the door burst open, sending her into a screaming fit.

"DEREK UTTERMAN! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!"

Iggy sent an annoyed sideways stare toward the door. There was the spleen snatcher, holding a ray gun. Seriously, what was it doing here? The plot of the show seemed to be taking a nose dive. Seriously, had the writers completely forgotten when these idiots were supposed to make their debut? They weren't supposed to show up yet! They weren't supposed to show up until Aunt Matilda got murdered by her spoiled siamese cat. It ruined the continuity otherwise.

He let out an annoyed breath and looked at the still frightened out of her mind Bunny. "This clown is going to ruin our entire day, isn't he?"

The spleen snatcher pointed the gun at Iggy and Bunny. "As soon as I have your spleen in my possession, I'll be able to…"

The spleen snatcher never got to finish. While he had been talking, Iggy had gotten a water gun out of the bedside table drawer. He shot a stream at the alien, causing it to shriek as the liquid made contact with its skin.

"AHH! H2O!" The parts of its skin that had been touched turned red and bumpy. A sizzling noise and a burning smell filled the room along with the snatcher's pained screeches. It rushed out of the bedroom, its screams loud enough to be heard by the people buried in the ground.

Well, Iggy thought as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Aside from the spleen snatcher coming in unexpectedly, I'd say this date with Bunny was a success. He turned on the water, splashing some on his face both to clean up and fully convince himself that this still wasn't some strangely lucid dream. Once, he finished, he turned the water off and looked into the mirror. He smiled at the sight of Derek's scarred, eye patch wearing face.

"This is incredible," he told his reflection. He leaned against the sides of the sink. "Derek Utterman, you just don't know exactly how good you have it." He chortled and shook his head. "Why you dumped a gem of a woman like Bunny in Season 16, I will question until my dying day." He stood up straight. "I just hope you don't mind me taking over your life and stealing your wife away from…"

Crrrrrrrrracccccckk!

Iggy stopped. "...you." He looked down at the sink, and saw the spleen snatcher's head poking out of the drain.

"You…are…dead." He said, his voice extra raspy from forcing his average sized head to peek out of an average sized drain pipe.

Iggy clicked his teeth together. "While admittedly impressed that the anatomy of the spleen snatchers allows them to crawl their way through drain pipes, I still cannot take your threats seriously." He grinned wickedly. "Especially since your weakness just so happens to be water."

He turned on the faucet. The spleen snatcher shrieked like his skin got peeled off as the water cascaded onto the top of his bald head, causing it to turn red and bumpy. The sizzling and burning scent returned, which made Iggy's satisfaction as he watched the spleen snatcher go back down the drain ever stronger.

Iggy sat on the naugahyde couch in the common room, admiring the animal head trophies on the walls for what he could only assumed was the hundredth time that day. Bunny was in the kitchen, preparing something that smelled like it would satisfy Iggy's hunger for the next year (to be fair, their time in the bedroom had already covered the bases on that, but it was still a nice gesture).

He leaned back and closed his eyes. This was perfect. This was everything he could possibly want all wrapped up with a nice little bow and presented on a shining silver platter. The air here was so crisp, the environment so relaxing, and Bunny's presence…well, Bunny's presence made everything better.

"It's ready, Honey Bun!"

Iggy beamed as Bunny approached with a literal silver platter, topped with tea and crumpets. Bunny placed it on the table, handing him a cup and a pastry. Iggy gladly took it, no hesitation involved or required.

"I love you with all my heart Derek, every last inch of my soul!" Bunny said, her voice making it sound like she was about to swoon.

"And I feel the same for you," Iggy said once he swallowed his bite of crumpet. "And I can't wait to start a family and live my life with…"

Knock knock knock.

Iggy sighed and got up. That couldn't be the spleen snatcher again. It just couldn't. Not after the beat down Iggy had given to him. There was no way, no possible way…

Oh. it was the spleen snatcher again. God dammit.

"I'M…" The spleen snatcher breather heavily in and out his beak like mouth. "GOING…TO…"

Before he could say what Iggy assumed to be a very malicious and hate filled "KILL YOU," Iggy whistled. Right when he did, a trio of pitbull guard dogs came running to the door. The growled when they spotted the spleen snatcher and bolted after him.

"AH!" The spleen snatcher yelled. "SLOBBER DEMONS!" He turned on his heel and bolted away, all while the dogs chased after him.

Iggy sighed in exhaustion as he closed the door. "Man. That alien just will not let up!"

"I know!" Bunny exclaimed as she came in closer. "If he thinks he can ruin our life together, he has got to rethink his plans."

"Yes," Iggy said as he sent one more look toward the door. "He does."