Angel pays Spike a visit, discovers the disturbing changes Spike has caused, and decides that the people of Scyra need his help. Soon enough, he meets a brooding, Spike-hating young man who's eager to lend a hand.

Anya walks through the front door.

ANYA: Evening, Giles. How was your afternoon? Mine was, as usual, completely and entirely uneventful.

GILES: It went well. I talked to Willow a few minutes ago.

ANYA: You did. What did she say?

GILES: Nothing much. She seemed very relaxed. And she's done a remarkable job of healing herself over the past few hours.

ANYA: Healing's a good thing. It certainly shouldn't give rise to suspicion or paranoia. Have I mentioned how nice you look tonight?

GILES: Well. smiles bashfully Thank you for noticing.

BUFFY: He's going out on a date.

Anya had no idea her feeble attempt to change the subject would lead to this.

GILES: It's not a date.

ROSE: "Giles has a girlfriend, Giles has a girlfriend."

GILES: I do not. the Potentials giggle because he fell for the bait Stop that.

ANYA: Yes. It's very immature. So who is this new orgasm friend?

BUFFY: The mayor. Don't worry. She's not evil.

ANYA: Otherwise she'd be dating Xander.

XANDER: Only if she were also a demon.

ANYA: Giles, I take it you'll be spending the night at her place? Obviously, bringing her back here would be extremely unromantic. Plus, it could alert her to our numerous health code violations.

GILES: groans For God's sakes, we met yesterday. Estella's family has been fighting demons on the Hellmouth since before Sunnydale even existed. This is a friendly business meeting. We're going to be discussing work.

AMANDA: He won't call it a date because then he'd have to let us go out.

GILES: I'm not going to let you go out alone and become easy pickings for any Reapers or Bringers who happen to cross your path.

ROSE: You're going out alone.

GILES: That's different.

RONA: What if they came here?

BUFFY: What? Oh no you don't.

RONA: Why not? We'll all be inside. Buffy will be here to protect us. It's perfect.

Molly, Rose, Amanda and Madari all like this idea.

XANDER: We're not throwing a party. In this house, that's just begging for trouble.

MOLLY: It's naught fair. Kennedy gets to have her girlfriend over.

BUFFY: Kennedy's girlfriend lives here!

ANDREW: That didn't make it any less risky. Have you forgotten how Kennedy's kiss turned Willow into Warren and he nearly killed her. Plus, he/she brought that gun into the house which I nearly killed these lovely girls with.

BUFFY: Your point?

ANDREW: And then there was the time Xander went out with a demon that nearly killed him and almost raised another uber-vamp.

XANDER: Your point?

ANDREW: Well, my point is, given your own high-risk lifestyles, I think you're being unfair to the girls.

GILES: As much as it deeply pains me to say this, Buffy, I think you're wrong and Andrew's right. the girls look happy. Buffy is mortified Now let's pray that I never have to say that again.

XANDER: This is most un-Gilesy of you.

ANYA: No it's not. He's being his usual astute, sensitive self.

GILES: Why thank you.

ANYA: It's sadistic not to let them have some fun before they die.

GILES: As usual, I can always count on you to present a sensible idea in the most offensive manner possible.

ANYA: Why thank you.

Anya heads up the stairs. The Potentials rush to the phone so they can call their honeys. As Anya stands in the upstairs hallway, she thinks about the present situation. Spike is a god-king. Giles is going on a date. The Potentials are having boys over. And Willow and Kennedy just returned from a week in an Amazon dimension. This is what happens when the First takes a day off and leaves the Scoobies to their own devices. Anya pays a visit to Willow's room.

ANYA: Hey.

WILLOW: Hello.

KENNEDY: Ever hear of knocking?

ANYA: Why? You both have your clothes on. Your nice, modern clothes.

Willow and Kennedy laugh.

KENNEDY: What do you expect us to wear? Corsets?

ANYA: Nope. I was thinking more along the lines of tight, multi-colored wool pants and shirts. The sort of outfit which is perfect for fighting on horseback.

KENNEDY: I'll be sure to mention when Giles decides to send out the cavalry.

Willow's too nervous to give glib responses. Anya stares at her, trying to make Willow confess. It's not working.

ANYA: You two look tanned and rested.

KENNEDY: Southern Cal's a sunny place.

Anya groans.

ANYA: So much for trying subtlety. How was the Amazon dimension?

Kennedy laughs. Willow joins in, but meekly. She's not as good at artifice. Kennedy, on the other hand, is a brat who's used to getting her way. This gives her the confidence to act like Anya's completely off her rocker.

KENNEDY: Is that some sort of code? Your little euphemism for our choice of lifestyle?

ANYA: Oh, give it up! I know you went to Scyra.

WILLOW: What?

ANYA: You spend a week there, and you even don't know the dimension's name. For crying out loud, it was in the spell. Which you happened to leave on the sidewalk.

KENNEDY: Okay. We're busted. You not gonna tell?

WILLOW: How long did you spend there?

ANYA: About a week.

KENNEDY: So you kicked back just like we did.

ANYA: No. I was there on business.

WILLOW: What business?

ANYA: Vengeance. Willow looks extremely worried It's not what you think. I'm using vengeance to save lives.

WILLOW: Did you do the spell wrong and end up in an upside-down world?

ANYA: I'm serious. I met this woman named Malena. Her husband left her for a younger woman. Now he's going to take her two sons away. So Malena planned to kill the children with her own hands before he could get them. Then she was going to use magic to kill his new bride and her father. She's an incredibly powerful witch. That's the thing. She used her powers to make her husband rich and successful. And then he leaves her for some pert young princess.

WILLOW: This sounds very familiar.

ANYA: I know. I had a case just like it 600 years ago in Silesia.

WILLOW: I meant something a little further back in time. And mythical.

ANYA: Luckily, I met her before she did anything and convinced her there were better ways to wreak vengeance. We haven't come up with anything definite yet. But she's agreed not to hurt the children or anyone else other than her ex. Because of me, four people are alive. I used my knowledge of vengeance to save two innocent children. This is vengeance at its noblest.

WILLOW: Are you putting us on? If you are, it's a very clever joke.

ANYA: Why would I make this up? By the way Willow, she could sense you. And she was jealous. Hecate seems to like you better.

WILLOW: I suppose that's an honor of some sort. Where was she?

ANYA: In the city of Ramis. About 150 miles from you. Assuming the two of you were frolicking on the Nemean plateau. I know the Amazons control the eastern third of the pasture.

KENNEDY: You sure learned a lot while you were there.

ANYA: Malena helped. She can teleport. Pretty much at will. And she taught me how. But it only works in that dimension.

WILLOW: She does sound powerful.

ANYA: Malena was absolutely shocked to learn there was a witch in Scyra who was more powerful that herself. That had never happened before.

WILLOW: Tell her thanks. That's very flattering. It's always nice to get praised by your peers.

ANYA: The amazing this was, she had never even thought of using magic to directly injure her husband. Until I mentioned it. But I'm insisting on non-lethal vengeance.

WILLOW: So you're now a kinder, gentler Vengeance Demon.

ANYA: Except without the demon aspect. Although I am teleporting again. Which is great. It allows me to explore, find out what's going on. Speaking of which, did you here anything about events involving Amazons in Thermadonia?

WILLOW: Quite of bit. But it was all really sketchy. Something about the arrival of a god, maenads ripping people apart, everyone acting really crazy. It sounded like some sort of pagan religious festival.

KENNEDY: Women kept saying the golden god had arrived, and the people were worshipping him.

WILLOW: Probably some sort of idol they trot out every year for the ritual. The Amazons sounded like they were scared of it. Probably a magical or religious superstition.

ANYA: Oh boy. Oh boy. I don't know how to tell you this. And you probably won't believe me. deep breath Spike snuck into Scyra. He's made himself king of Thermadonia.

WILLOW: What? laughs Wait – you're saying it's Spike they're afraid of?

KENNEDY: Spike's a Golden God? Kennedy bursts out laughing

WILLOW: Who do they this he is? Dionysus?

Willow also laughs. After 15 seconds, both Willow and Kennedy stop laughing and get serious.

KENNEDY: Spike's killing women?

WILLOW: No, they said the god – I mean Spike – refused to kill. The maenads were the ones who killed. Spike has maenads? That's disturbing so very many levels.

KENNEDY: Antiope said he had declared war on them. Why is he attacking these women? They never hurt anyone.

Anya laughs.

ANYA: I'm sorry. So young. So naive. Didn't you wonder why the women were so heavily armed?

KENNEDY: For hunting. And self defense. Because the men hate them. They can't stand the fact that they're independent.

ANYA: The Amazons live by plunder. They're predatory nomads. How do you think they got all their pretty clothes and golden jewelry and silver cups?

WILLOW: From trade.

ANYA: They trade with the strong and raid the weak. If someone tries to protect his property, they kill him. And from what I heard, Amazons aren't exactly averse to dabbling in the slave trade. Sorry to spoil your silly little feminist fantasy, but female bonding and sisterhood don't pay the bills. Pillaging does. Frankly, I'm shocked by your sexist attitudes. You don't think female nomads can be just as aggressive and opportunistic as their male counterparts?

KENNEDY: The women we were with didn't pillage.

ANYA: It's a cyclical, seasonal way of life. I assume you were in the tribe of Queen Thalestris?

WILLOW: Yeah. Antiope introduced us to her at the festival for the Great Mother.

ANYA: Sometimes your tribe grazes while another one pillages. Then you pillage while they graze. While you were there, it was Panthesilea's turn to pillage.

KENNEDY: Didn't we hear something about her?

WILLOW: Melanippe said she wanted to bear the god's child. Spike's child! When I heard that, it didn't make any sense, but now that we know it's Spike – it makes even less sense.

KENNEDY: An Amazon queen wanted to have Spike's baby? Willow and Kennedy curdle at the thought

ANYA: Boy was she barking up the wrong tree. I only heard that she liked him. Nothing about her wanting to receive his seed. Anya also winces

WILLOW: You think that's twisted? Princess Antiope's jealous of him. Of Spike! Apparently Panthesilea is quite the knockout. And also, ironically enough, very picky.

KENNEDY: Especially when it comes to men. Marpe and Asteria didn't even think she liked guys.

ANYA: Technically, she still doesn't.

KENNEDY: Why would anyone mistake Spike for a God?

ANYA: Super powers. Very hard to kill. Obviously not human.

WILLOW: The sick thing is that he's going along with it and exploiting those people.

ANYA: That's why I called LA and asked Angel to intervene. He shows up, knocks Spike down a peg, the people won't worship him.

KENNEDY: They'll worship Angel.

WILLOW: Angel would never take advantage of that. He'd tell them the truth and leave.

Spike stands with Kreon on the colonnaded porch outside the bouleterion.

SPIKE: The next time you invade a foreign country in my name, how bout telling me first?

KREON: There wasn't time. It was the day they made you leader. I went back home, and I heard about the troubles up north in Diron. From out west, I could get there in a day. If I came back east to Zalpa, it would have taken me three days. And by then the opportunity might have passed.

SPIKE: But what if you had failed? Then I would have looked pretty bloody stupid.

KREON: I didn't lose. I couldn't have. Diron's afraid of Amastria. Diron's also afraid of the Amazons, who are using the country as a base for raiding Amastria. But those Amazons are afraid of you. All I had to do was raise 500 cavalry, ride into Diron, and tell Panthesilea Diron was now allied with you. She agreed not to ravage their lands and to pay for all provisions she took. The Dironians were grateful that you have protected them – from the Amazons AND from the Amastrians. Plus, with the Amazons paying for supplies, it was actually a boost to their economy. And even better from your point of view, Amastria finds itself facing us on its western flank.

SPIKE: I'm not denying it worked out. The problem is, my prestige is based on victory.

KREON: And your victories are based on boldness. That's why I did it. It seemed like something you would do.

SPIKE: I can do my own thinking. I don't need you to think for me.

KREON: I'm sorry. You know I'd never want to make you mad. I'm sorry if I disappointed you. But, and be honest, if you were in my position, wouldn't you have done the exact same thing?

SPIKE: Yes. And that's why I worry about you, Kreon. You keep trying to act like me, and pretty soon you'll end up in the bloody ground.

Kreon smiles. He's glad that Spike cares about him. They share a second or two of awkward silence.

KREON: Your should go in there.

SPIKE: I get it. You two want to be alone.

Spike smirks and enters the building. At the bottom and to the left of the building's steps stands Myrina, a 21 year-old former slave who works as a painter in a pottery factory in Zalpa. She smiles bashfully at Kreon. He walks down the steps towards her. He's nearly as awkward as she is. He's a small town boy who just moved to the big city, and she's one of the few friends he's made in town.

KREON: Hey.

MYRINA: Hi.

KREON: Nice weather we're having.

MYRINA: Yeah. It's nice out today.

KREON: You just get off work?

MYRINA: Yeah. I saw you yesterday, during the equestrian exercises. I thought you looked good out there.

KREON: Thanks. The thing you showed me yesterday that you were working on. It was really nice.

MYRINA: Thanks. they stand there fidgeting in silence, too nervous to think of something to talk about. Neither of them has much social experience with the opposite sex.

SPIKE: Everything set for tomorrow?

TELAMON: The coastal plain is firmly on your side. As usual, we can thank Amastria. Everyone who lives next to them runs to you for protection.

SPIKE: How many towns?

EPHIALTES: Six cities. It should take you three days to settle affairs and secure their submission.

SPIKE: Sounds like my kind of tour. They don't have a problem with my program?

DEMOTELES: Naturally, the oligarchs are deeply troubled by certain aspects. But at the same time they believe this alliance will greatly enhance their commercial opportunities.

ADEAS: Plus, someone started a rumor that if they didn't voluntarily submit to Spike, their workers would rise up and murder them in their sleep.

TELAMON: That someone would have been me.

SPIKE: sighs One of these days, someone's gonna call your bluff. How will that make me look?

Angel leaps up onto the city wall. The people gasp. Some of them panic. Spike can hear this. He jumps off his throne and rushes outside. Angel looks up and sees Spike standing on the acropolis. He's wearing a purple robe with gold trim. Resting atop his head head is a golden laurel crown. Angel hasn't changed since he got his soul back that morning. He's wearing black leather pants and a black silk shirt. (the inter-dimensional journey did get rid of his injuries, which delighted Angel. Also, he would have felt uncomfortable about pretending to be a God while there were holes in each of his hands.) The site of Spike dressed like some great potentate makes Angel want to burst out laughing. Until he looks down and sees twenty men ready to hurl their spears at him. Spike chuckles as he walks over to the edge of the Acropolis, where Kreon stands, glaring down at Angel. Myrina stood fearfully behind Kreon for protection. Ever the good guy, Angel hated seeing a damsel get distressed by him.

SPIKE: Wasn't expecting you to show up. It's okay. We're old mates. He's harmless.

Angel finds something disparaging in that characterization. Kreon signals the spearmen to stand down. Angel leaps down into the town. The people gasp again. He wants them to know that while he is not dangerous, he certainly isn't harmless.

SPIKE: to Kreon Bring him up to my place.

As Spike walks towards his house, he remembers what Anya said about how she was going to tell someone who wouldn't get her in trouble. It all makes sense now. Kreon rushes down the stairs to the town. The people back away from Angel and gawk. Another man with superhuman powers who dresses in funny black clothes. They knew what he was. Kreon walks up to Angel and looks at him suspiciously.

KREON: Follow me. I'll take you to him.

Angel looks down at Kreon. He has cut his hair short and parted it in the middle, as Spike wore his hair around 1900. Kreon doesn't know this. He tried to get his hair pulled back, but it wouldn't stay, so he went with this look instead. It was different than what everyone else had, which is what Kreon wanted. Like Spike, he wants to stand out from the herd. Angel correctly senses that Kreon is a Spike wannabe. That anyone would use Spike as their role model is deeply disturbing to Angel. He can sense the kid's suspicion. This isn't hard, since Kreon never takes his eyes off Angel, and just keeps glaring at him as they walk up the stairs to the acropolis. In the back corner of the acropolis is a mansion that traditionally belonged to the high priest. The moment Spike entered Zalpa, the high priest gave it to him, and became his personal servant. Spike gets a kick out of the fact that this powerful holy man voluntarily turned himself into Spike's butler. He appreciates the absurdity of the situation he has created. Spike greets Angel outside the front door. Kreon leaves them and walks over to Myrina.

SPIKE: Looks like you couldn't stand me being the only vampire with a soul in any dimension. Could you tell me what it feels like to get a soul without earning it? I wouldn't know.

Angel looks at Spike in all his imperial regalia and starts laughing.

ANGEL: In your wildest, most feverish megalomaniacal dreams, did you EVER imagine you'd end up like this?

SPIKE: No. I thought I'd be tanned. We can't tan. Did you know that? Or even get sunburned. No matter how much time I spend in the sun, I'm still pale. It's a great disappointment.

ANGEL: Everything's a joke to you.

SPIKE: Not everything. Just you. I'd invite you in, except you don't need an invite in this world. the high priest-turned-butler opens the door. Kreon and Myrina watch from 90 feet away.

KREON: Just a friend from back home. Like that Anya woman.

MYRINA: He's too young to be Giles. But he's not at all what I thought Xander would look like.

KREON: Spike called him Angel. But he's never mentioned that name before.

MYRINA: I don't like him. He's too shiny.

Spike takes off his crown and his robe. He's wearing his black jeans and black t-shirt.

SPIKE: The wardrobe's for the people. They like that kind of thing. I play along.

ANGEL: That's what I've heard. I spent the day talking to people, finding out what you've been up to.

SPIKE: So you know about my horrible deeds. Outlawing slavery. Abolishing serfdom. Equal rights for women. Clearly I've been a very bad boy.

ANGEL: You have maenads.

SPIKE: Don't slander them. Those girls aren't maenads. They're a civil defense force. A militia.

ANGEL: You've taught girls how to kill.

SPIKE: I've taught young women how to defend their homes. I've also given them the right to divorce their 30 year-old husbands. I'll admit, I'm not terribly popular with the cradle-robbers. Never have been.

Spike gives Angel a smartass smile and stares him down. Angel knows better than to take the bait. He walks through the front hall into the megaron, and notices a partly finished mural on the wall to his left. The design is drawn in, but less than half of it has been painted.

ANGEL: Is that you? What are you doing?

SPIKE: That's me killing a chimera six days ago. Won me the allegiance of five towns.

ANGEL: So that's how you expand the kingdom? By offering protection?

SPIKE: People like to be safe. They're funny that way. Come sit down.

Spike reclines on a couch in back. After looking over the opulent room, with paintings on the four walls, mosaics on the floor, and geometric designs on the ceiling, Angel sits next to Spike.

SPIKE: Would you like some blood? It's fresh. Xanthippus?

The butler/high priest brings out gold and silver cups, handing both to Spike. Spike gives the silver cup to Angel.

SPIKE: It's quite good. You like pig's blood, don't you? I can have lamb's or cow's blood brought out if you want.

Angel can't bear being around Spike when he's so annoyingly faux-regal. But he is hungry. Unlike Spike, he wouldn't kill someone else's animal out in the fields. He drinks the pig's blood.

ANGEL: You were right about this being fresh. That reminds me of something. Thermadonia produces livestock. Dorin, which you also rule, produces wine. Amastria grows grain. You want them to brew beer. You seem to want your subjects to produce things you can drink.

SPIKE: Bollocks. I think they'll make more money selling beer than they will selling grain.

ANGEL: And what will they eat?

SPIKE: They can buy their bread. The point is to shake up their society.

ANGEL: You mean destroy their society. Turning order into chaos. That's the point. That's why they hate you. And because they don't want to be misruled by you, you take their land away.

SPIKE: The Amastrian landlords are pissed at me. Their serfs, on the other hand, seem to feel different. Given all your experience fighting for justice, I thought you'd recognize a raw deal when you saw it. The serfs revolted just north of our borders. We moved in to protect them.

ANGEL: Don't give me this Royal We crap. The reason you're in power, the reason your conquering, is because people are scared of you. And of your mercenaries. And your maenads. And your marauding cavalry.

SPIKE: I've haven't killed a single person. And yet you think hundreds of thousands of people live in mortal fear of me. Angel, I had no idea you found me so intimidating.

ANGEL: You're saying you became an absolute monarch because you want to help these people?

SPIKE: Bloody well yes. You think I like it here? No tele, no stereo, no car. Having to ride a horse everywhere.

ANGEL: I heard you have a chariot.

SPIKE: But the suspension's no good. You feel every rock. I'll be honest: I came here for a little fun in the sun. Then I stumbled upon people who begged me to help them. So I helped, and I discovered all their other problems. I had a choice: lie for a few more hours on my cot in the basement, or help these people. It would have been immoral for me to leave them in the lurch. I thought a compulsive do-gooder like yourself would understand that.

ANGEL: And the fact that you get to bask in their worship and adoration has nothing to do with it?

SPIKE: You know who this reminds me of? Lindsey. Evil lawyer turned filthy rich good guy. Don't you think he's having his cake and eating it too?

ANGEL: What? Did Willow tell you about him?

SPIKE: No. He told me about him. Lindsey performed at the Bronze a couple nights back.

Angel practically jumps out of his seat.

ANGEL: He was in Sunnydale?

SPIKE: He was the bloody toast of Sunnydale. Girls went ga-ga for him. chuckles Even Willow. And her girlfriend Ken.

ANGEL: Even Buffy?

SPIKE: She denied it, though she didn't try very hard to hide it.

ANGEL: B-b-Buffy l-liked Lindsey?

SPIKE: The shine on him didn't wear off even after she found out he was your mortal enemy. I think that was the moment Xander fell in love with him. He talked to us after the show. Then he took us in his limo to the airport, where he flew off in his private jet.

ANGEL: Lindsey has a jet?

SPIKE: He says he's worth almost 100 million.

It takes a few seconds for this to sink in. Angel had no idea Lindsey was independently wealthy.

ANGEL: How? Where did he get that much money?

SPIKE: Class action lawsuits. Or so he claims. So much for sacrifice.

ANGEL: I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. Did he tell Buffy everything he had tried to do to me?

SPIKE: Can't be sure. But it was a pretty long list. Guess when you become good, all your bad deeds are forgiven. Like with you and me.

ANGEL: But, but Lindsey's different. He had a soul.

SPIKE: We didn't know any better. He did. And yet he still gets the whitewash treatment. And the money. I know you somehow manage to live in style. But this guy's got a whole bloody endowment.

ANGEL: It does seem cruelly un-Karmic.

SPIKE: Especially considering your streak of bad luck. He can spend his summers on the Riveria. You spend yours under the water. And to think, once upon a time, his entire goal in life was to destroy you and help evil triumph over good. This is why I never believed in that Zen Karma crap. On the plus side, he is mortal. And when he dies, his soul will burn for eternity.

ANGEL: Why? pause Did he sell his soul to Wolfram & Hart?

SPIKE: Sometimes, you're not as dumb as you look. But get this: that only adds to his allure. Buffy and Willow felt sorry for him. Suddenly, he's this brooding, romantic, Promethean tragic hero to them.

Angel looks crushed.

ANGEL: I thought I was Buffy's brooding, romantic, Promethean tragic hero.

SPIKE: And, to top it all off, she sounded a little jealous when Lindsey said he was shagging Faith.

For Angel, that was the last straw. At this moment, Angel thought he knew how Buffy felt when Faith switched bodies with her. Then he looked at who the messenger was. Obviously Spike was playing mind games with him.

ANGEL: Cute story, Spike. The part where he sells his soul – that was especially clever.

SPIKE: You think I'm making this up?

ANGEL: Only the last few parts. The ones that were meant to get under my skin.

SPIKE: I thought Lindsey got under your skin already when he tenderized your face with those brass knuckles.

ANGEL: He told told you about that? He told BUFFY about that?

SPIKE: No. Didn't even mention it. But Kelly did. Now she was fun. I see why you went for her.

ANGEL: That's it. I'm not here to catch up on recent times.

SPIKE: You're here to bring me home because you think I am abusing my power. Well, I'm not.

Above the frescoes to the left and right of Spike and Angel, there are several small windows which let in light. Through the windows, Angel can hear someone down in the main part of town talking in a very loud voice:

TYNDARES: "An ode and paean to Buffy."

Angel leaps up and runs out of the house. Spike follows. Down below the acropolis, at one end of the agora, Tyndares reads his verse before a rapt audience of hundreds. It sounds suspiciously like a love poem.

ANGEL: You're making them read your poetry! So much for not abusing your power.

SPIKE: You stupid git. I haven't written a line since Dru sired me.

ANGEL: Then why is that man reading those purple and overwrought lines about Buffy's golden locks and undying courage and alabaster –

Angel hits Spike's face with a right cross.

SPIKE: Allow me to explain.

ANGEL: I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear it.

SPIKE: After the people chose me as their ruler, some of the more prominent men in town offered me their daughters. I politely refused the offer. So they offered me their sons. I very impolitely refused that offer. They couldn't understand why I would choose to be alone. So, I explained that I was in love with someone in my world. They're very curious about my world. So they begged me again and again to describe my love.

Angel takes another swing at Spike, who backs up out of the way.

SPIKE: Oh come on! Touchy, touchy. So I told them about Buffy. I hardly think you can blame them for becoming smitten with her.

ANGEL: So they're also worshipping Buffy? They worship the two of you, TOGETHER?

SPIKE: Just for the bloody record, I never told them to worship either of us. Never even hinted at it. They asked a few questions, I told a few stories, the thing took on a life of its own.

ANGEL: You're right about that. I take you home, these people are still going to attack their neighbors. You've infected them.

SPIKE: You are the pettiest old sod I have ever had the bloody misfortune of knowing. You can't stand that people think of me and her together, even if they're in another dimension and you'll never have to see them again. You just can't stand to see me win anything.

ANGEL: I'm the petty one? Oh, that's rich. These are real people, real lives you're toying with. And all you can think about is winning and losing.

Spike starts walking down the stairs towards the agora. Angel follows.

SPIKE: I came here to help these people. You came here to make it a personal competition.

ANGEL: What about the political opponents you jailed?

SPIKE: I didn't jail the six archons. The priests did. And they were going to execute them. I freed the men, forbade anyone to attack their property and gave them a pension. I know you're trying to make me out to be a military strongman. But the shoe doesn't bloody well fit, now does it?

When Angel gets to the agora, he jumps back and stops in his tracks. Slowly, he points his right finger at a statue 30 feet in front of them.

ANGEL: How . . . how did . . . h-h-h-her . . . it's her.

Standing atop a six foot-high pedestal is a somewhat larger-than-life (six-and-a-half feet-tall) statue of Buffy, wearing a sleeveless goddess gown.

ANGEL: It looks just like her. How the HELL do you explain this? Obviously they couldn't have done it on their own. Did you bring a picture? It's so real it's surreal. And scary.

SPIKE: I thought so too, first time I saw it. They wanted me to draw a few pictures of her. So I did. Next thing I know, I catch a few sculptors working on this.

ANGEL: This is based on you're drawings? he takes another good look The nose is wrong, the bone structure is distorted, the chin – that's not her chin. The dimple on the left knee is misplaced. And her feet are not at all shaped like that. You never were an artist. gets mad And these people can see the outline of her right nipple coming through the dress. This is disgraceful. It's downright pornographic. You should be ashamed.

SPIKE: There wanted to have her topless.

ANGEL: You drew them pictures of her –

SPIKE: No! They were going to use their imaginations. You might have noticed my people do a lot of that. I insisted she be displayed in a respectful manner.

ANGEL: Why didn't you keep her from being displayed at all?

SPIKE: These are very visual people. They need images. It would have been crushing to their spirits for me to deny them that. And they only did it because they admire her.

ANGEL: Never thought you were the sort of guy who puts women up on pedestals.

SPIKE: This is a pun-free dimension. Since they worship Buffy, it's obviously not an irony-free dimension.

ANGEL: It's a surreal dimension. You've made sure of that.

SPIKE: Starring at only makes it more disturbing. Trust me.

Both of them turn around and walk through the marketplace. People stare at them and talk. Angel's visit is obviously a huge deal to the people of Zalpa. When Angel is 100 feet from the statue, he turns around for a moment, just to make sure it's real. Then he notices a statue 300 feet ahead of him, at the other end of the agora.

ANGEL: What's that?

SPIKE: They said there needed to be symmetry.

Angel runs towards it. The closer he gets, the more it looks like Spike. When he gets within 60 feet, he stops and throws up his hands.

ANGEL: Why am I surprised? I shouldn't be. This is you we're talking about, and you have never missed an opportunity to be vainglorious. At least they kept your pants on. Wait a second. Angel walks closer This is a highly idealized version of you. You were never this muscular. And you certainly don't have a six-pack. It's is a cartoon! They even airbrushed your face.

SPIKE: Bollocks. They even kept the scar. And since when did you look at or imagine what my body look like?

ANGEL: Spike, grow up. You've had 120 years. It's about time.

SPIKE: turns to talk to a nearby man Nicias. A cup for my mate? turns back to Angel Thought you might like a hot cup of lamb's blood before your journey.

ANGEL: Journey? laughs You're going to try to kick me out?

SPIKE: You want to stay in a town where everyone loves and admires me?

ANGEL: Good point.

Nicias brings back a large cup, which Spike hands to Angel.

SPIKE: Thank you. Nicias runs along See. They're a friendly, giving people. Kreon! he rushes over Bring Angel one of the best horses from the garrison stables. Then escort him to the Amastrian border. Kreon runs along

ANGEL: What are you doing?

SPIKE: Let's take a walk outside. they head out the city gates Since you hate being around my friends, I'm sending you to my enemies. You should be happy there. Besides, it's what you were already planning to do: defend the innocent against mean old me.

ANGEL: They're the only ones around here who have the guts to stand up to your hollow threats. There must be something good about them.

Angel looks around at the fields outside the city wall. Young women are playing an especially chaotic and violent brand of rugby, yelling as they rush forward and bash into one another.

ANGEL: Would these be the maenads?

SPIKE: So if a girl's tough, if she's physical, you call her a freak? I had no idea you were so bloody sexist.

ANGEL: Recklessness is not toughness.

SPIKE: They seem to find it fun. Rugby's always been a woman's sport, anyway. As you can see, football's more of a man's game.

ANGEL: laughs Spike. Those men aren't playing football. That's soccer.

Spike groans mightily and rolls his eyes.

SPIKE: You are such a bloody American.

Kreon comes riding up with a black stallion at his side.

ANGEL: You know I'm not going to let you get away with this.

SPIKE: And you call ME the cartoon? You're right out of a bloody comic book. Godspeed, Captain America.

Spike goes back into the town. His advisors come up to him.

TELAMON: Is this interloper a problem?

SPIKE: No. More of a foil.

EPHIALTES: So no change in plans?

SPIKE: No change. Tomorrow I hit the coast. Tonight I head south to celebrate the dedication of my new metropolis. I trust you blokes can keep this city in good order while I'm gone.

Kreon doesn't say a word to Angel. He just rides at top speed, forcing Angel's horse to gallop along and tire itself out so it won't have any energy left when it crosses into enemy territory. Three hours later, they arrive at the border, 30 miles north of Zalpa. Kreon just turns his horse around and trots back south, leaving Angel all alone. His horse walks forward and heads to a pond for a much-needed drink. Angel dismounts and walks around as the horse gulps down gallons of water. He's sure someone is stalking him, but he can see or hear anyone. When the horse has slaked his thirst, Angel remounts and continues on his journey, looking at the land around him. It's flat and fertile, filled with farmlands and pastures. He sees a horse grazing, and assumes that's what he heard nearby. When Angel is 50 feet to the horse's left, a large rock hits his right ear and knocks him off his horse. A young man rushes out from behind a large pile of hay. He leaps onto the grazing horse, and it gallops towards Angel. The man grabs Angel's horse's reins and takes it 100 yards in front of Angel. Then he turns around and charges straight for Angel, who has stood up. The young man cocks his right arm and throws a smaller stone, hitting Angel in the forehead and knocking him down again. He dismounts and puts his sword to Angel's throat.

ANGEL: What the hell did I do to you?

HIERO: You came from his land. You were escorted by one his soldiers. That means you're one of Spike's agents.

Angel starts laughing, but notices that this causes his adam's apple to graze the sword's point.

ANGEL: Could you put the pointy metal thing away and let me explain? First off, I'm unarmed.

Hiero looks at him. He doesn't appear to have a sword.

HIERO: Get up.

Angel stands up. Hiero still brandishes his sword. He's three inches shorter than Angel, with brown eyes, long wavy black hair, a muscular body and a no-nonsense scowl on his face.

ANGEL: You hate Spike.

HIERO: He stole our land. My uncle had a farm over there. Spike's marauders drove his family out of their home.

ANGEL: Look at me. Do I dress like other people around here?

HIERO: No. You dress like Spike.

ANGEL: That better be the last time you ever compare me to Captain Peroxide. I'm here to help you. I'm here to undo what he's done.

Hiero stabs Angel through the heart. Angel grimaces in pain.

HIERO: Just making sure you could help.

ANGEL: Right. I get it. That was a test.

HIERO: I'll take you to Lampedos.

ANGEL: Is that your capital?

HIERO: Have you been to Zalpa?

ANGEL: Unfortunately.

HIERO: Zalpa's a dump compared to Lampedos. I should get you a new horse. I'm Hiero.

ANGEL: Angel.

HIERO: Are you from Spike's world?

ANGEL: No. He's from my world.

HIERO: So you know of the vicious, blood-thirsty Buffy?

Angel is aghast. But before castigating Hiero, he realizes that Hiero must associate Buffy with Spike, and therefore doesn't have a high opinion of her. He can't allow that to continue.

ANGEL: I happen to know Buffy a lot better than Spike ever will. She's wonderful. Let me tell you about her on our way to Lampedos.

NEXT: A society of Spike worshippers at war with a society of Angel worshippers. Things are about to get very ugly.