GILES: It gets worse?
ANYA: The people are worshipping Buffy as some sort of supreme deity. The Thermadonians, the Amastrians, the Amazons. You've become quite the cult figure.
BUFFY: Why would they worship me?
XANDER: Why wouldn't they worship you? They already worship Angel and Spike. You've kicked the crap out of both of them. That makes you the god to beat.
ANYA: That about sums it up. The people asked Spike and Angel about their world, they told a few stories, and soon enough the people idolized you.
GILES: You mean in the literal sense?
ANYA: Statues, paintings, coins – you name it. Apparently Spike and Angel drew them a few pictures. I don't think either of them had any idea what they were starting.
ANDREW: You say that like it's a bad thing.
BUFFY: Wait a sec. They think I'm God?
ANYA: They think you're a god. But not in our use of the word. They know you can't help or hurt them. You're basically an inspirational figure with superhuman abilities and a – how shall I put it? – colorful biography.
BUFFY: "Colorful?" looks worried How much did Spike and Angel tell them?
ANYA: Not much. Just a few dozen action-packed anecdotes about some of the many monsters you killed. But they left out most of the personal stuff, including all of the X-rated material, if that's what you're worried about. It's quite alarming how devoted these people are to you. They both marvel at your super-human achievements and sympathize with your very human problems. They've even developed the delusion that they know you.
GILES: All this from a few stories told to them by Spike and Angel?
ANYA: And me. Plus Willow told the Amazons some stuff.
WILLOW: But I never said Buffy was a god. Do do they think I'm a god?
ANYA: Yep. They assume you were just being modest.
WILLOW: Why? They've seen me. They know I'm just a person.
ANYA: They also know you've raised the dead, restored souls and once had the power to destroy an entire planet. I think we can forgive them for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Besides, it's not just you. They think we're all gods. gasps all around
ANDREW: Even me? asked with a hopeful smile
ANYA: No Andrew. I'm not even sure they know about you. And Kennedy seems to be some sort of hero, super-human but not quite a deity.
KENNEDY: A god-in-training?
ANYA: Kind of. But you're way above the other Potentials on account of sleeping with a goddess. Plus the Amazons made you their patron heroine.
KENNEDY: smiles Wow. I'm a hero. I'm a, a –
WILLOW: Uber-Amazon?
KENNEDY: I guess. laughs
DAWN: Do they know about the rest of us?
ANYA: Yes Dawny, even you're in the Pantheon. Anya rolls her eyes Though they have trouble figuring out where you fit in. It doesn't quite make sense for the supreme deity to have a sibling. But GIles and Xander are firmly entrenched in their, um –
GILES: Theology? Now this is just silly. People worshipping us? It's madness.
ANYA: You have to understand, their religion was silly to begin with. A bunch of patriarchal gods running around, raping women and engaging in bestiality. They simply replaced one silly religion with another. The people of Scyra are primitive. Eventually their society will mature and they can get a real religion, like the ones Fadila and Ariella and Madari believe in.
BUFFY: But until then, i-it's me? Whoa. That is scary.
ANYA: I haven't gotten to the scary part yet.
XANDER: How could anyone mistake us for gods? Now there's a question I never thought I'd have to ask.
GILES: It does make sense.
XANDER: What! How? You just said it was madness.
GILES: Try looking at it from their point of view. Two strange-looking men with super-powers and apparent invincibility come to your country. They tell stories about a small group of individuals in another realm who wage a constant battle against evil, killing great monsters and repeatedly staving off the destruction of their world. Once these incidents are taken completely out of the context of our day-to-day lives, it's perfectly understandable that they would come to such a ridiculous and absurd conclusion. pauses I'm afraid to ask this, but how exactly do they worship us?
ANYA: They don't. Not in the sense of temples or altars or sacred rites. They've simply made us the center of their entire culture. A few of them perform songs, plays and epic poems celebrating Buffy's deeds. But mostly they talk about us: our personalities, our motivations, our sex lives. Especially our sex lives. They're obsessed with who we do or don't have sex with. Especially Buffy. The people spend an alarming amount of their free time arguing over whether you belong with Spike or Angel. Then there's a tiny minority who think you should hook up with Xander.
BUFFY: That's disgusting!
XANDER: Gee. Thanks a lot.
BUFFY: I didn't mean it like that.
XANDER: to Anya Just out of curiosity, does that tiny minority give any reasons why they feel that way?
BUFFY: It's like I've been violated. How would these people feel if thousands of strangers talked about their private lives? It doesn't make sense. If they like me –
ANYA: Love you.
BUFFY: – then why can't they respect my privacy and treat me with some dignity?
ANYA: They do. Occasionally some miscreant will call you a slut, then everyone else shouts him down and – if he doesn't apologize – beats him to a bloody pulp. No one can speak ill of Buffy. They can criticize the rest of us with impunity, but your mistakes are always easily explained away.
XANDER: If Angel and Spike are the ones telling the stories, then I'm probably getting the shaft. They've never say one good word about me.
ANYA: Fortunately, Willow and I have. You're very popular among the Amazons. Sort of a paragon of the decent, humble man who knows his place. The kind of guy who risks his life to save a woman yet has no problem taking orders from her. More or less their dream guy.
XANDER: Dream guy? his face lights up How many of these wonderful woman are there?
ANYA: Dream friend. Except for a few hundred who want to make you their house husband-slash-sex slave.
XANDER: H-h-hundreds?
ANYA: That's only about one-in-ten Amazons. You also have thousands of admirers among the general population. As does Giles. You've become quite the sex symbol, Rupert.
Giles takes off his glasses and looks pleasantly shocked.
GILES: I have?
ANYA: See what I mean? Everyone gets sucked in. A few minutes ago, you were outraged and indignant. Now you're ready to head on over to Scyra yourself to bask in the worshipful groupie glow.
GILES: Is that what you did?
ANYA: I only basked a little. They had a lot of questions. I gave a few answers, watched quite a few men swoon, and went on my way. Friendly, but aloof. It helps that over there I can teleport at will. People get a little too obsessive, poof!
ANDREW: Would you say they're desperate for information about what Buffy's like, even if that information came from someone they didn't already worship?
ANYA: groans Yes Andrew, you'd be very popular over there. Far more popular than you could ever hope to be on this planet. Although they may hold it against you that you tried to kill Buffy in the past.
ANDREW: So did Spike! What about redemption? They must believe in redemption.
ANYA: Believe? They're like obsessed with it. The path to redemption, the corrosive evil of vengeance, the need for forgiveness, the nobility of suffering. That's your problem: since Angel and Spike are their benchmarks, they may not think you've suffered enough to earn redemption. It's not all sex talk. We're taken seriously. The Scyreans actually look to us for morality lessons.
DAWN: Now that's scary.
ANYA: No, I haven't gotten to the scary part yet.
GILES: You've gotten to several.
BUFFY: Like the one about Giles being a sex symbol.
WILLOW: I thought that was one of the few unscary parts.
ANDREW: Maybe I'm not redeemed, but I'm on the PATH to redemption.
XANDER: Anya, quit stalling and get to it already.
ANYA: Careful what you wish for. Here goes. The Scyreans have very active imaginations. Since they don't have movies or television or even the printing press, they have no choice but to entertain each other by telling stories. And they've started making up stories about us.
BUFFY: They say we did things that we didn't do? That's libel!
DAWN: Actually, it's blasphemy.
ANYA: Which is exactly the High Priests say. They're the ones who keep the Official Record based on what Spike, Angel, Willow, Kennedy and I have said. The Priests decreed that adding or changing the Record is sacrilege. But the practice is so widespread that all they can do is ban the storytellers from theaters, agoras, gyms and other public gathering places. They can't stop people from telling stories in their homes, their workshops, their fields. And it's spreading like kudzu or, I dunno, some other kind of weed.
BUFFY: What sort of lies do they tell about us? No. I take that back. Maybe I don't wanna know how "active" their imaginations are.
ANYA: From what I've heard, it's mostly stuff they wish would happen or things they think would be funny if they really happened. The weirdest part is they desperately want us to be happy. Especially you, Buffy. They think you've suffered enough. So there are lots of "Buffy and Angel Live Happily Ever After" and "Buffy and Spike Live Happily Ever After" stories. Then there are the more bizarre couplings. Like me marrying Giles.
XANDER: What kind of sick freak – do they know he's old enough to be your almost-husband's father?
GILES: Clearly these people haven't a bloody clue what we're like. How could they, after hearing a couple stories?
DAWN: Maybe Spike told them about the time we all had amnesia and they misunderstood it. I mean, you two did think you were –
ANYA: By the way Dawny, speaking of sick freaks, there are a few people who'd like to see you and Xander get married.
XANDER: What!
DAWN: That's disgusting! How could they even think that I would want to . . . you know, with Xander? she looks sick
XANDER: How could they think I would? You're the one who had the crush on me.
DAWN: Oh please. I was thirteen! That doesn't count.
XANDER: Fourteen.
BUFFY: Xander, why are you arguing over how recently my sister had a crush on you?
XANDER: Uh-ah-I was, I was just setting the record straight. What kind of cradle-robber do these people think I am?
ANYA: It's only a few people, and they don't. Not since Spike outlawed all marriages where the girl's under 18. It's set a few years in the future. You're both in your twenties, you're both devoid of superpowers, you've always gotten along great, somehow they think that makes you compatible. Like Giles said, they've never met us, so they have no idea what they're talking about. They think two of us have something in common, they slap us together to see what would happen. Like Spike and Faith. Or Faith and Connor.
DAWN: Excuse me? They did WHAT?
ANYA: Or, he-he-heh, Faith and Wesley. Now, I know I haven't seen either of them in a long time, but, unless he's REALLY turned over a new leaf –
WILLOW: He has. But that's still ridiculous.
BUFFY: Not to mention icky.
GILES: Icky? Try stomach-turning and revolting.
ANDREW: A rogue agent needs both a good girl and a bad girl. From what I've heard about Faith, she could be both.
DAWN: Why would they put Connor with Faith? Don't they know he's with me?
ANYA: Yes, but they like to try new things. Although, often there's an ulterior motive. The people who put Spike and Faith together want him conveniently out of the way so Buffy can be with Angel. It always goes back to you three. And it's not about love; it's about politics. The closer your king is to the Goddess, the more legitimate he seems. So the Thermadonians imagine Buffy with Spike, while the Amastrians imagine her with Angel. And the Amazons, he-he-heh-he-heh, they imagine Buffy with Willow. bursts out laughing
XANDER: Why would women imagine you two together? pauses, get nervously self-conscious Um, what I meant was, why would ANYONE imagine that?
WILLOW: They know me! They know I would never, ever, ever –
ANYA: You were in Thalestris' tribe. It's the women in Hippolyta's tribe who tell the story.
WILLOW: They must know I'm with Kennedy. And what about Tara?
ANYA: The story is, after Angel breaks up with Buffy, the two of you start experimenting. A few months later Willow dumps Buffy when she meets Tara.
BUFFY: Hold on. I'M the one getting dumped? I'm the supreme god. How can I be the one getting dumped?
KENNEDY: That's what bothers you about that story?
BUFFY: They know it isn't true, right?
ANYA: Of course. scoffs at the ridiculous suggestion They're smart enough to know the difference between fact from fiction. The stories are just something they come up with to pass the time.
BUFFY: Why don't Angel and Spike put a stop to this? I'm sure they don't like their people making up lies about them.
ANYA: Spike and Angel are too busy running their countries and starting social and political revolutions. They're altering these societies beyond recognition. Spike's writing constitutions. Angel's putting together a legal code. And they're both raising massive armies. Tens of thousands of men and women. But I'm sure they'll figure a way out before the inevitable mass slaughter begins.
After killing the tiger demon, Angel met the Uxili and resettled them on the lands the demon had been laying waste to. Now Amastria controlled all three mountain passes. The next morning, three other northern tribes came to meet Angelus and sign alliance treaties with him. It was an auspicious start. But during the night that Angel was gone, Hiero raided the Amastrian borderlands occupied by the Thermadonian mercenaries. Their presence prevented any large-scale counter-attack, or even daytime raiding. But at night, when they kept watch over the towns, Hieron found that he could get away with ravaging the undefended countryside. He had done this four nights in a row, each time penetrating deeper. The previous night, he boldly rode past the occupied zone and raided Thermadonia proper. Tonight, he led his band of 50 cavalry on another sortie. They traveled through the ten mile-wide occupied zone and penetrated another ten miles into enemy territory. Along the way, they stole horses, burned hay and destroyed whatever farm buildings they found unoccupied. After watering and resting their horses, Hiero's men, now 20 miles behind enemy lines, headed north for home. They continued ravaging while still in Thermadonia, but refrained from doing any more damage to the occupied Amastrian lands. By then, they were too busy trying to race home before sunrise. As dawn approaches, Hiero is two miles from the border, a mere five or ten minutes from safety, when his squadron is ambushed.
Kreon had heard of the nightly raids. Wanting to protect his country and make a name for himself, he tracked the raiders with 50 of his own cavalrymen. They were lighter and swifter than Hiero's, but not as well-armed for hand-to-hand fighting. The men let their javelins fly from the east and charge down on Hiero's right flank. He continues a galloping retreat. Kreon's men yell as they give chase. But right as they get within range to throw a second round of javelins, Hiero raises his lance. His men turn around, and Hiero leads them in a charge. Kreon's men throw their javelins, most of which bounce of the shields of their enemies. Their spears are shorter than the Amastrian's lances, and Kreon's forces flee in disorder, with the enemy in hot pursuit, their lances only a few feet from their backs. Kreon fears his men are about to panic. He turns around and spits in the face of his pursuer, as a sign of contempt and confidence. He knows the enemy's horses are more tired than his own. Soon enough, about 30 seconds after the chase began, Kreon's cavalry starts to pull away. Hiero stops and makes his men do the same. He knows what's next.
After riding off into the distance, Kreon turns around. His men race up a hill and come into Hiero's view. They charge down the hill. Hiero has used the respite to get his cavalry organized. He wants this fight as much as Kreon. When Kreon gets within fifty yards, Hiero charges. When Kreon's men are within twenty yards, they hurl their javelins. Kreon's javelin goes straight through the throat of one of Hiero's men. The missiles do their damage, but when the two forces meet, Hiero's side has the best of it. Hiero himself drives his lance through an enemy horse's face. The dead animal and his rider fall to the ground. Hiero looks down and stabs the fallen soldier through the heart. He sees an enemy to the west who's riding all alone. Hiero charges him. When the two men meet, Hiero's lance breaks in two and his opponent falls, stunned but only lightly wounded. At the other end of the battlefield, Kreon drives his spear into an enemy's shield, unhorsing the man but not wounding him. As the fighting rages on, Hiero and Kreon see each other. They pull out their swords and charge past friend and foe alike, focused only on one another. Kreon sees Hiero pull back his sword, ready to strike the fatal blow as he rides by.
His adrenaline surging, Kreon decides to make Hiero play by his rules. He leaps off his horse. Hiero's sword hits Kreon's shield, and Kreon pushes Hiero off his horse. Hiero lands on his back. He kicks Kreon off of him. The two men stand up. Kreon hits Hiero in the face with his shield. As Hiero stumbles backwards, Kreon tries to stab him in the neck. Hiero blocks Kreon's sword with his shield and swings his sword for Kreon's left thigh. The blow goes below Kreon's shield, but he is quick enough to back up and avoid a devastating injury. Hiero charges. The two men (young men, boys in Spike's and Angel's eyes) lock shields. Their swords clash. Hiero, who is as tall as Kreon but more muscular, pushes his opponent back. He tries to stab Kreon in the face. Kreon ducks and goes for Hiero's groin. Hiero blocks this blow with his shield. Kreon swings his own shield for Hiero's face, forcing his opponent to back up and avoid the blow. They stand six feet apart, exhausted, staring each other down. Kreon looks to his right at the enemy line and smiles. They are all either dead, wounded or retreating.
KREON: Looks like your boys are leaving you.
Hiero looks forward and to his left.
HIERO: So are yours.
They both look east. The rising sun shows them the toll their actions have taken.
KREON: You make a truce. I'll let you collect your dead and wounded.
HIERO: You make the truce.
They're not merely being childish. Asking for your dead is the way you admit defeat. Neither one of them wants to dishonor their country by doing that.
KREON: We do it together. Then you leave.
HIERO: Fine. That's what I was trying to do when you attacked me.
Kreon puts his sword away. Hiero follows suit. They walk over to their men. On Kreon's side, two are dead and six wounded. On Hiero's side, one is dead and nine are wounded. The two of them eye each other warily. Neither turns his back on the other until they've gotten on their horses. Later that day, after Angel crosses the mountains and was making his way to Lampedos, he hears an army coming at him from behind. It was Thalestris and her tribe of Amazons. They had come from the north, and seen the monster Angel slayed in the mountain pass. They knew they had found a man who could stand up to their arch-enemy Spike. Thalestris and her ten princesses, including Antiope, who's heard a little bit about Angel from Willow, go out ahead of their forces to meet him. Angel's finally getting a chance to meet some of the women he's heard so much about. He walks towards them as they dismount and walk towards him.
THALESTRIS: We come in peace and supplication.
That last word throws Angel for a loop.
ANGEL: Peace I appreciate. Supplication I don't. he's contrasting himself with Spike
THALESTRIS: I am Queen Thalestris. You are the Angel?
ANGEL: smiles bashfully Just Angel.
THALESTRIS: We hear that you have come to rid our world of the white-haired devil.
Angel laughs at this grandiose description of Spike.
ANGEL: You don't have to worry about Captain Peroxide anymore.
The 11 women go down on one knee. Angel is embarrassed. Antiope stares up at him and smiles. Her eyes light up. Finally, she had met a man worth admiring.
Lindsey and Faith are eating dinner in a private dining room at a fancy restaurant. (They want to lay low since they're still pretty bashed-up.) He has on a jacket and tie. Faith has her hair pulled back and wears the black dress she wore to the Homecoming Dance.
LINDSEY: You okay?
FAITH: Not quite five by five. On the plus side, it no longer hurts to breathe.
LINDSEY: What I meant was, you seem a little bored.
FAITH: You know this ain't exactly my scene. It's nice and all. But we'll do something fun after, right?
LINDSEY: chagrined smile Sure. I just figured you'd like a little peace and quiet after this morning. You don't like the food?
FAITH: Hell no. Do you have any freakin' idea how wicked great this stuff tastes after three years of prison food? It's everything else. Playing dress-up's just not my thing.
LINDSEY: Isn't there a guy with a bull whip somewhere who'd disagree?
FAITH: chuckles Is that a request?
LINDSEY: I don't go for the Catholic school girls. (He doesn't know that's what Darla dressed as when she lived in Sunnydale.)
FAITH: You play dress-up a little different.
LINDSEY: What? laughs I don't –
FAITH: Whadya call this? Everyone's got their own little fantasy.
LINDSEY: grins So what's yours?
FAITH: For you? takes five seconds to think about it, looks excited for a moment It's not important. I mean, you know, with you, I don't need to, you're already, you know – forget about it. It's lame and, besides, I'm sure you don't happen to own a pair of chaps.
Now both of them want to change the subject.
LINDSEY: So – you wanna go clubbing after?
FAITH: Sure. Someplace nice – no vamps. I'd like to take tonight off.
Angel brought the Amazons to Lampedos and found lodging for them in the spacious city and stables for their horses in the nearby countryside. The people assumed Angel had made them his slaves. He furiously disabused them of this notion, and described them as friends, allies and equals. (He's the universe's first politically correct god-king.) Then Angel heard about Hiero's exploits. They had made the young man very popular among his countrymen. They were glad to see someone fighting back and killing the hated, degenerate, Spike-worshipping Thermadonians. Angel wasn't as pleased. He took Hiero into his palace for a stern scolding.
ANGEL: Did I give you permission to fight a battle?
HIERO: They started this war. I'm fighting back in self-defense.
ANGEL: You went across the border. That's not self-defense.
HIERO: It is when they've been doing the same thing. the freed serfs in Spike-occupied southern Amastria had been raiding north of the front line. We can't just let them get away with that.
ANGEL: So you sink to their level?
HIERO: I don't believe this. I brought you here to help. You're just getting in the way.
ANGEL: You killed people.
HIERO: Wasn't the first time. That's what happens in a battle.
ANGEL: You got one of your friends killed.
HIERO: He knew the risks.
ANGEL: You led him to his death. For nothing.
HIERO: You're acting like this is a big deal. We raid them all the time. They raid us all the time. Even when we're not at war. How else are you going to prove your bravery?
ANGEL: It's all a game. Is that what saying? Look at me. This isn't a game.
HIERO: You think I don't know that? They took my house! Those urchins are living in MY house.
ANGEL: With you, it's always personal. This is bigger than you. We're going to fight back when we're ready. Never provoke an enemy before you're strong enough to beat him.
HIERO: When will that be?
ANGEL: A week, maybe. Until then, don't waste your time raiding. We have an army to train. No more games. It's time for you to grow up.
Hiero looks at the floor for a few seconds and tenses up his body. Then he relaxes and looks up at Angel.
HIERO: You're not gonna punish me?
ANGEL: No time for that. Get to work teaching the volunteers to fight.
These are the liberated serfs Angel is enlisting to make up for Spike's numerical superiority. Angel walks away. Hiero doesn't move. Angel turns around.
ANGEL: I said get to work. What's the problem?
HIERO: You didn't hit me.
ANGEL: Why would I hit you?
HIERO: I defied you. I questioned your authority. Are you saving it for later?
Angel realizes that in this culture it's okay to hit your kids even when they're not trying to kill you. This is true, but what he's missing is that Hiero has been insubordinate to his military superior. Angel's not looking at it from that angle.
ANGEL: I don't work that way. pauses, decides to change tactics I can't blame you for taking this war personally. But I can blame you for losing you head. Acting on passion and emotion without thinking things through, that's what Spike does.
HIERO: But being brave, fighting evil no matter what the odds, that's what you do, right?
ANGEL: It is. But I'm careful. I look before I leap. Most of the time.
