Angel does some Amazon fighting. Then Angel and Spike both have to do some Amazon fending-off. At the same time, they can't help wanting to understand these women and, especially in Angel's case, try to make them forsake their murderous ways.
It's late at night in Lampedos. Angel is making the rounds around town, talking to people and finding out if they have any problems he can solve. Enlightened despotism offers infinite outlets for his need to help people and make the world a better place. It's as if Cordy were given the opportunity to shop on Rodeo and get as many clothes as she wanted free of charge every day. He just can't stop, even after every damsel in his fair kingdom is safe and in no danger of becoming distressed. After ensuring that everything in his capital is quiet and peaceful, Angel decides to check in on some most un-damselish women. He visits the Amazon camp just outside the city walls.
HIPPOLYTA: Nice night.
ANGEL: Yeah.
HIPPOLYTA: When do we get to kill the enemy?
ANGEL: Hippolyta, you know where I stand on that.
HIPPOLYTA: Yeah. And I know that Buffy's against killing people. But honestly, what do you think she would do in a world where all the evil things are people?
ANGEL: She'd find another way.
HIPPOLYTA: What if she didn't have a choice?
ANGEL: You have a choice. The people you hate aren't evil. Their minds can be changed.
HIPPOLYTA: What about Spike? He's evil.
ANGEL: No. He's just stupid. He fights because he doesn't know any better. Makes him a lot like you.
Hippolyta looks supremely offended. In her mind Spike's the devil incarnate.
HIPPOLYTA: How dare you. I'm your friend. I'm your equal! (She's a queen, he's a king.) And that's what you think of me?
ANGEL: He picked a fight with you, so you picked a fight with him. That's how twenty of your women got killed. You chose to attack someone else's land. How can you get outraged when they fight back?
HIPPOLYTA: I don't believe this. You're taking Wooly's side. (Wooly because his white hair looks like wool to them. Also, when Spike he goes bumpy his incisors stick out like a wolf's, but wooly's a more emasculating nicking that Wolfy.)
ANGEL: He put out the bait and you walked right into his trap.
HIPPOLYTA: It wasn't him. It was those girls, those demonic deadly girls he's raised. (Compare this to Dru calling Spike her "darling deadly boy.")
ANGEL: My point is, you sunk to his level. You think you're better than him.
HIPPOLYTA: Think? Try know.
ANGEL: Then prove it.
Just then, Thalestris comes from behind and hits Angel in the back of the head with a short wooden club she's holding in her right hand. When he turns around, she nails him in the forehead and then the left cheekbone. Angel is shaken, having been taken completely by surprise. His first instinct was that it was the Spike worshipper Panthesilea or one of her sympathizers. But he could see that it was Thalestris, someone he saw as both an ally and a friend. She swings again for his face. Angel grabs the club with his left hand. Thalestris delivers a left kick to his groin. As he doubles over in agony, Angel still manages to rip the club out of her right hand and toss it to the ground. Thalestris quickly lands a left jab to his nose and a right uppercut to his chin. Angel staggers backwards. She clobbers his head with a leaping straight right kick and follows this up with a left roundhouse kick. Angel grabs her left calf with both hands and blocks the kick. Thalestris hits him in the mouth with a left elbow. (Panthesilea used the exact same move on Spike. Must be something they teach in Amazon School.) She pulls back her left leg, spins back around and hits Angel's right eye with a left hook kick. Angel decides it might be time to fight back.
And not a moment too soon. Thalestris takes her dagger in her right hand and goes for his throat with a backhand stab. It's a big knife, with a blade eight inches long and two inches wide. With one good stab, she send it straight through the back of his neck, possibly sever his spinal cord and causing death by beheading. He grabs her right wrist with his left hand and hits her face with a right hook. She stays on her feet but staggers back six feet. Thalestris had never been hit that hard. Angel doesn't notice, but when he saw her come at him with the knife he went bumpy. This only makes her fight harder. She tries a right roundhouse kick. Angel steps back out of the way. She hits his stomach with a left punch, but he blocks her right hook and pulls his chin back just in time to avoid her left uppercut. Angel blocks a right hook kick, punches Thalestris in the stomach with a right uppercut, then hits her right cheek with a left hook. She is reeling, but she stays on her feet, to the surprise of Angel. After all, she's tough, and her technique may be flawless, but she's not a Slayer. Thalestris lands a straight left kick to his chin and tries to slit his throat with the knife in her right hand. Angel grabs her wrist, spins Thalestris around and forces the point of the knife against her throat. She smiles and struggles to catch her breath.
THALESTRIS: Not bad.
HIPPOLYTA: Did you expect him to hold back for so long?
THALESTRIS: Guess he really is a nice guy.
HIPPOLYTA: You hear that, Angel?
He goes back to his human face, pushes Thalestris away, puts his right hand to a bruise on his left temple, and looks confused.
ANGEL: That was a test?
HIPPOLYTA: We just wanted to make you prove something.
ANGEL: That I wouldn't kill you?
Thalestris and Hippolyta laugh.
THALESTRIS: That you couldn't GET killed by me.
HIPPOLYTA: She was supposed to do it before she submitted to you. It's a formality.
THALESTRIS: Can't submit to someone you can kill. Am I right?
ANGEL: I suppose. he's glad Buffy didn't make him fight to the death when they met
THALESTRIS: No hard feelings? she smiles at him
ANGEL: Just a few bruises.
She hugs Angel.
THALESTRIS: Hope I wasn't too rough on you.
ANGEL: It's okay. I'm sure I'll heal any moment now.
She runs her left hand through his hair and touches the spot on the back of his head where she bludgeoned him with enough force to knock a normal man unconscious. He flinches.
THALESTRIS: Sure you're okay? You act like you're in pain.
ANGEL: It's nothing.
She puts her right hand to his left cheek and caresses the skin around a bruise.
THALESTRIS: If there's anything I can do to ease the pain.
Her mouth is a couple inches from his. She is about to move in closer. But she hesitates and pulls back. She takes her hands off of him.
THALESTRIS: I should probably get a mirror and look at my face. I'm sure it's bruised and hideous.
ANGEL: Dont worry. It's hardly hideous. Angel wants to end this awkward moment. he looks at Hippolyta I don't have to go through this with you, do I?
HIPPOLYTA: No. But if you wanted to –
ANGEL: I don't. That's not something I'm into.
HIPPOLYTA: I'm the same way.
Unlike Spike, Angel doesn't get turned on by women trying to kill him. And Hippolyta, unlike Thalestris and Panthesilea, doesn't get turned on by men at all. However, Angel is the first man she's ever thought well of. She's in non-erotic thrall to him. All the Amazons are in some sort of thrall to him. They crowd around Thalestris, looking at her bruises as if they were medals.
HIPPOLYTA: Tonight, and also last night, and I think a couple nights before that, you said taking a life changes a person. It darkens their soul. And there's no going back. Does that mean there's no hope once you cross that line?
ANGEL: There's always hope.
HIPPOLYTA: I've taken a lot lives. And I liked it. Even when I didn't know them and they didn't mean me any harm. By your standards, I'm, well, I don't know what I am. But I know it's not something good.
ANTIOPE: What about Faith? Willow didn't say much about her. Only that she was evil and she changed. And that you were the one who changed her.
ANGEL: Willow said that? That's very nice of her.
HIPPOLYTA: Can you tell us how you changed her?
The Amazons gather round to listen to Angel's tale. Buffy sets an impossibly high standard, and makes any comparison demoralizing. Faith is someone they can identify with. And Angel is glad that for once they want to know about one of his a non-violent good deeds.
The next afternoon, Spike is hard at work devising a constitution for the city of Morea. He talks to Clito, who represents the town's wealthy interests, and Meno, who represents the people.
SPIKE: Your senate has 50 members.
CLITO: You mean the Gerousia?
SPIKE: Whatever you call it. Each year they choose ten archons by lot. The archons govern by majority, and the other members advise them. From now on, the people vote for the archons. But they can only choose from members of the, what's it called again?
MENO: Gerousia.
SPIKE: Right. Gerousia. You should think of a shorter name.
CLITO: Boule?
SPIKE: There you go. The people also elect a leader from that body to be the head guy. He's got five votes, so if he wants to pass something he only needs the support of three of the archons. But you have to be in the boule to become an archon, and you have to be elected archon twice before you can run for prime minister, president, whatever you wanna call the head guy. This should make both of you happy. The elites are still in charge, but they have to get the support of the people if they want power.
MENO: But the people can't choose the leaders they want.
SPIKE: I'm not finished. How often do one of these senate guys croak?
CLITO: Usually, we choose one new member each year.
SPIKE: From now on you choose two, croaking or no croaking. Get some fresh blood in the mix. If you're smart about it, you'll pick the blokes the people like. Absorb them into your little group. If you don't, the people get pissed, and things might get ugly. I'm sure you're smart enough not to let that happen. Everyone satisfied?
They both thank Spike and leave. He leans back in his chair and looks up, taking a few seconds to rest. That's when Anya materializes. Spike jumps out of his chair.
SPIKE: What the bloody hell! Why can't you walk into a room like a normal person?
ANYA: Then I wouldn't get to see you look so frazzled. You're so cute when your frazzled. But seriously, Spike. It's been two weeks. Now it's time to go home. I'm sure Angel will leave when you do.
SPIKE: Not yet. Have to finish what I started.
ANYA: And what exactly is that?
SPIKE: Helping these people. I leave now, it's bloody chaos.
ANYA: Because of what you've already done. Can't you understand that? The longer you stay here, the more screwed up it's gonna get. Make a deal with Angel and end this game.
SPIKE: This isn't a game.
ANYA: Fine. You wanna turn your petty personal rivalry into an international conflict, go ahead. I'm not the one with blood on my hands.
Anya walks outside. Throngs of women gather around her. Sleeping with Spike has made Anya a very celebrated figure in this country. Of course, Anya doesn't shy away from the attention. She enjoys being surrounded by adoring and deeply envious women. This has never happened to her before.
Up in Lampedos, Angel explains the details of his land reforms to two skeptical barons.
CINADON: You said we would be compensated.
ANGEL: You are. If a slave's worked for you for ten years, he's already paid back your investment. If he's only been with you one year, he still has a few more years to go before he earns his manumission. I'm being as fair as I can to you.
CINADON: But according to your laws, if one of my slaves escapes and leaves my land, I can't get him back.
ANGEL: That's correct.
CINADON: exasperated How can they be slaves if they're free to run away?
ANGEL: If you treat them well, they won't run away.
CINADON: What if they threaten to leave if I don't pay them?
ANGEL: Then you work something out.
CINADON: They're all going to run away. Every business in this country will be ruined.
ANGEL: No they won't. These people have families to support. They can't run off and find another job right away. You provide them with a guaranteed livelihood. They'll stay as long as you treat them with respect. You need them. But they also need you.
CRATERUS: You're appeasing the people so they don't turn to Spike.
ANGEL: I'm giving them a reason to oppose him.
CINADON: You're compromising with him. Maybe things would be worse if he was in charge. But they were a lot better before you came here.
ANGEL: You have nothing to worry about.
CINADON: What about my tenants? They'll either leave or take my land. Either way I lose.
ANGEL: They get to keep enough of the harvest for survive. They split the surplus with you. How many tenants do you have?
CINADON: Twelve.
ANGEL: That's the output of six families. Not bad. Plus, since they get half, they'll want to work harder. They make more money for themselves, they make more for you. If they leave the land, it reverts back to you. If they want to buy it, they work hard and save their money and pay you the asking price. Either way, you win. You guys think if it helps them, then it must hurt you. The world doesn't have to work that way.
In the hallway outside, Hiero talks to Lysander.
HIERO: It doesn't make sense not to use them.
LYSANDER: They can't be controlled. And they've caused plenty of trouble already. You've seen how they agitate our women. The ideas they've put into my daughter's head.
HIERO: That only proves my point. If the Amazons are going to cause trouble, isn't it best if they do it in Thermadonia? We send them south along the western border. Have them ravage the lands. At the same time, our army marches on Zalpa. They'll have no choice but to pull their mercenaries out of our lands. And they won't have time to bring up forces from the south. The western Thermadonians will be too busy fighting the Amazons to come to their capital's defense. And the forces they will be able to muster won't be strong enough to defeat us.
LYSANDER: They could retreat behind their walls, make us besiege them, and wait for a relief force to come and crush us.
HIERO: They see us destroying their farms, they'll know Spike can't protect them. Once he loses power, they fall apart and give us what we want.
LYSANDER: But Spike's the only reason the Amazons are on our side. Once he leaves, they'll turn on us. Or, if we're lucky, they'll only abandon us. Either way, the western Thermadonians will be free to attack OUR capital and cut of our supply lines.
HIERO: But who would lead them?
LYSANDER: Who do you think?
HIERO: scoffs Kreon? He's as big a joke as Spike.
Anya materializes, causing both Lysander and Hiero to jump back. Lysander nearly has a heart attack. Hiero recovers his breath and smiles when he takes a look at Anya.
ANYA: Is Angel here?
HIERO: Yeah. Are you Anya?
ANYA: It's nice to be famous.
Hiero walks up to her.
HIERO: I've heard a lot about you. I'm Hiero.
ANYA: Hero? Who did you earn that name?
HIERO: By killing any man who challenges me.
ANYA: Well aren't you a nice young boy. I need to speak to Angel.
HIERO: He's in a meeting. Land reform.
ANYA: Good. This shouldn't take long.
Anya walks past Hiero. He watches her and raises his right hand, as if he was about to say something when she leaves the room. He stands there with his mouth open, clearly smitten. Anya barges into Angel's office.
ANYA: He's right. Do what he says. It's designed to increase capital investment. You have to make the money move. If money sits still, it dies and rots and smells and draws vultures. But if money moves, if it gets invested in other businesses, it grows and prospers and gets bigger. Like fish. Except it's a lot more fun to fondle or roll around naked in. That's the beauty of capitalism. Now get out.
Cinadon and Craterus look at each, shrug and leave. Anya looks at Angel and smiles.
ANYA: Isn't this great! They're not even my subjects, and I still get to order them around. By the way, how did you come up with all those ideas, considering your obvious lack of interest in money and all other practical human matters?
ANGEL: I asked around and I took the best suggestions. What are you doing here? Angel thinks Anya was very rude to barge in like that, considering that they hardly know each other
ANYA: This isn't why I sent you here. You were supposed to beat up Spike and take him home. Why haven't you beaten him up yet?
ANGEL: That wouldn't solve the problem.
ANYA: You can't beat him up! That's why you won't do it. You're chicken. I asked you to come here because I thought you were stronger than Spike. Apparently I was wrong. Or, maybe you don't know if you can beat Spike up, but you're afraid to find out. You think he may be more of a man than you are. If you were the bigger, better man, I'm sure you would have pounded him into a bloody pulp by now.
ANGEL: That's not going to work.
ANYA: What's not going to work?
ANGEL: You're goading me.
ANYA: No I'm not. I was expressing my thoughts. Your cowardice has convinced me that Spike surpasses you in virility. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to Sunnydale to tell that to Buffy.
Angel looks startled and a bit frightened.
ANGEL: Does she know?
ANYA: That you've taught these people to worship her and told a hundred thousand strangers about her private life? I'm sure she'll just LUV hearing all about that.
ANGEL: What does she know?
ANYA: Nothing. But I could change that. If you don't put an end to this real fast.
ANGEL: It's not that simple. This is bigger than just me and Spike. The people need me.
Anya is flabbergasted. Now both of them have gone native.
ANYA: You know what? I just realized something. You're not a man. You're not even a vampire. You're a machine! With you, it's either "Must Kill. Must Kill" or "Must Save. Must Save." You have no free will. You can't help helping people. It's an addiction. Don't you understand that? Now I know I'm a lot older than you. And therefore wiser. But I think you've been around long enough to know that sometimes good intentions can lead to tragedy. Try to remember that while you lead your people's revolution. laughs ruefully You and Spike – as gods! You and Spike – as politicians. I don't know which one's more unbelievable.
Anya teleports herself back to Sunnydale, where she discovers that the secret's out. Hiero walks into Angel's office. Angel is still trying to figure out where Anya gets off talking to him like she knows him. They've been together for a combined total of less than ten minutes in their entire lives. And here she was trying to head shrink him.
ANGEL: I have free will.
HIERO: What?
Angel looks up. He didn't notice that Hiero had entered.
ANGEL: Nothing.
HIERO: Did Anya leave?
ANGEL: Yeah.
HIERO: She is something.
ANGEL: As opposed to nothing?
Angel smirks. Hiero smiles. They both lean back against a table. Hiero is a few feet to Angel's right.
HIERO: They don't have women like that around here.
ANGEL: Can't argue with that.
HIERO: She comes out of nowhere. Does what she wants. Doesn't let anyone get in her way. It's so refreshing. All the girls I meet, they're all so . . . meek. And nice.
ANGEL: You like your women mean?
HIERO: I just want to meet someone interesting. Exciting. A girl who can make me feel alive.
ANGEL: I know what that's like. thinks for a few seconds Wait. You ARE alive.
HIERO: You know what I meant.
ANGEL: In theory. But Hiero, when I see you out at night, you don't exactly look . . . disenchanted with the women around here.
HIERO: That's just to pass the time. I like a lot of women cause I can't find one to love. You know what I mean?
ANGEL: I think I do.
Back at Buffy's house.
ANYA: Spike I understand. He's English. It's in his nature to try to order foreigners around. Dead White Man's Burden. But Angel let me down. I had no idea he was such a bleeding heart. "The people need me." He hasn't even tried to beat up Spike and drag him home.
DAWN: But if he did that, wouldn't Spike's people try to protect him?
ANDREW: Maybe the only way to win is to beat Spike at his own game.
KENNEDY: In other words, it takes a nation of millions to drag Spike back? laughs. notices no one else gets the joke. So I take it that wacky new fad called rap music hasn't come to Sunnydale yet.
GILES: You make it sound like they've fostered dueling cults of personality.
ANYA: On one level, yes. The region is divided between Spike lovers and Angel lovers. But it's not about personally. Deep down, it's all about money.
ANDREW: They're using their power to amass great fortunes?
ANYA: I meant economics. Thermadonia, the country Spike runs, is populated by subsistence farmers and sheep herders. They are the natural enemies of the Amazons, who compete with them for grazing land. Amastria, the country Angel runs, has commercial farmers who grow large surpluses of grain which they sell on the open market. The Amazons purchase grain from the Amastrians. Therefore, in a fight, it's natural for the Amazons to side with the Amastrians.
WILLOW: The Amazons are with Angel?
ANYA: Two of the three tribes. Thalestris and Hippolyta have submitted to Angel. Panthesilea had already submitted to Spike.
BUFFY: What exactly do you mean by submit?
ANYA: They get down on one knee and pay homage. In a non-sexual way. Although Panthesilea did offer her body to Spike. I think she felt insulted when he refused. Now that I've met her, I understand why. I don't think she's ever heard the word no. From men or women.
WILLOW: That's pretty much what the Amazons said about her.
KENNEDY: What does she look like? Willow gives her a dirty look Oh, like you're not curious.
ANYA: Tall. Leggy. Very brick house. The song. Let me put it to you another way: Willow, if Penthesilea wanted to sleep with Kennedy, Kennedy would do it, and you would be very jealous. Of Kennedy. Or reverse it, she wants to sleep with Willow, same idea. My point is either Spike's impotent or he really loves you, Buffy. Though to be fair, I think Angel's also refused to have sex with his share of beautiful women.
XANDER: Can you get back to the armies? the last thing Xander wants to hear about how attractive Spike and Angel are to women
BUFFY: Yes. Please get back that part.
Hundreds of sexy warrior women throwing themselves at her hotties is something Buffy does not want to contemplate. Back in high school, she was nervous enough when Angel spent a few hours with Faith.
ANYA: Panthesilea's tribe is still allied with Spike. However, Amazons never fight each other, so she'll feel pressure from her rank-and-file to switch sides. And the fact that Spike hasn't given her any satisfaction isn't helping matters. However, even with all the Amazons on his side, Angel isn't powerful enough to defeat Spike in battle. Spike's aggressive territorial expansion has made his country and his army too large for Angel to defeat on his own.
GILES: Are you saying that Spike's been fighting wars of conquest?
ANYA: Bloodless wars of conquest. The people either love or fear him too much to put up a fight. Mostly love. Before all this started, Thermadonia was poor and weak and Amastria was rich and strong. Once the people of Thermadonia united behind Spike, all their weak and poor neighbors wanted to jump on the bandwagon. To keep from getting crushed, Angel needs to make an alliance with the coastal city-states. Right now, they're on Spike's side. Thermadonia supplies the wool for their textile industry. However, they get their food from Amastria. Spike has tried to do an end-run around this by suggesting that it would be cheaper for them to import their food by ship from overseas. I checked into it, and he's right. But to secure this new food supply, they would have to build a large navy, and that costs a lot of money. Furthermore, Spike is starting a textile industry in Thermadonia. He seems to be following a mercantilist strategy designed to produce the large gold reserves needed to fund his armies.
GILES: Spike understands macroeconomic policy?
ANYA: I'm not sure. He's making it up as he goes along. Once he freed all the slaves and serfs, there was a labor surplus. Previously, wives stayed inside all day and made clothes for their husbands free of charge. Now that Spike's introduced feminism, the women realize how they were being exploited. Spike's trying to solve both these problems by setting up textile factories where freed slaves and liberated housewives can get paid for making clothes. The coastal cities see this as a threat to their industry. If Angel's smart he can exploit this. Spike's completely destroyed the old social order. The only way he can keep his nation from spinning out of control is by making it more and more powerful. But sooner or later that will turn most of his neighbors against him and create a balance of power. At that point they'll either be a massive war or Angel and Spike will come to an understanding. Or there could be some fighting before the two of them work it out. Both of them have created passions they can't control. I know this sounds crazy, but thousands of people are willing to kill to prove the superiority of Spike or Angel.
XANDER: These people need help. How could ANYONE take those two guys so seriously?
In a semi-circular auditorium, two old men stand on stage in front of several hundred other men, who sit and watch them.
SILENUS: Buffy is perfect. She has always been perfect. Angel was her true love. There is no denying this. That which is ideal cannot change. Since Buffy is unchanging, Angel was, is, and always will be her true love.
SOPHANES: Are you denying that she can grow and mature? Are you saying she has never improved as a Slayer? Change is the only constant. Angel has changed. Spike has changed. Every one of them has changed.
SILENUS: Except Buffy. The others needed to change because they were incomplete. Buffy was always complete.
SOPHANES: If she cannot improve, if she cannot change, what is the point of her even existing? A constant Buffy would be a boring Buffy. She would not hold our interest. We could not care for her.
SILENUS: To the unenlightened believer, she appears to change. some heckles. he raises his hand to calm them down But she is only revealing facets of her perfection, characteristics were inside of her to begin with. That's why she exists: to show us every aspect of her perfection. looks at Sophanes What you call change I call revelation. Sophanes rolls his eyes. several people cheer Silenus
SOPHANES: That is, to use her true love's term, bollocks. other people cheer. A few of Angel's supporters jeer According to your theory, Buffy must have always been attracted to Spike. Even when she was still with Angel. If Buffy once lusted after Spike, then she always lusted after him. She must have therefore desired Spike while she was Angel's lover. How can it be true love when the woman lusts after another? Spike's supporters cheer
SILENUS: That's nonsense.
SOPHANES: True. But nonsense is what your theory demands.
SILENUS: Only if you misunderstand it. While Buffy is perfect, not all of her actions are perfect. Her mistakes do not change the essence of who and what she is. In fact, her ability to overcome these self-imposed obstacles only highlight her greatness. Spike was one of those mistakes which had to be overcome.
SOPHANES: Did Angel tell you that Buffy was unchanging and perfect?
SILENUS: He didn't need to.
SOPHANES: So you just made it up.
SILENUS: If she's perfect, she's unchanging. Are you arguing that Buffy isn't perfect?
SOPHANES: If she's perfect, then she can never learn. If she doesn't need to learn, she already knows everything. But if she already knows everything, why does she make mistakes? Because she's not perfect.
SILENUS: When did Buffy stop loving Angel?
SOPHANES: When did she stop knowing him?
SILENUS: If you can't answer that question, you can't seriously claim that her true love is Spike.
SOPHANES: The Angel she loves no longer exists. Their love is a fantasy, an eternal past which exists so long as they pretend nothing has changed. The less she knows about his life, the more she loves him. That is not love. It's deception.
Sophanes' supporters cheer his diss.
SILENUS: Buffy and Spike – their love is the fantasy. his supporters heartily cheer the comeback It has never existed.
SOPHANES: The question we are trying to answer is not "Who HAS she loved?" It is "Who WILL she love? Buffy no longer needs Angel. And he no longer needs her.
SILENUS: Love is based on more than need.
SOPHANES: True. You can need someone you don't love. But you can't love someone you don't need. It can't be love if you can live without them.
After a long and busy day, Spike retreats to his palace, plops down on his throne and looks up at the ceiling. The work is more tiring than ever, and the worshipful adulation is starting to wear thin. Expanding the kingdom was fun. Consolidating and governing it is tedious. Spike looks forward to getting Angel to capitulate so he can head home. He loves being adored. But he needs excitement.
PANTHESILEA: I was hoping I could get you alone.
A startled Spike looks out and sees the Amazon queen at the other end of the hall. He stands up and tries to look regal. He's wearing a purple toga with a golden belt around his waist. A golden clamp above his right shoulder holds the garment together. His left shoulder is bare. Panthesilea wears a sleeveless dress with ruffled hem that comes down to six inches above her knees. A short sword hangs from her belt, a golden snake bracelet wraps around her right upper arm, and her hair's pulled back in a pony tail.
SPIKE: Penny! Always good to see you.
She walks towards him.
PANTHESILEA: Our kind needs to stick together. My girls want to join their sisters on the other side. Eventually, I'll have to bend to their will. Anyway, it's not like there's anything keeping me here.
By now she's six feet away. Spike is no longer tired. In fact, he's quite alert.
SPIKE: That your way of letting me know you'll sod off I don't shag you?
Penny takes a few seconds to translate Spike's slang words based on their context.
PANTHESILEA: I'll leave whether or not you mate with me. I just wanted you to know that this was your last chance.
She keeps approaching Spike as she talks. He backs up a couple steps and soon finds his back against the wall. Penny puts her left foot against the wall, about two inches to the outside of his right hip. He looks at her leg, and his resistance starts to weaken.
SPIKE: Nice ankle ring.
PANTHESILEA: Did that fall down again? smiles
SPIKE: So, Penny, do all the boys fall for this ruse?
PANTHESILEA: Never had to use it before.
SPIKE: Oh. he's becoming severely tempted I can believe that.
PANTHESILEA: Well if you're not gonna help me.
Penny bends forward grabs her left ankle with both hands and puts her forehead against her left shin. Aside from advertising her flexibility, the bending allows Spike to see under her dress. He realizes refusing to touch her leg could be even more tempting than going along.
SPIKE: No problem. I got it.
Spike puts his right hand on her left ankle. She stands up again. He moves his hand up her left calf muscle, pushing the ring back in place just below her knee. He knows it was a setup, because her calf muscle's far too taut to allow the ring to slide down. He glances at her thigh, and realizes that if it's as firm as her calf, she could crack walnuts between them. This isn't a good thought for Spike to be having while he's trying to resist temptation. Penny can tell he's turned on. When the bracelet is back in place, she brings her foot back to the ground, just to see if she can make Spike feel disappointed for a second or two.
PANTHESILEA: Thanks for lending me a hand.
Before Spike can think of something witty but noncommittal to say in response, she grabs the clamp above his right shoulder with her left hand and rips it off the toga. The garment falls down to Spike's waist. She runs her right hand through his hair, pulls his head towards her and kisses him. It's been a great while since Spike's gotten any, so it's going to take him a few seconds to summon up the courage to resist. Anya was right: it's very hard to say no to Panthesilea. Caught up in the moment, Spike kisses her back. She puts her left hand on his chest, pushing his back into the wall, while she has her right hand she pulls Spike's head towards her. Spike's arms are still at his side. He can't bring himself to push her away or put his arms around her. After a very intense five seconds, Panthesilea pulls back, keeping her left hand on his heart. She appears quite shocked.
PANTHESILEA: It's not beating.
She leans in, putting her left cheek against his left cheek and slides her left hand down onto his stomach. After two seconds, she pulls her head away but keeps her hand on his stomach.
PANTHESILEA: You're cold. grins and looks at his stomach And very firm. But cold. And no heartbeat.
SPIKE: You knew I wasn't human. after having felt him up enough for now, Penny takes her left hand off Spike's stomach
PANTHESILEA: I didn't know you were – caresses his left cheek with her right hand, runs her right thumb over his lips – not alive. pulls her right hand back Of course you're alive. But you're, you're not, not alive like I am.
He puts his left hand on her neck, feeling her pulse. It's racing. She smiles and strokes his left forearm with her right hand.
SPIKE: Nope. Fraid not, Penny. he pulls his left hand back. she holds it with her right hand
PANTHESILEA: You have blood. I've seen it. But your heart doesn't pump it. So it doesn't flow. Is that why you can't mate with me? Cause you can't –
Spike pulls his left hand away. He's a little hurt by that insinuation.
SPIKE: I bloody well can.
Penny moves in, pins Spike against the wall, sticks her tongue in his right ear and runs her right hand down his stomach and below his belt.
SPIKE: Penny, please, we shouldn't, ohhh
Spike smiles and sighs. He likes what she's doing to his ear. But after three seconds he gets alarmed when he realizes where her hand is. She pulls her hand away, steps back and smiles slyly.
PANTHESILEA: Guess you can. looks confused Though I'm not sure how.
SPIKE: Penny, I'm sorry. You're a great girl, a real knockout, gorgeous beyond – and that twisty thing you did to my ear
PANTHESILEA: You mean the corkscrew?
SPIKE: Oh. You've named it.
Spike smiles and raises his eyebrows. He's imagining what else she can do with her tongue, which isn't the best way to get himself out of the mood. Actually, it would be if Spike knew that most of her experience was with women.
SPIKE: Wut ah mean is, no man in his right mind would turn you down.
Penny sidles up to him. The tips of their noses touch. Their lips are a few inches apart.
PANTHESILEA: But you are?
SPIKE: Because I'm not in my right mind. Isnt that obvious?
Penny laughs. She arches her back and pulls her head a foot away from his, but keeps grinding her pelvis into his.
PANTHESILEA: You are very strange man, god – whatever you are, you're strange. Though in certain ways you're still like other men.
Penny can see in Spike's face that she turns him on. She can also feel it. That was point of the rubbing – not to feel anything but to see the look in his face and to know that he wants her. She steps back, fully composed. Spike takes a little longer to regain his composure. She had to turn the tables for a few seconds in order to save face and regain her pride after the rejection. After all, at least now she knows she can make the Golden God weak in the knees.
SPIKE: That's the cool thing about you, Penny. You make a bloke feel like the greatest guy in the world.
PANTHESILEA: Is that how Buffy makes you feel?
SPIKE: Well, um, see, the thing is, well –
PANTHESILEA: So what does she make you feel like?
SPIKE: Like I matter. Like there's a bloody point to all this, like there's a reason I'm around.
PANTHESILEA: She inspires you.
SPIKE: That pretty much sums it up.
PANTHESILEA: Is she cold like you?
SPIKE: No! She's hot. Like you. Shorter, and blonde, but with a heartbeat. Like you. Angel's cold.
PANTHESILEA: Yeah. And from what I hear he's kinda dull.
They both laugh. Spike greatly appreciates the complement. Strong, beautiful, attracted to him, and probably NOT attracted to Angel. The petty part of Spike feels that Buffy should give him some for tossing back such a perfect catch.
SPIKE: There's something I heard about Amazon queens that I've been wondering about.
PANTHESILEA: Ask away.
SPIKE: The story about killing the bear. Is it true?
PANTHESILEA: As far as I know.
SPIKE: So you did it?
PANTHESILEA: After that, I wasn't afraid of anything.
SPIKE: I can see that. I've gone through a few trials in my time, but nothing that could hold a candle to your sink-or-swim moment. Have you had any daughters of your own yet?
PANTHESILEA: Two. The first one never made it back. My second, she returned, but died of blood loss from her injuries. She was so brave. You know what her last words were? "I'm sorry." She looked up at me, told me that, and died with her beautiful brown eyes still open. We're never supposed to cry. But while I watched her, I shed one tear. The only time I ever cried. Maybe that's why she thought I felt let down. But I wasn't disappointed. I was proud of her.
SPIKE: What was her name?
PANTHESILEA: She didn't have one. You don't get a name until you pass the trial.
SPIKE: Then what did you call her?
PANTHESILEA: My daughter.
SPIKE: What did everyone else call her?
PANTHESILEA: The Queen's daughter.
SPIKE: Guess that could work. It's a shame she had to go. From the way you tell it, she had the heart of a great warrior.
PANTHESILEA: It wasn't meant to be.
SPIKE: If you have one daughter at a time, you can only get four or five chances. You've already had two. What if none of your daughters make it?
PANTHESILEA: One is always chosen. I was my mom's third. I don't worry. You only fail to produce a successor when you have fear and doubt. That's when the gods take away their blessing.
SPIKE: So the gods made your brave little bundle of joy die a slow, horrible death? Nice gods.
PANTHESILEA: She died a glorious death. That earns her a glorious life in the afterworld.
SPIKE: I'm not a big fan of fate, or of girls having to die glorious deaths. Whole thing sounds like a bloody awful waste of talent to me. Why couldn't she have died gloriously twenty years down the road? Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for brave girls little fighting for their lives. But at least wait until after they've lost all their baby teeth.
PANTHESILEA: We're not like Buffy. One of us isn't born ten times stronger than all the others. But to keep the tribe together, one of us has to wield ten times the power of any other woman. One woman has to prove beyond doubt that she and she alone deserves that power. The other girls my age saw me, bloody and shivering, dragging that bear skin back into camp. From that day on they knew I was better than them.
SPIKE: As divine mandates go, it's not without its charms. I'll give you that. In fact I think all royalty should have to go through something along those lines prove their worth. smiles as he imagines Charles, William and Harry locked in bear cages at the zoo, fighting for their lives and the right of succession Except yours. Cuz I like your kind.
PANTHESILEA: I'm not quite sure if I like your kind. I'm not even sure what your kind even is. But I like you, Spike.
SPIKE: Well I, like you too, Penny.
PANTHESILEA: You're very strange.
SPIKE: So are you. That's why I like you.
PANTHESILEA: But you're the strangest guy I ever met. Am I the strangest woman you've ever met?
SPIKE: Can't say that you are. compared to Drusilla, Penny's the girl next door
PANTHESILEA: I can't make sense of you. You want to fight me, but you refuse to kill me. You're obviously attracted to me, but you don't want to mate with me. Instead, you want to stand around and talk about something even the women I've spent my whole life with don't ask me about.
Spike realizes she has a point. Men are supposed to be nice to a woman so she'll sleep with them, and afterwards they talk about personal stuff. Spike skipped the really fun part of that sequence. With all this chaste soul-searching, Spike begins to worry that he might be turning into Angel.
SPIKE: Would you like something to drink?
PANTHESILEA: Sure. Spike gets a pitcher and two silver cups
SPIKE: Most of the wine around here tastes like the feet they squash the grapes with. This is from the Malean islands. Picked it up when I was on the coast. Best stuff I've been able to find. It's a shame they don't have beer in these parts. Bottoms up. they clink cups and drink
PANTHESILEA: This is good. Sometimes we trade for this stuff and sell it off back home in the plateau. But I never drank much. It's too valuable. What's beer?
SPIKE: It's stuff you drink made out of grain instead of grapes.
PANTHESILEA: You mean yellow wine? They have that up in the northern lands.
SPIKE: Well, with a name like that I see why it hasn't caught on.
They finish their drinks and put their glasses down.
PANTHESILEA: Thanks for the drink.
SPIKE: Thanks for stopping by and lighting up an otherwise dull night. Take care, Penny.
PANTHESILEA: You too, Spike.
They stand there for a few seconds in awkward silence. Then Penny hugs Spike and he hugs her back. Nothing wrong with a hug, Spike thinks to himself. It's a friendly gesture, and he only has his arms around her for a few mildly tempting seconds.
PANTHESILEA: It was nice seeing you.
SPIKE: Always nice to see you. And, talk to you. Ah mean, Penny, you're a rare bird. Much more than just a pretty face to me.
PANTHESILEA: You're not so bad yourself below the neck.
Penny gives him a winking half-smile as she turns around. Spike realizes his shirt's still off. He watches her walk out. It's quite a walk. When she's gone, Spike sits down on his throne. However, he's about a foot too far to the right. He land on the right arm rest and tumbles to the floor.
