Hey all! Just wanted to warn you that the subject may be sensitive.


Lissa was dotting around me despite the fact that I was only supposed to have one person waiting with me. But I guess that was the upside of being Queen; she could tell them where to stuff it.

It was strange for me to be waiting for surgery. I had surgery before, but I was already unconscious before I knew what was happening, but sitting in the lounge chair in a hospital gown and bright red non-slip socks with an IV in my hand, I felt uneasy.

Broken fingers, no problem. Bloody gashes, bring it on. A surgery to give me a diagnosis as to why I'm in pain. Not so great.

"Do you need another blanket? It's cold in here," Lissa asked but I shook my head. The nurses were already nervous and I didn't want to make it worse.

"I'm fine, will you please sit down?" I asked tiredly. I didn't sleep well and hadn't eaten since ten p.m.. It was now eleven a.m. and I was starving. Plus only being able to have a cup of black coffee was hard to choke down, so I was exhausted. Tiredness and anxiousness were not a good mix for me. I sighed and tilted my head back and closed my eyes, squeezing Dimitri's hand gently. He promised to stay here the whole time I was in for the procedure, trying to soothe me by telling me that being put under was like blinking, but it didn't help much.

The curtain that kept us hidden from the rest of the people waiting for surgery was pulled back, and my doctor stepped into the small cubicle.

"Your Majesty. Rose, Dimitri, how are you all feeling?"

Both Lissa and Dimitri looked at me and I shrugged. "Anxious."

Dr. Cowan nodded and rubbed his hand over the top of his scrub cap.

"And how have you been feeling since I last saw you?"

I bit my lip and shrugged again. Five months ago he had put me on a human birth control injection to help with the excruciating pain that had progressed since graduating. My periods were long, painful and heavy, and would last longer than they should. But that wasn't the worst part of it. It was the cramps I had during the rest of the month.

I knew that it was becoming a problem when I almost passed out during a council meeting, doubling over and crouching when the pain in my abdomen was so bad that I physically couldn't breathe. It had felt like someone had punched their fists through my uterus, one gripping my belly button and the other my spine and yanking. It wasn't even Lissa that notice it, it was Lady Szelsky, who stood up and called a stop to the meeting.

I was embarrassed beyond belief, the Head Guardian to the Queen causing a scene, but Lissa was worried. And so was Dimitri. It started to affect our sex life too. It caused pain during sex, and it started to put me off the whole act entirely. Dimitri was a saint though. When we sat down and talked about it, he understood and followed my cues.

We didn't have sex as much as either of us had liked, but we found other ways to be intimate.

"We're going to bring you back shortly," Dr. Cowan said and canted his head at Lissa before stepping away and closing the curtain. I took let out a slow breath and rubbed my nose, giving the two a meek smile.

"Everything's going to be fine," Lissa said softly. I nodded and chewed on my lip, toying with the end of my braid. It wasn't long until the surgical nurse came by and smiled softly at us, telling me that it was time. I nodded and stood up, turning to Dimitri and pressing a sound kiss to his mouth.

"You'll be okay. I love you," Dimitri whispered, smoothing his thumb tenderly over my brow. I gave him a shaky nod and hugged Lissa before gripping the pole that held my IV bag and rolling it as I walked. The nurse was an older Moroi woman but she had a softness in her eyes that calmed me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders as we walked, making sure the back of my gown stayed shut.

When we walked into the operating room I was taken aback by how cold it was. It might have just been me, but it seemed so sterile that it sucked the warmth from the air. The nurse led me to the table and untied the back of my gown and told me to climb up, pulling the gown apart so I wasn't lying on it. A warm blanket was draped over my body while the top of my gown was folded down, and heart monitors were attached to my chest.

I could see Dr. Cowan sitting at the desk across the room as he looked over my chart and I looked up at the anesthesiologist sitting at my head. Dr. Cowan asked me a few questions before the oxygen mask was placed over my face, the nurse smiling softly at me as I started to blink slowly. The feeling made me panic, but I didn't have much time to dwell on it.


I opened my eyes and felt disoriented.

"Dimitri? Where's Dimitri?" I asked. Two nurses were at my side and carefully pushed me to lay back down.

"Where's Dimitri?" I slurred.

"He'll be here soon, lie back," the one nurse said softly, pressing me back into the elevated pillows. I couldn't get my bearings, but as soon as I laid back, I felt the pain. I moan quietly and pressed my hand over my abdomen, finding a hot blanket placed over it.

"Just relax, Guardian Hathaway. Everything went perfectly fine. Dr. Cowan should be by to see you shortly," the nurse from before said softly, smoothing her hand over my hair. I nodded and whimpered as I tried to get comfortable on the bed, my abdomen screaming in protest. I lifted the blanket off me and pulled my gown up, finding four bandages. One over my belly button, two on the side of my stomach and one just below where my underwear would sit.

The last one was already a nasty colour, swirling with bruises.

"Sexy," I mumbled and put my gown and hot blanket back in place. The nurse hummed and handed me a small cup with a straw, telling me to sip slowly. I nodded and put the straw in my mouth, taking a small sip, just enough to wet my tongue.

"I'm freezing," I whispered. The nurse nodded and looked at the other. The younger left with a slight scowl on her face, muttering under her breath about catering to the 'help'. If I wasn't so out of sorts, I would have thrown the cup at her.

"She's a peach," I mumbled. The nurse smirked and took the cup back from me and set it back on the table. She reached for the phone beside the bed and dialed. I closed my eyes again, feeling as though I couldn't keep them open.

After what felt like only a few seconds, a new hand brushed over my hair. I flinched and opened my eyes, grimacing when my abdomen protested.

"Hi Roza," Dimitri whispered softly, kissing my forehead. I hummed quietly and closed my eyes again. A chair scraped against the floor and I turned my head to the side to find Dimitri sitting beside me, his eye soft.

"Where's Liss?"

"Meeting. She said that if she couldn't be here, I had to be," Dimitri said, "How do you feel?"

"Sore," I moaned, "I sneezed earlier. It wasn't a fun time."

Dimitri frowned and stroked my hair. "I'm sorry."

I nodded and licked my lips when Dr. Cowan entered my recovery bay.

"Hey," I whispered.

"You did very well," Dr. Cowan said, "I suspect that you're sore."

I nodded and rubbed my face. "So. Did you figure out what's wrong with me?"

Dr. Cowan nodded and pulled his scrub cap off. "We did. You have a condition called Endometriosis."

"Endo-what?"

"It is a disease where tissue similar to the lining of your uterus starts growing outside your uterus and on other organs. There are a variety of symptoms, ranging from painful periods to painful bowel movements. It can also cause painful intercourse and chronic pelvis pain, as well as cause issues with fertility. When we saw that there was tissue, we removed as much as we could see."

Dimitri's hand ran over mine and gripped it. "Is there a cure?"

"No. Just ways to control the symptoms. There are medications that we can try to help manage your symptoms. We can also set you up with ways to cope with the disease," Dr. Cowan explained. I took a slow breath and nodded.

"What kind of issues with fertility?" Dimitri asked quietly. We both knew that the possibility of a baby was there, and we wanted to start trying in maybe a year or so, but this might but a hitch in that plan.

"Scar tissue can form and make it difficult to become pregnant. The tissue can also block your fallopian tubes," Dr. Cowan said looking at me. I nodded and closed my eyes.

"How much was there?"

"Quite a bit. But, when you come back in six weeks for your follow-up, we can get into much more detail. For now, I want you to rest. Drink lots of water and I recommend eating some fibre. Taking a stool softener wouldn't hurt either. The pain medication we have prescribed you can give you constipation and you don't want to try and push too hard. And take it easy! I want you to be off for at least three weeks," he explained.

I started to protest but he held his hand up. "I will also be briefing the Queen on your requirement of recovery."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine."

"And Guardian Croft will also be notified that you are to be off duty. I'm serious, Rose."

I nodded and shivered again, tucking the blanket tighter around me. Dr. Cowan wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Dimitri before bidding me goodnight. I yawned and shifted slowly so that I was partly on my side, tucking my hand under my cheek.

"Can we go home soon?"

Dimitri nodded and kissed my cheek. "Soon, Roza."


I didn't want to admit just how painful my incisions were. The slightest of movements would pull at my incisions, and I tried to keep my vocal whimpering to a minimum. Dimitri was already upset because I was in pain and he couldn't anything to help.

It felt strange having him help me put on my underwear and socks, then my pants. It felt backwards but I couldn't do it by myself. I felt like an invalid, but Dimitri dotted over me just as much as Lissa did. She had thrown down the iron hammer, stating that for good measure I was off for three weeks and then one week of desk duty. I wanted to smack her, but I knew that it was because she cared.

"Is the heating pad helping?"

I nodded, not opening my eyes. "If I could sleep with one, I would," I yawned. I had slept almost all of the last two days, the waking moments blending together in a blur. I was lucky if I was awake enough to eat a full meal. But that may have been the pain medication.

When I woke up on the third day it was because someone flopped onto the bed beside me, jostling the bed. I groaned and shuffled onto my side, glaring at Eddie.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so aggressive about that," Eddie said with a sympathetic smile.

I nodded and curled my arm under my head. "It's fine. What are you doing here?"

Eddie shrugged. "Dimitri had to go to HQ but didn't want to leave you here alone, so he asked me to come by."

"What's wrong?" I asked now more alert than I had been all week.

"Nothing, jeez, don't panic. It's just a basic hiccup in the scheduling for that big trip that Lissa has coming up," Eddie said.

"You mean the one that I'm not even allowed to go on?"

Eddie pressed his lips together. "Sorry."

I nodded and sat up slowly, groaning as I did. "Okay, I need out."

"Out?"

"Of this house. I need some air and I should probably get up and walk a bit. I don't want the muscles to heal wrong," I said as I tried to swing my legs over the bed. The bed was much higher up than a usual bed. Considering my husband was as tall as he was, we needed a bed that was high enough for him. So I practically had to jump out of bed. Eddie got up and came around, helping me off the bed. He helped me get my shoes on and I slipped on my coat.

I rubbed at my face and took slow steps, screwing my face when my incisions pulled a little. Eddie walked close beside me and opened the doors for me. We found ourselves at a small little coffee shop in the Dhampir part of Court. I sank into the booth with a sigh, relieved to be sitting down. Eddie went and got our drinks and came back.

"How do you feel?"

"Lousy. I can't even get out of bed alone, and going to the bathroom is almost impossible on my own," I grumbled as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You'll heal."

"Yeah, but still, there's no cure for what I have. I get that there are medications that can help, but I don't want to be bound to medication for years so that I'm not in excruciating pain. Lissa even tried to heal me and it didn't do much," I said quietly.

"But you know what's wrong with, you know that you can do something to help with the pain. You never know, they could find a cure for it any day. But your doctor said that you could have some relief for a few years," Eddie sympathized, "Don't be so down on yourself."

I pressed my lips together in something that would be seen as a frown. "I know. I think I'm just feeling so off because of being in pain," I said quietly. I rested my head on my hand and sighed.

"I was so looking forward to going on that trip. I mean, who wouldn't be excited about France."

"Maybe will let you go for pleasure? I mean, you can't work, but you'd be able to do the other stuff with her," Eddie said. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll talk to her about it," I whispered.

Eddie smiled encouragingly and we drank our drinks, keeping up with the mindless and simple conversation. I was enjoying the conversation, but the pain was starting to creep back up again. I didn't bring any of my medication with me.

"Can I get the wrap and two coffees please?" a voice asked at the counter, making the two of us turn and look.

"I didn't know you like those wraps, Guardian Belikov," the barista commented with a smirk.

"I don't, but Rose is on sick leave so I thought I'd bring one home for her," Dimitri replied as he handed her a few bills.

"Rose is over there with Guardian Castile," she said and pointed in our direction. Dimitri turned and I gave him a weak smile. Dimitri took the two coffees and gestured towards us as he came and sat down, kissing my temple.

"You're up and about," Dimitri said with a smile. I nodded and pursed my lips for a kiss that he gave quickly.

"I needed out and some fresh air. And as much as I love you, I also need interaction with other people," I said with a yawn, "But I think I'm about to expire."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, your blinks have been getting longer," Eddie said with a chuckle. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'll help you back home then," Dimitri said with a soft smile, "You're probably due for another pill soon."

I nodded and slowly got up, clutching my hot coffee while reaching for my empty cup. Eddie beat me to it and picked it up. I thanked him for the coffee and company while Dimitri slipped his arm around my waist.

When we left the coffee shop I could barely keep my eyes open and my abdomen was starting to ache with every movement. Dimitri whispered encouragingly in my ear, telling me that we were almost home. Once we were in the door I all but collapsed on the couch, taking my coat off and taking my shoes off too.

I curled onto my side and close my eyes, hearing the microwave beeping a few minutes later. I lifted my head a little when Dimitri came into the living room, pill bottle and glass of water in one hand, heating pad in the other. Dimitri draped the heating pad over me and handed the glass to me while he got a pill out of the bottle.

"I think I'm going to nap after this if that's okay," I whispered.

"I think that is perfect, my love. You need all the rest you can get while your body heals. It went through something traumatic, don't beat yourself up too much about not being up to par. Everyone on our team knows that you did everything you could to prepare for your absence, and everyone has asked about you. We can get by," Dimitri said softly as he handed me the pill.

I swallowed it down and drained the glass of water before handing it to him.

"If I move to our room, will you cuddle me for a bit before you go back to work?"

Dimitri smiled gently and scooped me up in his arms, kissing me gently as he walked to our bedroom.

"I don't have to go back. I think I'll join you in that nap," he said as he set me on the bed and climbed in behind me, resting his arm along my leg. I sighed as he kissed my hair and closed my eyes, holding the heating pad against my shirt as I slipped back to sleep.


Hey lovelies!

So this chapter was a tad bit close to home. I wrote this over the past few days, just getting my own experience down on paper so to speak. I spent five years fighting with my general practitioner to listen to me about my symptoms and he never listened. It wasn't until I spoke to an RN that they took it seriously and sent me to see a specialist. The last year in particular was the hardest, and with the overflow of COVID, the opportunities to have the diagnostic procedure were slim. I was very fortunate to be scheduled for last week.

Finding out about my endometriosis was the most validating feeling I've ever had. I knew something was wrong with my body, I knew that the symptoms weren't right and I fought for it.

So for all of my readers out there who have struggled, do not let it go! Fight for yourself because we shouldn't be ignored. And for any other people out there who have this too, my heart goes out to you. It's a battle and we're going to fight it!

Some of the most common symptoms of endometriosis are painful periods, pain during and/or after sex, painful bowel and urination movements, and pelvic pain.