Author's Note: Hello! This is Hesquidor and Kazuar. We've gotten violently sick of the Mary Sues and Gary Stus on this board ruining our favourite characters. So, we've decided to write a Parody -type story of the Hanagumi versus the Gary Stu. This was inspired by a Lord of the Rings parody.

The following chapter was written by Kazuar.


The Journal of Ikki Yoneda

July 12 - 14th Year of Taisho

Something strange is going on with the girls. Every since he came, they've been distracted.Particularly Maria... I've never seen her like this before. Someone needs to talk some sense into her. Reni too. I've never those two acting so out of character!

Every time It talks to one girl, the other girls get jealous. The only one that doesn't seem to be affected is Kohran. Maybe she could talk some sense into the girls.

Honestly. If I have to hear about how great he is one more time, I'll go crazy. Always coming by for Sake, acting like he's known me his whole life! And he's diminishing my Sake supply, to boot. Always having to send Ohgami for more.

Speaking of Ohgami... the poor lad has been bogged down to stage sweeper. He's the captain of the Floral Division, not this joker! I thought Ohgami had the brains and courage to stand up for himself. But I suppose he's felt like a wimp ever since It took his Hydro De-neuralizer... Flux Capacitator... Particle Beam ... thing... and made himself look like a big shot on the battlefield. Killing off ten Wakiji with one blow...

I'm pretty sure that rubbed Maria wrong, but as soon as he worked his disgusting tricks, she was willing to forgive him, feed him grapes, and shine his shoes. Not that she did the last two, but when I saw the look on her face, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had.

That's all for tonight.


The Pile of Scrap Paper Known as Ohgami's Journal

July 13 - 14th year of Taisho

Would someone like to remind me why I'm sweeping the floors? I thought I wouldn't have to as often as I do now! And now I'm carrying Sumire's luggage again! That stupid man!

One minute he's telekinetic, the next he's an expert marksman, and then an excellent swordsman! I watched him today when he was going about pulling his usual crap on Orihime. Iris, Maria, and Sakura all looked like they had woken up from a terrible nightmare.

Iris ran off crying, yelling something about Maria not getting mad at him for abusing rei ryoku... Maria was pretty much a basket case, as she was horrified to find out they she and It almost kissed... and Sakura nearly decapitated the bloke.

Unfortunately, he repelled the sword with his bare hands. Apparently he's got skin of steel now, or something stupid like that.

And to top it off... he called me gay. Gay! Not as in happy, as we in this decade use it, but gay as in homosexual! I am NOT! I'm the Captain of the Imperial Floral Assault Squad! Not that jackass. Whatever. I'm going to talk to Kohran. She's the only one who hasn't been It-Attacked.


Ri Kohran's Diary

July 15 - 14th Year of Taisho

I think everyone has been abducted and replaced with psycho doubles or something. What has happened to all of my friends? They're acting like jealous brothel occupants all wanting the same customer!

I had to slap Maria-han the other day. She was ready to kill me, but after I told her why I did it, she was ready to kill HIM. Maria-han whipped out that gun so fast and shot... but apparently he sensed the bullet coming right at his back and froze it in midair without turning around. What is he, God?

That really got to Maria. She stormed out swearing in Russian. I've never seen her so mad before! But just you wait... he'll be at it again. Make her forget everything that happened. And poor Reni's about to scream because Hund follows HIM everywhere now.

Iris is getting vindictive. She told Kanna that It spoke rudely to her... you should have seen his misshapen nose after she got through with him.

Kanna's been generally unaffected as well, but not as much as me. He doesn't even talk to me. The first day he randomly showed up off the streets, I tried to be friendly. I said hello, but he went straight to everyone else! Is my rei ryoku blocked? Am I just a blur of colour or something?

I don't care about It talking to me anymore. He's a complete ass. I've never seen someone so stupid on the battlefield! Parading around like he has all the power in the universe.

Oh wait. Apparently he does. He's also laid out new plans for the enhancement of the Koubu. AND a more "flattering" design... it looks like a woman with an "enhanced" figure.

How DARE he!