Calmness of Mind

For Jack Aubrey, this had been an uncommonly testing day. Hours spent on deck in the foulest weather, soaked to the bone, barking orders that could scarcely be heard over the din of the storm. He had exerted himself more than was good for him, his aching muscles reminding him that he was no longer young. Warley's death still hung heavily on his soul. When at last he felt that he was no longer needed on deck, that the crew could take care of the ship, he went below to his cabin. Killick had laid out a clean towel and warm clothes. Jack was tired, but he didn't want to be alone. He sent a young midshipman, with his compliments, to ask the doctor for his company. Stephen appeared at the cabin door some moments later, having successfully navigated the ship without accident. Killick appeared with a pot of coffee and two cups, and withdrew with Jack's cast off, dripping clothes.

The lines etched on Jacks face told Stephen everything he needed to know, had he not already known it. He looked strained and haggard, and he slumped in his chair. Stephen moved across the cabin to where Jack was seated, and gazed at him with some concern.

"Brother, do you suffer?" he asked, in response to the pained expression Jack wore.

Jack made as if to dismiss the question with a wave of his arm, but the movement sent a new sensation of pain through his shoulders, and his wincing did not go unnoticed.

"It's nothing but aching and old age," he said, with a forced smile.

Stephen looked at his friend with exceeding tenderness, wishing there was something he could do to ease Jacks pain and soothe his troubled thoughts.

"Wait here brother, I beg you," he said, backing out of the door. He returned some short time later with a phial of sweet oil.

"Pray remove your shirt and unbuckle your breeches, and lie on that locker. If you will permit me, I will see to your hurts."

Jack looked at his friend doubtfully. He was aware that what Stephen was proposing was unconventional, and outside the purely medical arena, but he noticed the earnestness on Stephens face and did as he requested. Laying on his front, he felt somewhat vulnerable, and turning his head to one side, noted that Stephen had removed his own shirt. Jack gulped as Stephen approached. He had a feeling that this exercise was not quite proper, but he wanted it nonetheless, and this wanting made him nervous. For all their years of close friendship, physical contact had been limited to times when Stephen had treated his numerous wounds. He felt the drizzle of oil on his back, cold and shocking, and then the longed-for yet feared contact. Stephens' hands, so soft and comforting, moved lightly over his back, a different quality of touch from that of a surgeon, still tender and caring, but less impersonal. Jack's body stiffened at the initial contact, this unfamiliar territory, but he began to feel himself lulled, and relaxed as the rhythmic strokes grew firmer.

"Jack, please allow yourself to be at ease." Stephen's fingers sought out the knots in his back, and he groaned in a mixture of pleasure and pain as Stephen skilfully worked out the tension. The pain in his tired muscles gradually eased, leaving only a sense of peace and a certain calmness of mind.

A soft snore alerted Stephen that Jack had fallen asleep. In sleep, Jack's face had a look of tranquillity, and Stephen was anxious not to disturb him. He fetched a blanket from Jack's cot and gently covered him up before taking a seat opposite the locker. He reflected on the rare physical contact with his friend, savoured the feel of Jack's skin, of his firm muscular frame, and of the groans of pleasure which he had been able to elicit from his friend. It had stirred a longing within him which he was not entirely comfortable with. He had loved Jack as a brother for the many years they had sailed together, and he had recently become aware of something deeper in that love.

"No," he thought to himself. "This will remain unspoken. It simply would not do to burden Jack further with any personal revelations from me."

With that final thought on the matter, Stephen retired to his sleeping quarters in the great cabin, determined to savour the intimacy he had just shared with Jack.