Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.
Note: This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!
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The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life
R.J. Lupin's Diary
Tuesday 17th November
HARRY MUST DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH. Uh, not Harry Potter of course; I'm talking about my, um, second cousin twice removed. Yes. Him. Um.
Well, I went to Diagon Alley today. Took a lovely ride on a thing muggles like to call a bun, I think. Might've been a bug actually, or some other crazy word beginning with b. I think it was a bus. Yes. It reminded me of my childhood; I'm a half-blood, you know.
Diagon Alley was exciting. I purchased some books (I never read the blasted things…it just makes me look intelligent), which had been my intention in the first place because, obviously, I had no other reason for being in Diagon Alley, of course. But, um, as I was coming out of Madam Malkin's, lo and behold - I saw Snape! It was entirely unplanned of course. I did not receive information from Tonks that Snape would be there at all. Never.
At first I was worried because I looked like total shi- um, shingles, I looked like I had shingles. I was not going to say shit then because I simply don't swear. I am too wise and perfect for that, naturally. Anyway, I think Snape was just about to wink at me and purr, "Hello, you delicious fiend," when who should mysteriously appear alongside him but Harry, the skanky fellow! Sometimes I fail to see what Dead Sirius ever saw in him. He is skinny and has silly glasses. Nevermind that whole Voldemort business; he really is quite annoying. Plus, I heard a rumour that he wears legwarmers. Anyway, Harry must've had his invisibility cloak on him, and obviously pulled it off because he wanted to make a move on Snape and quite clearly could not have done when invisible.
Snape look bewildered for a second, but I gently stroked his arm in an attempt to calm him down. Harry gave me a death stare. I asked him why he was in Diagon Alley, and he explained that he accidentally apparated there during his test and was having trouble getting back. Likely story.
I was infuriated. Managed to calm myself down by chanting under my breath, "You have a beautiful soul, Remus," but unfortunately, must've said it a bit loudly, because Snape looked bewildered once more. We all stood and stared at one another for a while, before Snape glared at Harry and mumbled, "Yes, well, get hold of my arm and we'll apparate back. Hold on tight though, Potter."
Harry looked like Christmas had come early. I was infuriated once more. Never mind the fact that I had spent three hours doing my hair in preparation for going to Diagon Alley, never mind the fact that Harry gets to see Snape EVERY DAY…they still simply apparated and left me. Snape left me without even a peck on the cheek. I am disgusted, to be frank. It is no wonder I am greying prematurely with all of this stress.
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The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!
Harry J. Potter's Diary
Tuesday Nov. 17
Had another apparition practice to day. Decided would be a perfect chance to follow Snape by "accidentally" apparating into the diagon alley, which just happens to be were Snapey is going, or at least that's what I gathered from the conversation he had with Dumbledore this morning.
Handy little thing those extendable ears, must remember to thank Fred and George for inventing them, on second thoughts I don't have to, they wouldn't even have a company if it weren't for the kind boy-who-lived giving them a loan, in fact must remember to get them to pay me back at some point, perhaps with interest even. Anyway I'll save that for another day.
At any rate I ended up in Diagon Alley and despite scaring the heck out of a few onlookers I managed to stay hidden thanks to my trusty invisibility cloak, was actually quite a decent idea to carry it around with me, won't ever admit that to Dumbledore though as he already has his head way to far up his ancient arse, perverted old man can be quite annoying at times.
Anyway managed to track down Snape to a potion store and made sure to take note of the things he was buying, might be useful for later. It was at this point I noticed that once again that goddamn man was there again. Either Remus is following me, which I highly doubt considering I was wearing and INVISIBLITY cloak, or he is trying to steal Snape from me, the asshole! He's mine! Must keep extra close eye on him as he seems to happy to be true, and that's always a sign of an evil mastermind, well ok maybe not an evil mastermind but he's definitely capable of stealing Snapey from me! And to think I trusted him! Ah well at least he's missing for some of the month, that's probably the best time to move in on Snapey. Perhaps a love potion could help.
At any rate I was so pissed that I accidentally caught my damn invisibility cloak and revealed myself, wasn't so bad though and after quickly explaining that I'd accidentally apparated myself there I managed to get a lift back with Snape, I GOT TO HOLD HIS ARM! You should have seen Remus's face; he looked about ready to spit venom. So we went back to the Hogwarts much to the relief of the apparition professor, he was practically having a heart attack, almost received a detention but was SO worth it.
Am still at a loss at what to get Snapey for his birthday, although spotted a rather fetching black cape that he could add to his collection, now all I need is wrapping paper, I was thinking along the lines of black with little potion bottles on it, haven't a clue where'd I buy that though, must remember to explore Hogsmede next time I go.
