Disclaimer: I don't own it, I don't calim to own it, i just pretend i own it. So leave me alone.
Story talk: Now about this chapter, it's really just a filler. Something to post so reviewers don't send their rabid animals out to eat me. Sorry, I should have plot of some kind the next chapter and as always Harry Draco togetherness. Not that there isn't any in ths chapter.
Authoress Ramble: So everyone whose gotten this far in the fic should know about my spider phobia. Well, it's gotten really really bad. I was sitting in my basement, writing, and I look up and see this spider hanging between two poles. I froze. Then I started whispering "Don't move don't move don't move." over and over again. Well guess what the spider does. It moves. When it moved I started hyperventilating. I didn't used to hyperventilate, that bad. I was so scared, I was all like ' I need to run away.' But I was also thinking 'If I do that the spider will attack me.' Which is really sad because it wasn't even in my path to get upstairs. The stairs were actually the opposite way. Finally I did go upstairs. It did try to attack me, I was just to fast for it. Really it did. Melanie ended up killing it for me, she threw it in the trash can and I ended up having to run past it.
That isn't even the worst of my phobia. Last week my oral communications teacher was talking about buzz words, and he noticed the person sitting behind me, react to the word spider. Well he pulled out this HUGE ASS PLASTIC SPIDER and started walking toward the girl, therefore walking toward me. At first I was just all huddled up and stuff, but when he started getting closer I started to shake. Then, HE MAKES THE DAMN THING SQUEAK. FUCKING SQUEAK, I TELL YOU. So now I get scared anytime anything squeak. Not jump out of my skin scared. But my first thought is 'spider RUN!' I hate that something makes me this scared, but I am too afraid to get over it.
Chapter 14
He loves me.
The walk to Mcgonagalls' room was the longer than it had ever been. And as uncomfortable as ever. Neither boy knew what to say, actually it was more that they didn't know how to say it. Harry wanted Draco to know that he loved him, he didn't like keeping a feeling like this to himself. Draco didn't want to hear those words. He just wasn't exactly sure how to explain that to Harry.
When they reached the professors room, they found her sitting at her desk. Her quill moved rapidly across her parchment, its' scratching noise filling the strained silence.
"Have a seat I will be with you in a moment." She said without looking up from her parchment.
Harry and Draco sat down in their usual seats, right next to each other. They still didn't speak, just sat there waiting for McGonagall to finish her writing. Finally she looked up from her parchment.
"Well, since you say that you spent last night together that must mean you two can get along. All you have to do tonight is sit and converse. Nothing more. Once I am convinced that the two of you can get along you may go.
"I will be in my office if you need me, although I do hope that you will not." With that she left.
Harry didn't know what Draco not wanting him to say 'I love you' meant. Draco said that he would eventually love him, but why couldn't he tell Draco yet? It's not like he didn't know what Harry was going to say. So he knew that was how Harry felt. Why did it matter if he actually heard it? Harry was pulled out of his thoughts by Draco speaking.
"What?" He asked.
"I said, I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" Harry questioned.
'I'm sorry that I can't love you yet. I'm sorry that I can't let you tell me. I need you to understand, ok."
"But why? Why can't I tell you, why can't you love me?"
"Because . . .because . . . Because I'm scared ok? I'm afraid that you'll say that you love me and then change your mind, or realize that you were wrong. Lust is often confused with love and if you said that you loved me and then realized that you didn't, it would really hurt me.
"That's also the reason that I don't know yet. Because I want to be sure that I love you before I say it. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I care about you too much to tell you that I love you. I don't want to change my mind and hurt you. And I'm sorry."
"But what if I do? What if I really love you and I'm sure?" Draco took a deep breathe and closed his eyes. Harry knew that he was trying to make a decision. He often did that when he was debating with himself.
Draco let out his breathe and opened his eyes before saying, "I want you to think about it, and I mean really think about it. If you are sure that you love me, then you can tell me. If not, I don't want you to. And know that it won't be returned right away."
"I understand. But I need to know something. Know that when I say this I don't mean that I am in love with you, but I do love you. In away that I love Ginny or Hermione. I need to know. Do you at least feel that?" Harry was terrified of the answer he would receive. He hoped he hadn't pushed Draco to far.
"Yes, I love you." Harry smiled. "But I'm not in love." He added hastily.
"I know. I love you too." Harry leaned forward and captured his lips in a soft kiss.
"Ahem." The boys heard from across the room. They looked up to see a slightly blushing Professor McGonagall. " That is convincing enough. You may leave." She made to walk back to her office, but was stopped by Dracos' voice.
"You can't tell anyone." His voice completely serious. McGonagall raised her eyebrows slightly and looked towards Harry. Her looked asked 'you put up with that?'
"His father." Harry answered the unspoken question.
"Or Voldemort, you pick." Draco added completely unaware of the question. The professor nodded.
"I understand, no one will hear it from me."
"Good." Draco said empathically. Harry shook his head at him and then turned back to the professor.
"Would you mind, leading the others to believe that you are still making us work together during class?"
"Still?"
"We may have added on some punishments ourselves." Draco replied.
"I see. Well then, yes. Now run along I have things to do." She said before turning and walking back into her office.
Draco and Harry were about to walk their separate ways when he remembered Ginnys' proposal.
"Draco, Ginny wants to meet you. She says if I am your boyfriend she can be your friend. She said Dean would probably feel the same way."
"Meeting your ex? Are you sure that is a good idea?"
"Dean helped me seduce you. He wouldn't destroy our relationship. Not to mention he loves me to much to hurt me like that."
"I'm going to ignore most of that sentence, because jealous rage may cause me to do unspeakable things to a certain Gryffindor."
"So is that a yes."
"Sure."
"Great, so ROR at five?"
"I'll be there." Harry pulled the blonde in for a kiss.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They separated. As Harry walked to his dorm he thought about what had happened.
I'm in love with him, I think. I've never been in love before. But if this isn't love then what is it when I can't stop thinking about him for two seconds. What other emotion would cause my heart and stomach to flip the way they do when he does something as small as tucking his hair behind his ear. What else would make me feel such a wide range of emotions. Happiness when I am with him, saddness when I am without him, fear at the thought of losing him, jealousy whenever I see him near any other person. I know this is love. I am in love with Draco Malfoy and I need him to know. With that last thought Harry darted off to the Gryffindor common room. He needed to talk to Ginny.
