Chapter 6 - Benson
I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Everybody screaming
I try to make a sound
But no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto
A time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
But I can't face the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Benson
This isn't happening, I prayed. I'm dreaming, that's it. This is just a horrible nightmare that I'm going to wake up from. And even as I thought it, I knew I was awake. The painful and unbearable truth was that I was awake and this was happening. God… I sniffed back my tears, inhaling the scent of John's shirt. I buried my face deeper into the folds of his clothes, trying to block out the memories I wanted so badly to be false. I squeezed my eyes shut. As soon as the darkness covered my vision, a picture crossed my mind. It was the same one the haunted my every moment and brought me to me knees in tears.
I couldn't tell you how long he'd been inside me, how long the agonizing pain had lasted, but I knew it felt like hours.
"Stop! Please!" I never felt so degraded, so pathetic that I was begging a rapist to leave me alone. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing. It hurt so much. I remembered learning that you were more likely to escape from an attacker if you responded with anger instead of fear, but I was beyond that. I just wanted my hell to be over.
I had screamed, kicked, and fought like hell. I'd even tried to throw something out the window next to my bed with the minute hopes that someone would see it.
Just as I was about to give in, stop struggling and give up, a light flashed into the room. A car was driving by my window. The light slipped through the blinds. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let me see my rapist's face. I recognized it right away.
"El!" I can't imagine the horror that must have crossed my face then, for the man lying on top of me, punching me, raping me… was Elliot.
My hands grabbed onto John's blazer, clutching the material in my shaking hands. I subconsciously strengthened my grip.
"It's all right Liv. It's okay." John whispered into my ear. His soothing tone relaxed me somewhat and I released my hands from his shirt. "Liv? Are you ready to go home?"
"No!" I shrieked even at the thought. "I can't go back there! I can't! I can't!"
"Shh, it's okay honey, you don't have to." John ran his hand over my hair, trying to calm me.
"Can I stay with you?" I asked, before even realizing what I was saying. All I was concerned with was how safe I felt in his arms and the promise he had made to me. I knew that if he were with me I'd be protected against anything.
"Sure honey." I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Whatever you want." We just sat on the bed for a few more minutes before John had finally coaxed me into leaving.
As soon as I went to stand, I realized my legs were almost numb and they gave way beneath me. Luckily, John caught me and held me up until the feeling returned. Once I was on my feet, I felt something wrap around my shoulders. I realized John had taken his blazer and jacket off and wrapped them around me. I glanced at him, giving the first smile I managed to muster up all day. I was so grateful for John being there for me. I have no idea what I would have done if it hadn't been for him.
John just met my gaze and smiled, letting me lean on him as we walked out into the night.
--XXX--
Thank God that you were by my side
Last night I thought that I would die
I had nightmares, I was so scared
Thank God that you were by my side
To hold me when I cried
I wanna be strong
But I don't wanna be alone tonight
I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right
But I'm only human
And you've got a hero's face
And right here in your arms is the safest place
And the safest place
It feels so real
You showed me I can trust you
With emotions I had locked away
It was your touch, your words
They healed the deepest part of me
That only you can see
I wanna be strong
But I don't wanna be alone tonight
I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right
But I'm only human
And you've got a hero's face
And right here in your arms is the safest place
As long as I am with you
As long as I can feel you
That's all I need to keep me going
On and on and on and on…
I was exhausted by the time we finally arrived at John's house. I knew I'd been exhausted all night, but the feeling had only just sunk in.
John led me upstairs into a bedroom. "Can I get anything for you?" He asked, flipping a light switch on, bathing the room in a pale yellow glow. "Something to drink? Something to eat? A shower? Change of clothes?"
I gave a small smile and shook my head. "I'm fine." I looked over the queen bed and dresser and other furniture items in the room. "Where are you going to be?"
"Across the hall." He pointed to a door directly across from where we were standing. "So are you going to be okay?" He looked over the rims of his glasses at me.
I nodded, my eyes traveling over the room again, not quite sure what I was looking for.
"Night Liv." He kissed me on the top of the head again and left, going into the room across the hall.
Attempting to push any and all thoughts out of my head, I slid into the bed, wrapping the comforter around me. My head had barely hit the pillow when I drifted off to sleep.
