Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

Note: This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life

R.J. Lupin's Diary

Tuesday 18th November

Uh…we were called to an Order meeting today. Harry included, the cur. Apparently, Kingsley has gone and got himself put in Azkaban, so the Order meeting was mainly as a sign of respect for him. He is so mincemeat. I feigned sadness for a while but it was difficult. I hate this calm and wise façade. One day people will work out what a belligerent little poof I am. I look forward to that day. My darling Dead Sirius knew of course. It was our little secret. Sometimes I wish he hadn't got himself killed. Huh.

Anyway, we were all seated around the kitchen table at The Burrow. Harry and I were either side of Snape. As I was feeling daring and, to be frank, a little desperate, I gently and discretely played footsies with Snape under the table. He did not seem to mind. I gradually got bored of this, as it lost its novelty quite quickly, so I then moved on to putting my hand on Snape's knee.

He almost DIED; he shot three foot into the air practically, and started shrieking at everyone that I had groped him. I denied it, and everyone looked at Severus like he was mad because, of course, I am a calm, responsible adult with a real sense of propriety and decorum. No one suspected me whatsoever; they all thought Snape was overreacting to a slight brush of the knee, and Molly then had an enormous go at him for being "disrespectful to Kingsley".

I was not entirely sure why Snape allowed me to play footsies flirtatiously with him and yet went mad at me when I touched his knee, so I sat in absolute silence trying to work it out while Harry droned on about something or other, and then it occurred to me that it must've been Harry I was playing footsies with. I was disgusted. It confirms my worst fears; I have competition in gaining Snape's affection, and that competition just so happens to be The Boy Who Lived. I don't have much luck, really.

As glorious as I might look, and as beautiful as my soul may be, I doubt Snape will like me over Harry, the boy who stumped You Know Who. I am contemplating getting muggle surgery to look like Harry or, alternatively, accepting the fact that the only way I can win Snape over is by winning Harry over too, and us all eventually being involved in some bizarre ménage à trios.

Sharing Snape is a frightful prospect. I think the anxiety just greyed a large section of my hair.

Anyway, Harry went upstairs to use the bathroom, and I sneakily followed him. In a moment of madness I was actually contemplating transfiguring my handkerchief into a bear trap to catch Harry, but sanity prevailed and instead, I transfigured my handkerchief into a muggle contraption called a roller skate. As Harry opened the bathroom door, he tripped over the skate and fell down the stairs. The plan was that I would just hurt him slightly, not cripple him or anything, and that I would quickly move out of the way so that Harry did not take me down the stairs with him, but unfortunately, I did not move quickly enough and ended up bounding down the stairs entwined in Harry.

Once we had hit the bottom, we spent a while attempting to discover which limb belonged to each of us (we were in quite a tangle), and, to my utmost horror, Snape came strolling down the hallway to find us both in a rather, um, strangeposition.

"Harry, Harry, are you okay!" I rasped as I pulled Harry up from the ground, trying desperately to stay "in-character" and not go all fan-girl on Snape. My acting skills obviously need brushing up because, when I leapt into the air pretending that I had only just noticed Snape was leaning on the banisters, Harry and Snape both gave me "we-know-you're-a- fraud" looks.

Snape made his way out of the front door, saying nothing. After he had closed the door, Harry started squealing, "WELL DONE! Make us look like fools in front of Snape!"

To be frank, I was flabbergasted at this outburst. Harry then continued, "Just because you've been all depressed since the death of Sirius, it doesn't mean that you have to ruin things for other people too!"

I was genuinely shocked at this outburst, too. "Ruin things for other people? What are you talking about? We fell down the stairs and Snape saw. How was that ruining things for you…unless…is there something you'd like to tell me, Harry?" I questioned, probing deeply into his soul (which, incidentally, is absolutely rubbish).

Harry glared at me and said, "You know what I mean. You can pretend you don't like him but I know you do."

I did not rise to this. Smiling, I simply asked, "Why is it so bad that I'm gloomy about the death of Dead Sirius? You should be too. He was your godfather."

Harry rolled his eyes and hissed, "Shut up, I hate my life, I hate you, I hate everyone, I'm an ugly four-eyed freak with a stupid scar and a psycho killer trying to murder me," or something to that effect.

No. of days until full moon: 7

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The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!

Harry J. Potter's Diary

Tuesday Nov. 18

THAT GODDAMN REMUS NEEDS TO GET HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS ASS! Who the hell does he think he is! Today we had an order meeting. The meeting was about some guy getting put into Azkaban, faked mournfulness despite not having a clue as to who we were talking about, was a little to transfixed f seeing whether I could persuade Snape to play footsie under the table.

I was practically pissing myself when he started playing back, that was until I noticed that Remus was fidgeting, DAMNIT I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! All that time it was Remus just trying to get to Snape! Ah well I suppose I at least stopped him from having fun, but to be honest it might have been better if wasn't there, he should go play with Tonks or something the hormonal little wolf boy.

At this point I was on the brink of shouting out "SCREW THE ORDER" and performing a certain illegal killing curse on Remus, so promptly mumbled something about needing the loo and rushed up stairs. After making sure my hair looked it's normal sexy standard and calming myself down by day dreaming about Snapey I wandered out of the bathroom.

Unfortunately it seems that I wasn't the only one pissed off and that fluff-ball Remus set a trap for me right outside the bathroom door in the form of a little red, yellow and blue roller skate, not only are Remus's plans dreadfully childish and simple, but they also completely lack a sense of style! Anyway as it is I was not expecting this kind of thing and walked straight on to it and tripped heading straight towards the stairs. That dumb ass Moony however forgot to move out of the way and we ended up going for a little tumble down the stairs together, serves the bastard right!

Unfortunately the noise of us desperately attempting to unscramble the puzzle that was our jumbled bodies bought Snape running, and I don't think it was to see if I was alright. Needless to say Remus tried to make it look like he was trying to see if I was ok, WHAT THE HELL WOULD HE CARE HE JUST SENT ME FLYING DOWN A SET OF STAIRS! Snape didn't look that impressed either and just shook his head and wandered out the door. I exploded at Remus as soon as he was gone, the fucking moron! He made us look like complete idiots in front of Snapey! Just because the bastard was upset about losing his sex slave Sirius! Doesn't mean he can ruin it for me and Snape!

Unfortunately it seems I was speaking my mind at this point and Remus just smirked and acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about. Have I ever mentioned how much he looks like Draco when he smirks? Yeah well he does, and he's almost as annoying as him as well if not more so! I told him "You know what I mean. You can pretend you don't like him but I know you do." Then he just tells me I'm a horrid kid for not being upset about Sirius! THAT ISN'T THE BLOODY POINT! God I hate his guts! I ended up wandering off muttering every single insult I could think of about Remus, I was still going by the time we got back to Hogwarts.

I WILL get my revenge for this, Oh yes I will. As much as I love Snape he'll have to wait for a while, this is personal!

P.S. managed to find the wrapping paper and have wrapped the cloak I bought for Snapey :)