Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

Note: This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life

R.J. Lupin's Diary

Tuesday 19th November

Amazing day. More memorable than the day I slept with McGonagall (which, I can tell you, was v. memorable).

I received an owl this morning asking me whether I'd like to sit in on one of Snape's potion lessons and give a talk on the effects of the potion that werewolves now take before the "time of the month". Was stunned, and agreed, obviously.

I spent three hours showering, selecting an outfit, combing my hair, polishing my shoes, deciding upon appropriate underwear, and eventually, I apparated into Hogsmede, and from there made my way to Hogwarts. As I reached the Entrance Hall, I had a slight breakdown, but recovered after whispering my "you have a beautiful soul, Remus" mantra several times.

As I checked my watch, I noticed that I was an hour early which I swear on Dead Sirius's life (haha – I am so cunning) was unplanned. I decided that this was my big chance to get some time alone with Snape, so I strolled confidently down to the dungeons where I knew Snape would be preparing for the lesson.

"Severus!" I cried with glee as I saw him. Was contemplating kissing him on cheek, but decided against it as it might give him the impression that I am easy. Uh-uh. This werewolf is not easy (honestly - on Dead Sirius's life, teehee). I watched as Severus attempted a smile. He is out of practise, so it was hard for him, and did not quite manage. I prefer him when he is pouting, anyway. Snape and I had a heart-to-heart. By this, I mean that we exchanged our greetings and then sat in silence for 40 minutes. Silence is golden, though.

The students eventually filed in. Everyone looked flabbergasted when they noticed me perched on Snape's desk, staring dreamily at the divine Potions Master. Ron and Hermione briefly said hello. Harry looked disgusted. I laughed in his face.

Snape gave me a wonderful but unnecessary introduction. No, scrap that; lying is wrong. I wouldn't know what sort of introduction he gave me because I was busy paying attention to his heavenly body. Well, that and imagining Harry falling into a ravine.

All of this remains unimportant, though. What really, really made my day, week, month, year, lifetime, was thefact that Snape winked at me. He did. He winked at me. This is no lie. He winked. With his EYES.

Harry accidentally knocked his potion over upon noticing this. Snape had to take him to the Hospital Wing. It was all very exciting. Snape is a classic hero. I loved how he boomed, "HARRYY…POTTTTTERRR…. COME WITH MEEE" in manner of God, Hercules, or similar. He left me in charge of the class until he returned. It made me feel nostalgic.

Once all of the students had filed out, Snape edged towards me, and, whilst pretending to reach for a bottle of potion on his desk, he groped me. I hardly knew what to say. After several moments of silence, oozing confidence and charm, I grinned, "for goodness sake, Snape, my bottom is not just for touching, you know. I have numerous other uses for it. If you like, we could investigate."

Snape twitched slightly and put his head in his hands. I think desire was overwhelming him. After several moments, he still did not reply, though. Was I too subtle? Did he not understand what I was saying? Should I have screamed, "I LOVE YOU SEVERUS, YOU TOTAL MINX"? Would he have then understood? I do not know. He is a strange one, my Severus.

Days until full moon: 6

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The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!

Harry J. Potter's Diary

Tuesday Nov. 19

Ergh I need to speed up my plans for revenge. That goddamn wolf man just earned himself a more intense ass whooping! I can't believe the nerve of him. If it weren't for the fact that I've been given this god damn potion to stop me from coughing up hairballs thanks to a certain bastard who made me mess up my potion I'd probably go out and find him right now and pummel him! My head feels all light though and I can't seem to be angry properly. Probably a side effect of the antidote Snape gave me, still it seems to stop the hairballs.

Well might as well explain rants. You see today we had potions, yes that one lesson I have every week that makes my entire existence worth being, that is it did until that bloody asshole showed up today. IN MY PERSONAL TIME WITH SNAPE, HOW DARE HE! Ouch that hurt my head, must try and keep the outburst to a minimum I guess which is going to be bloody impossible! HE IS SO ANNOYING AND HE NEEDS TO DIE! Ow ow ow, wait why am I writing that down, ergh my head hurts.

Anyway so wimpy wolf man suddenly shows up in class because Snape invited him to talk to the class about werewolf potions. I suppose that it does help the class and Snape only had my education in mind, BUT THAT GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH IS INTOLERABLE! Ow ow ow ow my head again, Eck.

Anyway so at first I thought that it might not be that bad as we were in a class full of students and Moony wouldn't dare try anything, but then I realised that that horny son of a bitch wouldn't let that stop and sure enough he starts groping Snapey right in front of me! INFRONT OF EVERYONE! Snapey luckily just seemed to ignore him, he obviously wouldn't even dream of being attracted to such scum of the earth. Unfortunately it seems he might as he actually winked at him, HOW DARE HE! But I'm sure he was just er teasing the poor fool, he'd never actually like him of course.

However I was so pissed off at that moment that I accidentally knocked over a bottle, which toppled, into my potion. It promptly exploded covering half the classroom with thick brown and purplish slime. I thought that it was nothing serious until I started coughing violent, which slowly developed into a hack. Suddenly I coughed up this slimy little hairball.

I was shocked that something so sick had come out of my mouth and promptly eyed Snapey with the cutest little gaze I could muster, the kind a puppy gives an owner when it accidentally knocked over a vase and got a piece stuck in his paw. And he fell for it instantly. He quickly rushed over and gently took my hand and said, "Harry Potter, come with me" in that glorious voice of his. Then we left leaving that stupid Moony too look after the class, serves him right the pompous git.

When we got to the infirmary Snape gently sat me down on one of the beds and ran off to get a potion, to stop me from hacking up fur. He obviously cares about me, why else would he go so quickly to get the potion! And then he stayed until the end of lessons to make sure I was ok, he's so sweet! That stupid asshole Moony was probably crying like a little girly. I was really sad when Snapey had to go but he told me he had to go clean up the potions room, which I suppose is a good reason, that purplish and brown slime really isn't an attractive decoration.

I'm going to go to bed now and my head is pounding with repressed anger. But will add some more details to my revenge plan before I do.

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I would like to officially thank Rachel for being so persistent and even hiring a Day 4 monster in order to get me to write this…eventually. - Clare