Chapter 18 - Cragen
Lyrics by Ryan Cabrera - On the Way Down
I'm sick and tired of this world
There's no more air
Tripping over myself
Going nowhere
Waiting
Suffocating
No direction
I took a dive
And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you
I was so afraid
Of going under
But now the weight of the world
Feels like nothing, no nothing
I took a dive
And on the way down
I saw you
And you saved me from myself
And I won't forget the way you loved me
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you…
Cragen
"John and I are still trying to coax her out of the corner of the room." Even as I said it, I could hear John's easing voice and Olivia's tortured sobs.
"Do you want me to come back?" Fin asked, assuming my description was just imaginative. Little did he know I was being all too truthful.
I shook my head and, realizing that I was on the phone, answered. "No. I think John's the only one who can do this. He seems to be the only one she really trusts."
"Okay. Elliot's up. I'm gonna go, I'll keep you updated if anything happens."
"Thanks." I hung up the phone and hurried back out to Olivia and John. Their positions hadn't changed from when I had left. Olivia was still curled into the fetal position, her back to the wall. And John was still on his knees in front of her, creeping towards her so slowly that he didn't appear to be moving at all.
From John's body language, I sensed that he knew I was back. He didn't move his eyes from Olivia though, as if she might vanish if he did.
I stood next to John and carefully bent my aging knees so that I was level with him. I whispered into his ear so that Olivia couldn't hear me. After I was done, I gingerly make myself vertical again.
"Liv, honey. It's okay." John spoke softly, just loud enough that he could be heard. "Elliot's okay."
"It's all my fault," she moaned. "I just thought it was him…" She hit her knees with her clenched fists. "I can't believe I'm so stupid!"
"Liv, Liv?" John repeated her name until she finally looked at him. "Honey, no one blames you. We just want to help. I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone."
"Elliot blames me…" Tears streamed down her face as she wrapped her arms around her knees and squeezed as tight as she could. "I hurt him…" She looked over to the puddle of blood on the ground. I didn't want to call anyone to clean it up until Olivia was okay.
"Elliot is okay. He's in the hospital, but he's fine. You didn't hurt him." John moved forward, but she pulled back from him, her eyes clouding over as she took in what he was saying. "He's worried about you, Liv." He nodded up towards me. "We all are." John's words almost brought tears to my eyes.
That seemed to break through to Olivia. A kind of stunned look crossed her face before she jumped away from the wall and into John's arms.
"I didn't mean too…" She sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry…"
"It's okay, Liv." John pulled himself onto his feet, dragging Olivia with him. "I know."
Though it took a while of soothing words and gentle shoving, John finally managed to get Olivia out of the station. I had no idea where they were going, and I didn't ask. I simply assumed he was taking her to his house and I took the time to go to the hospital to see Elliot.
--XXX--
"Hey Cap." Fin faced me as soon as I pushed the door to the hospital room open.
"Hey." I closed the door behind me, not even looking at the bed at first.
"Just one big party in here, huh?" Elliot's moving figure and scratchy voice turned me towards the bed in surprise. By Fin's description on the phone, I'd assumed he'd be unconscious.
"You know me," I joked right back, "always gotta be near the action." I smiled and walked up next to Fin, staring down at Elliot.
Elliot smiled, but I realized he must have been in too much pain to even risk a chuckle.
"How you feeling?" I glanced at the machinery surrounding Elliot.
"Okay." He shrugged, wincing as he did so.
"You're normally a pretty good liar." I raised my eyebrow at him.
"I'm telling you, I'm fine." His tone more than subtly suggested that I drop that line of questioning. "Wait." A thought seemed to have occurred to him. "Who's with Olivia? Is she okay?"
"John is. And she's fine." Before I could ask again if he was all right – I was determined to get him to slip up and tell me the truth – a nurse walked in the room. From the warm way she greeted Fin, I assumed that they'd met before.
"Hi Detective." She smiled and nodded her head at Fin. "Someone's here to see you."
"You sure they aren't here to see Elliot?" Fin spoke as if there was no possible way that anyone would be here to see him.
"No." She shook her head, her smile unabashed. "In fact, they asked me to have you meet them outside. A nice couple, actually," she nodded, thinking back to the figures outside. "She seemed very upset though. Crying about how she didn't want to be here." For the first time that day, the nurse gave what was an inch away from being able to be called a frown.
Fin and I looked at each other at the exact same moment once she was finished. We both knew exactly who was in the hallway, but I could hardly believe it. After Olivia's emotional falling-out back at the station, this was the last place in the world I'd think Munch would take her.
While I stifled my frustration, Fin hid his confusion and we turned back to Elliot. There was a small balloon of hope in the pit of my stomach that he had fallen unconscious again and hadn't heard the description of Fin's guests. Elliot's voice broke through it like a pin.
"Who's here?" The broken detective's eyelids were warily drooping, as if threatening sleep upon him at any moment. The small part of his eyes that I could see, though, appeared glossed over, a side effect of the pain medication he was being given through an IV.
I probably could have told him it was the president and first lady and it wouldn't have gotten an effect from him, but that wasn't going through my mind as I quickly tried to come up with a lie.
"It's probably a rape vic I was interviewing before I came here." Fin voice slashed through the half-concocted thoughts running through my head. I quickly hid my surprise from the zombie-like Elliot by turning to my other detective.
At first, I thought that Fin was being serious, because after all, he didn't see Olivia. He'd have no reason to hide it from Elliot.
My conscious was quickly cleared with one look from Fin. As amazing as it seemed, one glance had told me more in a second than words could have. He had no idea why he was lying. Fin could simply read my expression and sense that it was necessary. That's one of the things about my team that I would never trade for anything – our uncanny ability to read each other's mind, like best friends do.
"Okay." Elliot's head lulled to the side, pointing his face away from us. We took that as our cue to leave.
Sure enough, the first face I saw was that of Olivia's. There were dried tear stains on her pained face as she tried pulling away from John, who had his arms around her, keeping her stationary.
"No…" Olivia cried. "Let me go! I don't want to! He's gonna hate me!" She was so focused on John and trying to struggle away from him, that she was oblivious to our presence.
"John!" I yelled in a frustrated warning tone. "What are you doing?"
He looked at me, trying to keep his gentle grip on Olivia, which was becoming more and more difficult for him to do. "I brought her to see Elliot."
"No!" Olivia jerked her arms back and caught John off balance, almost pulling both of them to the floor.
"Olivia, please." John's voice was a mixture of pleading, confusion, and exhaustion. Appearing as if all other tactic sources were depleted, he suddenly burst out. "Elliot loves you, all right? We all do and we all know that what you did was an accident." He pulled the now unmoving, slightly confused Olivia towards him, staring at her with his face inches from hers. "If you won't go see him for me, then do it for him. He's worried, not angry."
