Disclaimer: I do not own anything but this idea for a plot and alternate storyline, the characters and places mentioned, except for a few created by me, belong to the creators of either "Yu Yu Hakusho" or "Harry Potter", and any resemblances to people, living or dead, are purely the figment of my, or your imaginations. Oh, and please don't sue me; I don't have money, I even have to go to a community college.

A/N: Rejoice and be happy! I spent a lot of time writing in a journal this week and now have two and a half (short-ish) chapters ready for you! And I've decided to add a little spoof at the end of some chapters called 'One More Time!' where scenes from the story are redone in a very odd and supposedly funny way.

Chapter 2

Old Friendships Die Hard

"Hn. You've gotten sharper. Twenty years ago you wouldn't have noticed me until after I saved your pathetic hide."

Yusuke turns to face the fire-demon that has suddenly materialized in his kitchen. The words are spoken in an archaic form of a common demonic language, a formal form of the language every demon is taught at birth alongside the language of his own race. Yusuke responds in kind, haltingly at first, and substituting Japanese for words he doesn't know. "And you're the same as always, Hiei. I bet you still won't admit I'm worth anything even after all the times I've saved your neck."

"Because you aren't and you haven't saved anyone without my help."

Yusuke's face splits into a wide grin before he stands up and nods to Hiei. In Japanese, the young demon admits, "It's great to see you again."

"Hn." The shorter demon's response is betrayed by the smirk on his lips.

"Oh, Hiei, how are you? Would you like some breakfast?" Keiko comes back from putting the children's letters on her desk. Hiei wonders absently if she would be so nice if she remembered how he and Yusuke first met, when Hiei had kidnapped her to use as a hostage in obtaining stolen Reikai treasures from the former tantei. She had been very close to becoming a mindless demon slave.

(Translation: If you don't already know this by now, Yusuke was a former Reikai Tantei, or Spirit Detective, and Hiei tried to turn Keiko into his mindless demon slave using a sword from Enma's treasury.)

"Iie." The black-cloaked demon pauses looking down to his left side as he reaches underneath his cloak to his right. "Jitsu wa, may I use your kitchen?"

(Translation: 'Iie' is 'no,' 'jitsu wa' is 'actually.')

"Nani?" Yusuke asks.

"Do sh'te?" Keiko asks.

(Translation: 'Nani?' is 'what?' and 'do sh'te?' is 'why?')

Hiei pulls out a large black bag and opens it to reveal diapers, three bottles, five unidentified canning jars that look like they are full of baby food (Keiko decides that she doesn't want to know exactly what kind), a few cups of instant ramen, and what Keiko recognizes as jarred breast milk. "It tends to 'evaporate,'" he stresses the word by saying it in English, "When I try to heat it myself."

The woman sweeps back a piece of her long brown hair as she smiles, and her husband guffaws. "K'so, who died and gave you a sense of humor?"

(Translation: 'K'so,' more exactly 'kuso,' means shit.)

"The demon who would have been my father-in-law if demons ever married their mates."

"Hehe, didn't think you'd have an answer."

Slightly disturbed by this (mostly because her husband finds it funny than because of Hiei), Keiko offers to heat up the bottle. "So, Hiei-san, where is the baby, Muroku-chan wasn't he?" Keiko asks after placing the full bottle in water to heat on the stove.

"Don't tell me you lost the little tyke."

"It would take a lot to detach him." Suddenly a small child's face is visible, surrounded by a miniature black cloak and white scarf. "Especially when he's asleep." This is evident as the baby still has Hiei's cloak clutched in his tiny hands, even though he is now in his father's arms. "Mu-chan, Mu-chan, wake up Chibi-watashi." Now Keiko is creeped out; that gentle and caring voice does not fit with what she remembers of the fire demon.

"Muu." The little boy's face scrunches up, and then one eye opens cautiously to look at Hiei. "Chichi, we ...." The boy begins in Japanese, then English before growling out a few syllables in a demonic language that Keiko can not recognize.

(A/N: Oddly enough, Chichi translates to both 'father' and 'mother's milk,' as well as 'breast' but that's unimportant to the humor here.)

"Yeah, I know you're hungry, Mu-chan."

"Aww, he's so kawaii!" The mother in Keiko awakens and very quickly she grabs Muroku out of Hiei's arms so she can begin feeding the three-year-old demon baby.

(Translation: 'Kawaii' means cute.)

Hiei stands stunned. "Are you sure she isn't at least partly youkai?" He asks in the archaic language.

"Iie. I didn't even see her move." The last is mostly in that language as well.

"The old man sent me." Hiei continues soberly after a moment of watching Keiko with his child. Ruby eyes shift their gaze to look sideways at his old friend's reaction.

"So des'ka." Yusuke's expression was flat. "I thought so."

(Translation: 'So des'ka' means 'is that right?')

"He wants us to get rid of some wizard. Turned himself into a demon. Still killing a bunch of ningens. Some wizards asked for Koenma's help."

"So pacifier breath is sending in MY kids?"

"All of our kids. Kurama and I will be babysitting them, and a bunch of wizard brats. I won't let your kids be in much danger." The fire demon leans back to rest against the counter.

"Honto ni?" Yusuke catches his eyes.

(Translation: Really?)

"Hai, besides, with this training they'll only get stronger, and if I have to baby-sit, I'm not losing any of my charges." Hiei sounds serious.

Yusuke's tone of voice grows resigned as he sighs. "So, you picking my kids up from school?"

"Hai."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

One More Time!

-after Hiei asks to use the kitchen-

Keiko: Hiei, can I help you with that bottle?

Hiei: Can I get a few drops of blood from you?

Keiko (involuntarily grabs her own breasts protectively): I'm not doing any of that any more!

Yusuke: But Keiko, last night you let me ... (hit by frying pan)

Keiko: Baka!

Yusuke: .