Act 3: The Final Examination


RIIIIIING!

RIIIIIING!

"You hear that?" Principal Folsom asked letting the phone ring repeatedly throughout her office. She looked seriously toward Fillmore, Ingrid, Ed, and Vallejo. "That's how it's been since the answer sheets got stolen. I hear it in my sleep. I had milk to my crisped rice cereal, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE MY PHONE!" She lifted her glasses so she could squeeze the space between her eyes. "I gave you 48 hours and we're down to 12. WHERE ARE MY RESULTS, PEOPLE?!"

"Listen," Vallejo said, "We had some leads that came up dry."

"I only want to hear one thing out of your mouth, Vallejo. 'We found the tests.' Since I am not hearing that, as of right now, I am making plans to readminister the SATTY-9."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, ma'am." Ed said. "You said we had 48 hours, not 36. Technically, we still have over a school day to find the answer sheets. Have we ever steered you wrong before?"

"…12 hours." Folsom accepted. "But I am not going to get caught looking. Ingrid, Nygma, report to Room 7G."

"What for?" Ingrid asked.

"I'm having Hugo Strange meet with some of X's best and brightest. You two need to talk to someone. You need to heal."

"You're basing that assumption on what?" Ed asked. "I'm not taking this test thing personally."

"Sorry, but did I mistakenly give you the idea that I was asking?" Folsom asked.

"Principal Folsom, we're right in the middle of an investigation." Ingrid said.

"Fillmore, Ingrid's one of our aces in the hole when it comes to the SATTY-9." Folsom said. "I need her emotionally prepared to retake that test. Can you spare her?"

"Ordinarily, I'd say no." Fillmore said before looking over at Ingrid. "But maybe she has some things she has to work out."

Ingrid looked down knowing full well what her partner meant. This was to help her understand the consequences of her actions.

"What about me?" Ed asked. "I'm needed for the investigation too."

"Technically, you're not a Safety Patrol officer." Folsom said. "That makes your attendance mandatory. So you're going, and that's final."

Ed slouched on the chair grumbling to himself.


Ed didn't change his expression while sitting in a circle of intelligent students and Hugo Strange. He slouched in the chair next to Ingrid and the two of them heard one student recite her poem.

"It's all for naught. It's all forgot. They took my SATTY-9 away."

"Lovely poem, Mallory." Strange said. "When I see you young people, it makes me proud to know that there are those who feel distraught over the actions of the answer thief. I know you all worked very hard to study."

"Yes." Mallory agreed. "For the last three months, my mom would tutor me after she got home from working at the gravy factory. How do I tell her someone just stole all that work away?"

"Mallory, what happened was beyond your control. Surely, your mother would understand that." Strange said. "Instead of dreading over the uncontrollable, focus on what you can do now. Let's start with the thief. You're all the brightest minds in X Middle School. Perhaps you can shed some light as to why the thief abstracted the answer sheets from our teachers."

"What do you mean?" asked another girl. "Didn't they do this to ruin the SATTY-9?"

"That would just create more problems, wouldn't it?" Strange replied. "I think it's fair to assume that no one in this school wants to retake the test. The thief had to know that if the answer sheets were stolen, everyone would have to retake the test, which would make their crime contradictory. So either they aren't as much of a criminal mastermind as we thought they were, or they had a motive that we're not seeing."

"Criminal mastermind?" Those words echoed in Ed's mind suddenly remembering that those were his own words used earlier. He sat up straight in his chair realizing there was something about the crime scene that didn't sit right with him.

That's when something outside caught his eye. Ed looked through the door window and saw familiar yellow flowers carried past it by an equally familiar girl.

Once the meeting was over, Ed took Ingrid out to the hallway and they both saw the flowers. It was placed into the locker of the girl who held them: Enid Quintara, the most avid protester of the SATTY-9.

"Enid Quintara!" Ed said. "Where'd you get those flowers?"

"Why is that any of your business?" Enid asked.

"Let me guess… It was Elliot Funston."

"Funston?" Enid asked. "These flowers were from a secret admirer. How did you know? Did he tell you?"

"Sort of." Ed said. "I bumped into him in town, and he bought those for his girl."

"Is that so?" Enid asked with a bashful smile.

"Ingrid, we have to find Elliot." Ed said as he ran down the hall. Ingrid followed him.

"Ed, what does this have to do with the SATTY-9?" Ingrid asked.

"It just dawned on me! I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier, but it just did!" Ed said. "Nobody stole the Lobsty costume! It was Elliot who wore it and stole the answer sheets!"

"What?" Ingrid asked. "How do you know?"

"Remember that the door was locked when we found Elliot tied up?" Ed asked. "It was locked from the inside. The only way anyone could escape is through that narrow window. Sure, a kid can get through, but it's impossible for a giant lobster costume to fit through. Elliot must have put on the costume, stole the answer sheets, hid the costume, climbed the window into the closet, locked the door, and tied himself up to throw off suspicion."

"Okay, that makes sense." Ingrid said. "But what about the motive? Mr. Strange is right. Stealing the answers to move against the SATTY-9 is contradictory."

"The motive has nothing to do with the test. Riddle me this. Wise men know it. The rich want it. The poor need it. What is it?"

"Uh… Love." Ingrid realized.

"Exactly! Elliot likes Enid, and she does not like the SATTY-9. He figured he could impress her by stealing the test answers."

"Crackers. The lengths people will go through for love, right?" Ingrid asked.

"Exactly. We need to find Elliot before he has time to cover his tracks."

"I'll call Fillmore and let him know what we discovered." Ingrid said. "You go on ahead and catch the perp."


Elliot was nearly there. The exit was within sight. He was mere steps away from getting away with his crime. However, before he could make it, he was stopped by Ed who jumped into his path.

"Not so fast, Lobsty." Ed said. "Now, where are the tests?"

"What? I didn't take the tests." Elliot denied.

"Nice try, but I already know." Ed said. "You pretended someone stole the Lobsty costume and stole the test answers. I also know you have a thing for Enid Quintara and you thought this theft would earn you some points with her. But instead, you just earned suspension."

"Um… Well… Oh, forget it." Elliot said before picking up a handful of chocolate balls. He tossed them at Ed to divert him.

While Ed was blindsided, Elliot ran down the other end of the hallway. He was about to leave through another exit, but he was stopped by Fillmore who was wearing the Lobsty costume. Elliot turned to run again with Fillmore behind him. The Safety Patrol officer borrowed the janitor's waxer machine and rode it at high speed for the chase. However, Elliot managed to evade him. Fillmore was left hanging onto the waxer that he had to let go. When he fell, his costume was busted, but not as much as the waxer was when it crashed.

"Nice try, Officer Fillmore, but once again, you missed the mark." Elliot taunted. "Anyway, bye-bye." He ran the other direction, but was intercepted by Ingrid who rode right past him on her brand new scooter.

"Hey, Elliot." Ingrid said. "Ed sends his regards… and your candy back." She dropped the chocolate balls in front of Elliot making him slip and fall. "You should stay away from that stuff. It's real bad for you."


It was over. Elliot was caught and the test answer sheets were restored. Fillmore, Ingrid, Ed, and Vallejo gathered around to bask in their closed case in the Safety Patrol HQ.

Ed looked back at the holding room to see something he didn't expect. Elliot Funston was exchanging romantic smiles with Enid Quintara.

"I don't get it." He said. "That guy got caught, but he still wins?"

"No, Ed. We won." Ingrid said. "He just got the girl of his dreams."

"I guess there's worse things that could have happened." Fillmore said.

"Love." Ed scoffed. "That's the one riddle I don't think I'll ever solve."

Vallejo's phone rang and he answered. "Vallejo. …Yes, Principal Folsom. Elliot's in custody and we got the tests. …What? A $300 costume? A $6000 FLOOR WAXER?! FILLMOOOOOOORE!"


Leaving the school, Fillmore had the chance to talk to Ingrid and Ed, but mostly to Ingrid. "Sorry we had to give you your birthday present today early."

"It was a nice non-surprise." Ingrid said.

"I thought you didn't want a scooter." Ed asked.

"Well, it's a cool scooter. Not to mention convenient. It did help us catch Elliot." Ingrid said before looking serious. "Fillmore, about what went down on the bridge…"

"Hey, it was a bridge you had to cross. And now, you're on the other side."

"I am, but I'd still like to see that stupid test go down."

"Me too." Ed said.

"Let me guess. It's for a whole different reason?" Ingrid asked.

"No. Not this time." Ed said. "Everyone puts so much pressure on themselves and the school applies that pressure. But in the end, it's just another test. We don't need a silly sheet of paper to realize how smart we are."

"Although, it was enough to turn the school upside down." Fillmore said. He stopped walking just as they walked out the front door. "Guys, listen, there's something I need to tell you. You remember the other day when I was talking to Vic Sage?"

"Yeah." Ingrid asked.

"Well, he gave me a warning. He seems to think something terrible is about to happen to X Middle School, and we're just in the middle of it."

"What does that mean?" Ed asked.

"I'm not sure. Something to do with something called the Secret. I'm not certain. But one of the things he warned me about was that 'treasured friendships will be tested'. So Ingrid, when you almost let Seth go, I was starting to get worried."

"That some conspiracy nut's theory about a dark secret might actually affect us?" Ingrid asked. "Fillmore, I don't believe in the SATTY-9, and I admit, I did have a moment of weakness that almost got in the way, but that won't change anything about us. You're still my friend, my partner."

"I get it." Fillmore said. "Still though, he seemed sure enough. So we better stay on our toes. Who knows what craziness we might have to face?"

"Is it crazier than this?" Ed asked pointing up above the door. Both Ingrid and Fillmore looked and laughed at the banner above. It read "Ingrid Third Says: the Real Crime is the SATTY-9!"

"You set that up?" Fillmore laughed.

"Like I said, I'm not a big believer of the SATTY-9." Ingrid said.


When he was alone in his office, Hugo Strange reached into his desk and pulled out a tape recorder. He pressed the rewind button and pressed play. He could hear his voice followed by the voice of Elliot Funston.

"This is Professor Hugo Strange recording his first session working at X Middle School. Joining me is Elliot Funston, known as the school mascot, Lobsty. Thank you for meeting me, Mr. Funston."

"Well, thanks for having me, Mr. Strange."

"So why did you sign your name up for counseling?"

"Honestly, I just needed to relieve my stress. The Lobsty costume is hard enough. It gets really hot in there. But then, they announced the SATTY-9, and everyone's freaking out about it."

"Are you nervous about the SATTY-9?"

"Admittedly, yeah. But I've got no problem with it. But Enid on the other hand…"

"Who's Enid?"

"Oh. Did I say that out loud? Well, she's Enid Quintara. Truthfully speaking, she's the girl of my dreams."

"Sounds like it would take a load of your chest if you could admit your feelings to her? Does she reciprocate?"

"Not sure really. I mean, I want to impress her or blow her mind or… something."

"Well, I find that looking into her interests tends to help. Do you know anything she likes? Or at least, dislikes?"

"Well, she hates the SATTY-9, that's for certain. She's always protested against that."

"I see. Well, I'm sorry we have to cut our meeting short, Mr. Funston, but I've got a busy schedule."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks, Mr. Strange. You've given me a lot to think about."

"That was the intention."

Hugo Strange pressed the stop button on his tape recorder and looked grimly at it. "Oh, Mr. Funston, you failed at getting away with the perfect crime. How unfortunate." He then turned on his computer and looked through the student database. He scrolled through each student with focused eyes. "Let's see where I can find my next pawn."