Part 6

Lorelai was enjoying Luke's simple commentary about Bar Harbor, pointing out local eateries she would enjoy or points of interest where funny things had happened while he lived there. It was a lot like Stars Hollow except for the smell of the salt water in the air and the cool breeze off the ocean. The trees and mountains surrounding it made an awesome backdrop. "It's gorgeous here." Lorelai breathed in. "I can see why you love it. Really."

"This is the most important place," he pointed. "It's where I work." Lorelai lifted her eyebrows and followed him inside. The store smelled musty and a little like the nylon or whatever material they used in…backpacks, Lorelai thought as she found herself staring at a wall of them. She turned, seeing the store stretching farther and farther back, racks of all kinds of outdoor equipment, most of which she had no desire to be so close to.

"Luke!" One of the guys at the counter located in the middle of the store waved him over. Lorelai followed closely behind Luke and tried not to laugh when she saw these men clad in Luke's usual flannel uniform. No wonder he fit in so well here.

"Hey guys. This is Paul, Adrian and Jay." The guys all smiled and nodded at her. "This is Lorelai."

Paul's eyes widened in recognition of the name but he kept his mouth shut. Jay encouraged them to stay as long as they wanted before the trio turned back to whatever they were so fascinated by: it looked just like a compass and map to Lorelai.

"Wow, I'm impressed." Lorelai almost whispered to Luke. She wasn't sure why she had lowered her voice except that all the guys in the store seemed to treat it with reverence.

"It's nice. Some of the tourists who come in can be a little annoying, but at least its something I know a lot about."

"Well, I'm just glad you're happy." Lorelai replied and found herself almost meaning it. "But I'm starving."

Luke chuckled, not surprised. "We can go back to the house. Or we can just go somewhere around here."

"Maybe we could get sandwiches and take them back to the house? I kind of wanted to talk over dinner." Plus, Lorelai didn't feel right letting Luke cook for her when she was the one who had just showed up on his porch.

"Okay." Luke nodded and showed her out of the store. Lorelai wasn't sure she liked how calm he was being about this. In fact, he'd been in a good mood all afternoon. What had happened to Monosyllabic Man that she had fallen in love with?

After lunch, Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. She felt like she had walked into the Maine version of Stepford, and before she got sucked in she was going to bring up the reason she came. "What the hell are we doing? We don't talk for two years and then you show up at my daughter's graduation and now I don't know…are we friends?"

"I was surprised when you didn't punch me at Rory's graduation, actually," Luke half-smiled.

"Yes, well, I actually didn't think of it." She shook her head, surprised Luke could throw her off her train of thought so quickly. But if anyone had ever been able to shut her up, it had been him. "You didn't answer my question: are we friends?"

"I hope we are. Do you?" Luke asked, his eyes unsure.

She smiled at that. "Yes." They were still skirting around the issue and Lorelai

didn't expect him to start the conversation, so she took a deep breath.

"We never talked about why…"

"I know." He replied stoically from his spot by the sink, his arms crossed over his chest.

Lorelai continued. "I thought maybe I wasn't there. I wasn't putting my whole—everything into it. But then you…"

"Don't you get it?" Luke cut in, his tone bitter.

"What?" Obviously, she didn't.

"That I might be scared," he said, softer. This surprised her, but she tried not to let it show. She had always been the one to run away and when she needed a shoulder to cry on, because one of her relationships had fallen apart, it was Luke who was there. So it seemed odd to consider him in her position. It hurt her a little to realize he may have been insecure and worrying all those months and never confided in her. It hurt her more to realize she had never noticed.

"Of what?"

"Of not living up to what you imagined. I'm not romantic and I don't own a horse--"

Lorelai had to interrupt. "A horse?" She almost laughed.

"I'm not a knight, Lorelai."

"And thank God for that." She glanced down, her fingers involuntarily playing with her necklace. "I'm not perfect either. You know that. So it hurt me, a lot, when you left." That felt so good to say. She couldn't lose her nerve now. "And then when you told me last week you didn't even know why….well, I think you do." Lorelai exhaled, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest, but at the same time, she felt like all her feelings were exposed.

Luke shook his head, letting his arms fall to his sides. "It's…a lot of things."

"Tell me. We're supposed to talk. I know we've never been good at it, but please, try," she pleaded, her throat suddenly dry.

Luke passed a hand over his face. "We were so happy, Lorelai. And for some reason, I couldn't be happy. I think because it made me think of my parents. They were so in love and committed to each other. And then my mom got sick."

"Luke," Lorelai breathed, already blinking back tears.

"And my dad just took care of her. I remember her always being in this particular chair in the living room so she could watch us play. I don't think I knew how bad she was, until I realized my dad was carrying her down to the chair every morning and back up every night. And afterwards, God, my dad was a mess. He told me once that he thought his only reason to be on this earth was to meet my mom, to make her life a little better and a little easier at the end." Luke swallowed thickly, the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. Lorelai sniffled from her chair, but she couldn't take her eyes away from Luke.

She had never seen him like this, so raw, so exposed. She approached him almost nervously, not sure if he would push her away or welcome her embrace. She slid her hand into his, then placed a tentative hand on his back, pulling him close. He let her touch him, comfort him.

"So that's why I'm scared," he continued in her ear. He pulled back to look at her, his eyes sad but fierce with adoration. "I love you more than anything, but that could tear us apart in an instant. One day we're laughing over pie and the next you're telling me something's wrong and its all hospitals and tubes and serious looking doctors who won't tell you what's going on."

Lorelai was caught between exhilaration and sorrow. It made her heart hurt to hear Luke tell her about his parents. At the word love, however, her heart leaped into her throat and the weight in her seemed to lighten. She wasn't perfect and neither was he, that was why they matched each other so perfectly. Neither of them seemed to have any false assumptions about what would happen if they were together, if they stayed together the rest of their lives. A sense of hope floated over her and seemed to wrap around her body: she could convince him to do this with her.

"I can't begin to imagine what that's like," Lorelai paused, twisting her lip between her teeth. "It must be so hard and I just can't—I don't know what that feels like, so I'm not going to compare it to anything." Luke shuffled closer to her in response, pressing her back against the counter as she tried to balance the weight of his body on hers. She pulled back so she could see his face. "But isn't it worth it? To take that chance and spend the rest of your life with someone who you love? I think you were happy, Luke and I'm not sure you'll ever be happy this way." Her hand gestured around the room. "Doesn't all that outweigh the fear?" Yes, she was thinking, it does. "I know what it feels like to be scared. It may not be exactly what you're feeling, but I think I'm right about this." Her voice faltered. "I want to be right," she whispered into his ear. His hand threads through her hair, pulling her close for a kiss and as his cheek touches hers, she can feel the tracks from his tears.

"I left because I knew I had to figure things out," Luke choked out, still in their embrace. Lorelai shifted slightly, so she could see his face. "And all I wanted to do was come back, but that was…"

"Too hard." Lorelai finished. She knew. She understood.

"I spent all that time away from you," he brushed his fingers ever so gently across the line of her jaw and Lorelai's eyes fluttered closed for a second. She held her breath. "And here I am, still a mess. I don't know--" His chin quivered. "I'm not sure how to fix it."

"You shouldn't have to figure it out by yourself." Lorelai pleaded, wanting him to see it her way. "That's why I'm here." Luke drew her close again. She realized how much she had missed the feel of his hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay," she soothed. Lorelai placed her hand directly over his heart, feeling it pulse through his shirt.

He plays on a softball team and when she pried this information out of him, she insisted on going to his game. Liz is there, sitting alongside the fence in a lawn chair. Lorelai approached and at the sound of feet on the dirt and rocks, Liz looked up.

"Lorelai!" She smiled up at her.

"Hey Liz."

"What are you doing here? I mean, I'm glad. But are you and my brother…"

"I'm just visiting. He came to Rory's graduation and we've talked some since then."

"Good! That's good, right?" Liz looked unsure. "He never tells me anything," she shrugged.

"It's nice to see him," Lorelai affirmed. She crouched next to Liz's chair.

"Hey, hold on. I think we have another one in the truck. Let me ask. Hey, T.J.! Do we have another chair? Be right back. You can sit down."

Lorelai sat and Luke jogged over. "You bored yet?"

"The game hasn't even started. Are you pitching?" She squinted up at him.

"Maybe."

"Good. Liz and I will yell."

"You can't, it might throw my perfect game."

"Oh, really? You think pretty well of yourself, don't you? You better go warm up in the corral or whatever it's called."

Luke chuckled. "The bullpen." Lorelai looked confused. "But yeah, I should."

"Good luck!" She called after him as he jogged away.

During the fourth inning, Lorelai's phone rang. "Be right back," she said to Liz, who was too busy concentrating on the game to notice.

"Hey sweetie," Lorelai answered.

"Hey." Rory paused. "Where are you? You sound like you're at a sporting event."

"I am!" Lorelai stifled a laugh.

"Are you feeling okay?" Her daughter asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. In fact, I'm great."

"Well good but where--"

Lorelai couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. "I'm in Maine."

"Maine? But why—oh!"

"I came to see Luke."

"OhmyGod!" Rory shouted. Lorelai could hear Marty in the background. "My mom went to see Luke," she heard Rory repeat in a hushed tone. "Well are you…."

"We're taking things slow. We haven't talked about it much."

"Slow is good."

"It's just so nice to see him. I missed him."

"I know."

"How's the job hunt going? How's Marty?"

"Mom, you don't have to ask about me. This is more exciting!"

Lorelai laughed. "But there's not much else to tell. I'm with Liz at his softball game."

"That sounds fun. Just promise me the second anything happens you'll call."

So much already has, babe, Lorelai thought. "Okay. Will do."

"Miss you. Good luck."

"Bye, kid."