Chapter 30 - Benson

Thanks so much for the reviews Mika Tsuki, nem, LandofShadows, Katydidit, AglaiaWar, SVUchik18, qt-angel, volleylover, christopher-meloni-freak, Lady Padfoot II, queen of drama queens, stablerchic14, andviol8dbyalizzard.
LandofShadows, thanks for reviewing! You're a late night reader too? Cool! ;) I'm a total night owl, that's why I'm always updating at night.
I know you're all eager to find out what happens to Brent (Damn those legal technicalities!) but, you're just going to have to wait! ;)
Here are two more chapters, just like I promised, Olivia and Elliot. Like I said before, this chapter is long, like 5,000 words compared to my normal 2,000. Anyway, I know it's supposed to be Olivia taking care of Elliot, but I couldn't help but add a slightly ironic twist to it. There is also a surprise guest in this chapter! More about them in the next chapter though.
And also, some might find a certain other character slightly OOC at the end of this chapter, but you can always review and chew me out if you like. ;) Just as long as I keep you reading!

Benson

I gasped and shot straight up out of bed, my breathing heavy and ragged. I put my hand to my forehead and felt the cold sweat that was already forming. Collecting myself, I looked around, unfamiliar with my sights. Then I slowly realized that I was at Elliot's. As I shuffled around a few items on the night stand next to the bed, I finally found my watch. It was almost eight. It had only been two hours since the last nightmare that had woken me up. They weren't getting any better in their regularity. I still woke up every two hours, right on the dot more or less. But I was starting to control my reaction better. I didn't wake up screaming anymore, I just woke up.

I contemplated trying to squeeze a few more hours of sleep in, but I quickly thought, screw it, and decided to take a cold shower to try and wake me up instead. I slid off of the bed and pulled a duffel bag off of the ground, or at least, I attempted to. God Munch. Did you pack my whole dresser?

I braced myself and managed to heave the heavy bag onto the bed. I started going through it, trying to find something to wear. I eventually settled on a simple outfit, a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. I tossed them, along with a few other bathroom necessities, into a bundle and picked it up in one arm. I was just about to open the door and go into the living room when I heard a clattering noise.

My hand froze in mid-air and I heard my heart begin to pound in my ears. It can't be him, I told myself. Munch and the guys already have a suspect. Hell, knowing them he's probably at the precinct right now, all of them probably grilling him. Besides, I tried to reason, even if they don't have him, there is no way he could have followed me all the way here. Despite that, I couldn't help but feel my mouth go dry as my shaking hand clasped the doorknob. Elliot locked all the doors last night. If someone came in he would have heard… Elliot! It's probably just him, I reassured myself.

Ignoring my fear, I suddenly yanked open the door. I can't even describe my relief as I saw Elliot standing in the kitchen, going through his cabinets. Suddenly, a pan fell from one of them, first hitting the counter, then the floor, causing a noise like the one I had just heard. Elliot's hands shot out to catch it, but not even he was that quick. He winced at each noise it made.

"Morning Mr. Graceful," I greeted him. At the sound of my voice he jumped, startled. His sudden movement caused another pan to follow the other. His reaction to that was the same as he turned around to face me. "Aren't I the one who's supposed to be jumpy?" I pointed to myself with my free hand.

"I'm sorry," he gave a meek smile. "Did I wake you up?"

I shook my head and grinned at him. "Nah. I just got up a few minutes ago. So what are you doing?" I asked as he went back to opening and closing cupboard doors.

"Looking for a coffee maker," he explained. "I brought one with me when I moved in, but now I can't find it."

"Why would it be buried away up there?" I wondered.

"Well," he sighed and turned around, either giving up completely or waiting until I was done questioning him to continue. "Normally I just stopped somewhere on my way to work. I never really had the need for it so I packed it away."

"Good idea," I stated sarcastically.

"Hah hah," he said, annoyed. I knew how he was without his morning caffeine pick-me-up.

"Go to bed," I repeated for about the tenth time since I'd been here. "I'm gonna take a shower and then I'll run out and get some coffee."

"You," he pointed at me accusingly, "are seriously wearing out your welcome." I just smirked at him, knowing he was joking. He started going into his bedroom, but stopped when something suddenly occurred to him. "By the way, I haven't got around to washing the towels yet."

"Wonderful," I scrunched my face up in mock disgust.

"Relax," he rolled his eyes at me and went into his bedroom. A couple seconds later, he came out with a robe in his hands. "Use this," he shrugged, tossing it at me.

"Thanks…" I said hesitantly, holding it up by the collar with my one free hand. It was obviously Elliot's.

"It's clean," he assured me.

"All right," I shrugged, deciding it was better than nothing.

About ten minutes later, I was already stepping out of the shower. I never took long showers. I'd just never really seen the point to it. My hair hadn't really ever been much past shoulder-length, not requiring much care in the shower.

Leaning past the shower curtain, I reached out and grab the robe Elliot had given me. As I slipped it on, I realized how soft it was. It was a rich blue color, made of crushed velvet. It was also so big that it easily covered me, wrapping around me almost twice, the sleeves ending way past my hands, and it almost dragging on the floor behind me. I quickly tied it off around my waist when I heard a knock. It wasn't on the bathroom door. It sounded like it was coming from the front door.

"Hey Olivia! Are you gonna get that or do I have the master's permission to answer it myself?" By the tone of Elliot's voice, I knew he was just being obnoxious, partly due to his lack of caffeine and partly because I had damned him to two more days of bed rest.

"Stay in bed!" I yelled, stepping out of the bathroom. "I got it!" I had to smile as I heard Elliot grumbling to himself. I think the next 48 were going to kill him.

As I walked to the front door, almost tripping over the front of the robe, a thought suddenly occurred to me. What if it was Cragen or Fin or Munch at the door? Them seeing me in Elliot's robe at Elliot's house at eight in the morning would definitely not look good.

The knocking started again and I suddenly realized that it more than likely wasn't them. This knocking was light, polite. The three of them would just incessantly bang until the door opened or their hands fell off, whichever came first.

"Hello?" I turned the knob and pulled the door open, a cold rush of air shocking my face. I didn't even notice that compared to what I saw on Elliot's doorstep. "K-Kathy?" I was only slightly aware of my mouth gaping open as I came face to face with Elliot's wife, or soon to be ex.

"Olivia?" I saw the same innocent shock on her face as she suddenly realized who I was. Her shocked expression quickly contorted into suppressed anger. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just… I…" I couldn't even bring myself to form a complete sentence.

"What are you wearing!" As she screeched at me, I knew she was no longer trying to control her anger.

As I looked down, I suddenly realized what this looked like. Here I was, answering Elliot's door at the crack of dawn wearing nothing but his robe. I could easily imagine what was going through her head as she watched me. "Kathy," I started, desperate to explain. "This isn't what it-"

I was suddenly interrupted by a voice from inside. "Hey Liv! Who's there?" Elliot's voice was crystal clear as it came from his bedroom, only adding to the already horrible scene.

"Oh my God!" Hatred poured from her eyes as she glared at me. "I knew it!" She shrieked in a twistedly victorious voice. "I knew you were sleeping with him!"

"Kathy, no," I pleaded, trying to explain. "We aren't. I can explain. This isn't what it looks li-"

"All those nights when he stayed late to work, or never came home at all, that was you!" She pointed her finger at me, brandishing it like it was a knife or something. "He was with you! You slut! I knew he was having an affair!"

"Kathy, please, listen to me." I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes with her accusations. "It's not-"

"Why should I listen to you!" Her face was bright red as she continued screaming at me. "You destroyed my marriage you… you… whore!" As she screamed the last word at me, I saw her fist open. I instantly recoiled, thinking she was going to slap me. By the look in her eyes, I realized she wanted to, but instead she just spun on her heels and ran down the steps. "And by the way," she yelled up the stairs at me. "You can tell your boyfriend that I'll have my attorney send him the final divorce papers by tomorrow!" With that last declaration, she opened her car door and got in, slamming it behind her. She started the ignition and sped off, her tires squeaking against the pavement as she left black skid marks on the road.

I just stood there, watching as her car drove out of sight. I couldn't move. I was still paralyzed in place by the accusations that had just been thrown at me. My mind just kept replying that scene in my head as stood in the cold, still dumbfounded.

"Olivia? Are you okay?" I don't know how long I'd been standing there when Elliot's voice suddenly trailed into the living room from his bedroom, snapping me back to reality. It was only then that I realized I was shivering. I was still wet from the shower and being in the freezing cold was mixing with that.

I quickly went back inside and closed the door. I still didn't know what to do, so I just propped my back against the door and leaned there, thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

"Liv?" I heard Elliot's voice coming closer and I looked up. He was walking towards me, suddenly turning into a sprint when he saw my face. "Liv! Oh my God!" He stood in front of me, looking me up and down. "You're shaking Liv! What happened?" He looked at me, a mix of worry and bewilderment in his face.

"K-Ka…Ka," I stuttered from the cold, not able to keep my teeth from chattering.

"What?" Alarm flashed in his eyes as he brought his hand to my cheek. "Oh my God Liv! You're freezing!"

"K-Kath-th…" I tried to talk again and to no avail.

"Come here." Elliot ignored my attempts at speech and tried to get me to follow him. I tried to walk, but my legs felt like jell-o. I felt spasms start to go through my arms and legs as I continued shaking.

I heard Elliot curse under his breath as he realized that I couldn't walk. Suddenly, he leaned over and put one of his arms under my knees and the other behind my neck, scooping me up in his arms. As soon as I was settled in his arms, he sprinted back towards his bedroom.

Once there, he ripped the sheets from the bed and set me down, carefully resting my head against a pillow. I watched on helplessly as Elliot circled the bed, gathering all the sheets in his arms. He then dragged them towards me, throwing them over my shaking body.

"Hold on Liv," he put a hand on my shoulder before running out of the room, trying to hide the terrified look on his face. I listened to him in the other room. While I waited for him to come back, I heard the beeps of a microwave.

It was barely a minute later when he flew back in, carrying what looked like a beanbag that was about a foot long and half a foot wide. I realized what the microwave noises were from as he took it and carefully placed it horizontally over my forehead. It was steaming hot against my cold skin. It was obviously a heating pack that he had just put in the microwave.

"Are you okay Liv?" I could easily read the fear in his eyes as he tucked the sheets under me, wrapping them tighter. "What happened?" He cupped my cheek in his hand, trying to warm me up.

I opened my mouth to answer, but my teeth were still ceaselessly chattering, the clicking noise beginning to give me a headache. Even though, I slowly felt Elliot's attempts working. I felt some of my body warmth coming back, the spasms stopping. Then finally, I managed to regain control of my mouth.

"K-Kathy… at the door…" I started. "I-I tried… stop…" Though I could speak, my sentences were breaking up.

"Kathy?" Confusion twisted his features as he listened to me. "Olivia, don't try to talk. Just get warm first." He ran his hands up and down the sides of the sheets, right where my arms were, to try and create friction heat.

After a few more minutes, I steadily became warmer and warmer, finally stopping my body from shaking. Elliot noticed right away and was quick to start on me.

"Liv, are you okay?" He searched my face as I suddenly started to sit up, keeping the blankets around my shoulders.

"Yeah." I nodded, feeling the heating pack slip from my head. Elliot caught it and wrapped his arms behind my head, resting the pack on the back of my neck.

"What were you doing?" He looked at me, both worried and disbelieving. "You could have gone into shock."

"Elliot…" I pulled out my arm from under the foot-thick layer of sheets and placed in on his knee. "Listen to me…" I swallowed the hard lump forming in my throat and started telling him everything, right from the beginning.

Twenty minutes later, Elliot and I sat in silence once I had finished. There was an indescribable look on his face as he studied his lap, not looking me in the eye.

"El, I'm so sorry," I suddenly burst out, guilt over-coming me. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't of accused you in the first place."

"Liv," a smile played on his lips as he took my hands in his. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Kathy and I were headed for divorce a long time before this. It never had anything to do with you."

"But she said-"

"Olivia, Kathy left me, all right? She took the kids and left all on her own. She ended it, not you. She just needs someone to blame to justify her actions."

"Still, you have to go talk to her," I brought up for the first time.

"Why?" He gave me a strange look.

"Because she's still your wife, legally, and she'll always be the mother of your kids. Even if you can't fix your marriage, try to fix your relationship with her. Explain things, listen to her, try to work it out so that you don't hate each other. You know your kids deserve at least that."

Once I was done, I watched as Elliot's eyes glistened at my little speech. Suddenly, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Thanks Liv. I don't know what I'd do without you."

--XXX--

I hope everything goes okay, I prayed to myself, long after Elliot had left. After he made me eat a whole bowl of chicken noodle soup - "only fair" after me making him eat it that first day home - and promise that I'd take it easy, he'd left to go talk to Kathy. I had to resist the urge to tell him to take it easy as well. If we wanted to get technical here, he was supposed to be the one confined to a bed, not me. But I knew he had to patch things together with Kathy first.

Suddenly, I heard my cell phone start ringing. Startled at first, I quickly ran into the bedroom I'd slept in last night. I searched and listened, finally finding it.

"Benson," I answered it.

"Hey Olivia." I instantly recognized the voice and was surprised to hear from him.

"Captain? Hi." I sat at the foot of the bed as I spoke into the cell phone.

"How are you doing?" There was a gentleness in his voice that I'd only heard on rare occasions before.

I nodded my head, then realizing I was on the phone, "I'm doing pretty good." I decided to leave out the incident with Kathy. I could already tell that Elliot would probably not give me five seconds alone after how much I had scared him, and I didn't need the Captain doing that either.

"Glad to hear that." I could hear the smile in his voice as he said that. "I just wanted to call and tell you and Elliot that you two can take off as much time as you need."

I suddenly gasped when he said that. In all that had happened, I'd completely forgotten to call him and ask for time off.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call you sooner. I was going to, but it just slipped my mind."

"It's okay Olivia. I know." And just by his tone, I could tell that he did.

"Thanks Don," I smiled into the phone. "The doctor told Elliot to stay in bed for the next few days. We should be fine to come back after that."

"Oh." I heard Cragen's voice lose its gentleness and confidence. "Okay."

"Is something wrong?" I knew there was, but I seriously doubt if he'd tell me.

"No," he tried to hide his slip-up. "Nothing's wrong. I'll give you a call later, okay?"

"Sure."

"Take care Liv." And with that, the line went dead. Flipping the phone shut, I tried to figure out what that was all about. After five minutes of pondering, I shrugged it off, assuming I was better off not knowing.

With that done and the house all to myself, I wondered what I should do now. I toyed with idea of watching TV, but decided against it.

I need a hobby, I realized, heading back into the living room. Ever since I graduated from the academy and joined the SVU team, I'd never had a need for any hobby to fill my free time, simply because I didn't have any. I was always at work, jumping at the chance to pull all-nighters or work over-time for a case I was really dedicated to. I wasn't an avid reader – of anything but files and paperwork -, I didn't knit, I didn't crochet, I didn't shop or collect things… As I thought about it, I realized I didn't do much of anything.

Flopping onto the couch, a stereo system suddenly caught my eyes. Why not? I wondered to myself as I made my way over to it. Sitting next to the system was a CD book. I picked it up and started flipping through it, wondering what kind of music Elliot listened to. I read each artist aloud as I came across it, getting more confused with each one.

"Simple Plan, 50 Cent, Green Day, Kelly Clarkson, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez?" All right, unless I have seriously missed something about Elliot, these aren't his. I flipped back to the front of the book and read the cover. "Maureen." I nodded my head. "Well that explains it." Not finding anything else worth listening to, I just decided to take my chances with the radio. I turned it on and just started scanning through stations, not sure what I was looking for. There was only two stations that would even come in, some talk show and a country station. Not even caring at this point, I flipped the country station on went back to the couch.

"And a good morning to all you folks out there listening to KTL 105." I groaned as I listened to the bubbly host. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was morning people all hyped up on coffee when I didn't have any of my own. "Here's a new one for you by Jo Dee Messina off her new album called Delicious Surprise. It's called 'It Gets Better.' "

For you maybe, I thought to myself as I went to change it, expecting some perky, bubble gum song. Instead, a quiet, almost sad melody started playing.

"This old world can be cruel sometimes
Been looking for answers you can't seem to find
No one understands what you're going through
Oh I know that it can get lonely out there
When you feel like nobody cares
You look around thinking 'if they only knew'
Well I do

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone
I've walked many a mile on this road on my own
I've been through hell on my knees
Come face to face with the devil
And I know that it's hard to believe
But it gets better"

I slowly brought my hand away from the dial, fully absorbing the lyrics as I heard them. I almost felt like the song was speaking to me, making me wonder if it playing now was a coincidence or something more.

"Time is a healer, but we can't see how
When we're caught in the moment and the hurting is now
We don't wanna see that maybe some things
Weren't meant to figure out

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone
I've walked many a mile on this road on my own
I've been through hell on my knees
Come face to face with the devil
And I know that it's hard to believe
But it gets better"

I felt tears gathering at the corner of my eyes, the words striking a cord in my heart. I couldn't have put my feelings into words any better had I tried.

"This old world, it can be cruel sometimes
When you're looking for answers, well just keep in mind
Know you're not alone
We're all trying to find our way through this life

"I felt the chill of this world cut down to the bone
I've walked many a mile down this road on my own
I've been through hell on my knees
Come face to face with the devil
And I know that it's hard to believe
But it gets better
Oh, it gets better…"

Easy for you to say… I thought miserably, wishing that it were a real person I was listening to, not just a song. I could really use someone who understands.

Just as the song ended, I heard the door softly open, revealing Elliot.

"Hey El." I tried to casually wipe my eyes so that he wouldn't notice.

"Hey Liv." There was a sorrowful hollowness in his voice as he gave me a sad smile. He was trying to hide it, but failing miserably as he did so.

"What's wrong?" I walked up towards him, his behavior worrying me.

"Nothing," he flagrantly lied, suddenly holding something up. "I bought you some coffee," he offered, deferring the subject from himself.

"Thanks." I smiled and accepted, still searching his face. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah," he nodded and forced his lips into a completely fake grin. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm tired, so I'm just going to go back to bed."

"Okay." I nodded and moved out of his way, carefully watching him make his way to his bedroom.

Staring at the coffee in my hands, I knew that something was wrong with Elliot. He could try to hide it from me, but I saw it clear as day.

Putting the coffee down on the kitchen counter, I carefully crept towards the door so that he wouldn't hear me. Looking through the doorway, I saw Elliot sitting on his bed, a picture in his hands. His eyes were glittering in tears as he ran his hand over it. I stepped closer until I was finally able to make out the people in the photo.

My heart throbbed with guilt as I recognized it. It was a picture of Elliot, his arms around Kathy, both of them laughing and looking so in love as they twirled around a dance floor. It looked like it was only a few years old. Turning back to look at him, I saw the longing and pain that poured from his eyes as he stared at the picture.

I quickly turned my back to the door so that Elliot wouldn't feel me watching him. Thinking back to the hurt I saw on his eyes, I abruptly understood how selfish I was being. Here I was, moaning and pitying myself over nothing while my partner was watching his life fall apart in front of his eyes.

I tilted my head up and leaned against the wall for support. I had put Elliot through so much, then taken advantage of his hospitality, all without realizing what he himself was already going through.

I couldn't fix his marriage, I couldn't take back the past few days, but I could be there for my partner, my best friend.

Taking a deep breath, I walked into Elliot's room, not feeling a need to knock. He instantly felt my presence and looked up, the tears still in his eyes. Neither of us said a thing as I walked over to the bed. I covered my face in empathy as I sat down on the bed next to him.

Then, at the exact same moment, I opened my arms and Elliot fell into them, still allowing no tears to fall from his eyes. I knew he was too strong for that. He may be hurt, but he'd never actually allow himself to cry, not in front of me.

"It's okay El." I rested my hands on his back as he buried his face into my shoulder, the unshed tears drying on the material of my shirt. "It'll be okay." I ran my hands up and down his back, trying to comfort him.

"I still love her Liv," he whispered in a shaky voice, like he was in a daze. "I still love her."

"I know you do El. I know." As I squeezed him tighter in my arms, I silently cursed Kathy. Elliot had been nothing but a good husband to her and a wonderful father to her children, their children. He did whatever he had to in order to care and provide for his family. He was an amazing person. He didn't deserve to be hurt like this, not him…