Chapter 31 - Stabler

Now, I just want to talk about Kathy for a second. In almost every story I read on here, Kathy is always portrayed like this. As a jealous, crazy, almost pyschopathic, 'you're having an affair with Olivia,' witch, and well, I shall be no exception! Though mine are different reasons for doing so than most. (Figure that out. ;) Anyway, back to the story!

Lyrics by Tim McGraw – Angry All The Time

Here we are
What is left of a husband and a wife
With four good kids
Who have a way of getting on with their lives
And I'm not old, but I'm getting a whole lot older everyday
It's too late to keep from going crazy
I've got to get away
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time
Our kids are strong now
The spitting image of you when you were young
I hope someday they see past what you have become
And I remember every time I said I'd never leave
But what I can't live with is memories of the way you used to be
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time
Twenty years have came and went since I walked out of your door
I never quite made it back to the one I was before
And God it hurts me to think of you for the light in your eyes was gone
And sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone
The reasons that I can't stay don't have a thing to do with being in love
And I understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
And you ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time
I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time…

Stabler

As I drove towards my house – Not your house anymore, Kathy's. – or, Kathy's house, my conversation with Olivia was still reeling in my mind. I understood what Kathy had been thinking when she saw Olivia. Had it been me finding a man in Kathy's robe answering her door at eight in the morning, I probably would have beaten the crap out of him.

That's why I had to talk to Kathy, explain that it wasn't what she thought. My wife or not, I didn't want her to be hurt like that.

I was so preoccupied in thinking about things that I almost passed it. Quickly pulling over, I parked the car and got out.

Standing behind the door, I starting knocking, praying that she'd answer and let me in.

"Yeah?" Kathy opened the door, her face blank until she saw me. "What do you want?" She snapped, glaring venomously at me.

"I want to talk Kathy. Olivia told me what happened and I know what it looks like, but I can explain." I held my hand out to catch the door, in the very likely event that she slammed it in my face.

She crossed her eyes at me as she thought about it for a moment. Finally, she moved away from the door, not saying a thing.

Stepping in and shutting the door behind me, I turned to her. Before I could start explaining, she suddenly started shrieking at me.

"I can't believe you! You were sleeping with her! I was right! How could you have an affair!"

I recoiled with each cold sentence that she spat at me. "Kathy, I'm not having an affair!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she just happened to answer the door at the crack of dawn wearing you're robe." She droned sarcastically.

"She was just staying with me, Kath." I looked in her eyes, trying to find some small hint that she believed me. "There's nothing-" Unfortunately, my explanations weren't getting through to her.

"All those nights you had to work late, or stay out all night, you were with her, weren't you?" Her eyes burned right through me.

"Yeah, I was with her, working! She's just my partner and my friend, nothing else."

"Oh right, like I'm supposed to believe that. How gullible do you think I a-"

"Damnit Kathy!" I suddenly screamed. "She was raped, all right!" I glared at her with accusing eyes. "She was attacked in her apartment and she thought it was me. It was just someone who looked like me, but…" My voice drifted off and I thought my outburst would be enough to end her ridiculous accusations.

"But what!" Kathy yelled right back, not even that enough to convince her to back off. "So you shack up with the slut?"

I blinked my eyes and tried to make sure I heard her right. "My God Kathy. What happened to you? Are you so caught up in your own little world of jealousy that you can't feel the slightest bit of sympathy towards someone who was raped?" I never really talked about my job at home, but I never thought she didn't understand.

"Maybe if she wasn't the reason for our marriage falling apart!" Kathy defended herself.

"Hey!" I growled and pointed a finger at her. "Don't you dare bring her into that. It had nothing to do with her. And if I remember correctly, you're the one who packed up the kids and moved in with your parents."

"Because you were never home! The kids and I hardly ever saw you anymore. You'd always creep into the house long after we went to bed and leave before we woke up. You were never there for them or me."

I sucked in a huge breath of air as she said that, feeling like she sliced a knife through my heart. My voice was low and hurt as I spoke again. "I was always there for you and the kids. I've spent my life caring for you, providing for you, and loving you. I've loved you since the day I met you and I haven't stopped now. I'm sorry if you felt like I didn't, but I always tried to do whatever I could to make this marriage work." I stared at Kathy, watching her eyes water with tears.

"Except when it came between me and Olivia," she whispered in pain.

That was the moment I realized my relationship with Kathy could never be the same. I never saw it, but somewhere over the years, Kathy had become a completely different person from the woman I married. Something inside her had turned cold, creating a scared, jealous person in place of the woman I knew. I would always love her, for the rest of my life. But I could do this no more. I just couldn't put myself or my children through this anymore. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm sorry Kathy." I took a deep breath and searched her eyes. "I'm sorry it had to end like this. I'll always love you, but I can't do this anymore." Waiting for a moment, I turned around and put my hand around the doorknob.

"So," Kathy's voice halted me for a second, "this is how it ends. With you leaving me and defending her."

I felt my hand subconsciously clutch the doorknob tighter. Languidly, I turned my head back towards her. I tried to hide my pain and hurt expression as I spoke one last time. "Good-bye Kathy." And with that, I was gone.