Chapter 36 - Benson

Lyrics by Natalie Merchant - Life Is Sweet

It's a pity, it's a crying shame
He pulled you down again
How painful it must be
To bruise so easily, inside
It's a pity, it's a downright crime
It happens all the time
You wanna stay little daddy's girl
You wanna hide from the viscous world...
Outside
Don't cry you know the tears will do no good
So dry your eyes
Your daddy he's the iron man
Battle ship wrecked on dry land
Your mamma she's a bitter bride
She'll never be satisfied
You know, and that's not right
But don't cry
You know the tears will do no good
So dry your eyes
They told you life is hard
Misery from the start, it's dull
It's slow, it's painful
But I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more, be grateful
Well, who do you believe
Who will you listen to, who will it be
Because it's high time that you decide
In your own mind
I've tried to comfort you
I tried to tell you to be patient
That they are blind and they can't see
Fortune gonna come one day
It all gonna fade away
Your daddy the war machine
And your momma the long and suffering
Prisoner of what she can not see
For they told you life is hard
Misery from the start, it's dull,
It's slow, it's painful
But I tell you life is sweet
In spite of the misery
There's so much more, be grateful
So who will you believe
Who will you listen to
Who will it be
Because it's high time that you decide
It's time to make up your own
Your own state of mind
They told you life is long
Be thankful when it's done
Don't ask for more, be grateful
But I tell you life is short
Be thankful, because before you know it
It will be over
Because life is sweet
Life is all so very short
Life is sweet
And life is all so very short...

Benson

"Well, this is just how I wanted to spend my day," I complained to myself, ripping another piece of yellow paper off of a tablet and balling it up before tossing it towards the wastebasket. I was all alone and bored to death. Munch and Fin had left to follow-up on a lead for their case and Elliot went out to get us some lunch. I didn't go with him because I didn't see a point at the time. Thinking about my situation now, I would probably have changed my mind if I could. It would have been something to do.

"Un…" I heard a groan behind me. Snapping my head around, I saw a girl standing in the doorway. She couldn't have been over seventeen or eighteen. Her shoulder-length brunette hair was matted in wet clumps as it hung limp around her face. She was wearing flared jeans topped with a dark black coat. As she stumbled into the squad room, she was clutching her stomach.

"Miss, can I help you?" I stood up and carefully started walking towards her. When I was about a foot away from her, she let out a small gurgling nose before she pitched forward. I dashed towards her and caught her in my arms a mere foot before she hit the floor.

As I held her in my arms and went to set her down, her eyes opened for a moment and her lips twisted in silent words. I could tell she was trying to say something. I leaned closer to her, trying to make out the one word she kept repeating.

Putting my hand behind her head, I placed her on the ground. As I lifted my hand from her stomach, I felt a warm, sticky liquid on it. I looked to see my hand coated in dark crimson blood. Pushing back her coat, I found a light purple t-shirt, soaked in blood. I ripped my navy blue jacket off and started pressing it against the center of the stain, leaving me in a camisole as I went for my cell phone.

"Detective Olivia Benson, I have a teenage female gunshot victim, at least one bullet lodged in stomach!" I gave the address of the precinct. Flipping it shut, I finally heard the girl's voice.

"Sh-Shot…" She whispered, her face as white as a sheet and her body shaking. She minutes from going into shock.

"Hold on honey," I put free hand on her forehead as I applied more pressure to her stomach, the material of my jacket soaking up the blood while I waited for the bus.

--XXX--

As I paced around the waiting room, I blocked out all other noises and sounds, thinking back to when the girl stumbled into the precinct. Right now, she was in surgery with no word from the doctors except that she suffered one gunshot would to her lower stomach. There was no ID on her, nothing indicating that she was anything but a girl off of the street.

I was still replaying everything that had happened in my head, repeatedly trying to read her lips. All I could make out was "shot."

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me. "Olivia? What happened?" I turned around to see Elliot standing behind me. "Oh my God." His face paled as he reached his hand out towards my stomach. I looked down to realize the front of me was covered in the girl's blood. Now slightly nauseous, I closed my eyes and raised my head.

"I'm fine." I shook my head and pushed his hand away as I opened my eyes. "It's not mine," I referred to the stains on my shirt and pants. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the squad car when I heard them dispatch a bus for Olivia Benson. What happened?" He repeated.

"I was in the squad room when a girl came stumbling in." I searched the floor nervously as I crossed my arms. "She collapsed and all she could say was that she was shot." A chill came over me and I found myself rubbing my hands up and down my arms, trying to warm them up. I was still wearing nothing but my camisole and it was frigid in the hospital waiting room.

Elliot noticed and took off his blazer. "Here." He went to throw it around my shoulders

"Elliot, don't." I tried to push his arms away, but he ignored my fighting and wrapped it around me anyway.

"How long have you been here?" I watched on in frustration as he searched my face in concern. I was a big girl and I didn't need him hanging all over me.

"About a half an hour." I didn't see any point in voicing my feelings. He would never let me push him away.

"Detective Benson?" A doctor in his mid-thirties with bleach blonde hair and a goatee walked towards me.

"This is my partner Elliot Stabler." I quickly introduced him. "How is she doing?"

"The girl's lucky. She's in the ICU recovering. She was only shot once and the bullet missed all major internal organs. You're lucky you found her when you did. Had she lost anymore blood, she easily could have gone into shock and died."

"Is she awake?"

"Actually, she's asleep right now."

"When she wakes up, could you call me?" I handed him my card with my phone number on it.

"Of course detective." He smiled and accepted the card before he started walking away.

"Do you think she was raped?" Elliot stood next to me.

I just shrugged, feeling the heavy weight of his blazer on my shoulders. "She came into SVU. It's definitely a possibility." Sliding his coat off, I tossed it back at him.

"Where are you going?" He folded it over his arm.

"Home, to get cleaned up." I inwardly groaned as I realized I got here by the bus. My car was still at the station. "You think you could give me a ride?"

"Sure." He nodded. "But it's cold out there…" He 'subtly' shoved his jacket at me.

"Thanks," I sighed, taking it back.

--XXX--

"Okay, so tell me exactly what happened." Elliot and I were on our way back to the hospital. The girl had finally woken up.

I rolled my eyes and repeated my story for the third time. "I was sitting at my desk when I heard a noise behind me. I looked up and saw her standing in the doorway. She was stumbling forward and holding her stomach. I asked her if she needed any help and she fainted. Then I found her gunshot wound. While I was calling a bus she just kept saying 'shot' and something else that I couldn't make out."

"So this girl gets all the way to our squad room without anyone noticing she'd been shot?" He quickly glanced at me with disbelief before turning his gaze back to the road.

"You know how busy it gets. I didn't even notice until she fainted." There was a pause between us as Elliot thought for a moment.

"Are you sure you want to work this?" He finally blurted as he parked the car in the hospital garage.

I got out of the passenger seat and stared at him over the roof of the car for a moment. "She was probably raped Elliot. And even if she wasn't, she came to our precinct." I quickly realized that's not what he meant. I tried not to let my expression harden too much. "And I can still do my job," I said in a harsh whisper.

He opened his mouth to talk, but my death glare kept him quiet. We both knew that he knew better than to cross me at this point.

"Detective Olivia Benson, this is my partner Elliot Stabler." I introduced my badge to the front desk once we were inside. "We're with the Special Victims Unit." I pulled my notepad out and searched though it. "We're looking for a…" I wrote the girl's name down somewhere. "Emma MacGuire." When the doctor called us to say that she was awake, he'd also given us her information. She wasn't even eighteen, she was only fifteen.

The receptionist searched through her files and gave us directions to her room. Elliot thanked her while I headed off towards ICU.

"Emma?" I slowly pushed the girl's door open as I stepped into the room. "Hi." I gave her a warm smile once I saw her. She was lying on the hospital bed, hooked up to a million different machines. She wore a paper nightgown and a thin blue hospital blanket.

"Hi." She gave as worried frown as her eyes followed every move I made.

"I'm Detective Olivia Benson." I introduced myself, slowly walking towards a chair near her bed. "This is my partner Elliot Stabler." As Elliot stepped out from behind the curtain next to me, the girl jumped back, terror filling her eyes as he startled her. "Elliot…" I put a hand on his shoulder and looked towards the door, motioning for him to leave. The girl was already scared. I doubt if she'd open up to him.

"But-" Elliot started to argue.

"Now." I growled, daring him to contradict me. He sighed and headed outside, knowing he'd never win. "Emma?" I turned back to the girl in the bed. "Detective Stabler's going outside, so it'll just be you and me." Though some of the fear in her eyes seemed to fade, it was still obvious. "Emma, do you remember me?"

"No." She shook her head, her eyes darting around nervously as I sat in the chair next to her.

"You came into the police station." I started telling her what happened to see if it would jog her memory. "You'd been shot. You fainted while you were trying to tell me something."

"I don't remember." She shook her head, pulling away from me.

"Okay." I nodded and smiled. "It's all right. So why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Um…" She bit her lip and chewed on it thoughtfully as she looked me up and down, trying to see if she could trust me.

"It's okay Emma." I tried to reassure her. "I'm here to help you."

"I-I was walking down Main St. to go to the store." She shakily started, her eyes shamefully turned to the floor. "I walked by this alley when I thought I heard a cat meowing. It sounded like it was hurt, so I went to go look for it."

"In the alley?"

She nodded, still studying her hands. "It kept sounding further away, so I went farther and farther in until it stopped. I turned to leave, but someone came up behind me. He threw his hand around my mouth…" Suddenly, Emma burst into tears.

"Emma…" My heart went out to the girl as I watched her small frame shake in sobs. "Honey, it's all right." I touched her shoulder and she gasped, jumping away in shock, tears still streaming down her face. "Emma," I moved my head to the side so that I was looking her in her eyes as best I could. "Did he rape you?"

Her cries subsided for a moment as she looked at me. Then her eyes welled up in tears as she started bawling again. "He raped me!" She wailed. "He raped me…" Her voice was cut off by another sob as she held her face into her hands, rocking back and forth.

"It's okay honey." I stood up and sat on the side of the bed, wrapping my arms around her. Her instincts told her to pull away, but she just sat there, unresponsive to my embrace at first. After a few minutes, she finally allowed herself to relax, burying her face into the folds of my clothes as she wrapped her arms around me, as if she feared I'd leave. "It's okay Emma," I whispered in her ear as I ran my hand over her hair. "You're safe now. He can't hurt you."

As she cried into my shirt, I tried to comfort her, despite the tears running down my own cheeks. I was instantly pulled back to the moment I had showed up on Munch's doorstep after I was attacked. At least I was an adult. I could handle it. But her… She was just a child. Not even old enough to drive yet. This shouldn't have happened to her. No kid deserves this.

--XXX--

"Olivia. Olivia." As my eyelids slid open, I awoke to Elliot standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder as I felt a weight in my arms. "Hey." He smiled once he saw that I was awake. "How you doing?"

"Fine." Still drowsy, I turned to look at the person in my arms. I realized Emma and I had fallen asleep, my arms still around her.

"Are you all right?" He gave me a strange look as he studied me. "Your face is red." He reached out to touch my cheek, but I slapped his hand away.

"I'm fine." I turned around and ran the back of my palms over my cheeks, wiping the dried tears away. The last thing I needed was Elliot thinking I couldn't handle being back at work. "How long have I been in here?" I asked, facing him.

"Only about fifteen minutes." We were both talking softly so that we wouldn't disturb Emma. I knew first hand that she was going to need all the sleep that she could get. "Did she tell you anything?"

"Yeah. Help me move her." I carefully lifted her off of my lap, allowing room for Elliot to put his arms under her. While he did that, I slipped off of the bed and out from under her. Once I had cleared the bed, Elliot gently set her back down, placing her head against a pillow.

"Did you get any word about her parents?" I asked my partner.

"She lives with her mother in their apartment, just the two of them. No relatives anywhere around here either. The mother was on a two-day business trip, she was staying by herself." He nodded towards the sleeping figure on the bed. "They contacted her. She should be here in about two hours." He turned to me. "What did you find out?"

I sighed and grabbed my notepad off of the chair I'd been sitting in. The pages were blank. I hadn't written a thing down. "She was walking down Main St. when she thought she heard a cat in the alley." I heard myself say "cat" bitterly. Like some four-legged, cuddly animal was to blame for all this. "She went looking for it when the perp grabbed her from behind. She said he raped her, didn't give me any specifics." I ran my fingers through my hair. "What did the doctor say about a rape kit?"

"He said she's okay physically to have the exam. And if she was attacked right before you found her, there might still be evidence." He didn't even have to mention the fact that it was slowly disappearing as each minute ticked away.

"Okay," I nodded, quickly glancing at the fifteen-year-old. "I'll wake her up and try to talk to her about it. You go get a doctor."

Elliot nodded before he left the room to carry out my order. While he was doing that, I sat back down so that I wouldn't be standing over her when she woke up. I didn't want to do anything to terrify this girl anymore. Taking a deep breath, I watched her toss and turn, obviously having a night terror. A rape exam was the last thing I wanted to put the poor girl through. They were commonly referred to as the "second rape," a name that suited it quite well after having been through one myself and seeing hundreds more done.

"Emma, Emma…" I carefully shook her awake as I threw a big smile on my face. "Hi honey…"