Chapter 43 – Stabler
Thanks to Katydidit, Opal Irises, anonymousthinker, AglaiaWar, dadsgirl4ever, christopher-meloni-freak, nem, viol8dbyalizzard, Lizzie9, Lady Padfoot II, and stablerchic14 for reviewing!
Death threats and hate mail? Maybe I won't update now... Okay! Okay! Put the pitchforks and flaming torches down! I'm updating.
You guys are too easy to tick off! So amusing... Except for Katydidit -Damn you and your pyschic abilities! So much for surprising you!
Oh, by the way, this is also the end of the story! Eek! -Hides under table and waits for everyone to get to the end of the chapter.-
Lyrics by Christy Carlson Romano – Could It Be/Jo Dee Messina - Closer
I know we've been friends forever
But now I think I'm feeling something totally new
And after all this time
I've opened up my eyes
Now I see
You were always with me
Could it be you and I never imagined
Could it be suddenly, I'm falling for you
Could it be you were always beside me
And I never knew
Could it be that it's true that it's you
And it's you
You were always near
But who would ever thought that we would end up here
And every time I've needed you
You've been there to pull me through
Now it's clear
I've been waiting for you
Could it be you and I never imagined
Could it be suddenly, I'm falling for you
Could it be you were always beside me
And I never knew
Could it be that it's true that it's you
Oh it's you
'Cause today is the start of the rest of our lives
I can see it in your eyes
Oh that it's real
And it's new
And I never knew
Could it be that it's true that it's you
That it's you
Oh it's you…
I love the way you look at me
Can't you see
You're the only one that I could ever need?
Can't you feel how much
How much I wanna get
Maybe just a little, just a little bit
Closer
Closer than anything
Don't you wanna be?
Closer
Til there's nothing in between
You and me
I gotta make a secret confession
All I really want is all your affection
Get a little crazy every time we touch
Close as we are, we could get so much
Closer
Til there's nothing in between
You and me
Baby don't you wanna get
Maybe just a little bit
Look into my eyes
Just get hypnotized
One little magic kiss
We could always feel like this
Come on over here and get
Closer
Closer than anything
Don't you wanna be?
Closer
Til there's nothing in between
You and me…
Stabler
She's going to shoot herself.
Whether it was a thought I meant or not, it was the first thing to spring into my mind as Olivia pulled the piece out of its holster. I felt my heart start fluttering in my chest, like it would burst at any moment. My mouth went dry and my voice caught in my throat. I'd seen millions of guns before, half of them being pointed at me, but this was different. This was her.
"Liv, just put the gun down." I held my hands out in front of her, like with every other person that held a gun towards me. "We can talk about this," I tried to reason, tried to buy time.
Holding the barrel in her hands, she looked up at me, tear stains on her face. Her expression was somewhat blank as her mind processed my words. Suddenly, her features twisted into a mixture of disbelief and hurt, like I'd just completely betrayed her. Her mouth opened, but the words were lost. So she just stared at me, a "how-could-you-think-that?" look on her face.
Shaking her head and letting her tears begin to fall again, she looked down and grabbed her badge off of her belt. Putting it on top of her gun, she went to me and shoved them in my hands.
"I quit!" She spat at me, as if her words were venom. While I was still in a dazed shock, she sprinted besides me and went for the door. As she brushed next to me, it pulled me back to reality. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I couldn't let Olivia go.
Setting her gun and badge on the table, I rushed towards her, grabbing her from behind and wrapping my arms around her upper waist. She jumped, scared at first. That turned to anger when she realized it was just me.
"No! Stop it!" She frantically struggled against me, clawing at my arms. "Let me go! You can't stop me!"
"Olivia! Don't!" I squeezed her tighter, ignoring the slicing pain in my arms. "Listen to me! You can't quit! You do too much good and you know it!"
"No I don't! Emma's dead because of me!" She cried, still trying to push me off of her, though she was weaker now.
"Liv, Emma's dead because she was raped and she couldn't cope with it. That isn't your fault!"
"Just stop!" She begged, even more sobs escaping her as her body started shaking in my grip. "Why do you do this?" Olivia demanded in tears. "I'm not worth it! Just let me go…" She moaned.
"Liv, I'm not letting you leave because I care about you! You're worth everything to me!" I ignored the tears starting to gather in my eyes. "And I know you. You could never do anything else with your life. When you took this job you knew it'd be hard and difficult, but you didn't care because you wanted to help people. And Liv, you do! How many rapists and pedophiles and criminals have you helped convict? How many victims have you helped sleep at night because they know their attacker is behind bars, thanks to you?" By now, Olivia was no longer struggling against my restraints. She merely stood there, still sobbing silently as she listened to me. "Liv, you can't just throw this all away. You can't throw away all the good you've done and all the good you will do because of one case. If you want to help Emma, convict her rapist, but don't quit."
Feeling my words finally get to her, I slightly opened my arms, but not enough to free her. As I did that, Olivia twisted in my arms so that she was facing me. She buried her face in my chest and I felt my shirt soak up her tears. Suddenly, she started speaking.
"Just let me go…" She softly moaned, though not making any attempt to leave. "Let me go…"
"Never Liv," I whispered in her ear, feeling her hair brush against the side of my face. I hugged her tighter, bringing one of my hands up to hold her head. "I will never let you go. Never…"
--XXX--
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I repeated, searching Olivia's face for any hint that she was lying.
"Positive." A small smile crept across her face at my worrying. "And thanks… for the ride." Even as she said that, I knew she was thanking me for more than that.
"Anytime," I reflected her smile back at her.
I had given her a ride home from the station house and we were now standing in her apartment doorway. The whole way to here, we were both silent, with nothing really left to say after what happened in the interrogation room. Then again, I had a million things more I wanted to say to her. Most of them starting with the words, I love you.
I'd never planned it. I didn't expect it. And I never saw it coming. But somehow… I'd fallen in love with my partner.
It hadn't been a slow, bit by bit realization, it had hit me all at once, in one moment. It was the moment Olivia had pulled her gun out and I thought I was going to lose her forever. I'd seen our whole friendship flash by my eyes. All the times we'd saved each other's lives, all the time we spent together, how well we knew each other, and how happy I was when I was around her. When I realized that I couldn't live without her, I knew I loved her.
There wasn't anything about her that I didn't revere. Her laugh, her smile, her drive and determination, her compassion and understanding, her sense of humor, how adorable she looked after just waking up, the way her hair fell around her face, staring into her deep brown eyes…
When I was trying to convince her not to quit the force, every fiber in my being had been screaming to just tell her. Tell her how you feel. Say you love her, and that's why she can't quit. Tell her how much you need her.
But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, I saw more reasons to keep it bottled up inside. First, the obvious. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if she sees me as nothing more than a good friend? In all the years we'd been friends, she'd never shown anything but a platonic interest in me. Just because my views had suddenly changed, who's to say that hers had as well? If I did tell her how I felt and that was the case, I'd just end up pushing her away and ruining the best friendship I'd ever had.
Or, say she did feel the same way. What if we did start a relationship? There were strict rules in the force about dating colleagues. If we were to get involved and Cragen found out, he'd have to assign us different partners, maybe even have one of us transferred out of SVU. I didn't want to lose Olivia as a partner either.
Or what if we got together without anyone finding out, and then broke up? We could say the same old cliché, that we'd still be friends, but that's never true. Things would be awkward, strained, and again I'd lose her.
Or what if we did get together, but only because she's so vulnerable right now? I didn't want to take advantage of her when she was still bouncing around from everything.
With so many 'what-ifs' tumbling around in my brain, I knew I couldn't tell her my true feelings. No, it would be much safer to keep them to myself, hope that they eventually fade away. Even as I thought it, I knew that it would never happen. I loved her, and a part of me always would, whether or not she returned the feelings. But why now…?
"Elliot? Elliot?" Olivia waving her hand in front of my face snapped me back to reality.
"Oh, um, sorry. What?" I tried to play off my silence.
"I asked if you wanted to stay here again, or if you were ever going home again?" She flashed a grin at me, making my heart beat a little faster.
I would love to stay with you again, my heart tried to say. Haplessly, my brain overrode it and instead I declined. "No, I should go home. Maybe change," I shrugged, pointing out the fact that I'd been in the same clothes for over 24 hours.
"Okay. So I'll see you at work tomorrow?"
I nodded. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." I smiled and started walking away.
"El?" Olivia suddenly appeared in the hallway next to me.
"Yeah?" I faced her.
"Thanks." She wrapped her arms around my neck. Resting her chin on my shoulder for a second, her sweet-smelling hair fell in my face. I closed my eyes and reveled in the moment. "For everything." She didn't elaborate as she pulled away, waiting for me to answer.
Now! Now's your chance! Tell her the truth, tell her how you feel! It's now or never. "Of course," I shrugged her gratitude off with a smile. "My pleasure."
She just smiled back, taking a step towards her apartment. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," I nodded.
"Night," she waved from inside her apartment.
"Night," I waved back. And as she disappeared into her apartment, I also felt any chance of ever telling her how I felt go with her. "I love you Liv…" I whispered, about two seconds too late.
--The End--
I would like to give a huge shout out and thanks to all the people who've reviewed throughout this whole story!
qt-angel, tria246815, viol8dbyalizzard, Lady Padfoot II, n14, Katydidit, LivElRocks a lot, christopher-meloni-freak, Krystal Redfield, NeVeR-wAnTeD-tO-bE-dIfFeRrEnT-jUsT-wAnTeD-tO-bE-mE, Anna, nem, finalfan17, SVUlover, Whitney, LawNorderluver01, stablerchic14, volleylover, LandofShadows, Mika Tsuki, CincyRedsAllTheWay05, angelbabii07, Howdy yall, Shellster, asjkid, Sadie13, SouthrnBelle, boredsvunut, georgesgurl117, Delila07, Raisin, Skat8erchick1435, TeacherTam, Bloody Mina, SVUchik18, AglaiaWar, dadsgirl4ever, steph, queen of drama queens, emma, Opal Irises, anonymousthinker, littlesweetcupcake, Lizzie9, Jerseygirl91, Spikes Girl5, BowerPauer, fufubird
Well, this has been so fun! I'm so glad everyone liked my story and stuck with me this far! I hope you'll read some of my other stuff as well. Bye! And thanks again!
Oh wait, a lot of you wanted to see Olivia and Elliot together, uh? Must have slipped my mind... Just kidding! Of course I didn't forget! Now, I am going to write a sequel, definitely. But, since I write these for you guys, I'll let you pick where I take it! Here are the choices.
1) I can 'fix' it and make the sequel a story totally dedicated to OE. or
2) I can make the sequel about Elliot trying to ignore his feelings for Olivia.
Review and let me know! If I get enough interest in either one, I'll try to get the new story up within the next few days. Thanks!
