A/N: Whoa… and here we conclude yet another long stretch of no-updates. Well, if it's any consolation, the HoroHoro cosplay I was working on won second prize…
Oh, and just as a note- this is the chapter where it turns from "Ren memory sequences" to what I'd like to lovingly dub "Ren-trips"…
This Disclaimer Disclaims: I own nothing. Not even the computer I'm typing this on.
A Question of Honour
After the HoroHoro had finally returned from his romp in the woods a few hours later (with absolutely nothing to show for it, surprise surprise), all Ren could do was glare pure death at the blue-haired annoyance, the taller boy happily babbling away some inane story about his adventures chasing a rabbit, as if he was somehow proud of the fact he'd wasted almost half the day with his stupidity. The fact that the heavens had opened up once more, catching the poorly dressed Ren in yet another torrential downpour, soaking through the thick coat and his flimsy silken clothes to thoroughly drench the purple-haired boy certainly wasn't helping his mood in the slightest. The happily babbling Horo didn't seem to mind the rain at all, only pausing briefly in his 'exciting' (in the loosest sense of the word) account to casually wipe away the water running down his rounded cheeks in tiny rivers with a simple flick of his hand- not that the action made any real difference, as yet more water soon cascaded down his face in it's place, but the mere fact of the matter was that HoroHoro didn't seem to be half as miserable at he was. And that fact irked the Chinese boy to no end as he scowled at the annoyance- the blue haired boy was probably gloating inside, about how pathetic the great Tao Ren looked now, more like a drenched rat than the proud nobleman he was.
"HoroHoro?" the taller boy blinked, words instantly dying on his lips at the sudden interruption of his fascinating story.
"Yeah Ren?"
"Shut up." Ren swiftly turned away once more, just barely catching a glimpse of the other boys scowl as he unconsciously hugged the dark coat closer around his lithe form. "In case you've forgotten, we're supposed to be going to my estate, and, unlike you apparently, I don't enjoy wallowing in the mud-" his voice rose, the condescending tone overpowering the blue haired boys attempted retort "-I thought I told you to shut up- anyway, due to your revoltingly stupid little 'adventure', we're going to have to keep walking through the night as well." He caste a glance over his shoulder, eyes laughing cruelly as his voice dripped bitter mockery at the sudden downtrodden look on the taller boys face "You think you can handle that, my dear HoroHoro? Or will I have to carry you the rest of the way?" He chuckled under his breath, the sound rough, his voice unaccustomed to mirth "We wouldn't want our precious guest to over-exhort himself, now would we?" The awkward laugh rose in pitch slightly as he sneered over his shoulder once more- only instead of finding his companion simmering in indignant anger as he had expected, he was met with an enigmatic, half-lidded smile almost affectionately tugging at the corners of the other boys lips.
"Heh, so the great Tao Ren can laugh." A grin lit up HoroHoros face "That wasn't so bad, now was it?" his voice was honest, pure, free of even a hint of sarcasm or mockery. "Besides," those obsidian eyes slid shut, a carefree child smiling contentedly- an expression that had become so precious and rare during the years of the war "You look better when you smile- scowling all the time gives you pre-mature wrinkles ya know." Ren tore his eyes away to glare down at his feet, resentful agitation nagging at the corner of his mind as he felt the heat blossoming in his cheeks. That shameless pig! The fact the other's words had been wholly sincere, not meant to hurt or scorn, somehow hit the Chinese boy harder than any simple insult slung at him over the past few days, affected him more… deeply…
"You look better when you smile"
He could feel his teeth grind as his pace quickened significantly, storming angrily in a vain attempt to get further away from his unlikely companion. He focused entirely on the anger, because he knew anger- rage, spite, fury; these were emotions he knew, he'd bore many times in the past. Anger was something he could deal with.
"You look better…"
Anger was a simple emotion. He fists clenched around the wet fabric of the oversized coat he was wrapped in as he ducked his head, pointedly ignoring the hails of the other boy telling him to slow down, frustration turning inwards at the flaming red tinting his sloping cheeks. Anger was a simple emotion, and as long as he focused on seething, he could ignore the unfamiliar fluttering in his stomach.
"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Such kind eyes…
No one had ever looked at him before with such kind eyes…
-0-
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
He felt the silk flow around his petite form, pale white fluttering like some quivering ghost as the child danced along the edges of eternity, waltzed among the distantly twinkling stars, the full moon a wide, unseeing eye, forever gazing out in the glazed bliss of sweetest oblivion- of beautiful death as the three silent advisors sang, voices thick and gurgling. So very difficult to sing without tongues- but then again, they had sworn those to father, and father always kept what was his- but that was okay, and here he was okay. Here, far away away away from mother, from father, from the lies and hurt and… and…
And everything.
Here, he could laugh, and laugh he did as he ran and played between the pale blue stars, twinkling joyfully like tiny, delicate flakes of the purest snow. He laughed at the reds, he laughed at the blacks, he laughed at the hate and the pigs, he laughed at the nobles and the peasants, strutting around like insects across the dried, cracked earth far far far below, as if somehow, their tiny thoughts and worries held any actual significance. And how tiny, how very tiny all the things he feared were when he looked down at them from here… From here, he could laugh at them all, laugh at them all so that no one would know, not even himself, just how afraid he truly was.
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Because here, even the hurt was okay.
-0-
He roughly yanked his soaked bangs away from his face, the slight tingles of protest in his scalp somehow satisfying in his agitation as he squinted his golden eyes, glaring down the flooded path though the dark gloom. His hands then returned to groping out in front of him, like he was some kind of blind beggar in the pelting rain, but he was beyond caring. His teeth grated as he squinted further, trying to somehow identify one black smudge from another, his feet slipping and sliding gracelessly in the thick, sticky muck, but he didn't care. He didn't care about the pain in his injured arm as he clumsily banged it into objects or tore it through brambles and bushes, didn't care about his stinging fingertips or toes, throbbing from being stubbed so often in the dark, didn't care about the harsh rasp of his companion, panting somewhere close behind him, lungs almost sounding as though they were rattling in the pouring rain. He didn't care- he was going home tonight, or he was going to die trying.
If only he could have at least been able to light a match…
"Oi, Ren?" the Chinese boy jumped at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts.
"What?" he hissed darkly, whirling around in the dark to face (or, at least he supposed he was facing) the blue haired annoyance. Both boys yelped as they collided, gracelessly falling back away from each other into the thick mud they'd been trying to slog through for the last few hours. Ren trembled in barely suppressed rage, a frustrated growl ripping from his throat, and he was sure that if he were able to see that stupidly grinning face, he'd strangle the moron. Why couldn't anything go right when the blue haired IDIOT was around? WHY? He struggled awkwardly, trying to stand again, only to feel his hand slide over the soft, strangely solid flesh of his companions arm- he felt something inside him jolt in shock, an unnamed instinct crying out that he'd done something horribly wrong as yet another, far away impulse pleaded for something… something he couldn't quite name- Either way, he wound up jerking his hand away, thus making him loose what fragile balance he'd gained in the slippery muck and flop back down again, this time a not-so-subtle cry of humiliated rage tearing from his lips.
Then he felt two fumbling, mud-coated hands clumsily reach down to wrap around his, and with a sudden tug, Ren found himself almost on his feet again. He blushed in indignant fury as he snarled offensively, ripping his hands away, only winding up slipping once more, and dragging the startled Horo down with him once more. His eyes widened as he felt the blue haired boys body collide solidly with his own briefly before sliding gracelessly to land beside the Chinese boy, spattering the already coated boy with yet more muck. Ren somehow managed to slither away from the other boy, his face burning in what he firmly told himself was disgusted anger- for that split-second, he thought he'd felt the other boys heart… But no… no no no… he felt his own heart pound within his chest. That couldn't have been right- the peasant didn't have a heart, the pig couldn't have a heart… not human not human not human not human… He tried to force the lump that had risen in his throat away, quietly chocking as he listened to the rain pounding mercilessly upon the soaked earth, the heavy panting of his blue haired annoyance mixing strangely with his own, the sound of the other boy's soft rasping gasps… something dark leered sickly from within the depths of his mind; quick pleading gasps, soft whimpers, and how those kind eyes would glaze with…and it terrified him how something so very, very wrong could have been roused by the other boy, could seem so… right… He clasped his hands over his ears, teeth clenching as he focused on making the anger swell once more, of washing away the uncomfortable feelings in the bittersweet tides of the burning hate.
"You look better…"
Not human Not human Not human…
Such kind, kind eyes, polished obsidian glittering with such warmth, such acceptance…
The pig… the pig made so much noise…
His eyes popped open when he felt those fumbling fingertips gently, almost shyly, brush past one of his hands. His reaction was instantaneous, viciously slapping it away with quite a bit more force than necessary, golden eyes burning with pure, violent fury.
"Don't touch me!" he hissed venomously, his voice twisted almost entirely beyond recognition with hate. He felt the other draw away as though stricken, hesitation an almost tangible thing in the black as Ren glared furiously at the blurred shape shifting uncertainly before him- how, how dare such low born swine unsettle him so! How dare he!
Not human…
"…Ren?" the voice was soft, tentative, guilty. A lost child, calling out for something familiar all the while keeping its voice so low, so very, very low in fear of the unknown monsters hearing the quiet plea. "Ren, it's… it's so dark Ren… I can't see, I can't see and we don't know where we're going- can't we wait for morning? If we keep… if we keep going like this, we'll get lost…" His voice was low, words awkwardly overlapping and fumbling over each other, the tone carrying the gently pleaded apologies "It's… it's too dark, Ren… too dark…" Ren, somehow, felt at ease by this blundering weakness. Little dolly…
He felt himself sneer at the shadow, the familiar superiority swelling within his chest once more as he allowed himself to silently delight in the others fragile weakness- pathetic little pig, squealing in terror at what it doesn't understand. However, the blue haired annoyance did have a point- he currently had no idea what direction he'd wound up facing after their little stint earlier (not that he'd ever admit it to the HoroHoro). But it still did irk him, that he'd have to wait until morning to get back home, his frown deepened- it was all the abhorrent pigs fault too, him and his stupid 'rabbit hunt'…
"Fine. If you want to sleep in the mud for one more night that badly…" He sniffed curtly, purposefully letting the quiet, relieved 'Thank you' the other uttered slip softly and unacknowledged into the darkness.
Little dolly is afraid of the dark… He couldn't suppress the cruel smirk.
-0-
Thinking of you
Thinking…
Thinking of you
Tick tock Tick tock Tick tock
Burning amber bored into the very depths of his soul, hate, cruelty, sincerity, human frailty and brutality- those swollen lips pulled back sickly, baring tainted white teeth; a primal snarl, a tender smile.
I love you.
I hate you.
Thinking of you thinking of you thinking
"You look better…"
tick tock tick tock thinking
"Honour before Self"
thinking tick tick tock
"… when you smile."
"Then you can kill whomever you please."
And it's a terrifying thing when you can't decide who will be your God…
-0-
Yeah… In all honesty, the events of this chapter and the next one wound up being switched around… For some reason, things just work out a bit better this way. Ah yeah, this fic has all the signs of any quality film- random nudity, and mud wrestling! Whoo!
Yet again, kudos to my awesome reviewers- if it weren't for you guys, I'd probably be actually doing something constructive with my spare time (God forbid) ;)
MeeLee: Wow, again and again, you never fail to make me feel squishy and lurved inside. Thank you so much for your reviews- you wouldn't believe how encouraging and inspiring it is to get feedback from another author you admire. Oh, and thanks for the compliment, I was kinda worried that I'd taken the description of Rens abuse a bit… too far…
DayDrEaMiNg-child: Thanks for the review :) As for Jun, well, she's already in there… not quite as obviously spelled out as En and Ran, but she be in there…
gift-of-the-elves: Whoa… my writing has mood? O.o; I'm so flattered… Thank you so much for the review- as for there being 'kissing in the future', well, let's just say you'll see ;P
Jen-Tao07: We all know that Ren isn't doing the right thing, but hey, this is Ren- he does it anyway D Sorry about the update not being all that 'soon'… Thanks for the review.
