Raziel: At least your reviews.
Oh Smoke of all smokes, you make me a happy person. Although I do really like Razmataz. He's just fun to pick on.
Kain: You have to admit, he is kind of feminine…
Raziel: At least I don't act like a slut…
He's not a slut! He's just … flirty or something. I don't know. I don't think of Kain sexually, only the Batman.
Kain: Hey! What does he have that I do not?
You really want to know?
Chapter viIt was night and it was quiet. Despite this street belonging to the "prodigious" middle-class section of the rural town, it was terribly lit. A single amber streetlight illuminated the center houses, yet merely cast deep shadows upon the rest. The soft off-white light of the street perpendicular to this one gave the entire first half of the houses an eerie spectral glow.
Near the end on the eerie side of the street a red and white house, reminiscent of a single-story barn, sat quietly. A weak yellow light shone within not so much as a door-less garage, as a carport with a roof. A large blue SUV blocked most of this light from the street's view.
No crickets chirped. No strays roamed the streets. A bat flew silently past. So peaceful.
Blam!
The heavy wooden door inside the "garage" burst open, loud masculine and feminine voices pouring out of the house as a small brunette, a blue wraith, and a vampire king stepped into the night. So much for peaceful.
Raziel casually leaned against the SUV as the woman searched her pockets. He shook his head; her low-rise blue jeans were too tight, and she had trouble fitting her hands in them. She hissed angrily as she hopped around a bit, trying to cram her hands into her pockets.
Kain sniffed the crisp night air. Scrunching his nose, her turned away from the other two with him. "I smell cow excrement and traces of burnt rubber."
She managed to finally free the dangly keys from the confines of her pocket. She let out a triumphant yelp of joy. Both men curiously glanced at her as she brushed her thin hair out of her eyes. "This town iz surrounded partially by th' King Ranch an' there's uh refinery uh few miles out t' th' north." Puddi walked to the driver's side of the vehicle and opened the door. "Get in th' van."
Raziel opened the front passenger door, but before he could sit, Kain came from behind him and plucked him off his feet by his dainty hips and claimed the front seat for his own by giving him a tiny toss. Puddi curiously craned her neck to see past Kain. Raziel lay flat on his back with a slight perturbed expression. "Ah suppose ya called shotgun," she deduced aloud.
Kain raised a brow to her as Raziel clambered into the middle seating area, muttering the usual complaints about his former sire. "Shotgun?"
"Primus postulatio?" she offered.
"Ah, ita. Plane."
"Vero."
The wraith leaned forward in between the cockpit seats. "What are we doing in this contraption, Puddi?"
She loosed a quick light jab to his forehead. He quickly avoided the blow by throwing himself back upright in his seat. "We're goin'. Sit down an' shut up." She buckled her safety belt. "Ah'd advise these," she warned. "Ah don't got mah license." They had no idea what she was talking about, but from her tone of voice, they were pretty sure this was probably good advice.
Puddi jammed the key into the ignition and turned, startling the Nosgothians with the roar of the combustion engine. They tightened the belts. Placing the van in reverse, she attempted to back into the street. Se nearly backed into a tree.
Raziel squeezed his eyes shut, Kain gripped his seat, and finally Puddi managed to pull out completely into the dark street. She let out a giddy giggle as she began driving forward, down to the less spooky end of the street to a stop sign. The two men calmed as she obeyed this traffic law.
"This machine is absolutely amazing!" Raziel excitedly chattered. "With such speeds, one can reduce journeys which would ordinarily require days into hours!" Kain nodded an agreement with his fledgling's excitement.
She turned and flashed them a smile. "Takes uh day an' uh half ta get t' Tennessee fr'm here if ya stop ta stay th' night 'n Little Rock. That's uh few hundred miles." Raziel's eyes went wide with wonder.
Unlike Raziel, Kain was no longer thinking of future implications of this device, but what he could do with it now; he was getting bored just sitting there. He cupped a taloned hand over his chin as he wondered aloud, "How does one operate such an enigmatic device?"
Puddi blinked at Kain. "Ya wanna drive?"
An evil smile spread across his face. "Don't mind if I do." He unbuckled his belt then hers, and much to her surprise, grabbed her by the shoulder and forced a seat trade. He roughly tossed Puddi into the passenger seat and buckled his safety belt.
She adjusted herself in her new seat, peeved at his treatment of her. "Just don't wreck us. If mah parents' insurance goes up, yer payin' th' bill." She buckled her safety belt. Raziel made his even tighter.
Kain quickly glanced at the various levers, buttons, foot pedals, and the steering wheel as he spoke. "Perhaps I shall just kill the ones who threaten to bill you?" He once again cupped his chin with his talons in contemplation.
Puddi chuckled. "Only if ya promise ta throw uh magnet int' their company computers!" She laughed some more. Noticing Kain's brooding, she quickly changed the subject. "Wanna know how ta drive this thing?" She leaned over to his side. "This," she tapped on the wheel with a long nail, "iz the steerin' wheel. It turns the van. Left for left, right for right, 'les yer 'n reverse, then it's th' opposite. This," Puddi pointed to the right pedal, "iz acceleration; this," she pointed at the left pedal currently crushed under Kain's left foot, "iz th' brake. Fer deceleration, either step off th' gas or step a bit on th' brake. Under any circumstance: Don't. Stomp. The. Brake. Yuh'll flip us an' we'll die." Kain took especial note of her final bit of directions. Puddi sat back into her seat and smiled calmly at the vampire, pointing the direction in which to turn. "Are ya ready?"
Kain gripped the wheel much how a racecar driver does right before a race. She started to wonder if this was really a good idea. He revved the engine and said, "You bet I am." Puddi let out a small quiet whimper as he let go of the brake. Yet he did not step on the gas pedal after releasing the brake; he just eased through the turn. She sighed with relief and looked to Kain to try to discern why he did not rocket through this like a bat out of hell. His demeanor was completely relaxed; it seemed he was old enough to know barreling down these streets is a foolish act. Puddi smiled contently, so glad his maturity would probably make this a very pleasant ride.
Raziel however, had become impatient. "Do you think you are going slow enough, old man?" he mocked from the darkness of the back seat area. His former sire merely shrugged.
Puddi had to agree, but not before she reprimanded him. "Stop back-seat drivin', Raz. And yer not even bein' picked up by th' speedometer, Kain. By th' way," she added, "that tells you how fast yer goin'." She pointed the instrument out.
"I wish to ensure that I can do these turns right before I do anything," the elder vampire stated matter-of-factly. Finally, the van pulled into the intersecting street. "Ah, yes. That is good. Now I know I can turn this contraption." He slightly tilted his head and leered. "Let's go!" he growled as he slammed his cloven foot into the gas pedal.
The van Puddi's parents bought was, in fact, a great one; it had a very high safety rating and one of the strongest engines on the market, like a V-8 or something. Thus, having slammed the accelerator to its utmost point caused the engine to explode into life. All three passengers of the vehicle were pressed hard into their seats. Raziel loosed a yelp of surprise as he frantically fought against that force. Puddi, on the other hand, knew the danger in which Kain had unwittingly situated them. She curled upon herself as the street rolled underneath the tires, treacherously swift. This was not good. She soon realized she had not explained there were things like traffic laws and pedestrians that governed how one should drive. Realizing some obvious point, she nearly hit herself in the head. Of course! It is the middle of the night! There is very rarely anyone on the streets at this time of day! She sighed with relief; As long as Kain can remain on the road, all would be fine.
Kain stared wide-eyed as he rocketed down the street over one hundred miles an hour. He assumed the machine to possess oodles of power, yet he did not expect such response from the lumbering device. He could not help but give a slight curl to his lips. By this time, Puddi decided to impart more information concerning their destination.
"'Ey Kain," she shouted over the roar of the engine. "If ya see a street called 14th, get on it." Just by luck, the intersection to get on this particular road came within view. Kain nodded in an acknowledging way to Puddi as he prepared for the left turn. Puddi noticed he was not slowing down. Now this was bad. "KAIN!" she desperately screeched. "Ya hafta slow down through turns er ya'll flip us!" From the fear in her voice, Kain figured that would be bad, so, despite being out of character, he obeyed and slowed. But despite his relinquishment, he still barreled through the turn, obtaining a satisfying screeching from the tires. All passengers of the vehicle were pushed to the right, only their hips being held in place by the safety belts. Kain quickly glanced at the road satisfied; this one had five lanes instead of two and was much better lit. Fast food restaurants and various dollar stores littered the buildings surrounding the street.
Raziel huffed. These belts did not seem to be helping. He leaned between the front cockpit seats again, now capable since Kain figured 50 mph was fast enough. "Puddi, why are we wearing these restraints? Are they truly necessary?" he inquired.
Puddi turned her head. "This baby packs a lot a speed. There t' keep ya from dyin', Raz."
He huffed once again. "Well, I do not require this," he concluded as he unbuckled the belt. "I am already dead," he simply explained. "Thanks to Kain."
His former sire harrumphed as he drifted the vehicle to the left side of the street. "Stop whining, Raziel. Your pathetic complaints have obviously made you feminine!"
Raziel growled low and dangerous. The vehicle now occupied the left side of the road. "I am feminine?" he angrily shouted. "You wear low-rise pants!" Puddi giggled. She could not help herself; he had a point.
Kain shot an icy look that cut her gaiety short. She became serious as she explained her treachery. "Well, c'mon, Kain. Those pants're sooooo low, yer like un inch from dick! An' they're soooo tight, Ah c'n almost see every crevice 'n yer body!" Now it was Raziel who could not stop himself from laughing. His eyes practically shot fire at her. Puddi sighed melancholy. She liked Kain, and she completely embarrassed him in front of his fledgling, and he now stared back at her as so. She could not leave him for the wolves.
Puddi leaned close to Kain. He gave her a dangerous snarl, and so she raised her hands submissively to illustrate her intentions. Now he let her get close enough to whisper to him. "Do ya wanna get'm back?" she asked slyly. A new fire burned in his golden eyes. She smiled. "All ya have ta do iz slam the brakes." Kain furrowed his brow, remembering what she had said about that action. "Don't worry," she soothingly cooed. "Just keep th' van as straight as ya can an' ya won't flip." He raised a curious eyebrow. She flicked both of hers twice. He couldn't hold back a small smirk; this might be fun.
He mashed his cloven left foot on the brake. Suddenly the van deduced its speed from 50 mph to 0, causing a terrible whiplash effect on the front passengers. Raziel however, being the unlucky one, flew out of his seat in the back and slammed into the windshield. Yet the carcass he inhabited was not strong enough to break it; instead he crumpled upon himself like a wadded piece of paper against the strong plexi-glass with a disgusting crunch. He landed unceremoniously into the laps of the front passengers. Raziel, who once stood a proud 6 and1/2 feet tall, now lay quivering slightly more than a mere 1 and 3/4 feet.
His head, relatively intact, stared at them with an expression of resentment. Puddi stared curiously back at him as Kain lifted an eyebrow. The wraith coughed a bit. "That," he painfully began, "was… quite painf—"
Raziel exploded. The remaining passengers began to howl in mad laughter. Kain could not believe his former lieutenant just popped! Right in his lap, too! That was just so unexpected! Kain was nearly in tears as Puddi started laughing so hard she wasn't making any sound.
Just then, a knock came to the driver's side window. Both passengers blinked at each other. Kain quickly wheeled around to find a trim adult Hispanic male staring straight into the window. He blinked his golden eyes at him in surprise. He rolled down the window quickly and asked haughtily, "Yes, mortal?"
Puddi craned her neck past Kain to see who had knocked and disrupted their quest. Her big brown eyes went wide in panic. "Oh, hi, Officer," she uttered, trying to sound innocent. "What's th' problem?" She smiled nervously.
Ha, ha! The Cops!
Kain: Oh, no. Are we going to jail?
I dunno. Maybe.
Raziel: (still crumpled) I hate you.
(Kain starts laughing again)
Sorry. I though up that when my sister was driving me to the store.
Kain: Why did he explode?
Oh, don't you know? When he "dies" in Defiance, he just sort of goes POP!
Kain: Oh, ok.
(Raziel lays in a crumpled mess and gives a small painful whimper.)
