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Sarah hung up the phone and sat on the bed. It was all hitting the fan now, Wren had called an hour ago and told her that she'd talked to Garret and now Max had called to tell her that Garret was sleeping off a bender in the Pogue's office. He must be very angry or very hurt, probably both; Garret didn't get drunk enough not to make it home.

She'd really messed things up, but she'd known once she discovered she was pregnant that Garret would try to talk her into an abortion if he'd known her medical history. She had tried several times to tell him everything, but never seemed to be able to find the words.

As a doctor, Sarah knew the risk she was taking and would never have planned a pregnancy. Fate intervened however and given her one more chance to become a mother. She couldn't turn her back on that chance no matter the consequences.

Sarah hoped that after Garret had calmed down and digested the information they could discuss things rationally, but she'd have to wait until tomorrow to have that discussion. She certainly wasn't going down to the Pogue and confront Garret in his current state.

NEXT MORNING

Sarah waited until the last possible moment to leave for work, hoping Garret would show up so that they could talk. Finally she left him a note in case he came by the apartment and took the T to the morgue.

When she walked into the conference room, Garret had looked up at her and then began the morning briefing without even a nod in her direction. The tension in the room became more unbearable by the moment and everyone seemed to know that something was wrong between their boss and his wife. Even as wrapped up in her own thoughts as she was, Sarah hadn't failed to notice the looks being traded around the room.

"Sarah, you and I need to talk." Garret's voice came from beside her.

Sarah jumped and looked around the empty room. She'd been planning how to broach the subject with Garret and missed the end of the staff meeting and everyone leaving the room.

"I know." Sarah tried to keep her voice even. "Garret, let me explain."

"This I have to hear." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Explain how it is that I didn't know my wife was gambling with her life."

"Garret, I ..I ," Sarah felt the tears beginning to gather in her eyes.

"Go on, Sarah tell me that you know what you're doing. That you have a rational explanation for behaving like a selfish child." Garret felt an almost overwhelming desire to shake her.

"You have no right to speak to me like that, Garret Macy. I'm your wife, not your daughter." Sarah spat out, anger pushing every thought of a calm, sane discussion out of her mind.

"No you're not my daughter. Abby had better sense than this at the age of two." Garret bit off each word.

"You have no idea how I feel Garret or what I was thinking."

He interrupted. "Oh, so you were thinking, I'm amazed, because from where I stand it doesn't look like there was much thought to it, only a childish desire to get what you want. Even at the cost of your life!"

"How dare you! 'From where I stand' indeed." Sarah's eyes were wild and her voice sharp. "It must get awfully lonely up there in the rarified air of perfection that surrounds you, Dr. Macy. It's a pity we poor mortals disappoint you by failing to live up to your standards."

"I am not trying to be perfect, Sarah. I'm trying to understand why an intelligent woman would make this kind of decision without discussing it with her husband first." Garret clenched his fists. In a furious, low tone he continued. "You lied to me and I don't appreciate lying."

"I never lied to you Garret, I've never told you one single untruth and you know it." As Sarah gathered her things and walked to the door, Garret's next words stopped her cold.

"You're splitting hairs here, that's a stupid way to run a relationship and you know it." He shot back.

"I think we should talk about this later. You are being totally unreasonable and I could quite cheerfully hate you at the moment." She responded.

"And I could cheerfully slap you for rank stupidity." He spat out.

Sarah dropped her things and rounded on him with an almost feral look in her eyes. "You sanctimonious bastard." Her hand flew across the distance between them and the crack of flesh striking flesh resounded down the hall.

Sarah ran from the room and out the fire door as Garret stood fingering the growing mark left by her palm on his cheek.

Lily ran after Sarah, having witnessed the exchange from her vantage point in the hall, leaving Jordan to deal with Garret. Pausing to listen in the stairwell, Lily heard the roof access door shut. She climbed the six flights up and stepped out into the cold January sunshine. Sarah stood at the parapet, facing out toward the skyline.

"I knew you'd be right on my heels." Sarah said without turning around. "Come to tell me what a good man the big jerk is and how we should work this out?" To anyone but Lily the edge to Sarah's voice would have sounded like anger, but the grief counselor could hear the pain and fear.

"What it this, anyway? What was that all about, Sarah?" Lily asked moving to stand beside her friend.

"I've been a fool, Lily. I didn't tell Garret the entire truth about this baby." Sarah drew in a ragged breath and steeled herself to admit the depth of her idiocy. "I've lost three babies before and my OB/GYN in Memphis warned me that another miscarriage could kill me."

"Why risk it then?"

"The one thing I've ever wanted was a baby. I need to have this baby, Lily. Don't ask me why, I don't think I can explain it to myself." Sarah turned and sat on the parapet. "Garret's right, I was being selfish and childish, but...Oh Lily, what have I done? He was so angry, I've never seen him like that. For a split second I thought he might actually hit me and I drove him to it."

Lily shook her head. "Garret would never hit you, or any woman, no matter how angry he might be."

"I know that, the sensible part of me knows that, but I pushed him until he lost control of his temper. It's all my fault and now I'm afraid he hates me."

"Garret could never hate you, Sarah. Be livid yes, hate you, no." Lily slipped a comforting arm around her friend. "The man loves you more than his life. He could no more hate you than he could stop breathing. And it wasn't entirely your fault. I heard most of it, I'd say the blame is 50/50. You both were talking at each other instead of to each other."

"I slapped him, Lily. I've never raised a hand to another human being except the time I punched Harrison and I slapped Garret like some low class shrew."

"He scared you, you weren't reacting to him, you were reacting to fear."

'For a moment when I thought he'd follow through, all I could think was 'Not again, I won't be someone's punching bag again." Sarah began to cry. "I've destroyed everything."

Lily held the trembling woman while she sobbed disconsolately.

After a time Sarah began to calm down and wiped her eyes. "I can't go in there and face him, right now." She said.

"I'll get your things and you can go to my place for a while if you'd like." Lily offered. "We can talk more when I get home later, okay?"

"All right." Sarah agreed. "I'm freezing up here and I don't feel very well."

"Are you okay?" Lily was suddenly concerned.

"Just a headache from all this." Sarah gestured to indicate the current shambles of her life as the two women walked back to the door.