Kain: Now that finals are complete and school is no longer a concern, can you please update a tad more often?

Raziel: Quite. I am ready for some payback to my tormentors. (rubs claws in anticipation)

Yes, yes; I'll try. Meanwhile…

For Razielim Vampress: Sandy from Spongebob? Well… But I am glad you thought Raz blowing up like he does in Defiance was funny. You see people; I am not the only one who thought his death thing in Defiance was completely silly :p

For Smoke: Sorry, Smokies! I'll be sure to really wail on Kain this round

Raziel: Truly? (evil grin; well at least if he was capable)

Kain: Is this going to hurt? (starting to be frightened)

You know I have a sick sense of humor, so probably!

Chapter vii

The Hispanic police officer knew this was to be quite an interesting case. The blue minivan had been driving on the left side of the road at high speeds, and the last time he had encountered such a vehicle, the driver was being attacked by a schizophrenic parakeet. Luckily, he had not the need to flash the spinning blue and red lights; the van came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the lane. He followed suit, stepping out of his cruiser lazily. A loud thump rang against the windshield, and then something inside let out a loud pop! The police officer raised an eyebrow as muffled hysterical laughter reached his ears. He shook his head. Potheads, he thought miserably. Why can't nuthin' BIG happen here? Like 'n armed robbery. He sighed melancholy as he walked the rest of the distance to the driver's side window.

A single knock was all that was needed to have the driver roll down the window. Much to his pleasure, there was no smoke pouring out of the van, but something was definitely wrong here. The officer's brown eyes widened in surprise; the being situated behind the window was like none other he had ever seen. The man had a strange greenish tint to his skin, much more than what is normal for olive skin tones, which were common in this town. Long white locks cascaded down his back, only making the man look more green. Gripping the steering wheel were thick three-fingered claws, covered by red leather gloves extending halfway up his upper arms and … black gauntlets? He stared straight into the creature's golden eyes and found little comfort. It definitely could be trouble, yet an equally stunned and puzzled expression was reflected back at him. The Hispanic composed himself before the creature noticed his bewilderment, and did what he is paid to do: He leaned towards it, resting a forearm on the van door to look as condescending as possible at the occupant.

A small brunette leaned forward from the passenger side with a nervous smile. The officer cocked a black eyebrow. This could get interesting…

"Yes, mortal?" asked the creature haughtily. Obviously it had noticed the few seconds of staring he did. Oh well, the officer has a job to do.

The little woman started to laugh nervously. "Oh, hi officer," she chimed as coolly as able, yet fear clearly shone in her brown eyes. "What's th' problem?" Her feigned cheery grin spread across her lips once more. This was not good at all. Yet still this man held her curiosity; she knew people here are very superstitious, however he seemed not to even notice Kain for what he is. Then again, people here are also stupid.

The officer stepped back from the blue vehicle and motioned with his hand. "Step out a' 'de car, porfavor," he darkly intoned. Kain cocked his head to the side. A human dared to order him? And worse, call him a porfavor? He did not know what that meant, yet he did not like the tone in which it was said. He unbuckled his seat belt, intent on showing this mortal who shall be ordering whom, but Puddi grabbed his arm. She pleaded with her eyes for him not to do whatever he was going to do and just exit the van. He snorted and complied, with her doing the same.

They joined the Hispanic, stepping out in to the night. The officer blinked; the creature was taller and more muscular than he thought. Quick glances from the three showed there were not other cars and the shops were all closed. They seemed to be the only ones in town. The officer checked his wristwatch. 2:30 am. No wonder. He drew a relatively straight line in the thin layer of dust that covered everything in this township and motioned for the two to come closer. He turned to Kain. "Walk 'dis line heel ta toe," he instructed, even going so far as to demonstrate what he meant. Kain rolled his eyes; surely that pathetic human did not expect him to do soething as moronic as that? The officer angrily stomped to the vampire lord and demanded he do it right now! All he earned was a snoot.

That was the last straw for the insulted officer. This resisting an officer of the law, and he couldn't allow that. The Hispanic let out a snarl and drew his gun from its holster. Puddi's eyes bugged as she threw her arms into the air. This was just getting worse. Yet Kain just stared blankly at the pistol. He knew it obviouslywas some sort of weapon, however it had no blade and was much too small to be a useful blunt object. The small brunette woman began to tremble. Never had she ever been threatened at gunpoint. She turned to the vampire king in hopes of some comfort, but she only acquired more fear. Kain defiantly stood staring at the officer, who stared back from behind the barrel of the gun. Puddi panicked, desperately nudging Kain's leg with her foot. "Kain," she begged, "put yer hands up! He's godda gun!" Kain merely turned and lifted a brow at her. She sighed irritated. "Uh gun iz uh weapon that launches uh projectile over tee-yew hundred miles 'n hour at yer FRIGGIN' SKULL!"

Kain blinked. He did not know what miles were, but two hundred of them definitelysounded like it was alot. "Sounds like it could hurt," he shrugged. He lifted his arms into the air as well. The officer grabbed him by his side and forcibly led him back to the van, only to roughly turn him over and press him into the side of the hood. Kain kept himself from being bashed into the hood by extending his arms in front of him and furrowed his brow; what was this man doing? The Hispanic man pressed his body against the vampire's back as he held the barrel of the gun to the back of his head, pinning him to the van. Once the officer felt his perpetrator was secure, he began lightly patting the sides of Kain's hips with his free hand.

Kain eyes went wide. The vampire suddenly rounded on the surprised human and threw him off with his telekinesis. Landing roughly on the ground a few meters away, the officer clumsily rose to his feet. "'Ow DARE you throw Oceefer Gonzales 'n 'de floor!" he bellowed. "Ah will make y'all pay fer—"

Officer Gonzales suddenly felt something sharp and thick prodding his shoulder, stopping his angry rant. He stared ahead, afraid to see what hooligan had what weapon drawn. Kain crossed his arms over his chest, passively looking back at the Hispanic. Puddi, however, seemed quite happy, giving a bright smile to the officer or, much to his dismay, to the person behind him. Finally, he mustered the courage to turn.

What gazed back at him was too horrible for the poor man to endure. A cobalt creature with black hair and glowing eyes stood and despite lacking the organs to do it, looked down upon this pathetic man. Officer Gonzales collapsed in a heap at its feet, violently shaking. After a few seconds, finally he screamed. "Chupacabra! Ya a comel los chivos!" Then he promptly scurried to his cruiser.

"'Ey puta! If that's true, he's no danger ta ya; y' don't got th'm!" Puddi screamed at the man. Gonzales then drove off like a mad dog. "Idiot."

Raziel seemed pleased he frightened the officer in such a way, yet it fell away as he remembered how the instance came to be. "You ruined that corporeal form I took," he acidly droned, "and then had the audacity to LAUGH as it was TORN APART!" He clinched his fist in rage, practically burning holes into the other two. "How dare you."

Kain sighed. One thing he never approved from his fledgling is him taking everything said and done around him personally. "C'mon Raz," Puddi elucidated. "Ya exploded! How c'n y' not think we would laugh?"

Raziel drew his wraith blade and achieved a menacing stance. "And if you exploded?" he threatened.

Puddi crossed her arms. "If ever Ah randomly explode, ya have every right to laugh; 'n fact, Ah'd probably be laughin' too."

Raziel now turned to Kain. "I would expect her, thewierd woman,to do as such, but you!" he hissed. "You are over two thousand years old; surely you have matured enough to understand the pain of others."

The vampire king just shrugged as the wraith put away the Reaver. "You caught me by surprise when you exploded. The complete arbitrariness of the whole situation tickled my insanity for a moment." He placed his claws at his hips, chuckling a bit. "Try to see your circumstance from another's view, and I do believe you would understand my reaction."

Kain's antics finally hit one of Raziel's nerves, and in a blind fury, he struck Kain with his claws. Three deep gauges were left on Kain's chest. The blow was too quick for the vampire to react in any use for fighting; Kain stared mortified at his former fledgling and said the only thing that his shocked brain could produce.

"Ow!" The vampire lord quickly came to his senses, anger burning freely in his amber eyes. "That is not seeing it any different!" He cradled his new wounds, which were already healing.

Raziel sighed andtried to see it as Kain had, but instead a completely different scene played in his head. "Kain, what exactly was that human doing to you earlier?"

The wraith was surprised to see Kain wince at his question. "I have no idea."

Raziel lifted an eyebrow; he had an idea but… no. It couldn't be. He started chuckling. Then again, maybe it could. "Perhaps," the wraith intoned as best he could without cackling, "he found you quite right for himself."

Kain's eyes went wide in disgust. "He was not going to do that to me!" he roared defensively. "Was he?" He glanced about to find his little interpreter, yet saw no one save Raziel and himself. The blue van suddenly pulled up right next to them, the tinted window rolling down to reveal none other than Puddi in the driver's seat.

"Hey bitch-eyes," she called to them. "Get 'n th' van! We're not too far fr'm th' store." Not really concerned with her insult, simply from the pure originality of it, the two piled in the vehicle, Kain once again in front and Raziel in the back. Driving down 14th Street, Kain's unease from the situation with the officer left him with a burning question.

"What was that mortal trying to do to me, Puddi?"

"Pat ya down fer weapons quite normally," she answered, not taking her eyes off the road. She giggled to herself. "He called ya 'chupacabra'. What a moron!"

Raziel blinked in confusion. "Am I a 'chupracarba'? And what was he screaming before he left us?"

Raising an eyebrow, "that's 'chupacabra', an' nuh'n' special. Don't trah-ee speakin' Spanish, ya butcher it," she uttered. She glanced back to see the wraith not sated with such an answer, and sighed. "Just trah-ee not ta eat any goats ya see."

Raziel harrumphed, crossing his arms. "Oh, I do not know how I will stop the impulse," he mocked sarcastically. Puddi gave an disapproving sound as well.

"Don't get yer wings in uh knot. Here," she flipped the car radio on, "why don't ya listen to s'm music, 'uh?" The radio was already on her favorite station, yet commercials were presently playing. She smiled; the best commercial ever written happened to be playing, one that even the other occupants found quite amusing.


Well, that did not turn out as planned…

Kain: Why did you let that cop do that to me?

Raziel: Revenge is sweet!

Sorry. I didn't attend it to come out that way! Honest! I was going to send you to jail, but as I was typing the search scene, my mother came in and pointed out how absolutely wrong that sounded.

Kain: (sob!)

Raziel: Anyway, surely some people do not know Spanish so… translation please?

Porfavor is please. A chupacabra is like a demon thing Hispanics believe in that eats goats. Normally they don't attack people unless they try to get the goat back. "Ya a comel los chivos" means He is going to eat out goats.

And now you know… the rest… of the story. (Freakazoid totally kicks! )

Review please!