Elban was in the grip of a momentous decision- he was tired. Very tired. And Jareth kept pestering him! Jervohl was a lot better to talk to but she seemed to be staring out of windows a lot more than usual. Toby was no real help; the man had stars in his eyes, or so Elban was convinced.
"Bloody romantic lot," he grumbled, sitting in the window seat of an empty room just to have some time on his own, "Cannot get away from it. It follows you."
He had lost track of time a long while ago to judge by the contents- or lack thereof- of his stomach. It growled very loudly at him, obviously annoyed by its ill treatment. Elban studiously ignored it.
Someone knocked at the door and he stayed silent, hoping the person would go away. He knew who it was in any case. He had invited Beran to join him.
The door opened so quietly he almost missed it.
"Elban?"
"Shut the door if you are coming in," the sprite asked.
Beran tiptoed in for no reason that he could discern and shut the door. He then proceeded to tiptoe halfway across the room and wait. He would do anything, say anything… but he held his breath, fearing to drive his lover even further away.
Dark eyes glanced over him for a moment and then Elban was looking out of the window again. "You really have no idea why I left, do you?"
"If I made you unhappy, I am so very sorry. I love you. Please come home."
"Alright."
Beran blinked and momentarily wondered if he should sit down for this conversation. He couldn't possibly have just heard what he thought he had. "Excuse me?"
Elban hopped out of the seat and stretched. "I just agreed to go back." He sounded defeated. "If you will have me?"
"Of course! I-I mean I would love you to come back. I only… I'm a little surprised." Beran sat down and nervously pulled on his forefinger. "You left so suddenly, not even telling me where you were, and then you refused to talk to me for days. Is something wrong?"
"No. I was upset about something. I'm not any more."
Elban was watching him with dull eyes, shoulders hunched and arms wrapped loosely around himself. He looked almost ill. But it wasn't an illness, surely. Elban slept a lot when he got ill. Beran remembered that. He also remembered where he had seen such an expression before. Suffice it to say, the last time Beran had seen any living creature wear that expression, the koern had died the next month of no apparent reason. That was the most terrifying thought he had yet had.
"You were upset enough to leave," Beran protested, "Why come back now?"
"Don't you want me back?" The question was so tiny it almost faded before it slipped out of his mouth.
"Yes! I do. I never wanted you to leave. Oh hell! Come here, my lovely. Sit down." Pulling him down to a seat and wincing when Elban didn't even react to his touch. Hesitantly putting up a hand to touch that beloved face. "Tell me what worries you."
"Nothing."
"Not possible, my lovely."
"Beran, would you let this be? It was something stupid and I made a fool out of myself. I don't want to talk about it."
"We have to. You have to tell me why you left. You owe me that."
Finally, finally, those dark eyes sparked, but not with relief or with love or any other of a hundred wonderful emotions. Anger blazed like a furnace so bright that Beran drew back unconsciously.
"I owe you nothing," Elban bit out, punctuating the words with a sharp poke to the dwarf's chest.
"Elban…"
The fire died as suddenly as it had flamed. "Never mind. I just need to sleep. Can we go home now, Beran?"
The dwarf was staring at him, hoping for some clue. Whatever he had hoped to hear when the goblin had told him where to go, this was not it. He had hoped for so long, waited for so many days to be to forgiven. But he never had been. Elban had not forgiven him. He had inexplicably changed his mind, but he had not forgiven him. Elban would not just forget something that had hurt him so badly! Beran could not let this disappear so easily. He would not, not when it stifled his lover so much.
"Elban, please. Tell me what I did wrong? Let me apologize to you."
A brief glow of panic. "It isn't necessary.
Once upon a time, Elban would have called him 'love'. He would have smiled and shrugged and even if the hurt was still in his eyes, he would have cheerfully made the effort to meet Beran halfway. This was complete surrender and it puzzled Beran no end. Elban did not surrender. His nature was such that he bent when ill winds blew; he never broke.
"It is to me. Tell me?"
The forest sprite looked out the window again. He didn't look back. Indeed, he looked as though he were mentally preparing himself to say something he would rather not think about. "I know about that woman."
Again, Beran was surprised. "What woman?"
"The one you… well, I do not believe you love her, but I know you…" He couldn't say it. Elban hated himself for it but he couldn't bring himself to say the actual words. And what was he to call it? Sleeping together? That implied an almost-innocence that burned a bitterness on his tongue. Having sex? That sounded so clinical, so medically precise. Not at all like the hot, damp, passionate act that Elban really referred to. Making love? No. The sprite was vehemently denying that to himself. "I understand that it happens after a certain period of time, so I do not grudge you someone new. There are certain things I cannot do in any case and this way is probably better. I just need some time to get used to it."
Beran could barely gather enough breath to speak. "Are you," he demanded, "Sitting there and admitting to thinking that I would ever cheat on you?" He gave the word 'cheat' the disgust that it deserved. "That was why you left?"
"I saw you talking…"
"With a woman, no less!" Gone was the breathlessness and in its place was relief-fuelled adrenaline. "That was one of the humans! She was thinking of becoming a forest sprite and came to formally ask my permission to approach you. It seems Jareth thought I might get jealous if he just sent her over."
"You spoke to her for three days!" Elban protested, some of the ice in his face melting. "And I know she was a human! I assumed you got curious."
"I have nothing against humans," Beran insisted robustly, "Or women. Very fond of them, in fact. But why in the hell would I take a body too soft, too rounded, and much too large when I already have the perfect lover in my bed? For life! You must think me an idiot!"
"No, I… the perfect lover?" And just like that- Elban swung from his original stillness to shyly fishing for compliments. "That good?"
"Better," Beran said fervently, "Much, much better." He picked up a slender hand and kissed the back before turning it over and pressing a deep kiss to the palm. "The best there ever could be for me. Look at me, my lovely. I would never, nor will ever, cheat on you."
"Never?"
"Never. At least, not without your permission first."
The forest sprite glared at him and the last of the ice melted. The mobile face with its pointed chin and fine eyes was alive again and the slight irritation in those dark eyes were tempered by tenderness and- Beran dared hope- just a little bit of forgiveness.
It left the dwarf shaken to think that he might not have pressed the issue. Elban would have continued to think that he was neglected and put aside. And things would have finally exploded in their faces. Elban would have torn himself apart under such a burden.
"Never do something like that again," the dwarf asked, "Please tell me, if I ever do anything to upset you. You know how thick I can be. This head is not big for nothing."
"I think it is a very sweet head."
"You are just a little prejudiced, my lovely."
"Want to go tell Jareth the good news?" Elban laughed, getting up and offering his hand, "Poor dear. He has been biting down the urge to kick us both out for the past three days. I could almost hear his teeth grind every time I refused to talk to you."
Beran gave him a peculiar look as he stood up.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Elban frowned suddenly, hoping this burst of sunshine had not just evaporated out of the air. "What is it? Have I said something?"
Beran shrugged. But Elban looked worried, so he gently patted the hand still in his and said, "Now you know how I feel sometimes."
Elban's frown deepened. And then it cleared to the most meltingly horrified expression. "You still believe that? With Jareth? Never! I swear to you- never! Not least of which is that I have no interest in him like that. It would ruin any kind of hold I have on him."
Beran was giving him that odd look again.
"What?"
"Elban, you tell me that you have no interest in bedding him. I believe that. But he occupies your attention to a large degree. If anything new happens, your immediate response is to talk to Jareth. If you feel upset or elated, you want to tell him or write to him or have him know in some way. You speak about him all the time. You seem to think about him all the time. I believe all of this is purely platonic, but I can't help but feel envious. He holds a big part of you."
"Do you think he will seduce me?" Elban laughed, looking very wicked for a moment. He leaned down and whispered, "He already tried. I knocked him flat on his much-admired arse."
Beran couldn't help laughing as well. It sounded funny in Elban's whimsically musical voice. And the sprite sounded so helplessly irreverent. People spoke about Jareth in one of three ways: either as a kind of God, or as a kind of Demon, or as something Otherworldly that had to be minutely analysed. Elban talked of him as a person.
Elban uncannily nodded his head as he straightened up. "He eats and drinks and sleeps as any other living being, you know. There really is nothing much to be afraid of."
"How do you do it?" Beran demanded, "The entire Underground quivers at his every command and yet you survived being his closest friend for over a hundred years."
Elban's grin widened. "Jareth is special simply because he changes so fluidly from one person to the other. I gave up any real attempt to understand him a long time ago. The point is to meet him as yourself. Sensibly, of course, but not letting him walk all over you. He can be very charming when he chooses. And in his own way, he is loyal to those he loves."
"He loves you."
"Think of it, love- we started out as three children who did everything together. I practically lived in his house. The Lady Pandora was my second mother, Lord Galen my father. Dieter and Jareth were my brothers are near as circumstance could make us. Then there were four of us, discovering life together. We grew closer. And then Jareth got rid of Luka and Dieter died. I am the only one left."
"I still cannot believe that Luka was a part of your group," Beran argued, "That sounds unreasonable."
"I should say that he tagged along and we let him. All the really good discussions were held in the Lady's palace, where Luka was never often invited." Elban shuddered. "He was always a little suspect to me."
Beran nodded and scowled. "He is still interfering in my affairs. That piece of land his elder brother gave him care of? He has just written to me once again disputing the borders. He aims to take three acres away from me! Three! Of my best pastures."
Elban rolled his eyes. "Yes, love," he said dutifully.
Beran remembered a certain talk he had had with three very determined people just the day before. Jareth had cornered him in the throne room and given him a short lecture on how intelligent people with fully functioning brains could not be kept cooped up in a house with only poetry as a hobby. Jervohl had cornered him in the Reception Hall just outside the Throne Room and told him severely that he needed to stop treating Elban like spun glass because it would only ruin whatever trust the forest sprite placed in him. Toby had bumped into him in a corridor before dinner that day and awkwardly offered the suggestion that perhaps he should think about giving Elban a specific place in his home, just so that Elban would feel needed and less of a pet.
"You know," the dwarf pondered out loud, "We need to think about revising that bad habit you have of doing nothing all day." He got whacked on the arm. "Ow!"
"That was a warning," Elban growled
"Seriously, my lovely, I never thought about how bored you must be all day. I never really thought about it from your point of view."
"No. Because you and your family automatically assumed that you would marry a female to carry on your family name and keep your house. I'm just the wrong gender."
"I like your gender," Beran grinned, "It feels… very nice."
"I should hope so! Perfect lover, indeed! What kind of trite rubbish was all that?"
"Ah, nothing but the truth for you, my lovely, nothing but the absolute truth." Beran squeezed lightly on those fingers as they walked in a fairly companiable manner. "Do you think Jareth will contain his glee? He was almost begging me to resolve this quickly."
"Jareth?" Elban giggled a little and flicked his wrist to feel the silver bracelet jingle on his wrist. "I think Jareth will be a little busy these days."
"You have a look I distrust. It means you are gloating. Why are you gloating?"
"I think our Goblin King has set himself up for a great, big tumble from his golden pedestal."
Beran pricked up his ears. "Really?"
"Oh yes," Elban assured him, "Our young Mr. Williams has stars in his eyes."
