In this one, I'm including a Dairy Queen radio commercial that is soooo cool.
Kain: Well I think it is stupid…
You think everything is stupid. Also, I decided to add a pig part.
Raziel: Pigs? Why?
Pigs are cool! Ride the pig, people! Meanwhile, not too many chapters left in this story, so the torture will end soon.
Malice-Pyro-Valcom: Here's that update you wanted. I'm sorry about your word program disappearing. I think you're like the only one reading this besides Smoke! SADNESS!
Razielim Vampress: No, no offense taken! I just was surprised. I'm glad you liked the 'pat down' thing. It wasn't supposed to happen that way…
Kain: But I agree; I need therapy for that now.
Twisted Sister: He's just so much fun to make fun of. He steps right into it!
Abbil: Oh my god, more than like two people are reading this! I feel loved! Hope you like this chapter as well.
Well, here's to thee, pointless tarry!
Unexpected visitorsChapter iix: Destination
The large building, although at the edge of this town, obviously was the central market. Although dimly lit, the large parking lot was more spectacular in design than that of all the buildings within sight. The lighting made the place almost seem as if there was a fog. Cutting through this surreal haze, a single monumental word shone in white brilliance. The word "Wal-Mart".
A blue minivan crept into the practically vacant lot and parked many, many meters away from the store, next to an empty field. Beyond this, many low-growing trees cluttered together in a small impassable woods.
The driver's side door opened, and out hopped a small brunette woman. She skipped about the van for a moment, tripping over her long low-rise jeans, then walked to the passenger's side and opened the front and back doors.
"C'mon, guys; that's enough radio. It's time ta go in." Finally, Kain and Raziel emerged from the vehicle chuckling to themselves. The brunette smiled and shook her head. Despite all the gravity they weigh upon everything, she was glad they still remembered how to have a good time. "It's nice ta know ya still have uh ear fer mee-ewzic. And Ah'm glad ya liked that commercial; it's mah personal favorite."
"That was fantastic!" Raziel happily chimed as Kain walked up behind him. "And that- what did you call it?- commercial!" The vampire lord gave a playful slap on his back. He turned smiling, or at least would if he could, and regarded his former master with his ethereal eyes.
"Hey, Razzy," Kain asked as he imitated an atrocious Chinese accent, like the ones on kung-fu flicks, "can I have some of your Grilled Mushroom Burger?"
"Hmmmm…" Raziel placed a claw to his jaw, and pretended to really think of the answer. Then in the same sort of accent, he answered, "No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Pretty, pretty please?"
"Hmmmm… . No."
Kain launched himself onto Raziel, striking him many times, but not with any real force. The wraith feigned a struggle, and after a while, Kain subsided his attack. Raziel turned to the woman, eyes mocking desperation, and pleaded, "Puddi! Kain took my Grilled Mushroom burger!"
Kain took a step back, planting his feet onto the blacktop, and raised his claws in triumph. "It is my Grill Burger now!" In that same terrible accent he gave the cheesiest evil laugh he could muster.
This was too much for Puddi. She fell to the blacktop, gripping her sides in pain as she laughed hysterically, muttering to herself how she could not believe they just did that. Both men stared at her with a raised brow; they supposed it was funny, but surely not that funny…
With a single claw, Kain grabbed Raziel's shoulder using some force. He turned to see what the vampire overlord wanted, but was cut short by the look in his eyes. Kain was listening for something. Something possibly threatening. Then Raziel noticed the laughter had stopped, and probably had been for some time. Puddi, still on the asphalt, had a look of attention as well, with the definite tinge of fear. Finally, he decided to listen, not sure what was happening.
Then he heard it.
It sounded like a primal snort, animalistic yet intelligent. Puddi quickly got to her feet, fear still visible in her small frame. The two men asked her what she knew about this sound. Despite all their poking and prodding of the subject, all she could manage to say were a few scared whimpers as her eyes darted to and fro.
A small hunched figure took shape just outside the parking lot, at the edge of the field. Kain tilted his head. Could this odd thing be a killer daemon? Raziel was about to draw his Reaver, when Puddi grabbed his arm and started to pull him back towards the van.
"Crap!" she sqeaked. "Get ta th' van!" She pushed Kain in the same direction. He started to protest, but the shadow let out a high-pitched squeal and charged. He thought it better to get to safety first and evaluate his situation from there. Raziel broke loose from Puddi's grip and ran ahead of her, quickly fumbling over the door latch to the back. She glanced behind only to scream as the shadow surged closer. "No time!" She slapped his claws from the door. "Up here, quick!" She easily hopped onto the van's roof and offered a hand to Raziel. He merely shrugged, slapped her hand away, and jumped up himself.
Kain however, just stared at the oncoming shadow. Why would this thing cause so much fear in Puddi? It snorted and growled with a primeval rage, and it was quite obvious to him that this thing meant business. The dark silhouette rushed ever so closer and came into view enough to actually see well. Kain raised his brow; this was truly a strange creature. It was definitely a wild boar, but it bore distinct uniqueness. It was very dark brown with hair encompassing its entire body. A nasty black ridge jutted off its back, and its hooves were of the same color, yet its malicious tusks were as they should be, white. He had never seen a pig like this, and it was nearly upon him. He shifted his weight from cloven foot to cloven foot, slightly anxious.
"Kain!" Puddi screamed. He turned his attentions. "What's wrong wi' you! It's dangerous!"
Kain glanced back to the pig, which was now way too close. Perhaps Puddi had good reason to be frightened. Just before the large pig barreled into him, Kain put a claw on the roof of the blue van and quickly flipped himself up there. It skidded to a stop, luckily not ramming into the vehicle and denting it, and began to pace and snort angrily.
Raziel casually spectated the doings of the pig, while Kain aridly harrumphed to himself. They did not wish to live out eternity atop this contraption, but every time they tried to dismount it and attack the pig, Puddi would grab their arm and tell them to wait a while longer.
In the distance, Puddi spied for what she had been forcing wait. "Watch this," she cooed slyly to her companions. She cupped her thin hands around her mouth and gave a mighty shout. "Javelina! Javelina!" Kain and Raziel stared puzzled at her disruptiveness, but then they noticed something was coming. It was definitely another sort of vehicle, but this one was small, only able to fit one person. The engine gave an annoying whine as it came to a stop near them. A fat officer man stepped out of it, holding a strange can in hand. He walked as close to the rampaging pig as he dared, and pushed the button near the top of the can, which let out a piercing, earsplitting noise that caused the three on the van to tightly clasp their ears.
This noise however, scared the pig and sent it running back into the field and woods, where it belonged. "Thanks, dude!" Puddi chimed as she happily jumped off the van. He gave a bit of a salute, got back into his go-cart, and continued his patrol. "Security," she stated matter-of-factly. "Th'r always ready to lend uh helpin' hand." The two men hopped off the vehicle as Puddi began leading the way to the large double doors of the Wal-Mart. "C'mon guys, time ta go in."
Kain and Raziel eyed each other questionably. What new surprises lie in store? What strange things are contained in this place so brazenly labeled?
Kain: Finally…
Quite.
Kain: And I could not help but notice the second to last sentence. You really need to stop listening to your disks of The Phantom of the Opera.
(sigh) I know, but the recording of the stage production is sooooo much better than the movie.
Raziel: Whatever. Our problems are far from over, aren't they?
Yep. And for those who do not know, Javelinas (pronounced Hah-veh-LEE-nahs) are a sort of wild pig that is very dangerous, but tastes soooo goooood.
Stay tuned for the next chapter! We're actually going in this time!
