2: The Girl Without Name

When I was born, my mother did not name me. At least, this is what Akiko tells me every day. She tells me that when my mother looked at me, she did not see anyone worth naming. That was why she abandoned me in the village. When Akiko told me these things when I was younger, I did not believe her.

Why should I not have a name? Even the poorest, ugliest child is blessed with a title to be known by. I was not pretty, but certainly not ugly. And I was poor, but I had seen many worse off than I. So why?

Akiko said it's because I am worthless.

Akiko is my guardian. When I was abandoned by mother, she found me laying at her door entrance. She says she took pity upon me and let me into her home. I can't remember the very beginnings of my life with Akiko, but I have an early memory of her slapping my hand away from the spoon while she stirred soup over a fire.

It's not that I don't like Akiko. I am very grateful to her for letting me live with her. But, she is not a very compassionate woman. She is not a cold stone, but hot and short-tempered. Her nerves were short, and I tested them often growing up.

In the year before I met Sesshomaru, Akiko began to put me to work. She made me wash and dry our clothes and sheets, carrying the load up and back to the river. She made me go to the market and buy food. She even sometimes sent me on long trips to neighboring villages as a messanger.

Akiko was one of the rare women in our village that could write. And she wrote beautifully. That was probably the only thing I admired about her.

Before meeting Sesshomaru, I was very lonely. Around the village, to the other children, and even their parents, I was known as Nanashi, or The Girl Without Name. After a while, I stopped trying to make friends with them. They usually ignored me, or sometimes, threw rocks at me. I told Akiko my troubles one night, and she only sneered at me over the fire pit, saying harshly,

"What do expect? Your Nanashi. You're not meant to make friends. Just do your work and be thankful for the life I've given you."

From that night on, I put all of my time and energy into my work. I thought, maybe, if I made Akiko proud, she would see that I wasn't worthless. Maybe she would even give me a name.

In those days, that was all I ever wanted.

That is, until I met Lord Sesshomaru.

OOO

After our first meeting, I went back to the village, a strange and unknown feeling in my heart. I felt like I had found a friend for the first time in my life. Sesshomaru was like no other person I'd met or seen. He was so...strange, and yet beautiful. I kept hearing our conversation resonating in my head.

"I have spared their lives."

"Oh..."

His eyes had been hard and cold, like ice. But the color was of a rich, fiery sunset, burning amber and gold. I felt like he could see through me, to my deepest wishes and desires.

"...I didn't mean to make you mad."

"Don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine."

I went over it again and again. Without realizing it, from being so deep in thought, I had reached Akiko's hut. I pulled back the flap and entered the one-room hut. She wasn't there.

I sighed. She was visiting her friends in the Northern village, no doubt. She would sometimes go there to gossip with the gieshas or flirt with some of the fighters and samurai who came to the villages. Akiko was not an old woman, but still not young. I never understood why she looked for a husband so late in her life.

I built a fire in the small pit in the center of the room. Once the fire was large enough, I retreived the pot for cooking and began to make soup.

Even as I scooped the ingredients into the pot, my thoughts drifted to the silver-haired boy. I couldn't stop myself. He was the only one who had ever spoken to me besides Akiko. And he smiled at me! I had never seen anyone smile in my direction. They would always frown, their eyes pitying and disgusted.

I couldn't help but feel a slow sadness creep into me. He had said he was from the Western Lands. Akiko lived in the Eastern Lands. With a heavy heart, I thought I would never see him again.

"Sesshomaru is a lord...He would not want to see me anyway..." I said aloud, my voice low and disappointed. I stirred the soup without vigor, and as my initial happiness at finding a friend began to dwindle, I could feel the weight of my responsibility on my shoulders once more.

Akiko is having me send another letter tomorrow. She said it was urgent and would take most of the day. I will have to get up early and go to the market before I leave.

I felt sad knowing that work was my only future, and knowing that fact, only made me more depressed. I would never see Sesshomaru again, and I would always be worthless, a no one, The Girl Without Name.

I cried that night, letting all of my sadness and sorry drip softly onto the cold, wood floor.