WARNING: The following section may be disturbing to some readers. Viewer discretion is advised. :)


Chapter Eighteen, Part III

Kurt's frightening freefall stopped very suddenly. There was no jolt, no sensation of landing. No sensation at all, in fact, exccept for the slow realization of being alone in a strange, enclosed space.

The darkness here was complete, even for Kurt's night-adapted eyes, and the hot, heavy air was almost unbearably rank. There was no breeze, no relief, only opressive humidity holding the stench in place: a sickening melange of stale sweat and mildew, of offal, decay and illness.

Kurt tried to take only shallow breaths, but the humidity was stifling. He coughed, fighting to swallow back his gag reflex as he tried to use his sense of special awareness to get a feel for the room's size and layout.

A strange chill ran up his spine, the short fur on the back of his neck and arms bristling. There was a presence behind him…barely there, almost insubstantial. He could feel it hovering close to his left ear, making his whole side tingle with discomfort.

"You know that feeling you get when you're alone in the dark," it hissed. "The feeling that there's someone watching?"

The deep, ghostly voice was so faint Kurt had to strain to hear; yet, it seemed to fill the room. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, his tail wrapped so tightly around his leg he could feel his pounding heartbeat.

"Who are you?" he asked, working to keep his voice steady and strong. "What is this place?"

The voice didn't answer.

Kurt opened his eyes to the blackness, only to leap back with a frightened yelp as a vaporous ball of pale, green light burst right in his face, leaving him in a darkness even deeper than before. Before he could recover, a slight, tired whimper to his left nearly make him leap out of his fuzzy skin.

Turning to face the sound, Kurt found himself faced with a pair of eerie, glowing eyes, green and glassy, more like the eyes of an animal than a human. The creature they belonged to moved toward him on all fours, rubbing up against his legs and beating its long, fluffy tail across his knees.

"Why, you're a dog, aren't you!" Kurt exclaimed in relief, crouching down to scratch the tired, overheated canine behind its floppy ears. His accented voice sounded oddly muffled in the sweltering room. "Who's memory is this?" he wondered aloud, rising again to try to search for a door. "I don't remember ever being in a room like this."

The dog whimpered again, then started to wheeze. Kurt heard it fall to its side, panting for breath.

He backed up against the wall, suddenly terrified that the dog had been infected with something catching. The smell of decay grew stronger as the dog's wet, gurgling pants grew increasingly ghastly. At that moment, Kurt was almost grateful that he couldn't see.

"Mroer?"

"Yipe!"

Kurt jumped again, clutching a hand to his pounding heart.

"Mrew?"

A small weight on his shoulder, a soft purr, and suddenly a cat was rubbing against his cheek. The little animal stepped on to his shoulder and leaped down to the floor, blinking up at him with yellow-orange eyes...before it, too, fell to the floor.

"Cat? Kitty-kitty? Are you all right?"

Kurt bent down, feeling around for the cat's soft fur, only to pull back with a shrill, horrified scream when, at his touch, the cat's cold flesh collapsed into an oozing pile of gore.

"What is this!" he shouted, thoroughly terrified. "Belasco!"

"Kurt!"

The familiar voice was so unexpected, for a moment it failed to register. A spark flared in the corner, replacing the blackness with flickering shadows. But even the weak light provided by the cheap plastic lighter was enough to reveal the speaker.

"Kitty!" he exclaimed, dashing over to where the brown-haired young woman was sitting cross legged on the filthy wooden floor. "Kätzchen! How did you get here?"

Kitty shrugged, standing up so she could look him over.

"The Professor sent me," she said, meeting his eyes with a smile. "When I heard you'd come back to us, I just had to see you for myself. I've missed you Fuzzy."

Kurt smiled, his heart filling with affection for the girl as he squeezed her shoulders with both hands.

"Mein Gott, Kätzchen, you look just as I remember you. It has been so long…" He sniffed, his voice growing slightly hoarse.

Kitty shook her head, stepping forward for a warm, sisterly embrace.

"Come on, Fuzzy, don't get like that," she scolded gently, pulling back so she could look up at him. "We've all missed you, you know. Rachel and Jubilee and Rahne and Bobby - oh and especially Ororo."

Her smile grew sly as she waited to see Kurt's response, but Kurt had barely heard. He was slowly backing away, trembling visibly from hair to feet, his narrow face twisted into an expression of horror and crushing guilt. For, although she had embraced him as a healthy, spirited young woman, Kitty - his Kitty, the girl he had rescued and watched grow up - his Kitty had pulled away from him as a rotting corpse.

"Kurt?" she asked, her dry, papery brow stretching as she narrowed her lusterless eyes. "Kurt, is something the matter?"

Kurt was unable to answer, unable to do more than stare as she started toward him, lurching like a puppet with a broken string. As she moved, a clump of rotting hair peeled back from her head, taking with it a patch of thin, yellowed skin. Kurt could now see the plate of her skull, and through that the pale watery blood soaking through her brain.

She stopped several inches in front of him, reaching out to touch his arm.

Kurt shuddered violently and pulled back, the force of his reaction sending him toppling onto an old, moldy cot.

"Ow, hey!"

The mold-spotted sheet lurched under him as the cot's disgruntled inhabitant sat up.

Kurt scrambled desperately to his feet, not wanting to imagine what could be under there, only to gasp in shock as Sage's dark head poked out from under the sheet. At first glance, she seemed perfectly normal - but then she stood up, revealing the gaping wound in her belly.

Kurt gut twisted at the grisly sight, his breath quickening as images began to flood unbidden into his brain: Sage lying in the cave in a pool of her own blood...Sage's determined smile as she pressed her modified shocking device into his hand…

"What are you doing here," she demanded angrily, pushing past him to stand protectively in front of the peeling Kitty. The entire side of her torso was stained with blood; her uniform was stiff and dark with it. Gray-black patches of powdery mold spread from the stain all the way down to her shoes, growing in fuzzy patches up her neck and just behind her ear.

"I-I…" Kurt tried, but his throat felt constricted and he couldn't get the words out.

"You shouldn't be here!" Sage growled. "Don't you realize your presence is toxic!"

"Was?" Kurt breathed, his eyes darting around in terror as more rotting figures began to emerge from the shadows beyond the weak light of Kitty's flickering lighter. "Toxic…?"

"Why don't you get outta here, Elf," Logan's gruff voice snarled viciously.

Kurt's eyes widened in shock and pain to see his best friend come staggering towards him, his stony face notched and scratched, his claws broken...

"Yeah," Benny said, his third eye leaking a thick, viscous liquid as he glared at his former leader. "Haven't you done enough already?"

Kurt's breath came in hitching gasps, tears streamed down his face. He shook his head, reaching back in hopes of drawing some support from the wall, only to meet something disturbingly soft...accompanied by a piercing scream.

"Don't touch me!" Melinda shrieked, dragging her scorched remains out of the corner to stand shakily behind Logan. Her once delicate, violet features were all but unrecognizable; her slender fingers nothing but charred bone.

Kurt was nearly sick.

"Look what you've done to Kitty!" the girl cried, her voice fierce with accusation her blistered, blackened features couldn't express. "Your touch is poison!"

"They warned me," Kitty said sadly. "But, I didn't want to believe them. I couldn't… But it's true. You're cursed, Kurt."

"Cursed…?" Kurt repeated in confusion, watching in horror as Kitty crouched down beside the putrefied cat on the floor, her tendons stretching gruesomely under her parchment skin. A thick, runny fluid ran off her shoulders and throat to puddle on the floor at her feet. "What - what do you mean?"

Kitty looked up at him with whitened, cobwebby eyes.

"Everything you touch gets ruined," she said darkly. "Don't think it will stop once you beat Belasco. The poison resides in your own heart."

Kurt shook his head in weak denial, his blood pounding hotly in his ears.

"Nein…"

"Yes!" Benny retorted angrily. "It wasn't Belasco who left me to die in that cave! It wasn't Belasco who chose to save himself rather than stay with his team! It was you!"

"You deserted us, Nightcrawler," Sage croaked with a toss of her mold-encrusted hair. "You. And, no punishment is great enough to make up for what you've done."

"You got some gall, Elf," Logan grunted, his scarred, stony features twisted in disgust. "Flirtin' with 'Ro, challengin' Belasco for control. Did you really think you could just make all this go away? What gives you the right to go on livin' when you're the reason the rest of us were killed?"

"You know in your heart you were never cut out to be a leader," Sage said, her voice harsh and sharp. "You're too soft. If you'd been more like Scott, or even Ororo, the four of us might at least have gotten a proper burial. But, you couldn't make the tough decision to rescue one and not the other. You waited until it was too late to save any of us. And then, you teleported away - not because it was instinct, but because you were scared!"

"You're not an X-Man," Melinda spat through charred, broken teeth. "You're a coward."

"No..." Kurt sobbed, sinking down into a boneless heap on the splintery, uneven floor. "No, I wanted to go back for you. I tried! But Azazel—"

"You're too old for excuses, Kurt," Sage snarled in disapproval. "Don't try to blame your father for this. You made your own choices. And now it's time for you to pay, once and for all!"

The gathered corpses muttered their agreement.

Kurt cringed further back against the wall, blinded by his tears as he sobbed into his hands. Sage's words rang with truth, slicing through the careful stitches Ororo had sewn so tenderly in his shattered heart. All the guilt and pain that had defined his existence for so long came back in a wild rush, flooding his mind with despairing blackness.

"Kurt Wagner should be consigned to the same fate he left us to suffer," Sage shouted, holding up her rotting, moldy arms. "Oblivion! Let's help Belasco erase this monster, once and for all!"

Together, the festering corpses raised their arms and advanced on the sobbing, trembling Kurt, their moaning threats and accusations swelling to fill the shadowy room.

Kurt lowered his head, curling into a ball of hopeless shame.

"Nein...!" he protested into his knees, his accented voice thick and hoarse with tears. "No, it isn't real. This can't be real!"

But, the enraged zombies were closing in, their putrid stench burning his nostrils, stinging his throat.

Kurt looked up in horror, crossing his arms protectively before his face as he screamed, "This isn't real! None of you are real! Belasco! Belasco, get me out of here!"

There was no response, and he hadn't expected one. He was alone, alone with a hoard of rotting corpses intent on tearing him apart...

And, the worst part was, he knew he deserved it.

Closing his eyes to block out their shuffling feet, Kurt actually felt himself give up. His tears flowed with regret, not fear: regret for Ororo, regret for himself. He had come close, so close to redemption. But in the end, he just wasn't strong enough, just as Belasco hadn't been strong enough to save his Beatrice from Azazel...

The zombies were closing in now, but Kurt didn't care. He welcomed oblivion. Let Belasco win, his thoughts seemed to say. Let him have his body. It would never bring him happiness. Only another lifetime of pain and disappointment. Kitty had been right. Even if he did defeat Belasco, nothing would change. Responsible or not, he would carry the pain of his teammates' deaths in his heart for the rest of his life, a pain that could only poison his relationships with the X-Men, twisting their friendship into something colder, more cautious. Eventually, even Ororo would turn from him. Better to die now, at the hands of his team. Better to endure the zombies' wrath than end up disappointing the only woman he had ever truly loved...

"If you love her so much, why don't you break your way out of this you big Dummkopf! These stinking zombies are no match for the Incredible Nightcrawler!"

"Who is that?" Kurt asked blearily, his voice muffled by the groaning zombies all around him, pummeling at his back and sides. "Who's that talking?"

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you," it said. "Now, get out of there! Schnell! Before you get us both wiped from existence!"

"But…but how?" Kurt asked weakly.

"Duh!" the little voice snarked. "Just stand up!"

Kurt shook his head.

"I can't," he mumbled, hissing in pain as Melinda poked him maliciously in the eye with a bony finger. "I deserve to suffer."

The voice groaned in exasperation.

"If there's one thing I can't stand," it said, "it's a false martyr. How can you be so selfish!"

"Selfish?"

The stumps of Logan's stone claws jabbed him in the side, again and again, and he moaned.

"Yeah, that's right," the voice snapped. "Selfish! Do you have any idea how much trouble your friends are going through on your behalf right now? Do you have any idea how much they're risking to save you? Jean Grey almost lost her mind holding Belasco back, giving you time to pull yourself together. And, what about Ororo? She loves you, you idiot. How do you think she'd feel if, after all you've put her through, you just sat here and let yourself die?"

"I never thought of it that way," Kurt said, wincing sharply as Sage scratched his arm with her long, yellowed nails. Blood seeped from the wounds, but Kurt barely noticed, his focus almost entirely on the mysterious voice.

"Look at it from her point of view," the voice said. "She's already lost you once. Do you really want to put her through that again, after all she's done for you?"

"What…what do I have to do?" Kurt asked, starting to struggle against the suffocating pile of reeking corpses weakly beating and battering his body.

"Cage Belasco," the voice told him. "Shut him down once and for all. Take back control of the life that is rightfully yours."

"It's Belasco controlling these zombies, isn't it," Kurt realized, his anger rising, beginning to clear his clouded thoughts. "He's been manipulating me again, just has he always has... Why didn't I see it before?"

"Good question," the voice said dryly. "Now move your tail! You're closer to the goal than you think."

Kurt nodded firmly, determination pumping strength back into his heavy limbs as he pushed up against the zombies, scattering them like rotted rag dolls as he leaped to his feet.

The horrible corpses crumbled into a fine, powdery dust and, with a searing ache of pity, Kurt watched it blow away...

"There now," the voice said approvingly from somewhere at Kurt's right. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Who are you?" Kurt asked again, squinting his night-adapted eyes against a ray of bright sunlight. As he watched it spread through the room, the rough, cobwebby walls and rotted rafters faded slowly away. A rolling mountain landscape took their place, scented with pine and the distinctive smell of centuries upon centuries of grazing goats. Below him in the near distance, a large Ferris wheel turned slowly above the treetops, accompanied by the flagpoles of several brightly colored tents.

Kurt brought a hand to his mouth. He knew this place! They were less than a mile away from his old circus!

"Who am I?" The little voice laughed out loud. "I'm you of course!" he said. "The part of you that knows better than to fall for such an obvious ploy. Gut Gott, man, Belasco was playing you like a harp and you were actually letting him! Though I will admit, that was a low blow. Belasco is one sick puppy, that's for sure."

Kurt furrowed his brow.

"Why can't I see you?" he asked curiously, turning slowly in a complete circle.

"'Cause you didn't look up!"

Kurt looked up and laughed when he saw what looked to be a fourteen-year-old version of himself glibly hanging by his tail from a tree branch. The young teenager shot him a toothy smile, then teleported from the tree to his side with a double BAMF of sulfurous smoke.

"You're welcome, by the way," he said cheekily. "And, before you ask, Belasco isn't here. At least, not yet."

The boy gave him a pointed wink, nodding his curly head toward the colorful tents in the distance.

Kurt's eyes opened wide as he realized what his younger self was suggesting.

"Kurt Wagner, you're a genius," he told him, and grinned, his sharp eyes already seeking out his foster mother's ancient purple trailer.

The boy graced him with a playful bow.

"Cage the bastard for me, will ya," he said as he straightened. "I really like that Ororo lady."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, then chuckled.

"So glad you approve," he said, shooting the boy a genuinely grateful smile before BAMFing away.


TO BE CONCLUDED!