I Remember a time when Once You Used To Love Me
Acepilot
AN – I am completely and utterly prepared to be flamed for this, in fact, I'm expecting it. But this isn't exactly meant for mass-market appeal. What this is, is a fanfiction – in verse.
I've been getting…well, bored, I guess, is the right word, and I want to branch out from my regular work. And I've been studying poetry at the moment, so…this is a Phil/Kimi piece, but in verse, instead of a narrative. As a result, it's a bit harder to read and a lot shorter than my regular stuff. But I hope someone out there – anyone out there – gets something out of it. And remember, Phil's poetry skills have nothing to do with this fic. They're presumably not that good, but that's not the point. This is just a different way of telling the story.
There's some very heavy influence from the work of The Dirty Three, who are an instrumental group. The fic is named after one of their songs, and assorted references are spattered throughout – most obviously, the first chapter, which is named after one of their best songs/albums.
I could not get fanfiction dot net to acknowledge indents, which kind of takes out some of the impact of bits of this poetry. Sorry.
Disclaimer – the characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo.
1. Sea Above, Sky Below
1.1 – Night
I'm
lying in bed with her,
Imagining I'm lying in bed with her
I'm
feeling her lips against mine
And I'm wondering what it must feel like
To have her in my arms
And
in my heart
Because
no matter how many times we play this game
And we do, make no mistake
This game with its beauties and beasts
And all the little things in between
I
never know
Because
she's never there
Not
really
In
the still of the blackest night
No
matter how long ago she left
My
bed is always cold in the morning
1.2 – Dirty Little Secret
Our
eyes meet across a crowded room
They never linger long
She
makes sure that I catch her gaze
But she never holds it
How
did this all go from being so innocent
Until we were each other's dirty little
secret?
So
filthy and unwanted
That we never say anything anymore
We
just know – a time
A place
Each other
1.3 – School-life and the perils it brings
I
shrug into the day,
A
six-hour long day with all the fun that implies
I don't know how the others do it
Tommy
is a kid with a head on his shoulders and even he struggles with the whole
thing.
How
are us mere mortals meant to compare?
I
slump into the afternoon,
Wondering
when this torture will be over.
But
then I think of all that awaits me
And
I think –
What's
torture compared to that?
1.4 – Escapism
Have
you ever stopped and listened to the music?
No, not like that.
Like this.
When
each note is living its own individual life
Its
own individual existence
It
goes on forever
And
ever
And
ever…
When
each chord is screaming for recognition
It's
not a rhythm
It's
a heartbeat
Her
heartbeat
I
look at her in wonder
I
have homework to do
But
I'd rather
Be listening to the music
And
thinking of
My
dreams
1.5 – She – Arrival
She
sneaks into the house in the middle of the night
She
sneaks into the house quietly,
Ever
so quietly
Like
a mouse
Because
she is like a mouse
All
small and fragile
But
don't turn your back on her. No, don't.
You'll never know what hit you.
1.6 – She
She's
wearing her hair up tonight – as always
And
as she creeps inside and I turn down the music
I
watch her in the moonlight
She's
never serious
"What's it like, do you think?"
She's
small and perfect
Like
some kind of dream from the middle ages
An
impossible beauty
"Why has everyone else done it before us?"
A
shirt
She's
never been one to be shy
A
skirt
She's
never been one to shy away
Not
from me
Why
me?
"Do you…?"
No, I don't
Not now
Not anymore
She
all but glistens in the moonlight
And
I have to wonder what I did…
What happened?
1.7 – Sea Above, Sky Below
My world is a twisted array of colours and
The
moon is spinning on the floor
While
the tide races through my ears like some roaring
Element
She's
a force of nature
That's
what she is
Am
I?
What
do I do to her?
Do I drive her to delusion?
Do
I make her see the sea above,
The sky below?
I step with her into the world that only she takes me too
The
sea above
I'm
in too deep
I'm
drowning in a sea of black hair
While
the sky glistens like her eyes
Her
eyes below
"You're
amazing," she whispers
Against
my throat
I
groan
It's
not by will
"I…"
I love you
But that's against the rules, isn't it?
1.8 – A Deal, Regrets Included
It
seemed so easy
But
then, it always does
To begin with
But
now all I see
Is
that I've gone to a place you haven't
Or can't
Or won't.
Would
I trade it?
Would I take it back?
"Do you want…?"
No.
But yes…
A
raw deal? Maybe.
But
I wouldn't trade it for
the world…
1.9 – She – Departure
She
sneaks out of my house in the middle of the night
Quietly.
Always
quietly.
As
if she's ashamed
As
if she's saying
"I was never there."
Maybe, she wasn't.
1.10 – Did You See Her?
I run a hand through my hair
"Late night?"
Lil grins knowingly.
What does she know?
"A bit,"
I confess.
You
never confess in a hurry
You
always –
Always
-
confess slowly
1.11 – Anonymous Friend
No matter how much
Fun
You
have the night before
It
never lasts to the break of dawn
When
I see her at school
She's
just another faceless, anonymous friend
"Hey," I plead
"Hey," she tortures me.
It's
what I always wanted
And
I got it just in time to know that
I
don't want it anymore
But once you start…
---
I'm hoping to have the next chapter done sometime later in the week. I'm enjoying writing this, but the downside is I'm starting to think in poems. Please review – I've never tried this before, and I'm eager for opinions.
