I Remember a time when Once You Used To Love Me

Acepilot

AN – I am completely and utterly prepared to be flamed for this, in fact, I'm expecting it. But this isn't exactly meant for mass-market appeal. What this is, is a fanfiction – in verse.

I've been getting…well, bored, I guess, is the right word, and I want to branch out from my regular work. And I've been studying poetry at the moment, so…this is a Phil/Kimi piece, but in verse, instead of a narrative. As a result, it's a bit harder to read and a lot shorter than my regular stuff. But I hope someone out there – anyone out there – gets something out of it. And remember, Phil's poetry skills have nothing to do with this fic. They're presumably not that good, but that's not the point. This is just a different way of telling the story.

There's some very heavy influence from the work of The Dirty Three, who are an instrumental group. The fic is named after one of their songs, and assorted references are spattered throughout – most obviously, the first chapter, which is named after one of their best songs/albums.

I could not get fanfiction dot net to acknowledge indents, which kind of takes out some of the impact of bits of this poetry. Sorry.

Disclaimer – the characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo.

1. Sea Above, Sky Below

1.1 – Night

I'm lying in bed with her,
Imagining I'm lying in bed with her

I'm feeling her lips against mine
And I'm wondering what it must feel like
To have her in my arms
And in my heart

Because no matter how many times we play this game
And we do, make no mistake
This game with its beauties and beasts
And all the little things in between

I never know
Because she's never there
Not really
In the still of the blackest night
No matter how long ago she left
My bed is always cold in the morning

1.2 – Dirty Little Secret

Our eyes meet across a crowded room
They never linger long

She makes sure that I catch her gaze
But she never holds it

How did this all go from being so innocent
Until we were each other's dirty little secret?

So filthy and unwanted
That we never say anything anymore

We just know – a time
A place
Each other

1.3 – School-life and the perils it brings

I shrug into the day,
A six-hour long day with all the fun that implies
I don't know how the others do it
Tommy is a kid with a head on his shoulders and even he struggles with the whole thing.
How are us mere mortals meant to compare?
I slump into the afternoon,
Wondering when this torture will be over.
But then I think of all that awaits me
And I think –
What's torture compared to that?

1.4 – Escapism

Have you ever stopped and listened to the music?
No, not like that.
Like this.

When each note is living its own individual life
Its own individual existence
It goes on forever
And ever
And ever…

When each chord is screaming for recognition
It's not a rhythm
It's a heartbeat
Her heartbeat
I look at her in wonder

I have homework to do
But I'd rather
Be listening to the music
And thinking of
My dreams

1.5 – She – Arrival

She sneaks into the house in the middle of the night
She sneaks into the house quietly,
Ever so quietly
Like a mouse
Because she is like a mouse
All small and fragile
But don't turn your back on her. No, don't.

You'll never know what hit you.

1.6 – She

She's wearing her hair up tonight – as always
And as she creeps inside and I turn down the music

I watch her in the moonlight
She's never serious

"What's it like, do you think?"

She's small and perfect
Like some kind of dream from the middle ages
An impossible beauty

"Why has everyone else done it before us?"

A shirt
She's never been one to be shy
A skirt
She's never been one to shy away
Not from me
Why me?

"Do you…?"

No, I don't

Not now

Not anymore

She all but glistens in the moonlight
And I have to wonder what I did…

What happened?

1.7 – Sea Above, Sky Below

My world is a twisted array of colours and

The moon is spinning on the floor
While the tide races through my ears like some roaring

Element

She's a force of nature
That's what she is
Am I?
What do I do to her?

Do I drive her to delusion?

Do I make her see the sea above,
The sky below?

I step with her into the world that only she takes me too

The sea above
I'm in too deep
I'm drowning in a sea of black hair

While the sky glistens like her eyes
Her eyes below

"You're amazing," she whispers
Against my throat

I groan
It's not by will

"I…"

I love you

But that's against the rules, isn't it?

1.8 – A Deal, Regrets Included

It seemed so easy
But then, it always does

To begin with

But now all I see
Is that I've gone to a place you haven't

Or can't

Or won't.

Would I trade it?
Would I take it back?

"Do you want…?"

No.

But yes…

A raw deal? Maybe.
But I wouldn't trade it for

the world…

1.9 – She – Departure

She sneaks out of my house in the middle of the night
Quietly.
Always quietly.
As if she's ashamed
As if she's saying

"I was never there."

Maybe, she wasn't.

1.10 – Did You See Her?

I run a hand through my hair

"Late night?"

Lil grins knowingly.

What does she know?

"A bit,"

I confess.

You never confess in a hurry
You always –
Always
- confess slowly

1.11 – Anonymous Friend

No matter how much

Fun

You have the night before
It never lasts to the break of dawn

When I see her at school
She's just another faceless, anonymous friend

"Hey," I plead

"Hey," she tortures me.

It's what I always wanted
And I got it just in time to know that
I don't want it anymore

But once you start…

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I'm hoping to have the next chapter done sometime later in the week. I'm enjoying writing this, but the downside is I'm starting to think in poems. Please review – I've never tried this before, and I'm eager for opinions.