I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me

Acepilot

AN – I was going to include Phil's poems as images - handwritten and scanned it - but I ended up canning that element of the project, because my scanner was annoying the hell out of me. Sorry. If you're reading this on Luke's AGU Boards, then you'll notice that this chapter includes Louy7's very neat Phil artwork, which I would like to thank her for letting me use. You rock.

Oh, and just so we're clear - the poems in italics aren't part of the narrative, but are in fact written by Phil for his poetry class.

Thanks to all who have shown support for this project, and thanks even just to those who read the first two chapters. Every time my hit counter clocks over one, I feel a little surge of elation that someone visited my fic. It's always a nice thing.

More Dirty Three references – Sister Let Them Try And Follow and I Really Should Have Gone Out Last Night are both song titles.

Disclaimer – the characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo.

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3. Love Poems

3.1 – A New Dawn

It's a new morning
And I know what's going to happen today

Today is a new day
A day on which she crosses
Her line

And asks him out

It's a new morning
And I cling to the memories
Of the night before
Like some hopeless

Lost soul
Obsessed with the past

3.2 – At The Start of the Day

At the start of the day
I watch them in the
Yellow sunrise

They look happy
They're flirting
Playing innocently
In the beautiful hours of dawn

She touches his hand
And he

Turns red

So now you know
What it feels like

What you've been missing

What I had

What you can have
But I'll never let go

3.3 – Poetry Two

Getting inside someone's head
Isn't a fun experience

"It takes a special
kind of person

To understand what they're thinking,"

Like he knows
Its all so pompous

You never know what's going
On unless you're
There

And know
Everything
That there is to know

So why try?

"We're going to write our own,"

Like he wants
Us to express ourselves

To show him what we think
What we feel

Know what I feel?

Because I don't

Sister, Let Them Try And Follow

We'll go down
To the banks of the river

And there we'll sit
In the dying sun until
You say
You'll leave me

Until you say
You don't want me
That you want him instead

And so then I'll
Take you away with me
To a place

In my head
And my heart

Where they can never follow
And they can never find us
So let them try

Let him try

"Too much symbolism,"

Like he knows
Like I care

3.4 – Your Head Is Your Worst Enemy

"You look like hell,"
Tommy tells me,

Sitting down with me and
Offering concern

"I'm fine,"
I assure him

After all, how can I be
Sad
About something that never happened
That never was.

3.5 – Happiness

She knows what happiness is
Now

Why couldn't I ever bring her
Happiness

And if she was never
Happy

Then why did she waste so much of her
Time with
Me?

I Really Should Have Gone Out Last Night

You were there when I opened my eyes
And I knew that it was going to be the same
The same as it always is
Because we've been through this
Too many times before
So many times
That I can recite it off by heart

"That was nice,"
You say
And I say

"Yeah, it was,"
And you creep out of my house
And leave me on my own
And leave me without a trace
Of the wonder that you always seem
To take with you
And abandon me to
My life
I should know better
Than to let you in
Than to let you hurt me
I should have gone out last night
And not let you ruin my life
Any more than you already have

Why didn't she go for it with
Him
When she first got the chance

Because you should always try things out
With friends first

Even happiness

I found happiness
But apparently
Happiness
Didn't find me

3.6 – One Last Time

"One last time,"
You whisper in my ear
Promising

Me, or yourself?

"Just once more,"
You tell me
And you

"We're going out,"
You confide
"We're having fun."

But still
"One last time,"
You whisper in my ear

Denying?

Or hoping?

3.7 – All Too Easy

It was
All too easy
I always got told

"If it seems too good to be
True
Then it probably is."

And this was.

I thought I could have
You
I thought you could love me
But now
All I know is
That I can't let go of you

I can't move on
Until you let me

3.8 – Misery

I curl up
In some long forgotten
Position
Trying to defend myself
From your stare

I wrap my arms
Around my legs
And try to hide
From you
And him

Because you who I love
Keep looking at me

And no matter how much
You tell me that it doesn't mean
Anything
I'm starting to have doubts

And doubts are the gate
To misery
And sorrow

And so I sit here,
Hiding in plain view
Hoping you won't cast an eye my way

And make me think again
"Does she love me?"

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So, what did you think? I was going to have one last Phil poem in there but I decided to ditch it at the last minute. Hope you enjoyed it. More coming soon.