I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me
Acepilot
AN – This is the end. Thank you to all who reviewed and read. You're awesome guys, I couldn't have done it without you.
References in this chapter - evidently, the title of the chapter and penultimate poem are by The Dirty Three, and Never Tear Us Apart borrows it's name and some of it's inspiration from the INXS song of the same name.
Disclaimer – The characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo. And Tommy is right – the stanza in Fragile about the bond and noose is by Powderfinger, from the song Capoicity. The very end of 4.7 is borrowed from Nick Cave, as well. Poets do this stealing thing all the time - you should read some. It's like they never have an original thought.
---
4. I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me
4.1 – Letting Go
We're starting fresh today
A
clean slate
A
new beginning
I'm
not letting her plague me
Haunt
me
Anymore
She's
a thing of beauty
But
she's a thing of the past
Today,
I'm
letting her go
4.2 – Tabula Rasa
"You
look
upbeat,"
Lil
asks,
Suspicious.
"You
haven't been
Getting
any,
Have
you?"
She
asks with a
Sly
grin in her voice
And
amusement in her
Eyes.
"No,"
I
state
Definitively
Because
it's the truth
And
she doesn't know how right it is
4.3 – Plans get shot to Hell
This
plan
This
starting again
A
clean slate
Worked
fine
Until
I saw her
Everything
was over
Everything
was fine
Until
I saw her
Standing
there
And
she saw me
Standing here
Never Tear Us Apart
I
was standing
And
you were there
No
matter how much I tried
No
matter how much I tried to say
"It's
over,"
It
isn't,
Because
you won't say it
Whether
you feel it
Or
not
And
that's just going to hurt me
I
could never leave you
They
could never tear us apart
Her
stare could cut me down in an instant
And
I don't think I would complain
Or even cry for help
Feels
So
this is what love feels like
Adrenaline
coursing through my veins
At
the sight of you
Last
night, my kisses were banked
In
black hair
And
now I can still taste it
On
my lips
Your
beautiful black hair
And
it's all I can think about
That,
and the fact
That
I haven't been sleeping well
Because
you won't leave me alone
I
thought they were dreams
But
they're not
Are
they nightmares?
Is
this what love is meant to feel like?
Or
is it just like this with you?
I
love her
But
I should know better
4.4 – Comfort
"What's
wrong?"
everyone
asks,
Desperate
to know
"What's
the matter?"
everyone
asks like
the
blind fools they are
they
wouldn't know what to do if
I
ever told them
What
it was that had given me
This
sunken and miserable
Look
in my eyes
All
they offer is comfort
But
there is no comfort
None
left
Not
for me
Not
with her gone
4.5 – She – Beauty
She
holds his hand across the way
But
she looks at me with a
Piercing
gaze
I
feel my neck heat
And
I feel my eyes water
His
arm is around her shoulders
But
she watches me with
Intent
I
feel my heart beating
Trying
to escape me
She
stands there with her
Boyfriend
An
honorific I never possessed
We never talk any more
But
she seems to stare at me
All
the time
And
it makes me feel…
Horrified
Lost
Alone
Loved
4.6 – Poetry Three
"Let's
see if you can
do
better today, hmm?"
Well
The
night hasn't done him any good
He
still sounds like a pompous
Windbag
Fragile
Things never seem to last
Nothing today is built to last
Maybe
we should all walk around with
Stickers
The
kind they have on luggage
Marked
"fragile:
Handle
with care"
Wouldn't
that be good?
Maybe
then we wouldn't hurt so much
Maybe
then people would know better than to
Hurt
us
A
fragile bond
Is
shaken loose
A
secret love,
A
shrinking noose
But
do others hurt us
Or
do we hurt ourselves.
"You
stole that from Capoicity,"
Tommy
tells me, leaning over my shoulder
Her
image springs to mind
"They
would have understood,"
I
tell him.
4.7 – I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me
I
sit here
Alone
Without
you
I
think about
Everything
But
not
You
never did let me go
No
matter how much I begged
I
live in hope
Always
in hope
That
you'll come to me
Or
let me go
Let
me run away from you
Because I can't do it alone
Because
I remember
A
time when once
You
used to love me
Wreck
and ruin of a human
That
I am
I
always thought there was
No
love there
But
I think, maybe
I
was wrong
Because
if you're with
Him
Then
why are you looking
At
me?
I
already admitted
My
defeat
Your
victory
You
live while
I…
A
time when once
You
used to love me
Is
that time as gone
As
you think?
Am
I the only one
Living
it?
I
remember a time
When
once you used
To Love Me
And
you might
Think
I'm crazy
But
I'm still in love
With
You
4.8 – Confession
I
don't even need to turn around
To
know that she's the one who just walked
Into
the room
Back
into my life
I
don't have to say a word
I
know.
She'll
do all the talking
"I'm
sorry,"
she
says
I
don't turn to face her
"I
thought it was…"
You thought it was what?
Her
confession stumbles
"I
didn't want to risk
Losing
you,"
She
sends the words out into the air
Like
poison
"We're
too close,"
She
breathes
"We're
not close enough,"
I
whisper
And
I feel the wind catch my words
And
send them to her
Like
some kind of sickly perfume
"Have
you slept
with
Him?"
She
shakes her head
I
don't turn around to face her
But
I can feel it
"Do you love him?"
"Not yet."
I
take a rush of air into my lungs
And
with it comes
A
glimmer
Of hope
"Do you love me?"
But
those are the last words
We
say
But
she's still refusing to let me go
I
remember a time when once she used to love me
And
I think
That
that time
Never
ended
She
lies in my bed and I
Lie
there with her
And
together
We
find out what love really is
---
I'm aware that this story never really made a great deal of sense, but then, I don't really think that's a prerequisite of poetry. At any rate, it's been an interesting experiment, and I'd like to thank those of you who read it, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for letting me branch out and try something new.
