I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me

Acepilot

AN – This is the end. Thank you to all who reviewed and read. You're awesome guys, I couldn't have done it without you.

References in this chapter - evidently, the title of the chapter and penultimate poem are by The Dirty Three, and Never Tear Us Apart borrows it's name and some of it's inspiration from the INXS song of the same name.

Disclaimer – The characters in this fic are property of KlaskyCsupo. And Tommy is right – the stanza in Fragile about the bond and noose is by Powderfinger, from the song Capoicity. The very end of 4.7 is borrowed from Nick Cave, as well. Poets do this stealing thing all the time - you should read some. It's like they never have an original thought.

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4. I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me

4.1 – Letting Go

We're starting fresh today

A clean slate
A new beginning

I'm not letting her plague me
Haunt me
Anymore

She's a thing of beauty
But she's a thing of the past

Today,
I'm letting her go

4.2 – Tabula Rasa

"You look
upbeat,"
Lil asks,
Suspicious.

"You haven't been
Getting any,
Have you?"
She asks with a
Sly grin in her voice
And amusement in her
Eyes.

"No,"
I state
Definitively

Because it's the truth
And she doesn't know how right it is

4.3 – Plans get shot to Hell

This plan
This starting again
A clean slate
Worked fine
Until I saw her

Everything was over
Everything was fine
Until I saw her
Standing there
And she saw me

Standing here

Never Tear Us Apart

I was standing
And you were there
No matter how much I tried
No matter how much I tried to say

"It's over,"
It isn't,
Because you won't say it
Whether you feel it
Or not
And that's just going to hurt me
I could never leave you
They could never tear us apart

Her stare could cut me down in an instant
And I don't think I would complain

Or even cry for help

Feels

So this is what love feels like
Adrenaline coursing through my veins
At the sight of you
Last night, my kisses were banked
In black hair

And now I can still taste it
On my lips
Your beautiful black hair
And it's all I can think about
That, and the fact
That I haven't been sleeping well
Because you won't leave me alone
I thought they were dreams
But they're not
Are they nightmares?
Is this what love is meant to feel like?
Or is it just like this with you?

I love her
But I should know better

4.4 – Comfort

"What's wrong?"
everyone asks,
Desperate to know

"What's the matter?"
everyone asks like
the blind fools they are

they wouldn't know what to do if
I ever told them
What it was that had given me
This sunken and miserable
Look in my eyes

All they offer is comfort
But there is no comfort
None left
Not for me
Not with her gone

4.5 – She – Beauty

She holds his hand across the way
But she looks at me with a
Piercing gaze

I feel my neck heat
And I feel my eyes water

His arm is around her shoulders
But she watches me with
Intent

I feel my heart beating
Trying to escape me

She stands there with her
Boyfriend
An honorific I never possessed

We never talk any more

But she seems to stare at me
All the time
And it makes me feel…

Horrified

Lost

Alone

Loved

4.6 – Poetry Three

"Let's see if you can
do better today, hmm?"
Well
The night hasn't done him any good

He still sounds like a pompous
Windbag

Fragile

Things never seem to last

Nothing today is built to last

Maybe we should all walk around with
Stickers
The kind they have on luggage
Marked "fragile:
Handle with care"

Wouldn't that be good?
Maybe then we wouldn't hurt so much
Maybe then people would know better than to
Hurt us

A fragile bond
Is shaken loose
A secret love,
A shrinking noose

But do others hurt us
Or do we hurt ourselves.

"You stole that from Capoicity,"
Tommy tells me, leaning over my shoulder

Her image springs to mind
"They would have understood,"
I tell him.

4.7 – I Remember A Time When Once You Used To Love Me

I sit here
Alone
Without you

I think about
Everything
But not

You never did let me go
No matter how much I begged

I live in hope
Always in hope
That you'll come to me
Or let me go
Let me run away from you

Because I can't do it alone

Because I remember
A time when once
You used to love me
Wreck and ruin of a human
That I am

I always thought there was
No love there
But I think, maybe
I was wrong

Because if you're with
Him
Then why are you looking
At me?

I already admitted
My defeat
Your victory
You live while
I…

A time when once
You used to love me

Is that time as gone
As you think?
Am I the only one
Living it?

I remember a time
When once you used

To Love Me

And you might
Think I'm crazy
But I'm still in love
With You

4.8 – Confession

I don't even need to turn around
To know that she's the one who just walked
Into the room
Back into my life

I don't have to say a word
I know.
She'll do all the talking

"I'm sorry,"
she says
I don't turn to face her
"I thought it was…"

You thought it was what?

Her confession stumbles
"I didn't want to risk
Losing you,"
She sends the words out into the air
Like poison

"We're too close,"
She breathes

"We're not close enough,"
I whisper
And I feel the wind catch my words
And send them to her
Like some kind of sickly perfume

"Have you slept
with
Him?"

She shakes her head
I don't turn around to face her
But I can feel it

"Do you love him?"

"Not yet."

I take a rush of air into my lungs
And with it comes
A glimmer

Of hope

"Do you love me?"

But those are the last words
We say

But she's still refusing to let me go
I remember a time when once she used to love me
And I think
That that time
Never ended

She lies in my bed and I
Lie there with her

And together
We find out what love really is

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I'm aware that this story never really made a great deal of sense, but then, I don't really think that's a prerequisite of poetry. At any rate, it's been an interesting experiment, and I'd like to thank those of you who read it, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for letting me branch out and try something new.