Chapter 5
"Did Dameon say anything to you while you were making your potion yesterday?"
"What do you mean?"
Selma glared at her best friend over breakfast the next day. She had decided not to ask her friend too many questions about what had happened in their Potions class the day before. It was probably very awkward for her, but she needed to know.
"Are you joking? Do you remember what I told you? Dameon fancies you."
"You've finally done it, Selma. You've gone completely nutters."
Her friend only shook her head at Kaitlyn. "You just wait. You just wait," she warned. "Next thing you know, he'll be asking you to go to the bloody Yule Ball with him."
Kaitlyn slammed her goblet of pumpkin juice down on the table, causing several heads to glance her way. "What do you want from me, Selma? Do you want me to go with him?"
Selma's eyes widened considerably. "Oh, good heavens NO!" she bellowed. The onlookers stared at them curiously.
"Then why do you keep insisting that he 'fancies' me? Honestly, why even bother telling me?" Kaitlyn shot at her friend, not realizing how fired up she was becoming.
"I was just warning you, Kate, I wanted you to know!"
"Why BOTHER? You're just going to continue telling me that he fancies me when you don't even want me to do anything about it!"
"No, Kate, what's wrong? Why are you getting so up in arms about all of this?"
"I'll tell you why!" Kaitlyn shrieked, standing up. Several heads had turned her way now. "It's this bloody gossip crap that gets my goat, Selma! You've always known that! Why even go to the trouble of telling me thousands of times over that someone fancies me when you know damn well you don't want me to pursue a relationship with that person? What have you got against him, anyway?"
Selma stared at her friend in shock. She too, jumped up. "So that's what this is all about! I knew it! You fancy him as well!"
Kaitlyn looked highly affronted. "It just so happens that I do not fancy anyone! I'm just sick and tired of you trying to dictate who I should and shouldn't date in this bloody school!"
"This is about him, isn't it? You're upset because I don't want you dating him! Why would ever want to, Kate? He hates your family, his father has had a grudge against your father and your uncle since they went to school here, and most of all, he dislikes you!"
"THEN WHY BOTHER TELLING ME HE FANCIES ME?" Kaitlyn screamed. The Great Hall went silent and every eye set upon Kaitlyn. She felt her face grow hot. She grabbed her books, and feeling tears cloud her eyes, she ran quickly to the library.
Commotion broke out in the Hall, trying to figure out what was going on, but before anyone could notice his disappearance, Dameon fled from his table to go after her.
Sitting in the back corner of the library, Kaitlyn always felt like she was right at home. Oddly enough, this had been her mother's favorite place to brood ('It was mostly about your stupid git of a father that I had reason to be upset,' 'Excuse yourself! Those fights were not one sided!' 'Was I talking to you? Keep out of this conversation!' 'You were talking about me, which gives me grounds to eavesdrop.' 'Hopeless.' 'Insufferable.' 'Where's that library now, I ask!').
There were hot tears flowing down Kaitlyn's cheek. She pressed her hands to her eyes so as not to let the tears escape. What was she crying about? Getting into a fight with her best friend? No, that couldn't be it. They had fought worse than this on occasion, and their grudges never lasted very long. It had to have been what she said, but that was just the problem. What about what Selma said did Kaitlyn have the most trouble dealing with?
A voice called out her name in the library and Kaitlyn couldn't help but be startled. Dameon! What in Merlin's name is he doing in here?
"Kaitlyn," he whispered, walking over to her table. He looked genuinely concerned. Had he heard what they were fighting about? Did he have any idea that she was in the back of the library, crying because of him? Was it really him that she was fighting about?
He sat down across from her and remained silent for a few minutes. Kaitlyn felt surrounded all of a sudden. She was filled with Dameon's presence… she could feel him everywhere. He was only sitting right in front of her.
"Dameon, I think I'm ill."
"Shall I take you to the hospital wing then?"
Kaitlyn uncovered her tearstained eyes. Was he amused by all of this? It certainly did sound like it. She wiped the tears away and gazed down at the table. She couldn't look at him, whatever she did, she had to avoid eye contact.
"What does it matter to you anyway?" she shot at him, not meaning to sound as rude as she did. She somehow just couldn't help it. "I mean, you're constantly baiting me into those silly arguments which you know I'm always going to win. Why do you do even do it?"
Dameon's eyes now fell onto the table as Kaitlyn dared to finally look up. "You don't want to know why."
"Why do you think I asked you? To hear myself talk?"
"You don't want to know, Kaitlyn, just trust me," he said. His eyes finally landed on hers. It was all Kaitlyn could do not to gasp in shock. Tears were forming in his eyes as well.
"Dameon, why do you think I asked?" she repeated. "Why do you get me into fights, when you know that all I'm going to do is lash out and crush your ego?"
He flipped his silver-blond hair out his eyes and made to stand up. "Don't ask me anymore questions. I came in here to ask you all of the questions and suddenly you're interrogating me. That doesn't seem right. What happened in there, Kaitlyn? Why were you screaming?"
She looked down at her fingers again. "I… I can't tell you that."
Dameon narrowed his eyes at her. "Yes you can, you just don't want to."
"No! I don't!" she shot at him, glaring back up at him. "Are you satisfied? I don't want to tell you, Dameon. Who are you to me? Who are you?"
"I don't know," he said, the hollow look in his eyes returning. "I came into this library hoping to find the answer to that question."
"Well you're not going to find it," she whispered. "You're a Malfoy, a Slytherin… you're not supposed to be consorting with a lowly Gryffindor, and a Weasley Gryffindor at that. Who paid you, Malfoy? Who gave you the Galleons to make me believe… oh it doesn't matter what I believed. You're not supposed to be talking to me, much less asking me why I'm crying."
Dameon was shocked beyond speech. Why was she saying all of this to him? Did his name actually matter to her that much? And he actually thought… He stood up then, clenching his hands into fists.
"I have a lot of good reasons for what I do, Weasley. I am not just a stupid little boy with no direction. I avoided you for three years for a good reason, I baited you into fights for a good reason, and I came into this library for a good reason. I don't just go about doing things out of the pure enjoyment of doing so. I have direction."
"And I don't? You don't think that fight was about nothing? That fight… the reason I'm crying… it's nothing you're to be concerned with."
"Then why did I come in here, Kaitlyn?"
She stood up, gathering her books once again. She glared at Dameon, her voice cool and biting. "Answer your questions, Dameon, and I'll answer mine."
With that, she walked out of the library toward the hospital wing. I am sick, she thought to herself. Let someone try and make me believe anything different.
Realizing that she had screwed up with Dameon was not enough. She had to sit next to Selma through almost all of her classes. They were not speaking to each other, and the air around them was tense and awkward. Heather tried desperately to make up for it by talking to each of them equally. Neither responded very well. Both of them were far too angry to speak much at all.
Charms, which was usually a favorite class of Kaitlyn's, passed horribly for her. They were just beginning their work on summoning charms, something that Kaitlyn had already learned years before with her mother. Therefore, Kaitlyn spent most of the hour mulling over the past events in her head. She thought about her explosive fight with Selma that had led up to a seriously bitter fight with Dameon. She was not used to that kind of a fight with him. It was what made it that much harder… if that was it at all.
Heather looked over at her friends hopelessly. "Come on, you two! This is completely nonsensical, and you know it!"
"Tis not," Selma muttered, sounding very much like a two-year-old. "I was merely pointing something out to her and she went and bit my head off."
"If she was so insistent upon pointing this something out, she could have at least a small reason as to why she was doing it in the first place."
"Are you two listening to this? It's completely ridiculous!" Heather exclaimed, aiming her wand at a book and muttering, "Accio!" She looked at her surly friends. Selma was having trouble conquering the charm while Kaitlyn easily summoned things from all over the classroom. "I mean, what was the fight even about? No one explained it to me!"
Kaitlyn sighed heavily. "Well, you know how Selma is. She's been telling me all week that Dameon Malfoy fancies me¯"
"¯Which he does, but continue."
Kaitlyn found that she couldn't. "What do you mean 'which he does?' I can't believe this! It's a conspiracy, I'll tell you right now! Selma's been telling me this all week, saying, 'Oh I suspect he'll ask you to the Ball,' and then when I ask if I should go, she replies, 'Oh of course not! He's a Malfoy!' Honestly, if you're going to waste your time trying to play matchmaker when you don't even want me to go after him, what's the use?"
Selma sighed this time, lifting her head up off of the desk and setting her wand down. "Listen, Kate, I never meant to hurt you. I just didn't really understand why you were getting so defensive about… Malfoy, of all people."
Kaitlyn stiffened. "Was I getting defensive? I hardly noticed. It's just… Selma you know how much I despise gossip and whispering about people. How is that fair to those other people? You know I've always hated that. I suppose that's why my mother spent all of her time at Hogwarts with males," she said as an afterthought.
Selma shrugged. "I know, Kate, and I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to tell you all that when I really don't even want you getting near Malfoy. Stupid really, that he would fancy anyone."
Kaitlyn felt herself bristle suddenly. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, he just seems far too self-centered to think about anyone else, you know what I mean? He is a Malfoy after all."
Selma and Kaitlyn looked at each other quickly and smiled. It was not Heather's turn to sigh. She put a hand to her chest and said, "I'm so relieved. It's about time you two made up. I thought I was going to have a near heart attack."
Kaitlyn smiled at her friends. She had made up with Selma and felt much better about being able to talk to her, but that was not what had been weighing on her mind all day.
It was her fight with Dameon. They had left so much unsaid… so many questions were unanswered. What was she going to do the next time she saw him? Luckily, he answered that question before she had much more time to ponder on it.
Kaitlyn didn't feel as comfortable around Selma right then as she wanted to feel and wasn't up to spending a lot of time in front of a warm, common room fire. She found her refuge in the back corner of the library yet again, studying for classes and doing her homework.
However, her homework was not what was holding her attention at that moment. All she could think about was her sudden feelings toward…
"Kaitlyn?"
She looked up to see Dameon approaching her cautiously. She braced herself, cleared her throat and threw her hair over her shoulder defiantly. Her voice came out less steady than she hoped it would. "What are you doing here?"
He put his books down and gestured to the seat. "May I?"
She gave a small, brisk nod to let him know she wanted him to sit, but not to happily. He sat down across from her and leaned back in the chair. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and peered at her, through her eyes and deep down into her, in a way only he could. He flipped the hair out of his eyes again and smirked lazily at her. "I know what you're up to, Kaitlyn, and it's not going to work."
She averted his gaze, only looking back at her work hurriedly. "What am I doing?"
"Pretending to be angry with me."
She looked down at her essay. "What if I am angry with you?"
"You're not. And you know that if I'm not angry with you that you cannot possibly be angry with me."
Kaitlyn didn't look up. Tears clouded her vision for a second as she stopped writing. He was right. She couldn't be angry with him. She looked up and blinked the tears out of her eyes. His expression changed slightly. Her voice wavered a bit when she answered, "You owe me a few answers, Dameon Malfoy."
"And you owe me some, Kaitlyn Weasley. Why were you crying?"
"Why do you fight with me?"
They both remained silent for a long time. Kaitlyn decided that it was now or never… she was going to answer his questions because she knew deep down if she did, he would answer hers. She pushed her books aside and leaned over the table, closing the small gap between her and Dameon. He gulped.
"The first thing you have to know about me, Dameon, is that I cannot stand the way females treat other people. They gossip, they tell lies, they cheat, they…"
"I know, I know," Dameon said, nodding. "What does this have to do with your crying? Just skip to that part, please."
"Um," Kaitlyn wasn't sure how to proceed. How was she going to tell him what Selma had said without him getting offended? "You see, my friend Selma… she is one of those girls. She told me something and I was very insulted because…"
Dameon leaned over even further. Kaitlyn's breath caught in her throat. His face was merely inches away from her own. "Don't leave any details out. I want you to say everything. I don't appreciate it when people hold details from me. That's something you should know about me."
"Even if it could cause you pain?"
"Don't spare me, Kaitlyn. I want you to be honest."
She looked around and then put her hands on her head, frustrated. "You're not supposed to be seen here, with me, of all people. You're a Malfoy. God, do you know that? You're a bloody Malfoy!"
Dameon sat back in his chair and focused his eyes on another part of the wall behind her. "Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that's been pounded into my head enough that I would have figured that out by now, Kaitlyn?" His eyes grew to their cold, hollow haze once again. "I can't do anything about my name, but I can do something about my character. Just because my father is a coldhearted snake doesn't mean I am."
Kaitlyn closed her eyes and felt the tingling sensation of tears come back again. "Selma kept saying… she kept saying that the reason you were fighting with me was because… was because you… you…"
"I what, Kaitlyn? JUST SAY IT!" Dameon yelled at her.
"All right! She said you fancied me, all right! She said you bloody well fancied me! And I asked her what I was going to do about it, and she told me nothing! I shouldn't do anything because you're a Malfoy and I'm a Weasley… there was nothing to be done… and I yelled at her, I yelled! I asked her why she was telling me all of this when it was just a waste of her time! If she doesn't want me to do anything about it… why was she telling me? Then she had the nerve to tell me that that was not what I was angry about in the first place! I couldn't believe it!"
Dameon was stunned into silence. He gulped once more, stared at Kaitlyn, and with the tears he didn't want to show her in his eyes, he asked, "That wasn't it, was it?"
Kaitlyn said nothing and only glared at Dameon. "It's your turn."
"Excuse me?"
"It's your turn. Tell me why you keep fighting with me. And I expect the same deal. Leave nothing out."
He leaned forward again, putting his hands palm down on the table. "Kaitlyn… you challenge me. Do you know that? I'm sure you've heard this from plenty of people about me," he said, smirking. "No one in this school has dared to even talk back to me the way you have. They know that if they make one false move, I could send word to my father and it would be all over for them. Do you know how hard it is to make friends when you've got that kind of reputation? All of your so called friends fear you… that's not friendship!" he spat, running his hands through his hair. He pulled them down and clasped them together. "You are the only person in this entire school who has ever spoken to me like I am lesser as opposed to greater than you. It really shocked me. I was completely astounded."
Kaitlyn felt herself smile. "I… astounded you?"
Dameon nodded. "I can't believe I'm telling you all of this… but… I am so starved for that, you have no idea. I want someone to treat me like they're not afraid of me, someone to treat me like I'm not going to terminate them if I become bored. You were definitely right that one argument we had, when I told you to watch it. When you asked me what I would do… I wouldn't do anything, and I never have. It's like I told you, I'm not like my father. It's just the curse of the name. Don't tell him, but if I could, I'd change my surname in an instant."
Kaitlyn's mouth dropped open in surprise. She couldn't believe the confession she was suddenly getting from him. She'd asked one simple question and it had turned into…
But he suddenly seemed to understand. Realization dawned on him when he sat back to think about all he had said.
"Dameon…"
"No!" he yelled, leaping up. "I can't believe… I can't believe I just… no… I didn't just say that, did I? Kaitlyn… what am I doing? What are you doing to me? Why did I just tell you that? I can't… I can't do this, Kaitlyn… I can't…"
"Dameon, don't! You're speaking your heart, what's wrong with that?"
Kaitlyn stood up next to him and felt completely disappointed when his Malfoy stature returned, the dead look about him returning to his eyes. "There's no such thing as a heart to heart, Weasley."
"Dameon! No!" she cried desperately, grabbing his arm to keep him from leaving.
He jerked it out of her grasp and glared at her. "What do you know about pain, Weasley? Do you know what it feels like to sleep in a cold, lonely bed every night? Do you know what it feels like to wish your father gave a damn about your schoolwork, or how many friends you had, or if you had a good day? No. You've never had to deal with that, Weasley. You came from a home where your parents were so in love that it sickened you. You didn't have to wish and hope for it. It just came."
Kaitlyn stopped him as he turned to leave again. "Then what's so wrong with trying to let it in?"
Dameon stuck his nose up. "Is there really such a thing as love? When you're denied of something, do you ever truly believe it exists?"
Kaitlyn didn't know what to do. She felt completely helpless. She wanted to throw her arms around him, tell him there was love, and she was willing to give it. But she couldn't. She knew she couldn't, so all she could do was watch him leave.
He seemed to know what she was thinking. He set his jaw, replying, "You can't help me, Weasley. You've been burdened with an overabundance."
"That doesn't mean I can't help you."
"No one can."
He pulled his arm out of her grasp and turned around. Kaitlyn could do nothing more than watch him leave. After having bared his soul to her, he was completely closing off again. He most certainly was not used to talking to anyone who was not afraid of him, and that fact scared him even more.