Disclaimer: Freaky how Joss Whedon stays the creator of all things "Buffy" no matter how much time passes.

The Hidden Diary of Liam/Angelus/Angel

Day One

Asked dad if we have a last name today. He wasn't sure either.

Day Two

Spent day looking in mirror. Decided am manly type with boyish charm and natural good looks. Go me!

Day Three

Spent day trying on different outfits in front of mirror. Cannot decide if I look better in light or dark colors.

Day Four

Dark. Definitely.

Day Five

Is difficult to find just right tassel for manly-yet-unconsciously-sexy shirt. Shopped all day, then spent evening comparing tassels in mirror. Other news: disowned by father.

Later

Got drunk with friend, passed out. Woke up inside own coffin and had to dig out of grave. Thinking maybe I should join AA group.

Day Six

Mirror will show boring wall. Will show stupid shelves. Will show ugly figurines. Will not show me. Think am sulking in attractive-man-way, but cannot tell because mirror will not show!

Day Seven

Held shirt far from body and shook it in front of mirror. Mirror would not show. Tried shaking pantaloons, tassels and hat. Mirror still would not show. Accidentally dropped hat. Suddenly appeared. Looked like magic! Tried dropping lots of objects in front of mirror. Fun! (though prefer if mirror would show me.) Oh, and slaughtered my family today.

Day Eight

Slaughtered home village. Way fun!Day 2,026

Made new friend Drusilla. Gave her excellent makeover. Kind of goth chic thing to go with her name. At first she didn't like it but totally owns it now.

Day 2,080

Dru brought home strange pet. Small man-like thing. Keeps reading me poems. Kind of adorable.

Day 2,088

Learned have been in committed relationship with small blonde woman for last 90 years. Spike read us poem for anniversary. Felt awkward.

Day 3,500

People killed: 3,892

Number who's family cursed me with a soul: 1.

Freaks.

Day 3,501

Neither massacred village nor enjoyed not massacring village.

Day 3,550

Hope have perfected brooding so look sensitive and deep without being whiny, yet cannot tell as mirrors still will not show.

Day 3,560

Discovered hair gel! Got haircut from underworld barber and learned how to perfectly apply gel so will look suave. This plus memory of looking good in dark colors means I am now sexy beyond the realms of gods. Mirrors still will not show, but stands to reason.

Day 3,590

Ran out of gel. Hair shaggy. Mirrors still won't show. Heavy brooding. Rats not bad with butter. Wish I had butter.

Day 8,999

Strange man in New York made me drive across country to meet small girl with superpowers who exists only to kill me. Why?

Later

Um…slayer uses different tactics than expected. Am quietly disturbed.

Day 9,000

Whistler got me haircut and lifetime subscription to "Hair Gel for Immortal Undead". Love love love love him. Stupid mirrors.

Day 9,028

Followed Buffy to new town. Realized am accidentally stalking her. Old habits. Bleaches hair. Kind of reminds me of Dana, I mean Donna, I mean…darn it, what was her name?

Day 9,029

Darla! And hey, she's here too. Small world.

Day 9,030

Buffy dressed up as cheerleader, tried to show me "pom pom trick". Cowered behind couch until she left. Maybe should not have told I was stalking her. Now won't leave me alone.

Day 9,033

Xander turned into hyena for party trick. Oddly impressive. Turned into dingo and ottoman too, but those were less thrilling.

Day 9,034

Buffy now stalking me. Very stressful. Will not leave me alone. Tried killing her, but think I got Darla instead. Oops.

Day 9,036

Met a knife-wielding puppet. Was not pleased.

Day 9,040

Old friend from dungeon days died today. Feel morose.