Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creator and holder of all things "Buffy". I am not. Characters are referenced here with respect and appreciation. That said…
The Hidden Diary of Xander Harris
Day One
New girl in school today. Thought was nice until started attacking me with stick saying "Try and bite me! C'mon! Try and bite me!" Hid in locker. Also killed best friend. All in all bad day.
Day TwoTried out for cheerleading today, but skirt so short felt awkward. Fortunately no one noticed as Buffy distracted them with "pom pom trick". Maybe she not so bad.
Day ThreeAlmost eaten by praying mantis for being virgin. Would not be so bad if Buffy hadn't posted pictures all over school. Would crawl under rock but afraid what bugs might do. Hate Buffy.
Day FiveHad lots of fun being hyena today. Others impressed, but then the drugs wore off.
Day SixTurns out tall pale man with no pulse is vampire. Tried to act surprised as it seemed important secret to him. I said "If secret why have you been biting my neck all week?" Turns out I didn't want to know.
Day SevenWillow maybe a little too much like Buffy. Note to self: avoid internet.
Day EightVentriloquist dummies are not good creatures put here to do good. I don't care what anyone says.
Day NineI hate clowns too.
Day TenGirl showed me how to turn invisible by holding breath. When came to wallet and keys were gone. Stupid girl.
Day ElevenVampire died in library today. Buffy died too, but it didn't take.
