Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creator and holder of all things "Buffy". I am not. Characters are referenced here with respect and appreciation. That said…

A/N: Sorry this took so long to post. I had some troubles getting logged in, etc. Look for more chapters this weekend. Fun and oh so very very wrong.

The Hidden Diary of Rupert "Ripper" Giles

Day One

Was sufficiently rebellious today with cigarette smoking. Also wore leather jacket. Overwhelmingly cool.

Day Two

Summoned chaos demon with friends. Am even cooler than originally thought.

Day Three

Chaos demon killed friends. Less cool.

Day Four

Went to Watcher's Academy per dad. Learn how to spy on teen-age girls. Suddenly understand appeal. Feel dirty, though cool.

Day Ten

Really hard to keep track of all these girls. Somehow we have to guess which ones of all the girls in the world could one day possibly develop super powers, and then find the one that actually does, and then she dies and we have to start all over. Barely cool.

Day Forty

Graduated Academy, became high school librarian. Just not remotely cool. Man, what happened to me?

Day Forty-Three

I got a Slayer! Called and bragged to all my Academy friends. Placed bets on how long I can make mine last. She makes it to summer and I get a new Porsche. Feeling tepid.

Day Forty-Four

Asked Buffy how many vampires she's slayed. Turns out she keeps a whole journal with pictures and notes about each one. Impressed. Most slayers aren't that organized. Though, can understand vampires being tied up in photos, but why are they naked?

Day Forty-Five

Continuing to watch per job description. Bit of a squick when I ran into her mom. Had to explain why I was outside Buffy's bedroom window at night taking notes without giving away slayer identity. Think I pulled it off okay. Am invited to dinner next week.

Day Forty-Six

Have now seen Buffy fight vampires five times, and they got away every time. Did I get a defective slayer? If so, should we kill her and start over? Am unclear how this works.

Day Forty-Seven

Saw Buffy do "pom pom trick". Beginning to suspect she's sadistic.

Day Forty-Eight

Praying mantis almost ate Xander. Bother. This is exactly the reason teen-agers should start having sex at a younger age.

Day Forty-Nine

Buffy went on date with boy. Don't know what happened, but know she didn't kill him as I specifically told her not to. Still can't find boy though.

Day Fifty

Xander turned into hyena. Suspect he's overcompensating for bug incident, the weak little twit. Still entertaining.

Day Fifty-One

Learned other old man who's been following Buffy is a vampire. Huge relief, as worried he was after my job. Asked Buffy why she didn't slay him. She said she's been trying, but he's wily. I wonder.

Day Fifty-Two

Willow dated a demon. Seriously, what's wrong with kids today?

Day Fifty-Three

Puppet showed up. Said, "I've devoted my life to saving the world," then Buffy stomped on its head. Go Buffy.

Day Fifty-Four

Thought Buffy was dead, then she came back as a vampire. Then turned out it was all about a kid in a coma. So confused.

Day Fifty-Five

Invisible girl showed up. Ask me how that one works.

Day Fifty-Six

Dustiest vampire in the whole world died in my library today. Also has to be the first vamp ever to leave its bones behind. Suspect Buffy did this on purpose to get back at me for saying she was a bad slayer. But really. One vampire in six months is not good batting average.