Disclaimer: Joss Whedon is the creator and holder of all things Buffy. Characters are referenced here with respect and appreciation. That said…

A/N: Taking a long time between posts is a sign of a busy and active life. Or sheer laziness. One or the other.

The Hidden Diary of Cordelia Chase

Day One

Met a new girl in school. Cute little blonde thing with a stick. Bleaches hair. Like we wouldn't notice.

Later

Efforts to make Buffy popular thwarted by stick. A person can only handle so many jabs before stops being endearing. Also very big on biting, but even that gets old.

Day Two

Saw Buffy do "pom-pom trick". Suddenly miss stick. Girl does have talent though. And wow is she flexible.

Day Three

Praying mantis almost ate Xander because he's a virgin. Really, that's what happened.

Day Four

Buffy went on date with boy. It's like she doesn't even care that I'm snubbing her.

Later

Killed boy, framed Buffy for it. Let's see if she misses being popular now.

Day Five

Maybe should have done more to frame Buffy besides start rumor about it. Also, underestimated her attitude about murder. At least Willow seemed upset, but then Xander distracted everyone by turning into hyena. Strange people.

Day Six

Tall dark handsome man turned out to be vampire-with-soul. Spent last 200 years in epic Anne Rice novel. Freak.

Day Seven

Willow's online boyfriend tried to possess all the computers in the world. Made it so screens would only show his face. Ugly narcissist. Got me out of English paper, tho.

Day Eight

Met a puppet so disturbing even Buffy wouldn't sleep with it. And don't think she wasn't tempted. The harlot.

Day Nine

Bad hair day. Really really bad hair day.

Day Ten

Ended up in three-way with Buffy and an invisible girl. One of those things that happens. Turns out stick not so bad. Also like flute.

Day Eleven

Buffy died, then came back and killed vampire. Like a movie, only without the good special effects. Also Giles kept muttering about how he'd be lucky to get a Miata now, whatever that means. I'm gonna go party.