Disclaimer: Guess.

A/N: This is it for "The Hidden Diaries". Stay tuned for "The Hidden Diaries II: Angel Buys Leather Pants".

The Hidden Diary of The Master

Day One

Older than snot.

Day 590

Turned whore into vampire. Call it charity. Most prostitutes aren't going to turn into mass-murdering demons on their own. Though wouldn't it be interesting if they did?

Day 650

Darla brought home pretty-boy vamp. Would have been okay except kept asking me to describe in detail how he looks and which shirt goes best with which tassel. Suspect is kinda gay.

Later

Tried telling Darla. She wailed, "You just don't want me to be haaaappy!" and locked self in room. Asked Angelus to talk to her, but he was too busy trying on outfits to notice.

Day 651

Angelus ponced off for major shopping spree. Darla followed, says they're running away together. I guess there's no reasoning with the heart of a soulless killer in love.

Day 2,000

Trapped in hole by earthquake. Kind of cozy.

Day 2,002

Have made over hole into state-of-the-art dungeon per Luke's suggestion I make most of title "Master".

Day 2,003

Made Luke my golden boy for great suggestion and ingenuity with chains.

Day 8,000

Slayer came to town just in time for my big coming out party. We both got a little crazy with the fruit punch, don't remember what happened but when woke up she was giving me facial and tips on how to manage wrinkles.

Day 8,001

Slayer seems to be using "stay close to enemy" tactics for slay-age. Don't mind. Is better than Luke with chains.

Later

Luke hooked up with band at nightclub. Left to make his fortune singing. Should have seen it coming. Was always hogging shower for practice.

Day 8,007

Angelus is here! Changed name to Angel and gels hair now. Also killed Darla. Glad to see he's not pretending anymore.

Day 8,010

Buffy invented kinky game based on people's worst nightmares. She's kind of different from other slayers.

Day 8,012

Found out Buffy has been seeing other vampires. Time to put an end to that and show her what a Master Vampire has got.

Later

Turns out, don't got much.