Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for those who are of my own creation.
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Chapter Four: Beware of Humorless Men
I woke up rather unpleasantly compared to the yesterday morning. Instead of the solid ground and the soft pillow of Dagonet's thigh, I woke up…tied to Gawain's horse. I was lying flat on my stomach, strapped in securely by ropes, draped across the horse and right in front of the rider so that at almost every bounce, his knee smacked me in the face.
I leaned to the side, trying to get away as far away from his knee as possible.
"Ah! I see you're awake!" Galahad greeted cheerfully as he rode up beside Gawain's horse. I mumbled a greeting in return. Even though I couldn't see him, I could hear Gawain's snickering from behind my head.
"Why am I tied up like this?" I questioned, relaxing my back so that it would be less sore later on. Now Tristan road up beside Galahad so that if I lifted my head away from the rather unpleasant view of the horse's… er… reproductive equipment, I would have an equally pleasant view of Galahad's legs and Tristain's foot.
I didn't know Galahad shaved his legs…
"Woads," Tristain murmured in reply to the question which was no longer in my head.
"Now?" I asked. Galahad shook his head, "No, at the campsite." Gawain laughed, "It seemed like such a shame in waking you up that we decided to just string you up and bring you along."
"And I suppose it was your idea eh?" I asked sarcastically. Gawain merely laughed. I sighed as we continued to bounce along the road.
"If anything happens to cause this horse to gallop, I'll kill the person with my bare hands," I muttered, more to myself than to any of the knights. Galahad made a sympathetic sound, "Oh? Why's that? You seem to be enjoying your position rather well." I shot him a glare as best I could from the position I was in causing both Galahad and Gawain to erupt into laughter.
"How long do I have to stay like this?" I groaned. I felt ready to throw up. Gawain laughed, "You could get up right now if you want. But I'd rather you not. I'm quite enjoying the view."
Yeah… that was it. Hastily, I tested my legs and my arms before I tried to right myself up on the moving horse.
"Hey now, you'll hurt my mount if you do that," Gawain said, laughing. I growled in frustration.
"Oh here, let me untie you first," he offered as he loosed the ropes that tied me to the horse. Unfortunately, those ropes were the only things holding me in place on the moving horse and with a squawk, I fell off the moving back.
And landed on the muddy ground with a loud squelching sound. When I looked up from where I now lay, all I could see were gigantic hooves. If I hadn't rolled over, I would've been trampled by Galahad's mount.
My head rang from the fall. I think I jarred my spine on the landing.
"Jones?" someone called from the distance. I didn't know who. My ears were ringing. The only thing I could hear clearly was the beating of my heart. Ever so slowly, my vision blurred, pixilated then went out completely and all I saw were blinking white dots on black. Someone said something and I felt a hand grab my arm to lift me up. The fall must have done something to my legs because I suddenly couldn't feel them. My head swam and I clung onto the person for support. The person said something again.
"Shh… please don't say anything. Let me get my vision back," I replied but heard my voice from a distance. Gently, I managed to pry my arm from the grip and sank down to the ground. Squatting and bent over so that the blood would flow into my head.
Painstaking slowly, my vision returned, bit by bit. Next to return was my hearing and I could identify which voice belonged to which person. Then, power to my limbs as I slowly and shakily got up but not without experiencing a head rush.
"Are you…alright?" Gawain asked hesitantly with a guilty look etched across his face. I managed a grin, "Yes, I'm fine now. The rest of the knights had gathered around me. The tension was so thick that I had to say something to dispel their concern.
"I bet I look like something from the stables right now," said I, looking down at my now dirty coat which was thankfully buttoned up so none of my clothes inside got dirty. Lancelot grinned, "But you smell a lot better than anything that could come from the stables." His mount gave a snort and pawed the ground upon hearing the insult dished out by his master. We shared a laugh before Gawain mounted back on his steed and reached out a hand for me. I looked at him hesitantly.
"Don't worry," he said with a sympathetic smile, "I won't hurt you." I searched his face for a moment before I reached out gingerly and grabbed his arm. With a grunt, he hoisted me on his horse so that I sat in front of him. Circling my waist with one arm and holding the reins with his right hand, I almost felt like I was being suffocated in his embrace. But regardless, his concern for my well being touched me.
Besides, it was a hell lot more comfortable than being tied down to the damned animal. I shifted in the saddle and leaned back so that my head rested against his armored chest. And we bounced onwards.
"Comfortable?" he asked and I almost purred when I felt the rumbling of his chest when he spoke. Of course, realizing what I almost did, I mentally slapped myself.
"Quite," I said in what I hoped was to be a casual manner though I knew it wasn't perfectly true. At every bump, the back of my head made contact with his armored chest somewhat painfully. And of course, there was still that nasty smell of sweat that all of the knights carried.
I'm so going to ask for a bath when we reach Hadrian's Wall. I made a thoughtful sound. Perhaps there might be some way to get these guys to bathe as well.
I had to bite my lip when my mind conjured up of the knights in a giant tub, covered in bubbles, splashing around and playing with rubber duckies. The image was abandoned when Gawain leaned over to whisper into my ear, "Look, we're almost there." I glanced up and let out a low appreciative whistle.
"You said it," said Bors as he broke into a grin.
Hadrian's Wall may seem unimpressive in the twenty first century when compared along side with the Great Wall of China but here, in its past glory, it was absolutely breathtaking. To be frank, neither the movie nor the novel did any justice to the enormous wall which lay, stretched out as far as the eye can see.
True, perhaps I was over-exaggerating a bit but I shall blame that on the fact that I was overwhelmed by the sight.
"Come on now," Gawain murmured into my ear which sent shivers down my spine and he urged the horse forwards towards the massive Wall.
"Seems like our little guest is very much impressed," Lancelot commented with a grin in my direction before he spurred his own mount onwards to ride beside Arthur. I flipped him a finger behind his back.
Galahad raised an eyebrow at my gesture, "What…does that mean?" I merely smirked and shrugged. Gawain laughed, "Seems like Lady Jones here don't take too well to your attention. Perhaps you could tell me?" I laughed at his comment and slapped him on the thigh, "What did I say about the 'Lady' comments?"
"Just Jones, yes we know," Gawain replied impishly.
"Oh stop flirting," Bors retorted as he rode up beside us, "the two of you is making me sick."
"Missing Vanora?" Lancelot asked with a smirk. Bors grinned, "Don't I always?"
I resisted the urge to go "aawwwwwww…"
"But it will be a shame when you find out she misses me more than you!" Lancelot exclaimed with a laugh.
I resisted the urge to throw my boot into his face.
I gave Bors a sideways glance. He was laughing but I fancied I saw a hurt look flash across his features before he quickly covered it up. So, I decided to give the big guy a little distraction.
"I wasn't flirting with him. He was flirting with me. It's different," I told him indignantly, jabbing a thumb in Gawain's direction. Gawain snorted with laughter behind me.
"Flirting with you? I wasn't flirting with you! I was merely keeping you entertained!" was his argument. Now it was Bors' turn to snort with laughter.
"It's not my fault that you're such a flirt with anything that has breasts," I laughed. Gawain leaned forward and rumbled into my ear, "I apologize but it doesn't seem like you have any."
I winced. Oh… that was low.
"So what you're saying is that I'm not good enough for you simply my breasts are too small?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow and a frown. But inside, I was bursting with laughter. It was one of those… women mind tricks and from his gaping mouth and frowning eyes…
"I did not mean to offend!" he exclaimed almost desperately. I huffed. Besides us, Bors, Galahad and Lancelot seemed about to collapse with laughter. I feared for their mounts.
"Oh of course not. Not meaning to offend just like the way you pushed me off your horse or the fact that you just insulted my breasts?" I demanded, crossing my arms across my chest and giving him my best death glare.
"That's not what I meant!" Gawain exclaimed yet again, "Your breasts are perfectly fine and round and… and…"
"Juicy?" Bors suggested with a snicker.
"Why are you even looking at my breasts?" I asked, turning up the intensity on the death glare. By now, Dagonet, Arthur and Tristan had joined in listening to the small argument between Gawain and me with interested looks on their faces. To see how their flustered friend would fare against a strange girl like me perhaps.
"I'm a man! It's rather hard not to," protested Gawain. I snorted with disbelief, "That's the oldest argument in the book. If you're going to blame all your faults on being a man, the rest of the world would be cowering under a woman's gaze by now."
"Like it's not?" Bors muttered to himself absentmindedly. Galahad nudged his muscled friend in the side, a grin plastered on his features as he returned his attention back to Gawain and I.
Gawain opened his mouth to protest… then closed it… then opened it again… then closed it. That was it, I had to laugh.
"You…you were only playing me!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms into the air. I grinned, "I'm sorry, I couldn't keep it up any more. You looked like a goldfish." I proceeded to imitate him with exaggerated motions.
"Now I have to wonder if it's appropriate to be aroused by that," Lancelot commented with a smirk. Bors snickered.
"What's a goldfish?" Galahad asked with a frown.
"Some type of fish I imagine," Arthur mumbled.
"But why would it be called a goldfish? Is it made of gold?" Bors asked.
"I'd imagine not else it would sink," Tristan replied.
"If it doesn't swim, it's not a fish," Dagonet said, nodding his head.
I rolled my eyes, "Are we there yet?"
"You have eyes, you can see," Gawain retorted, obviously a little bruised from the fact that I turned him into the butt of a joke.
Indeed.
We were nearing the large double doors that was the main gate. I shifted in the saddle excitedly. We're almost there, we're almost there, we're almost there!
As we neared, one of the guards posted on the wall recognized Arthur and gave the signal for the gates to be opened. With much groaning and squeaking, the large doors slowly opened to admit the seven horses and eight people. A thin wiry man dashed out and greeted Arthur and the knight bent down to whisper something into his ear. I tilted my head as I watched him.
He glanced in my direction, looked me up and down, frowned before nodding to Arthur's request and dashed off. Noticing my interest, Gawain leaned over to whisper into my ear again, "That's Jols. Our squire."
"Ah," was my comment. So that's Jols… he looked slightly different from the screen. I shrugged. No matter. I glanced around my surroundings now that we were inside Hadrian's Wall. The first thing I noticed was the women. The many, many women who now clustered around the knights as we rode towards the small stable area of the knight's quarters. Some of them giggled behind their hand, some of them held out flagons, offering them a drink, some of them accidentally exposed skin in a flirty, suggestive way. I noticed that a small group of them pointed to me and giggled.
"Hmmm… talk about blow to self-esteem," I muttered. Gawain smiled.
"I'm sure they don't know you're very much a lady." His comment earned him another slap on the thigh and he winced.
"I was just trying to reassure you," he muttered.
"No 'lady' comments," I replied with a scowl. He snorted and turned his attention to a girl who was offering him a flagon of wine while flirting shamelessly. I fought the urge to roll my eyes when Gawain smiled and winked back suggestively as he accepted the flagon. After taking a long swig, he handed the empty flagon to the girl who followed the moving mount. She giggled behind her hands while she chatted with her envious friends and followed us back to the stables where I slid off thankfully without breaking or falling. I turned my attention away from Gawain who was obviously making plans for a later rendezvous with the girl. I focused my attention on Arthur instead.
He was talking and saluting one of the Roman officers with Jols who had returned to his side. The squire threw me a sidelong glance before he looked away, focusing his attention back on the Roman officer who was replying to whatever question Arthur gave him. The solider nodded to Arthur before he left, head held high with his nose in the air as if he was king of the world. Arthur glanced in my direction, noticed I was staring at him, smiled and motioned for me to advance.
I cocked an eyebrow in his direction before stuffing my hands in my pockets and quickly made my way towards him.
"Jones, Jols will take you to my room. I have asked him to run a bath for you so that you may clean yourself," he tilted his head and a thoughtful clucking sound, "I suppose I would need to get you a few dresses…"
I blanched.
"No, no, no, I'd prefer men clothing," I told him with a nod of my head. He gave me a hard stare while Jols gaped at me. I shifted uncomfortably.
"Such a thing is unheard of for a lady," Arthur told me with a stern look. I looked at him exasperatedly, "I told you, I'm not a lady so stop calling me that. And I'd rather not wear dresses… I…" I shot a look at the knights who were now mingling freely among the crowd of delighted women.
"I'd really prefer not to have that kind of an effect on another man," I told him, jerking a thumb in the direction of the small crowd. The knight stroked his chin thoughtfully before he sighed in resignation and sized me up.
"Very…well… But whatever the consequences or gossip that may spread would be entirely your own fault, am I clear?" he asked me. I nodded.
"You are about Jol's height though your shoulders are less broad. You may borrow a set of his clothes for now until we find you some decent clothing," he told me then glanced at Jols who muttered something under his breath before he held out his arm as an offering to take me. I raised an eyebrow at his behavior. Arthur gave me another one of his looks, "Take his arm, he'll lead you to my quarters and to your bath."
I glanced at the offered arm again before with a sigh, I tentatively took it and allowed myself to be led away from the loud noises outside and into one of the many doorways leading inside the stone building. Not that Jols is all that bad mind you. Just…don't want to touch him is all.
As we walked down the long hallway inside that surrounded a garden, Jols made no attempt to strike up any sort of conversation. His behavior made me nervous and soon, I tried to converse with the rather cute looking squire.
"So…" I mumbled, "your name is Jols?" He nodded his head stiffly. I chewed on my bottom lip.
"Er…do you have a last name?" I tried again. He looked at me strangely and I wondered if it was because he did not know what a last name was, he did not own one or because I wasn't supposed to speak. Whatever the reason may be, I sighed.
"What? Why aren't you talking? It's really strange," I finally told him. He bowed his head apologetically, "forgive me Lady Jones, I am not in a position where a lowly servant like myself should converse with you."
I looked at him flabbergasted, then wrenched my arm away from his.
"Alright. Let's get one thing clear," I told him, shaking a stiff index finger in front of his face.
"I am not a Lady and you will not address me as such. At the moment, I look like a pile of dog shit." Jols seemed appalled my language. "Furthurmore! If you were in the society that I lived in, we would be equals regardless of who we are. You, in your opinion may be a lowly servant but what does that make me? I'm just some girl they found lying in a ditch somewhere. So in that sense, I'm actually your inferior so stop acting like some ass-kissing lap dog!"
Jols stared at me blankly and not a word was spoken between us for what seemed like hours. Finally, he broke into an amused smile and offered his arm again, "Shall I escort you to your room Lady Jones? Your bath is waiting."
I scowled, "Just lead the damned way you fucking retard." He turned around and started walking. I followed behind, scowling and glaring at his back.
I thought I saw his shoulders shake with controlled laughter as we continued to walk down the hallway.
End: Chapter Four
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A/N: Gah, sorry this took so long. I got sidetracked with other things going on. There was a convention and I had to get my costumes done and then there was the beginning of school. But lo and behold! The fourth chapter in all its glory. Damn. Haven't been on for awhile. In any case, hope you enjoyed that and again, please review. I'm a review whore. Haha.
bakachan17: Haha, mission successful! I happen to like OCs when they're brilliantly written and I like self-insertions to the point where it's actually the fan who gets transported into the world because I love to read about the interaction between the fan and how the characters would react. When written well anyways. That's sort of my goal so… YAAAAAY! I've achieved part of it. :D
Manic P: Haha, Pepsi is the best. Kinda makes you wonder how Gawain would react to fast food… Thanks for your comment! J
lolita: I don't know about romance since this is more for humorous entertainment value. I mean… damn, there are so many times wisecracks I could make. And aawww… what's wrong with Dag? He's so awesome.D
Pencil3: Lol. You know for torture purposes, I could kill off Lancelot for fun… Hmm….
Lea of Mirkwood: Aawwww… you made me blush. And I love that phrase! "It's a plausible reaction to an incredible situation." It just rolls off the tongue so pleasantly.
Nini-Mouse, Electrocuted Sheep: First…wow, that's a long name to type out. Second, YAY FOR DAG! D Haha, glad you liked the Pepsi part. Seems like it's a fav. And mucho luckies on writing KA fanfics.
TalkIsCheap: And there you go! D (love the name by the way. Every time I read it, I nod my head and go, "It sure is.")
WarAdmiral: Lol, thanks for the review and yes… yes it can. Pepsi is dangerous when drank wrong… and I know first hand. My nose burned horribly.
Catherine: Isn't humor just the grandest thing? Thanks for the review! D
darknausicaa: Thanks! D I'm trying to get as far away as this being a Mary-sue while making it an OC fic.
Arantxa: Thanks for the review! As a reward, here's chapter 4, lol.
