FM Fic, Chap 6: Snape is dead!

Back in Myrtle's bathroom.
"I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory..." Sirius sang while Peter clapped the tact.
"Please quit singing bathroom themed songs." James pleaded.
"Just one more. Ahem, Lost my darling skip to my loo-"
Sirius head was hit by a heavy book and had to take a break from singing.
"Owie!"
James picked up the book again and looked up the page with the list.
"Does his skin slowly change color? It takes a few hours for a werewolf to change from human to animal form. The first sign is a gradual darkening of the skin." he read.
"Why his skin?" Peter asked. "Why not her?"
"You know, that is an interesting question. All these symptoms only seem to pertain to males." said James.
"So you're saying it doesn't apply to very girly boys?" Sirius joked.
"You're lucky he's not here to kick your ass for that." said James.
"Hey, nobody kicks my ass!"
"I kicked your ass yesterday in werstling!"
"Back to the matter..." said Sirius.
"Right. I'm just saying, are there no girl werewolves?"
Sirius shrugged. "How the hell should I know?"
"I thought you were the expert in werewolfology!"
"Not anymore! Now I'm the expert in...kickassology!"
James snorted. Sirius slapped him. They went back to the book.
"Right, does his skin change colour? Well, I've never noticed it." said James.
"Of course you wouldn't! What sane werewolf would transform in front of others? Next point..."
"Right, um...Does he wander around graveyards, mortuaries or turn up at the scene of fatal accidents? Corpses are a ready source of nourishment for young werewolves."

The trio were hiding behind a pillar, spying on a passing Snape.
"He's chalk white and ugly, perfect in other words." said Sirius
"I never thought Snape ever could be perfect. But as a corpse..." James grinned and did the thumbs up. Sirius aimed his wand at Snape.
"Ava-"
Peter poked Sirius.
"What!"
"You're...you're not really killing him, are you?"
"Well, we wan't to convince people that he's really dead, don't we? No one will notice we did it so you don't have to worry about getting a cell in azkaban for murder."
"You mean for a crime we didn't commit?" James asked.
"Right. 'Cause that's just wrong. So will you let me kill him now?"
Even James was skeptical at the idea.
"We hate him...but we could get expelled if we kill him."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Ever since we started sneeking off without Rem, you've started to act like him!"
"It's the damn glasses!" said James and took them off. "Oh no, I'm blind!"
Sirius put the glasses back on James.
"I guess all group of friends need a smartiepant, and with your nerdspeckies you come after Remus."
"Anyway, we better get our job done before Snape decides to stop looking at that painting." said James. "Just petrify him."
Again, Sirius aimed his wand at Snape and waved it. "Petrificus Totalus."
It hit Snape and he fell down like a pine tree on his back. James and co rushed towards him.
"How long will he be like that?" Peter asked.
Sirius took out a black pen and drew facial hair on Snape.
"Let me!" said James, snatching the pen from Sirius.
"Draw eyelashes!" said Sirius and James did.
"Maybe we should spread the rumour that his dead before he starts moving." Peter suggested.
"Right. You're absolutely right. And we have drawed on his face before." said Sirius.
"Allright, mates! Let's panic!" said James and they started to run around in all direction, shouting 'Snape won't breath.' and such. Many teachers and students gathered 'round, even Dumbledore.
"Stand back!" he told the crowd.
Just as the trio had expected, Remus showed up.
"Hey, what's going on?" he asked.
"Snape is d-dead." James fake-stuttered.
Remus looked disbelieving at James, and then at Snape.
Dumbledore said something, which resulted in sparkly stars coming out of his wand and Snape moved. The crowd gasped.
"It was Black and Potter! They petrified me!" he yelled and pointed at where James and Sirius were standing. James and Sirius pretended to be surprised.
"He's alive!" James shrieked.
"Mazel tov!" Sirius cried and they hugged eachother.
"Detention! Every Saturday at 6 o clock, for the rest of this semester." said McGonagall.
Slowly, one by one did everyone dissappear.
"You petrified him and let people think he was dead?" Remus asked. "Even you must admit that was pretty low."
"We didn't petrify him! He was really dead! A dead, juicy, tasty corpse!" said Sirius.
Again did Remus find himself in one of those states of confusion that always came from James or Sirius, or both.
"Aha..."
"Speaking of dead, juicy, tasty corpses, have you ever tried corpse?" James asked.
Remus stared at James. "Yeah, I eat it everyday, I just can't get enough. Mm, just thinking about it makes me wanna visit the cemetery and eat some zombies." he replied sarcastically.
"Aha, so you do hang out at graveyards!" said Sirius triumphantly.
Remus shook his head and left.

In the commonroom. They couldn't stand Myrtle.
"Ok, here's a gross one." said James. "Is his blood bluish red and his urine a deep purple? If you can trust yourself to be alone with a suspected werewolf in the daytime, try to find out without being too obvious. Following him into a men's room might be a good idea, but be careful."
"Peter will follow." Sirius decided.
"No way!"
"When did you get so cocky?"
"I mean...please don't make me do it, master."
"That's better."
"What are we gonna do?" said James. "The colour of his blood can be easily checked but...the other thing..."
Up in the dormitory. Remus was...padabadaaam...reading! The sight was so unexpected James fell backwards.
"Ok, we need something sharp." said Sirius. He fumbled in his coffert and found his precious knife. He sneeked over to Remus, who luckily had one hand free. He grabbed the hand and made a cut in his index finger.
"OW! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Remus yelled, really startled. He had had to endure so much absurdness lately, and with fullmoon approaching and all, it was tough.
"Um...ok...sorry!" said Sirius, terrified.
Remus calmed down and healed his cut with a simple spell.
"What did you do that for?" he asked.
"It was a dare. James and I were playing truth or dare and he dare me to cut your index finger." Sirius lied. It was a good lie.
"Oh, ok." said Remus. "Sorry I exploded like that, I just really don't like to be cut with sharp knives all of a sudden."
"Who does?"
James dragged Sirius away.
"What colour?" he whispered.
"Red." Sirius replied.
James sighed. "The worst part left now."
"Right."
Sirius disappeared from the dorm and came back 15 minutes later.
"Butterbeer, all around!" he said and handed a bottle to everyone. "Cheers to...Chudley Cannons on Saturday!"
"Well said!" said James.
They drank. Maybe 10 minutes passed.
"Jeez, I could really use the bathroom now." said Sirius. "Don't you?"
"Oh yeah." said James. "I definetly know what your talking about. Let's go to the bathroom together!"
"Great idea, ol' sport! Coming, Remy?"
"No thanks, go without me."
Sirius leaned his head on the wall.
"I have a better idea." said James. "You know that essay we're doing in DADA, the one on, uh, werewolves?"
"Yeah?" said Remus.
"I found some facts in a book, among other things it says that, uh, their urine is deep purple. But it's not in our school book so I wondered, should I write it in my essay? Is it true, do you think?"
Sirius kissed the ground.
"I wouldn't write that, no. That sounds ridiculous."
"Ok, yeah, then I won't. Great. Just checking, haha."
"Which book was it that said that?" Remus asked.
James and Sirius exchanged looks. Sirius shook his head.
"I forgot." said James. "Just...some unimportant library book."
"So it's not that book you're holding right now?"
James closed the book he was holding. "No. Not this one. Nope, this is my, um, prive diary."
"Why did you name it Dark magic creatures in Britain?"
James checked the title.
"Well, duh! Because if I wrote 'James Potter's diary' on it, everybody would want to get a sneeky peek inside it!"
Sirius snorted.
"Especially Sirius!" James added.
"Yeah, beacuse I could just read 'I love Lily Evans' over and over again, from the first page to the last."
"I don't love Lily Evans!"
"Yeah you do."
"Do not! Shut up!"
"I've read that diary, James. It says you do. I tried to keep my hands off it, but I just had to get a sneeky peek inside it!"
James glared at Sirius.
"You must have mistaked my diary for your own diary then, Sirius."
"You mean my copy of Herbs in Europe, A to Z?"
"That's the one."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "What time is it?"
"7 pm." Peter replied.
"I'm going to the kitchens, you guys coming?"
James dropped his "diary" on his bed. "Wait up!"
"I wanna come too!" said Peter.
"Coming, Remy?" James asked.
"No...must finish this stupid essay." Remus replied, dipping his quill in his ink bottle.
"Give it a break!" said Sirius.
"Can't. Go without me."
He scribbled down something on his parchment roll. James, Sirius and Peter left the dorm. Remus summoned the book on James' bed to him and browsed through it's pages and stopped in the middle, where the corner of the page was folded. His eyes narrowed.
"7 ways to tell if your neighbour is a werewolf..."

(A/N: Ooo! Next chap is the last!)