Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except for those who are of my own creation.
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Chapter Six: Beware of Purple Velvet Atrocities
The next morning, Jols woke me up rather rudely. Well, alright, I admit it, he didn't do anything but if the first thing you saw when you woke up is the face of a man who you though you have never met before staring down at you, I think that you would flip out as I did. After landing with an ungraceful thump on the floor, I acquired a pain in my general posterior area for the rest of the day. To accompany that, I am not a morning person, at ALL. And Lancelot's little night rendezvous with some woman, which I unfortunately heard all of through the rather thin walls, gave me very little sleep. So in general, I was in a pretty crappy mood.
Scratch that.
I was feeling uber bitchy.
I staggered to my feet and limped to the bathroom with a string of curses and oaths in my wake. Jols merely tidied around the room and rolled his eyes at my stupidity. Idiot squire.
I glanced around my room when I did not hear the usual squeak of morning greetings from my dear ferret and wondered vaguely where he had got himself into. I pushed the thought from my mind. Slinky's a ferret. He can take care of himself. If I don't see him by lunch at least, I'll be worried but for now, I turned to the task of cleaning myself.
I tamed my unruly hair, or at least, tried to, and woke myself up by splashing cold water on my face. After tidying up a bit, I stepped out, feeling quite refreshed and feeling a lot less moody.
That was until Jols shoved a pile of clothing in my face.
"Here, I was instructed to give you this," he told me, then with a curt nod, he left the room. I stared at the bundle in my arms then frowning suspiciously, I unrolled it… and swore very loudly.
It was a dress!
Of all the rotten…
I fumed.
Oh… there would be hell to pay for this.
Glaring at the offensive piece of clothing, I started to think of my sweet, sweet revenge and then I grinned.
Sir Lancelot, the woman lover, is going to get his just rewards for keeping me up all night with his extremely loud show of late night activity.
I folded the dress carefully and bundled it under my arms. After making sure that Jols was no where in sight, I quickly exited the quarters Arthur so graciously lent me and tiptoed towards Lancelot's door. I placed my ear against it and tried to listen for sounds of activity inside.
Nothing.
I grinned. The bastard must still be asleep.
Grabbing the handle of the door, I tugged on it lightly and found, to my absolute pleasure, that it was unlocked. I pulled it open.
Creak
I winced and hoped he didn't hear that. I peeked inside and saw that he was still asleep… with the woman he slept with last night curled up against his chest. I smirked and quickly stole inside. I looked around the room and saw the small bundle of clothes that Jols left for the knight and my grin grew wider. Oh… this was just too easy.
I shuffled towards the table where his bundle laid and swapped it with mine then proceeded to rid the entire place of any piece of "man" clothing I can lay my hands on. Then, with the huge (and smelly) bundle in my arms, I quickly exited his room and closed the door behind me. I giggled and turned around.
SMACK!
…right into Galahad's chest.
Correction. Right into Galahad's armor plated chest.
Lancelot's clothes flew from my arms as I clutched my throbbing nose.
"What were you doing in Lancelot's room…? And… with his clothes?" the youngest knight of the table asked me suspiciously with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk that graced his lips, which suggested oh, so much more.
I looked over my shoulder as I heard a small moan from inside and panicked a little.
"Shush! You're going to wake him up! Just… help me pick this up and you'll find out in a bit," I told him in a hushed and urgent whisper. Galahad looked at me sternly but upon seeing the grin on my face, he quickly gathered up the strewn Lancelot-clothing and we quickly exited the area.
"So what's this about then?" asked he. I grinned, "you'll see."
And see, he did. As did the rest of the knights.
We were sitting around the table and chatting as we waited for Lancelot to arrive so that Arthur could tell his knights of their supposedly last mission when my friendly conversation with Gawain about the unusual methods to catch a rabbit was interrupted by the front door banging open and Lancelot's angry booming of my name.
Eep.
Maybe I should've thought this one through a bit more.
But one look at the knight dissolved any fear of whatever action he chose to take against me.
There he stood, clad in the purple velvet atrocity that Jols gave me to wear. The tight fitting garment hugged him tightly as if trying to suffocate his form and the stretched neckline exposed his hairy chest to the world. His face was an interesting shade of red that seemed to be from a combination of embarrassment and anger.
At first, there was silence.
But when Arthur calmly asked after Lancelot's current state of dress, everything turned into chaos.
The table exploded into guffaws of laughter. Even Dagonet doubled over, dissolved into peals of laughter, followed soon by Arthur himself as they clutched the edge of the table to stop themselves from falling off their chairs.
"THIS IS YOUR DOING JONES!" yelled Lancelot, pointing an accusing finger at me. I gasped indignantly through giggles, "I did no such thing!" He snarled.
"All my clothes were gone! The only thing left was … was… THIS!" he gestured to the purple velvet atrocity. I dissolved into peals of laughter and couldn't find the air to reply.
After awhile though, good ole Arthur called out a halt amidst giggles which only escalated my mirth. I mean… hearing a grown man giggle?
"Now… heehee… enough, enough. We really must get on with this last mission for Rome," he announced and cleared his throat in an attempt to stop the bubbling laughter. I noticed how he avoided looking at the fuming Lancelot. Slowly, one by one, the knights all calmed down but Lancelot still shot me a dark look that promised revenge. I smiled innocently in his direction and shrugged my shoulders.
"So what is the mission?" Lancelot asked with a dark look upon his face. Arthur cleared his throat to stifle those pesky giggles again before he continued, "There is an emissary from Rome coming to the wall. He's Bishop Germanus."
There were murmurs among the knights. The general impression I got was that they were not at all impressed with this man's rank. I grinned.
"So what's so important about this man anyways? Why do we have to accompany him?" Gawain asked with a frown.
"Well for one thing, he carries your release papers."
Until that moment, I never realized how loud six men could be. They cheered loudly and joyously at the mention of those papers. My smile dimmed a little when I realized what fate had in store for them and chewed on my lip.
For the next half hour, Arthur went over this particular situation that they faced. They studied the lay of the land, the route that the carriage took, the surrounding forests and known Woad areas, areas to stay away from, where to approach, where the carriage would be and so on. It all would've been rather boring had I not known what the arrival of the bishop would mean for the knights. I played with a frayed area of the tunic I wore with agitation and a certain amount of anxiousness. What about me? What would I do? Would I beg them to take me with them on the mission they did not expect? I bit my lip. I would be another helpless woman they would have to care for and worry about.
I glanced at Dagonet who listened attentively to Arthur's little presentation and felt my chest clench in pain. He wouldn't be able to enjoy his hard earned freedom… in two days, he'll be dead. I winced.
I was thrown out of my little conversation with myself when Bors stood up, "Well let's go then, I should hate for anything to happen to those papers of ours…"
The rest of knights rose and amidst laughter and jests (including several attempts to look up Lancelot's dress much to his discomfort), they left for the stables to prepare for the mission. I stood up myself and glanced at Arthur expectantly. He raised an eyebrow.
"What am I to do?"
"You… are to wait here," he announced firmly. I shrugged, "I suppose that's fair." But as he strode out of the room, I stopped with him when I grabbed him by the arm. He turned to look at me and I fidgeted.
"Urm… please be careful…"
He smiled at me reassuringly, "Aren't we always?" He swept me up in a friendly hug that was meant to reassure me (not break my back) and turned to leave but not before calling over his shoulder.
"Ask Jols about that rodent of yours. I believe he's taken quite a liking to that animal."
He's WHAT! So THAT'S where Slinky went.
I stared after Arthur's retreating back. Jols… the squire… He… shall… die… tonight.
After seeing Arthur and his knights off with a wave (and flipping of the finger in Lancelot's case) I bid them good luck and a safe journey before going on my own little excursion to find our dear squire, Jols. It was well into the afternoon before I've had any luck. Though a relatively small place compared to what I'm used to in the present, Hadrian's Wall was surprisingly easy to get lost in. It seemed to me like nothing was ever in one place. Guards came and went, some changed positions. The peasants pushed and shoved me in order to get to their respective places and do their respective duties. A merchant would always move from one place to another and the general hubbub just caused me greater confusion (and pain to my aching sides from being pushed around).
I dared not go and ask help and directions from one of the guards. From what I've witness the Saxons did to that poor village (a horrible memory that) I've decided not to trust any sort of men except for the knights. At least I knew they had honor in them, however barbaric, rude and smelly they might be. Some of the guards might not follow that same code of chivalry that the knights upheld.
And I for one, wasn't willing to take any chances.
My luck did turn for the better when I found Vanora amidst the hustle and bustle of the rather stinky crowd of people.
"Jones? Jones is that you?" she asked, laughing at my present state of attire. I grinned ruefully and nodded. She held a child, not more than three years on her back and clung onto another, a boy of about six by the hand and waded through the crowd with ease that I could never hope to attain unless I was carrying a skunk under my elbow so that everyone would avoid me. But even then, it's a big assumption that they would mind the smell.
"Have you eaten?" she asked, juggling a basket of what looked like cheese, a loaf of bread, cabbage and other leafy greens that I could not identify. It wasn't until she asked the question that I realized how famished I was. I shook my head, "No, I would have except I think I'm lost."
She laughed, "Come, let me feed you then. Bors wouldn't like it if he found I out I let you starve." I was about to refuse and ask her directions back but she thrust the basket of groceries in my hands and tottered off with the six year old in tow. I almost dropped the basket, surprised at its weight, before staggering clumsily after her. How she does it was anyone's guess. To able to maintain perfect balance with a kid on your back, a basket in your hands that weighed like a ton of bricks while dragging a six year old behind you was a feat that should be applauded.
Eventually however, we reached her humble dwelling where the night before our combined efforts dragged Bors back home and into bed. By now, I sweated profusely and panted from exhaustion with carrying the basket. I sat down on a protruding rock outside her humble home and set the basket down to catch my breath. Seeing my fatigue, Vanora simply laughed and handed me a cup of water, which I gratefully drank from and handed back the empty cup. Once she placed the contents of the basket away inside the house, she came out, started the fire and soon, we chatted of nonsensical things while sharing a steaming bowl of gruel cooked with bits of chicken, pork, carrots, other greens and a chunk of bread from the loaf she just bought. After the children ate, I helped her put the younger ones to bed and watched with an eagle's eye while the older ones played children's game.
"You miss it, don't you?" Vanora asked out of the blue. I tilted my head towards her, "Hmm?"
"You miss it. Being a child, I mean. The games, the false safety… everything's possible when you're a child," Vanora said dreamily. I smiled and nodded with a sigh but other than that, I did not reply. It was a rare moment of peace. It shall not come again until Arthur is crowned and married to Guinevere and that was a while to go… I sighed and stood up, dusting off my pants.
"Vanora, I'm sorry to have to leave so soon. I really appreciated the lunch and your hospitality."
She smiled and I knew why Bors fell in love with her, "it's nothing. It's good to have some company some times other than that fat pig and his piglets."
I laughed, knowing that she did not mean it. She did love him after all. With a wave good bye, I took my leave and continued my mission to hunt down Jols and find my Slinky.
I was lucky enough. Jols was not out running errands for some of the guards. No. Instead, I found him lying beneath a large tree in one of the inner courtyards, feeding Slinky small pieces of cheese while the ferret sat on his shoulder, utterly content. I felt a pang of jealousy.
Slowly, with my awesome ninja skills, I tiptoed up behind him. Slinky noticed me first and turned around. I held out my arm and with a squeak of happiness (at least, I thought it was happiness), he climbed up my arm to settle around my shoulders. With the diligence of a mother, he inspected me for any sort of injury but laid off when I offered him a small piece of bread I saved from Vanora's lunch.
"Good to see that you've taken care of him at least," I said, sitting down beside the squire. He noticed my presence and hurried up on his feet. I rolled my eyes.
"Jols, sit."
He did.
"Now relax. I'm not your superior so shut up and we'll both enjoy the afternoon eh?"
He gnawed on his bottom lip and wondered what he should do and what course of action he should take and blah, blah, blah. Protocol. Instead of letting him continue with those thoughts, I interrupted them with one of my own.
"So how has Slinky been? Alright I hope? Did he cause any trouble?"
He perked up and at once, we began discuss my dear
friend and I showed him a few tricks that Slinky could do, much to his
immediate surprise and pleasure. We then spent the rest of the afternoon
together and tried to teach Slinky a few new tricks.
Tried
being the keyword here.
Of course, the dear ferret, upon knowing of our plans of degrading him, decided to ignore us for the rest of the afternoon, much to both Jols and my frustration. Discovering this fact, both of us settled back down against the tree and the squire fished out a bag of nuts from one of his pockets and shared them with me. Our bonding time was then interrupted by shells flying back and forth. But all in all, it ended quite well I think. The few people who passed us thought the squire's new friend (an extremely fetching young man if I do say so myself) to be having one of those boys will be boys moment.
Nobody suspected that the dear "Lady Jones" masqueraded as a rather handsome and feminine peasant boy. A few of the guards did give us queer looks but that peaceful afternoon ended… well… peacefully.
I went to bed early that night, feeling rather content with myself. Jols escorted me (well he showed me the way, I wouldn't let him escort me but I was lost) to my room and left once I left clear instructions that he was NOT to bring me women's clothing. It wasn't until three arguments later that he gave up arguing with me and left me in peace. During my bath, Slinky accompanied me and amused me with his swimming antics before I had to take him out to prevent him from drowning.
When I lied down to sleep however, the thoughts of the Bishop coming to Hadrian's Wall worried me greatly. Everything will change. The peace will shatter as will many lives. The scene of Dagonet's death replayed over and over again in my head and I shuddered.
As if sensing my discomfort, the ferret curled up against my chest with a small squeak of reassurance and I had to smile.
He was right… there was nothing I could do to prevent it. History will drastically change. I shivered again. At least Dagonet will die a hero's death, I told myself over and over again.
But he will still die…
End: Chapter Six
…
A/N: OMG that took a while to finish. And this isn't as funny as the previous chapters. I think it's going to slip more into action from now on. It took a while to even get to the stupid Bishop. Oh, and question, does anybody know when the knights return? Is it a day later? Or is it two days? And thanks for all the reviews guys! I love you all! TT They're the only reason why I've decided to keep writing this or else I wouldn't have updated. Now, please review yet again! D You make my life complete.
Je suis une pizza: Thanks for reviewing! As for what
happened…. I think it's writer's block. Pesky little thing. P
June Birdie: Haha, thanks!
Pencil3: hugs Thanks for reviewing.. yet again! D I'll try to get to the newsies
ficcie… I can't think of anything to write for
it…
Blah: Your wish is my command. Thanks for reviewing!
juju: Yes,
it's continuing even though it's taking… a VERY VERY
long time.
Deadly Little Miho: OMG PROPS FOR THE NAME. I LOVE MIHO FROM SIN CITY!
Ok, now that that's out of the way, thanks for reviewing! D
Parixs: Lol, yes,
continuing it but again, very long time. Thanks for reviewing
anyways!
Sarmartian-woman: Thanks! D And
here you go.
Nino: Awwww.. you don't like Cynic? I think he's
just.. misunderstood. mwahahaha Anyways, here's the next chapter for ya. D
