MMAD; Really should not be doing this. Was inclined to go back in time and found your SOS. It was great to come back for a bit and write this, but I'd prefer to not stay here or keep in contact. Life moves forward. Sorry for even reaching out like this, I really hesitated to share this. Unfortunately, I don't think it will happen again. But thank you for the memories!

Hidden; You did not ever have to write or even send this response to my writings. Whether you ever responded or not, I will probably find the desire to write for these characters from time to time. Do not think you must travel back and write anything or ever speak to me at all in the process of doing so. I know the life you have is better now than in the past and that's what our lives are about; They are about moving forward!

I'm so glad you wrote this chapter, and I don't expect anything more from you. Thank you for being safe out there in this crazy world. Keep doing your best out there! You deserve all that you can get in this world, my former friend! {I promise not to worry again.}

Tanya rushed to her car, not looking back. She waited until she was in the car and out of sight to cry. Tanya gripped the steering wheel and sobbed without holding back. The interaction with Harry intended to be a good thing, to share news of a possible child. But subconsciously she knew it would all blow up in her face. She always seemed to find herself in a mess, even with the best intentions. Then again, she also had a history of making a mess with Harry.

It seemed Tanya and Harry were doomed to never align their love for each other. She was stuck in a miserable marriage and now he was engaged. When one was ready to take the leap, the other was unavailable. And here they both were, stuck in the messes they created, still pining for one another.

Yes, Tanya still loved Harry. She always had. When their relationship ended five years ago, it was because she wanted to commit herself to her husband and give it a fair shot. That fair shot ended extremely poorly and Tanya was left devastated. It took a year to pick herself back up and every day she thought about Harry. She thought about their good days together; him playing love songs on the guitar, sharing funny stories, spending hours in bed. Even the bad days were heated and passionate and full of love. But, after the divorce, she never called him. Tanya was afraid to hear he was with someone else or, far worse, hated her for ending things. And so, she decided to move on. That was when she met Todd Jones, a stock broker living in London, who came from a well known and respectable family, and loved his family dearly. He also had a thing for singers who could handle their scotch, which is how Tanya met him one night at a jazz club she performed at.

They hit it off, the family loved her, and they were married within a year. It was not until about two years later, as their sex life dwindled and her husband disappeared more often, that he admitted he was gay. He always knew he was gay, but never wanted to disappoint his parents.

Tanya was in a bind and now mourning the end of another relationship. To clear her mind and think through her next steps, Tanya booked a trip to Greece to visit an old friend. During this trip, Donna shared her past with Harry and the possibility of Sophie's father. And just like that, Harry filled her mind again.

After a long cry, Tanya took a couple deep breaths and pulled tissues out of her purse. She used a pocket mirror to wipe away the tears and fix her eyeliner. "This is silly, Tanya. Put yourself together."

She took a couple more deep breaths and surveyed herself in the tiny mirror. Other than red eyes, it appeared like nothing happened. Tanya composed herself and drove home.

Todd arrived at their apartment shortly before her. When Tanya walked into their London flat, he was pouring himself a drink.

"Hey, want one?" He asked, but did not wait for her response. Todd poured her a glass and held it out to her. Tanya stepped out of her heels and walked over to him, accepting the glass.

"Thanks," she locked eyes with him for only a moment, then left to change.

"Hey, wait." Todd gently took her shoulder to stop her, then took a step to face his wife. "Have you been crying?"

"I have." Tanya took a sip of bourbon. There was no reason to lie. Todd had done enough of that for the both of them.

"What's wrong?"

"Todd, I don't want to talk right now." She shook her head and looked down, avoiding his eyes.

"You haven't talked to me since-" he cleared his throat. Even now, Todd still struggled to admit the truth. "Look, I came out to you and since then you flew to Greece without a heads up, and since you've been back, you haven't said a word to me. We need to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about?" Tanya took another sip, then went to refill her glass. "You lied to me."

"I-yeah, I know," he sighed with defeat and sat on their couch. "I'm sorry."

She felt a bit sorry for him at that moment. Tanya walked over to the couch and sat next to him. "We should divorce."

"Tanya, please." Todd turned to face her. "My parents won't understand. They'll cut me off from everything. You can buy whatever you want, have all the affairs you want."

"I don't want affairs, I want-" Tanya felt herself tear up again. She knew what she wanted, who she wanted, but she could not admit it. "I've done the affair thing. I want a husband. I want a husband that loves and supports me."

"I do love you," Todd added.

"I know," Tanya locked him in the eyes. "I love you too. Which is what makes this really hard."

Todd finished his scotch in one go. "I thought I could go on pretending my whole life. It was wrong of me to drag you into this." He took her hand in his. "Do what you have to do."

Tanya smiled softly, then leaned forward and kissed him. She stood up and finished her drink. "Blame the divorce on me. Tell them I was having an affair."

She left the empty glass on the coffee table, then left to get changed.

Within two weeks, Tanya moved to her own flat and waited for the divorce papers to arrive. The flat was in a new neighborhood, one she had never gone to often. Tanya was walking around the block, scoping out the area, when she heard a familiar laugh. She looked ahead and saw the back of Harry's head. He was only a few feet in front of her, waking down the street, holding hands with his fiancé.

Tanya stopped dead in her tracks. She should turn around or cross the street. Instead, she panicked and went into the first open store. It was a dessert shop. Tanya stood at the counter, pretending to look at the menu, killing time until the coast was clear.

"Tanya?" Oh shit. She turned around to face Harry and Gerry.

"Oh- Harry? Funny running into you here." Tanya have a warm smile, but could not hide the fear in her eyes.

"So you're Tanya," Gerry looked her up and down, then held out his hand. "I heard a great deal about you."

"All bad, I'm sure," Tanya shook his hand, "I really should be going." She let go of his hand and practically bolted for the door, banging her shoulder on the frame as she left.

"Wow," Gerry nodded to his fiancé, "okay, I approve of that mistake."

"She was never a mistake." Harry corrected him and started for the door . "Just give me a minute."

Harry left the shop and followed her direction. It did not take long to catch up with her, she was the only woman he knew that walked the city in heels.

"Tanya," he called after her.

"Harry, please leave me alone." Tanya turned back to look at him, then continued walking.

"Please, I didn't mean to end it the way we did. Please, just give me a minute." Harry begged, which seemed to work. Tanya stopped and turned around.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted back at the restaurant." He spoke honestly, "It was, well I didn't expect to ever see you again."

Tanya bit her lip and nodded, "I'm sorry too. I was being foolish. It was really good to see you again."

Tanya turned to walk away, but Harry grabbed her hand. "Wait. Let's try it again. Explain Donna's daughter to me, properly. And I won't make any snide comments about your husband."

"Ex-husband," Tanya corrected him.

"Really?" Harry perked up at this.

"Yes. Do you live in this neighborhood?"

"I do. Why?" He asked, curious what she was getting at.

"I just moved here," Tanya laughed and rolled her eyes. "So we can run into each other all the time now."

"Oh," Harry caught onto what she meant, then looked back to make sure Gerry was nowhere around. "Have dinner with me, tomorrow."

She hesitated to answer. Harry was honestly surprised he even asked. There was no chance he would mention this to Gerry. It would be a betrayal even to be alone with her. And yet, he could not stop thinking about her. Their last meeting was a bit of a disaster, but all he could think about was her blonde hair, her blue eyes, and that she still loved him too. He was not ready to part for another five years, and hoped she felt the same.

"Sure. The Blue Leaves bar, seven." Tanya locked eyes with him, then turned on her heels and walked off.

Harry sat at the white cloth table, tapping his leg and looking at his watch often. Five minutes past seven. His heart was pounding. The sense of Deja vu was palpable. He should leave, get out before he does something they both regret. And yet, he has already gone too far. He lied to Gerry, said he had to work late. The damage was already done. He might as well give it another five minutes.

Just then he heard her boisterous laugh. Harry spotted her at the bar, smiling and laughing with the bartender. She was leaning forward, listening to the bartender whisper something to her. Another laugh. He had not heard that laugh for so long. He used to make her laugh like that. Tanya caught Harry's eye and made her way over to him.

"I'm on time," she smiled at him.

"You're almost ten minutes late," Harry jumped up, this time he helped her into her seat.

"Close enough," Tanya accepted the seat and Harry sat down again across from her.

"Friend of yours?" Harry asked, pointing at the bartender. Tanya looked back for a moment.

"Oh, William? Yes, we've known each other for years." Tanya cleared her throat and tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. "Look, Harry-"

"Tell me about Donna," he interrupted, not ready to go beyond the small talk.

Tanya nodded, "I visited her this last winter when she told me about you. How do I put this?" Tanya looked up and bit her upper lip. Harry almost forgot how flirtatious she was. Not just with him, with everyone. It was baked into her DNA, but it still made him weak at the knees. "You're a likely contestant to be Sophie's father."

"And tell me about Sophie," Harry leaned back, he tried to act cool and calm.

"We'll, she's incredible." Tanya's smile widened at the thought of the young girl. "She loves to draw, play guitar, great swimmer. She helps Donna with the Inn. Sophie is going to be a force to reckon with someday."

"And why did you want to tell me this?" Harry had to admit, he enjoyed the possibility of being a father. He always wanted to have children, but thought those days were behind him.

"I just…thought you should know," Tanya did not have a good answer. She trailed away from the subject. "How's wedding planning?"

Harry did not want to answer. He had to keep Gerry away from this room, this conversation. It would hurt too much to bring him up. "Fine. You're divorced?"

"In the process," Tanya did not seem to mind his brush off. "Documents coming any day."

"Was that my fault?" He asked. Although glad to hear she was done with the marriage, there was some guilt to know he was the tipping point.

"No, it needed to be done." Tanya locked eyes with him. He could see a bit of sorrow behind her blue eyes. "He gets to keep hiding from the family that he's gay and will continue to…maintain my lifestyle unless I marry again."

"An expensive deal," Harry joked, but instantly regretted the harsh gib.

"He has the funds to do it," Tanya trailed away from the subject and took Harry's hand into both of hers. Tanya turned his palm up and caressed her thumb over his fingers. "Do you still play guitar?"

"Not often," Harry breathed in sharply and watched her movements, her gentle touch against his skin. Her hands were soft and smooth as always.

"That's a shame, I loved hearing you play." Tanya entwined her fingers in his. "Harry, why did you ask me to dinner?"

"Why did you call me the other week?" They both knew the answer to their questions. This was not about Donna or Sophie. Tanya stood up and moved to the seat next to him. She leaned in close and took his hand in hers again. He could smell her perfume, Chanel. The same perfume she wore when they first met. It was intoxicating.

"Tanya, I-" he wanted to break this, he needed to break this, to get out of this room.

"I know, you're engaged." Tanya nodded, but did not pull back. In fact, she came closer, her lips hovering over his. Harry gave in and kissed her. It was no more than a friendly kiss, at first, but it was enough. Tanya wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss, her tongue trailing his bottom lip. Harry pulled her closer, his hand working into her blond hair. They only parted once they needed a breath.

"I can't do this," Harry shook his head and stepped away. He thought of his partner, the hurt this would cause him. This was a mistake and it was not too late to turn back. Harry jolted up out of his chair. "I'm sorry," he added before leaving the restaurant.

The next morning Harry woke up in an unfamiliar bed, the smell of Chanel perfume flooded his senses. He opened his eyes to find a mess of blonde hair next to him, Tanya's naked body spooned against him.

"Oh shit," Harry muttered under his breath and sat up. Tanya shifted, but stayed asleep. Harry looked over at the time. Four in the morning.

"Oh fuck!" He muttered several times as he got out of bed and collected his clothes, scattered around Tanya's bedroom. Harry scurried into the bathroom and quickly changed.

"You stupid bastard." He said to himself in the mirror, staying quiet to not wake Tanya. Harry pulled on his shirt as he came out of the bedroom. Tanya was still fast asleep. He glanced over at her for a moment, taking in her silhouette covered by the white, cotton sheet. The sad thing was, he had no regrets from last night. He loved this woman. He would always love her. Harry shook his head and continued to fumble with his shirt as he snuck out the front door.