Author's Note: A reviewer or someone on livejournal told me about a Ron'scousin!Sue called Icicle who fell in love with Harry—I based this on that little gem. Too lazy to look up who recommended it. ;D Thanks—you know who you are.

"What the bloody hell?" Ron was saying.

"Now, stop swearing, Ronnie! I said 'you have a cousin', it's not like that's anything horrible!" said Mrs. Weasley reprovingly.

Eyesickle, Ron's cousin, had short light pink hair and green eyes with a golden circle around the iris. She wore a long black cloak that reminded Ron irresistibly of Professor Snape, and below it, she had long baggy black pants and a bright red cashmere sweater.

Eyesickle wore countless amounts of jewelry: at least five white-gold chains around her neck, piercings all covering every inch of her ears, bracelets that came up to her elbows—you know the drill.

"Yeah, Won-won, I'm your cous'," sneered Eyesickle, observing her long black talons.

Ron stared at her pink hair for a long moment.

"Why do you have…pink…hair?" he sputtered.

"It grows this way, and I like it, so shut up," she snapped.

Ron gave her a defiant stare and said, "Last time I checked, the only natural hair colors were black, brown, red, blond, and at one point, grey and white."

"Oh yeah? Well, smartarse, my parents dyed their hair pink when they were having me, so I got pink hair naturally! So there!" said the smart little girl.

It was all Ron could do to stop himself from rolling on the floor in fits of laughter, and Mrs. Weasley noticed this: "Now, come on, stop bickering, you two, and get to know each other."

Ron preceded Eyesickle up the stairs to his and Harry's room.

"Harry and Hermione are visiting," he said shortly.

When he opened the door, a voice came from inside: "Ron, I thought you went down to get some drinks, that shouldn't take forever anda day."

"Shut up, Harry. By the way, my mum introduced this thing to me," muttered Ron unhappily.

One look at Eyesickle, and Harry was dazed. His untidy black hair was forced back under his trembling hand and his green eyes seemed to glaze over. Ron silently walked over to his bed and started reading The War Against the Sues. Ron's "cousin" and Harry stared at each other for a while, until Ron snapped irritably, "If you want to have a staring contest or something more intimate, go somewhere else."

Harry walked up to Eyesickle.

"Hey dear, tell me about yourself," he purred.

"She's got naturally pink hair," scorned Ron before he could stop himself.

"Shut UP, Ron!" screamed the Sue, aiming herfinger at him. "Silencio!"

"You're not supposed to do magic out of school…" began Harry. He didn't even want to ask about the wandless thing.

Ron showed Eyesickle a rude hand gesture while mouthing something that looked very much like curses. Eyesickle and Harry walked out of the room.

"Oh Harry, I can. I don't go to Hogwarts—I'm a blacke witche. We do blacke magick and we already know all the spells plus some others. We're born with the knowledge," she bragged.

"Wow, Hermione would be interested," said Harry.

"What did you say?" gasped Eyesickle.

"I said Hermione would be interested," said Harry, surprised.

"Damn, I thought I'd eliminated her," mumbled the blacke witche under her breath. The Suethor typed up a few words, which included "Hermione" and "died" and "tragic" and "accident".

Harry was dazed for a moment, then came back to life a second later.

"So, what happened to Hermione?" asked Eyesickle.

"She…she…she…she…she…she…" cried Harry.

"She…she…she…she…"

"Died?" said the girl sympathetically.

Harry nodded silently and started to cry, "She…died in a tragic accident. It was so horrible…but…I miss her…"

"Now, now, Harry, it's okay. Let me take your mind off things."

Harry was expecting something more than going to help Molly with lunch, but that is what they did.

"Hi, Aunt Molly!" grinned Eyesickle.

"It's awnt, not ant," corrected Molly.

"No, it's awnt. I'm from America. DUUUUUHHHH," snorted the girl. "My parents moved to the US when I was born and I grew up there! In California. It was a great place to study magick."

Molly bit back an inquiry about Eyesickle's school of magic because she knew she wouldn't like the answer.

"Well, you two, set the tables, then," nodded Ron's mother.

In a matter of seconds, the table was set beautifully.

"NO MAGIC OUT OF SCHOOL!" boomed Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh, don't worry, Molly, I can. I don't go to—"

"Quiet. I don't. Want. To. Know."

Eyesickle snorted and walked off.

"Er—I'll go with her, shall I?" said Harry uncertainly.

"You do that."

Harry set off at a quick pace to the living room, where Eyesickle was shedding blood tears, curled up on a couch. The pink-head's long-fingered, long-taloned hands covered her face, and her knees were tucked under her bum securely. The cherry-pink hair on her head was miraculously neat and shiny. Harry envied it.

He sat on the couch next to Eyesickle, patting her knee. Without warning, she clashed her lips to his.

"MMMMMMPH! WTF! AAARMPH! HERMPHNE!" cried Harry, flailing his arms everywhere helplessly. Ron came bounding down the stairs, wand in hand.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Mrs. Weasley to Ron. "You can't use a wand out of sch—oh. My. God."

Molly and Ron walked out of the room, leaving Harry and Eyesickle to their business.

So the day came where the students had to buy their new books, and Eyesickle decided go along with them to explore Diagon Alley. She had changed clothes to a long black skirt and a tight crimson bellybutton shirt. Her pink hair was pulled into pigtails and there was at least four tons of makeup on her face. Eyesickle had repainted her two-inch nails: they were now a very bright red. Harry was glued to her side, smelling her perfume and hair.

She giggled, "Harry, that tickles!" as Molly tapped the bricks to get to Diagon Alley. Ron grunted reprovingly and walked through the hole in the wall first. He mumbled something about murder.

"C'mon, let's go to Flourish and Blott's," murmured Ron to no one in particular. Harry and Eyesickle paid him no heed and walked on.

As they passed Eeylop's Owl Emporium, an owl that was perched on the top of the building crapped on the pink-haired Sue.

"OMFG! BEETCH!" she screamed, throwing flames at the terrified owl. Harry patted her arm and quietly told her to calm down, as there were people watching.

Fuming, Eyesickle tucked the flame-thrower (Portable Fire – Throw it at 'em, make 'em jump, then laugh as they fall on their rump! Made by Weasley's Wizard Wheezes) back into her pocket, muttered a spell to clean the waste off her gloriously pink head, wrapped an arm around Harry's waist, and continued walking.

"Wow, look at th—"

"WATCH OUT!" shouted Harry.

Hermione had come out of a nearby shop, looking furious and bearing obvious signs of being tied up for a long time. She Wingardium Leviosaed a piano above Eyesickle's head. With a flick of the bushy-haired girl's wand, the piano came crashing down, fast as Krum doing a Wronski Feint, right onto the Sue's head.

Harry passed out; his character had been warped so much these days, and this was one time too many. Hermione muttered "Ennervate" to revive him before turning to the piano. It was cracked along the middle, and a huge pool of bright red blood was oozing out from under it. A bloody foot could be seen peeping out of the side of the piano.

"Well, that's one less Sue," said Hermione happily, leading Harry, still dazed, back to the Weasleys.