Disclaimers: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me.

Spoilers for the end of the series.

Dreams

I have dreams, sometimes.

Not just any old dreams.

Dreams about the time I can't remember.

Sometimes I can see myself, just as I am today. Other times, I can't. I can't help but wonder if any of them are real memories, but it's not like I can ask anyone. The only person who would know is niisan, and I don't even know if I'll ever see him again. If I passed him on the street, would I know it was him? Sometimes I doubt it. Other times, I can almost see him. If I could just reach out my arms a little farther, I feel as if I could embrace him again. It only lasts for a second, and then brother's face is a blur again.

But not in my dreams.

At first, I wouldn't let anyone convince me that my dreams were just that—dreams. At first, I would grab desperately at whatever I could remember. I would wake up feeling as if I had accomplished something wonderful. As if I had somehow managed to beat fate. Lately, however, my dreams have been getting weird. I wake up in the morning with my heart racing and cheeks burning. What I can remember makes me fidgety.

Niisan kisses me. Touches me. Speaks to me softly and holds me in his arms. I can clearly remember the feel of his touch. The way he kisses me…

I can remember all of it.

'Don't leave me, Al. You're all I have… Please, forgive me.'

I want to know the truth. Did this all really happen? Winry told me that niisan and I had grown close… But had we grown this close? Did niisan really feel that way about me? Does he still feel that way about me? Did I even feel that way about him? If these memories are real, when I see niisan again… Will he expect me to love him the same way?

I can't.

If we do meet again, what am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to say?

…I could learn to hate you, Fullmetal Alchemist.