Chapter Eleven
Padme twisted the soft blade of grass in her hand absentmindedly, trying to not to look at Anakin, who was also playing with a few blades of grass. She sighed, knowing that it had taken much convincing on her part to get him to come here with her. She had known full well that the idea of having even more time alone was unbearable for him, if not annoying. She had had to practically beg him to come to the meadow with her, praising its beauty and peace in an attempt to win him over. He had reluctantly agreed, but he made it no secret that he didn't like the idea one bit.
She cast him another glance and sighed wearily as images of him the night before flashed through her head. Well, at least now she knew how he had felt all the times he had caught her with hardly any clothes on. Still, a huge part of her really wished she had caught a glimpse of him under the covers. But then again, that would definitely give her thoughts that she should not have. After all, she was an engaged woman. She could almost laugh out loud at have easily she had forgot that the moment Anakin came back into her life.
She looked at him again and was beginning to feel annoyed by his silence. Even if he didn't want to be there, he didn't have to ruin the day for her. She had been looking forward to coming here, especially since she had known that Anakin would have to accompany her.
"Anakin…"
His eyes collided with hers the second his name left her mouth and he waited expectantly for her to continue.
"Anakin, why won't you talk to me?"
He shrugged indifferently and went back to fumbling with the blades of grass while she sighed in exasperation.
Her mind rolled defiantly as she thought of the best way to get him to talk.
"You asked me before how Bail proposed. Do you still want to know?"
He chewed on his bottom lip as he tossed the idea around in his head. Yes, he needed to know. But then again, he really didn't want to know either. But he had to know…so he nodded his head in response.
"He didn't propose. I know I already told you that. He proposed to my mother, from a certain point of view I suppose."
Anakin furrowed his brow at her words. She had his attention, but he still wasn't sure that was such a good thing.
"My mother was convinced that he was a good match for me. She pursued him for me, in a way. She arranged meetings and dinners, everything. Our 'relationship', it that's what you want to call it, was completely orchestrated by her. I really had nothing to do with it. A few weeks after courting me, he asked my mother for her permission to marry me and she, of course, said yes. I didn't even hear about from him, my mother told me the next day."
Anakin watched her remorsefully as she spoke, feeling her pain right along with her. It wasn't fair and she didn't deserve that. Especially since she could do far better than Organa. His blood ran cold at the very mention of that man. He had despised Organa from the moment he met him purely because he had seen his intentions towards Padme in his eyes. Two years later that was still reason enough to hold a grudge, better yet, feel an intense loathing for him.
He was painfully unable to meet her gaze so he looked away as he replied. "I'm sorry. It shouldn't have to be that way."
She nodded sadly. "I agree."
He attempted to smile at her reassuringly, but the smile quickly faded when he realized that she needed no reassuring.
"So…when's the wedding?"
"A few weeks."
He winced involuntarily at that, feeling the wounds he had suffered so deeply begin to open up again.
"I can tell you're not particularly excited about this?"
She looked away immediately. Why did he seem to know everything about her, yet he always seemed so distant? It was almost as if he was mocking her every move, waiting for her to falter in some way so he could mock her again. His eyes seemed to pierce her very soul and she felt like he was invading her every thought. And maybe he was.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
He held his hands up in mock defense. "You're the one that brought it up."
She sighed in further exasperation and looked away from him. She knew that if she looked at him, all she would find was a sarcastic grin.
In truth, Padme had it all wrong. Anakin was waging a war within himself, not knowing which direction to turn, which path to follow. He truly felt sorry for her, almost guilty that he hadn't been there to help her through it. But then, he remembered the pain and suffering she had so carelessly pressed down on him and then it was increasingly difficult to feel remorse for her situation. The more he thought about it, the more confused he became. He cared for her; more deeply than he cared to admit, but just because she wasn't happy with her fiancé, didn't mean that she still harbored feelings for him. He wasn't about to put both his heart and career on the line for a woman who had already hurt him.
He cast her a sideways glance and knew that the present conversation was over. At least some of his questions were answered about Organa. He certainly felt relieved that she seemed upset by her upcoming marriage. She didn't even seem to like Organa at all. He hoped she would have the strength to get herself out of that mess.
He looked at her again, only to find that she too was casting a glance his way. He grinned in spite of the somber situation, causing her lips to curve upwards in turn. The recent conversation was now happily forgotten and he found her gorgeous smile again. It was the very same smile that had pierced his heart that fateful night on Naboo. It seemed so long ago, but in reality it wasn't. The wounds sparked by that night still ran deep within both of them. He still felt intense pain whenever he even cast her a glance while she continuously struggled with the guilt that all of this was entirely her fault.
He was still watching her…and still needed more answers. He couldn't let go until he knew.
It seemed like hours passed in uncomfortable silence. Neither one spoke and only managed to glance at each other every once in awhile. Each felt intensely awkward with the other and the afternoon dragged on much to the dismay of Anakin and Padme. Finally, Anakin decided that he had had enough.
"We should probably head back now, Padme."
She nodded absentmindedly while he continued: "Later tonight, we need to talk. I could make a fire in the sitting room if you want. But regardless, there are some questions that I need answering."
She swallowed; grateful that the would-be-romantic afternoon from hell was finally over, but she knew exactly what questions he was going to ask and that made her incredibly nervous . All she needed to do now was figure out what the answers were.
