A/N- This chapter jumps around a little in time. I did this just to move things along. Sorry if it confuses anyone. Enjoy and keep reviewing!
Chapter Fifteen
"No…mom…NO!" Anakin shot up in bed and immediately starting looking around the room for his mother. When the dark room failed to reveal the face he longed to see, he threw the covers off of him and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His hands tangled themselves in his hair as he contemplated the horrifying dream he had just had.
His mother had been suffering. She looked like she was dying…and he could feel that she was too. He knew, deep down, that this wasn't just a dream. Something horrible had happened to his mother. She was in pain and he knew that he had to something to end her suffering.
His head shot up when he felt a presence coming closer to his room. Immediately, he knew who it was: the only woman that would ever hold his heart and the only woman that would ever break it. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to her or even see her. There was no way he was going to let himself get his heart stomped a third time by her. He was so immersed in telling himself he would stay away from her that he didn't even hear her enter the room.
"Anakin?"
He winced at her voice and dreaded whatever was to come.
"Can I help you with something, milady?"
She closed her eyes for a second and tried to push away the ice in his voice. She had heard him cry out and told herself that she wasn't here for herself, she just wanted to make sure he was alright.
"I heard you…you were having a nightmare."
"Jedi don't have nightmares."
"You did. I heard you…are you alright?"
He shook his head too quickly and she knew different. Something was wrong here…and for once, it wasn't about her.
"Tell me."
He couldn't force himself to look her in the eye because he was afraid of what he might do. But for some reason, he took a deep breath and decided to tell her about the dream he had had.
"It was my mother. She was in so much pain, I could see her blood on her face, on her body…she was being tortured…I have to do something…something's wrong…something's happened."
For the first time since she had broken his heart again, he looked into her eyes. Slowly, he felt himself melting again and somehow, the pain she had caused subsided at least for the time being. She seemed so concerned, so worried about him that he couldn't help but feel that she was being sincere.
She smiled at him reassuringly and gently took his hand. He frowned slightly at her loving action and after awhile, he felt some of the tension subside and he smiled back at her.
"It was just a dream, Anakin. I'm sure she's alright."
"No…I can feel her. I can feel her slipping away. She's dying, Padme. I have to save her. I have to go to Tatooine."
She nodded in agreement, knowing that he would feel much better the minute he saw his mother safe and sound.
"Alright, we'll leave in the morning."
He smiled at her again and nodded. "Thank you."
When she left to go back to her room, Anakin watched her every movement. She was so graceful and even more precise in her every movement. She was so incredibly beautiful that it pained him to look at her, but he couldn't help it. His eyes seemed to find her no matter how much he tried to stop them.
As the door closed, he realized that he was in the exact same position he was in several weeks ago when they had finally been reunited after two years.
Anakin lifted his mother's lifeless body out of the speeder and carried it past the somber faces of Cleigg, Owen, Beru, and Padme. He set her body down and quickly retrieved a shovel from the nearby shed.
He began digging, slowly at first, but as his rage grew, he found himself throwing sand and dirt around everywhere. He didn't even notice that his step-brother, Owen, had jumped down into the hole to help him. Once the hole was finished, the two brothers lowered their mother's body and carefully covered it.
Anakin stood by the ground that now held his mother's body and slowly knelt by the marker that bore her name. He caressed the carving and even placed his lips to it lightly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Mom. I'll never let it happen again…I promise….I miss you and I'll always love you."
He wiped the fallen tears from his cheeks and jumped when he felt a tiny hand slip into his.
"Anakin…I'm so sorry."
He couldn't bring himself to look at her. Instead, he surveyed his surroundings and found that the Lars family had left them alone. He bit his lip, and felt a mixture of rage and sorrow flow through him. He didn't care what had happened between them at the moment, he needed someone to talk to. And he had always been able to talk to her.
"I killed them."
Padme's head shot up and she stared at him in a combination of shock and horror. "What did you say?"
He turned to her and looked at her now with hate in his eyes, but it wasn't directed at her.
"The Tusken Raiders that killed my mother. I killed them…even the women and children…they're all animals and I slaughtered them like animals!"
Padme stared up at him with wide eyes. She had absolutely no idea what to do or what to say. He had done something so unforgivable but he was hurting and the look in his eyes were fused with hatred, sorrow, and guilt. She knew she had to do something, anything to help him.
"Anakin…I…it wasn't your fault…you were angry…"
"NO! That doesn't excuse it…it wasn't right. I shouldn't have done what I did…I'm a Jedi…a Knight…I should've had more control."
Padme shook her head and gently took his hand. "Everyone loses control sometimes. To be angry is to be human."
Anakin furiously shook his head. He knew, deep down, that what he had done was terribly wrong. He had felt some other power take over him. Darkness had consumed him and he could still feel it lingering inside of him. It was wrong. He was a Jedi. He wasn't supposed to feel this way.
"That doesn't make it right, Padme."
"I know that, but you had every right to be angry with them."
He was silent and looked back down at his mother's grave. What he had been feeling wasn't right, and he knew that at least part of that stemmed back to two years ago, when he had allowed his feelings to think for him. He had lost control then and he had done it again with her.
"Anakin…" She paused, needing to tell him something that was important beyond words. She wasn't sure if this was the right time but he looked like he was about to fall over with grief and guilt. She had to do something.
Now he was looking at her curiously because she had just trailed off. For some reason, he needed to know whatever she was trying to tell him.
Padme looked back at him with new found strength. He needed to hear it.
"Bail moved up the wedding."
Anakin's face fell immediately and he winced involuntarily. That was what she wanted to tell him? What was she trying to do?
"Is that supposed to cheer me up?"
Padme exhaled quickly and gripped his hand tighter. "No, there's more I have to tell you. I talked to my mother when we were visiting and she cleared a lot of things up for me. You see, she didn't want me to see you because she was in love with a Jedi too. She was in love with Qui-Gon. But his Master found out about it and made him break up with her. I know now that she was just trying to protect me…I see now that I don't have to do what Qui-Gon and my mother did. We don't have to follow the same path they did. I love you, Anakin. I want to be with you."
Anakin looked down and tried to absorb everything she had just told him. A part of him leapt at her words and wanted nothing more than to gather her in his arms and kiss her. But then again, what if it was only a matter of time until she came to her senses? What if she realized in a few days, months, or years that she had made the wrong decision and left him again? He loved her, but he loved himself enough to understand that she had hurt him enough.
"No. Padme, we can't do this. You've walked away from me too many times. Now I'm walking away from you. Marry Bail."
With that, he let go of her hand and walked back into the Lars' home, leaving Padme to stare out into vast emptiness that now matched the feeling that had crept into her heart.
