Title: You
Author: Angelica Antiporda
finished2002
edited 2005
August 26, 2005
Author's Note: I was reading through my stories the other day. I thought they needed a lot of work. Some of my old stuff I deleted, but I didn't have the heart to delete this one. I would like to thank Ronnie for reading and editing this for me. She's really great, so much thanks to her! Anyway this story was written when I was 10-12 years old. So please forgive me if it's really cheesy and weird. Anyway I posted this story up on the PrincessSerenityDOTnet fanfic archive (now known as SmfanfictionDOTnet) years ago and it was niminated forthe 2002 Sailormoon Fanfiction awards. This was also originally a Songfic. The song I used was "You need Me" by Boyzone. The Songfic version is posted on SmfanfictionDOTnet.
Enjoy.
Disclaimers: I don't own Sailormoon
I groaned, putting my face over my soft pillow. I closed my eyes to think. Why? Why is it so hard…Things aren't the same anymore. It's not as simple now and I wish I could go back. But I knew that couldn't happen. Things weren't like that at all… All this pain, I wish I could just leave it all behind and never look back. Things used to be so much easier. I had a stepping ground to stand on even through the worst times. But this time it was different. I can't make things just go back as they were before. I wish I could, but time goes on and on. Tears stung my eyes, I shut them more to hold it in and not let it get to me. I've never cried for anyone before and I've never been this sensitive toward another like this. I think about my alternatives- so far I have two. I could turn back and escape it or just grab on and face it. But so far leaving was the best choice.
This would have been easier if I knew for sure he didn't love me. I know it's kind of strange. Why am I so uptight about all this and why am I even thinking that somehow Darien could love me? Why would he? He never really noticed me. Beryl is all he really wants, but she never really cared for him. Somehow, I felt fire just thinking about her name or picturing her face in my mind. I always felt a string of resentment towards her… Sure, guys like me and some have sworn to be in love with me, but somehow Darien stands out amongst them. For years now, I've waited for that one day where he will just wake up and realize how in love with me he is. I've waited through middle school to high school and even up till now just to hear him say those three words to me. But tomorrow is the last day and our graduation. Too bad he was never akin to me… I feel so connected to him, like we belong. Yeah right… Prince charmings only come in movies and fairy tales. But how come that's what I believe? 'Well duh… You've been watching and reading too much sap again' my mind answered my own questions. Okay, okay that's probably the reason, but no, that can't be… I mean it's not my imagination speaking here, but my heart. Oh, I'm so melodramatic. I should really stop being over rated. I wonder how I could stand myself being so emotional. I thought it over and over in my mind not letting my sleepiness bring me into siesta. But, I couldn't fight it. It was going through all of the barriers I'd put up against it. Before the dream world takes me, I make up my mind for tomorrow to be the last day I would wait… At that I fall into deep slumber.
I woke up at the sound of my ring tone from my cell ringing. "Ugh, who would call so early in the morning?" I moaned using my elbows to sit me up and find my phone under the piles of stories and novels at my side table. I finally found it with its usual cover of Hello Kitty. I looked at the glowing pink screen. It read Raye… I rolled my eyes. Who else would be calling this early just to interrupt my sleep? I pressed the send button, and a Sailormoon song came up as it usually does when I press the button.
"What is it, Raye? Do you have any idea how early it is?" I answered, truly annoyed because she woke me up.
"Hey Sere… Are you even up yet? Do know what time it is?" she replied, practically yelling at me causing me to move the cell about a foot away from my ear. Jeez, was I ever going to get peace?
"No…" I answered looking at my clock. Holy…. Is it that late already? "Oh my god, it's 7:30 already! Raye, I'll call you back. I'll see you in school."
At that last word I clicked my cell shut and shoved it in my purse. Practically stumbling my way to the bathroom, I took a very short shower. I couldn't believe it; I only showered for fifteen minutes. I dressed rather quickly but I still made sure everything was perfect. I applied a little blush to give my cheeks color and finally lipstick. I styled my hair to its usual pixie look. Looking over toward the clock I sighed with relief when I saw it was only 8:15. I made a grab for my purse and hurried down to my red sports car.
I drove to the school. I stepped on the brakes noticing the yellow light turn red. I heard my alternative ring tone, which meant someone other than my close friends was calling. I looked to the right to find my cell inside my purse. But then, something or rather someone caught my eye. I looked to the car on the right side of mine. It was Darien and Andrew.
Gosh, what do I do? 'You wave, Einstein…' my mind answered me. I raised my hand for a wave, but before I got a chance, the car behind me beeped the horn on me. He looks at me before he drives on, oh so close. I could have almost smacked myself. 'Are you stupid, why didn't you wave earlier! Now you made a fool out of yourself,' my mind kept scolding at me, while I drove on.
Okay, don't make an idiot out of yourself, its just Darien. It's not like he's famous or anything. Yeah, but he's my only love… Come on get a grip of yourself, you can't break down just because of DARIEN. I mean at least you're friends, it's not like he didn't know you. At least he talks to you. Oh yeah, like about what kind of stuff? Well ummm, about stuff! Okay I think you've been drinking soda in the mornings again Serena. That's why you're like this. Get a grip.
I parked the car at the student's parking lot. Just in time! I ran across the courtyard to where Raye, Lita, and Mina were hanging out. "Sorry guys, I kind of over slept." I apologized quickly looking around to see if Eric arrived already.
"That's okay, by the way Sere, who are you looking for?" Lita asks in a teasing tone elbowing my arm.
"Who else… But of course it's got to be the man of her dreams… and who could that be?" Mina adds in the same tone as Lita's.
I look over to the three of them with my eyes flashing as if to say, ' Don't you dare.' Lita and Mina quickly shut their mouths and pretended to act innocent. Raye, on the other hand, looks at me with the same level of daring.
"Oh, I know! She's looking around for her precious Darien," Raye squealed loudly. I quickly put my hand over her mouth to stop her from saying more.
"Don't worry Sere, all three of us already knew," Lita informed me. I look at all of them already letting go of Raye. I could almost kick her ass for being so snide.
"Since when?" I asked in a puzzled tone. I never told them about Darien or anything about him.
"We found out a long time ago," Mina replied. I still looked at them bewildered. How did they know?
"Well we found out because we noticed the way you always looked at him and little things like that…" Raye explained quickly as if reading my mind.
Oh my gosh, was I that obvious? "Especially that time when Beryl was dating him. And you got all hot headed…" Lita reminded me. I just stood there amazed. Wow, I guess I am that in love with him. I mean even people noticed. But how come I didn't realize this before?
I walked to the gymnasium where all of the seniors were celebrating before we all graduated. I already made up my mind. I was going to leave tonight and go live with my aunt in Boston, where I would study law at Harvard. I planned to go attend Yale where Darien was going, but I guess Harvard would be the next choice. I just can't keep waiting for him to come and never arrive. I have to move on and face life. He gave me the inspiration to work hard. He would always tell me to work hard and achieve my goal.
I'm glad that we ever became friends, even if I wanted something more. At least we built a strong friendship bond. I know we both have our own lives to go to. But somehow separating from him doesn't seem right. I know it's the right thing to do. I have to let him go to make his own path. It might be hard for me, but I too have to build a solid ground for myself. I just can't keep living in my fantasy world where it's always a happy ending. I didn't want to tell anyone about my plans, even my closest friends. I planned to call when I arrived or after the graduation.
We all celebrated for the rest of the day until we needed to change and get ready. I was going to miss my friends and everyone here including the teachers. I guess even though I finally finished high school, it was still sad and lonely. The worst part is leaving without anyone knowing because you just can't take the pain and the wanting in your heart.
I went home early to get ready. I was going to start packing up; I wanted to leave as soon as graduation was over. No after parties for me, I didn't have time. I started to write a letter to Darien explaining where I was going, but not saying the reason why I had to do it. It would be way too hard and way too embarrassing.
The letter read:
Dear Darien,
By the time you get the chance to read this, I will be gone. I can't tell you why I had to leave, but all I can say is that I hope you are successful in everything you do. I guess I won't be seeing you in Yale next school year… I've decided to go to Harvard instead. I thank you for all of your support. Without you, I never would have worked this hard. I thank you for giving me your friendship and trust. You have no clue how much I care for you and how much I appreciate having you as a friend. You encouraged me through my toughest times. When I wanted to give up you pushed me to keep going. I can't put everything I want to say to you in a simple letter and I just want to make it uncomplicated. I hope one day we will cross paths again and when we do I wish both of us will have achieved our dreams. I want to tell you something that I've wanted to say since we first met… But I guess this isn't the how, or the time I should confess it to you. I've lost the chance to, but maybe in the future I will be able to. I know it won't change. Next time when I see you I won't even wait a second longer. I would tell you once and for all… But for now I bid you good-bye and God bless. Please inform Andrew, Raye, Mina, and Lita about this… I won't tell you where I'm going for now. Maybe when the time is right and I've straightened my mixed feelings already I'll visit.
Sincerely yours,
Little Bunny
I read it over and over again. Every time I tried to write the words 'I love you' my heart throbbed. I guess I had enough pride left in me to stop myself from doing so… I didn't want to leave with him laughing about my confession.
After I got myself organized for the ceremony, I drive to the school again. This is it… in about two hours from now I'll be off… I wonder how I could ever face him again if he did see me. Do you think it was that obvious? I mean how could I ever explain this feeling when I do, by some miracle, see him again. I shook it off not wanting it to ruin my big day. Somehow, it was sad on my part. I thought about the years I spent waiting and waiting but it never happened.
I arrived to see that a lot of the seniors were already there. I guess this is it… I walked towards where my friends were stationed near the auditorium.
"Hey guys, what's up?" I greeted as I walked toward them, waving.
"Hey Sere!" Mina said smiling as I stood next to them.
"Are you guys nervous or what?" Raye added, looking really anxious.
I turned my head when I heard a familiar voice. A voice I could tell from a hundred miles away. I knew it was Darien… The person I looked forward to seeing before I left.I walked quickly toward him. Darien was as usual with Andrew and Beryl, who was busy following him where ever he went.
"Hey Dare… What's up Andy?" I greeted as I arrived to where they were hanging.
"Sere, you look awesome!" Andrew complimented me. I must admit Andrew also looks really cute, but Darien was much cuter, hell he was HOT! Okay, Sere don't get too caught up or you'll be waiting and following him around for the rest of your life. We don't want that do we? 'Of course not!' my own mind answered itself.
Okay then get ready…
I walked up the stage as they called out my name. My face was set with pride and dignity. At least, when I run away I'll leave with pride. I have to say I did work really hard to get this far. I owe all of that to Darien, he was always there to push me to keep me going. Even if he didn't feel the same way, at least I know somehow he cared for me. After I gave my speech as Valedictorian, I would leave as soon as I could. Hop on a plane to Florida and stay there at my parents' beach house for the next three weeks and then fly to Boston to my aunt's house for the college.
As I stood there on the stage I felt proud and at the same time humbled… I can't ever explain this feeling I felt. I mean I could only graduate out of high school once and I graduated with high honors. During my first year I found out how hard life really was. Before I really never had to work for anything. But as my father's businesses went crashing down that year, I experienced how hard others had to work. I never really understood that. Then and there I vowed never to take advantage of my blessings again. I was glad that the problem was solved as that year ended. The corp. was up and about again. This was probably the best day of my life next to Darien admitting his undying devotion for me, but I guess that could never happen…
I could see everyone's eyes on me at that moment as I received my diploma. Tears almost threatened to fall, but I couldn't let them. Everything was happening so gradually, it was like slow motion. I heard clapping from the crowd. I snapped out of my mind and everything seemed back to its normal pace again. I saw Darien as I walked off the stage. He smiled at me as if to say 'good job' and I smiled back. He already had his diploma and I could tell he was really proud of himself and I was too.
As they introduced me to the audience one more time for my speech, I walked up to the podium. I saw Darien within the crowd waiting to hear the speech he helped me write. I smiled. I was nervous but all of that ended when I saw him give me a grin. I shook off all my worries and overcame my fear. I cleared my throat ready to read the speech I placed in front of me.
"Good afternoon, parents, faculty, my fellow graduates, and family. This year has been a very difficult ordeal for most of us; due to the September 11 tragedy. Everyone faced a horrible situation that day and many people are still grieving. I do hope life will continue, with people who have good intentions for themselves and also for our nation.
"Add to that the fact that the disaster will never be forgotten in our minds as well as in our hearts. I pray that everyone can learn from that horrible catastrophe. I have learned many things during my high school years. I learned how hard life really is and how tough it is to work for your future. I also learned from my fellow schoolmates.
"I learned about true friendship, bonding, and last but not least I realized true love. All of those things helped me to achieve my goal and got me to where I am standing now. I believe in the quotes: 'To whom much is given, much is expected in return.' and 'Beyond a great hero there is an even greater hero'. I believe that by working hard you can achieve your dream. I have reached my goal, but I haven't reached my dream yet. I have many things to work harder for. I know everyone has a dream that they will always keep close within their hearts. I know for sure you could reach that dream if you work up to your full potential and if you would never quit.
"I do have many people to thank and that includes my family, my teachers, my friends, and most especially the person that truly believed in me. He helped me achieve this honor that I have received. I really hope he knows how special he is to me. Because I do know everyone has someone they love or admire a lot and that's where they get their true inspiration. I know I have that someone, and he has really inspired me to reach my goal from when we first met up to this very day.
"Fellow graduates of 2002 we did it! Today is the day we would go our separate ways. I do hope, whichever road you are taking, we will meet again. Ladies and Gentlemen, we might be taking different roads, but we are all going to the same place. That place is our dreams and our hopes that one day we wish we can achieve."
I heard clapping from the crowd and I saw Darien standing from the crowd and everyone else started to stand. The sounds and people seemed to fade away. All I could see was Darien standing there like he was really proud of me. I saw him walking towards me… And then I woke back up to reality. I realized that couldn't happen, he would never really truly love me. As I reentered the real world I felt something being sprayed on to me. It was Andrew and the others and they were spraying those colored things all over. Some people made noises and paper was everywhere. This is it… It's the right time… I quickly walked towards someone I hardly knew. I gave him the letter to give to Darien, then I left my diploma and awards to my parents and then I quickly left the school.
I drove as quickly as I could to the airport. I already put my luggage in the trunk so I didn't have to come back for it. I got the tickets I had reserved earlier today and quickly sat on the comfortable airplane seat. I didn't have time to change into my regular clothes and I didn't want to change, for I was too lazy to.
"Hi, what's your name?" I heard a voice above my head. I looked up to see dark eyes staring at me. "Huh? Oh I'm sorry. It's Serena," I replied taken off guard.
"Mine is Seiya, nice to meet you Serena," he said, sitting on the seat next to mine.
We started talking about school and things like that. He also had graduated this year and was planning to attend a university in Florida. He also wondered why I was leaving so soon just after my own graduation. I ended up telling him the reason.
"I know it seems kind of stupid, but I have really loved him since we first met and…" I start to say after I had explained it to him. He just shook his head and smiled at me.
"Nah. I don't think that's stupid. In fact I admire you. At least you had the guts to move on and forget about him. I'm actually on my way to 'follow' this girl," he too confessed.
It has been one week since I left. I had time to myself without anyone bothering me or anyone calling me. I do admit it was kind of lonely, but at least I could think peacefully. As hard as I forced myself not to think of him, I could never erase him from my mind. I don't think I will ever forget him, but I could at least force myself to fall out of love with him. I decided to take a walk out in town for some fresh air and maybe a little shopping.
I walked peacefully on the sidewalk, not looking for a second; I crash into something or rather someone. I fell back, my purse sliding out of my hands. I quickly gathered up my things when a strong hand held mine to a halt. I looked up to see the one person I was hiding from. It took me a moment to stare into his profound cobalt eyes.
"D- Darien," was all I managed to choke out as I stuffed the remaining things that I had dropped on the ground back into my purse.
I straightened myself and pretended to look at my watch. I just wanted to get away from here… to get away from him. I turned around and started to swiftly walk away.
"Serena wait, where are you going?" I heard him call after me. I saw him from the corner of my eye, trying to catch up with me. I started to move quicker and towards the park. At least it was easier to hide from him there because of the many people playing around. I stopped and decided to rest leaning on a tree. I was sure I had lost him. I looked around me; there were children playing around, while parents talked on, and teenagers playing Frisbee with friends. It sort of reminded me of before.
I felt someone behind me. No one can ever make my heart race like this except for…
I turned around to see him standing in front of me looking very exhausted. I'd never seen him like this before. It was like he hadn't slept for weeks and he seemed so haggard. I wanted to take him into my care, to hold him close and console him, but part of me screamed to run away. I was about to turn and make a run for it again.
He hastily grabbed my arm before I could take of. I looked at him with fierce eyes.
"Let go, Darien!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Everyone around us looked our way.
"No! Serena, just listen to me!" he replied angrily. I attempted to escape from his tight hold. "Please, Serena, just listen to me… Please," he said more calmly, even pleadingly. I looked into his now pale eyes. He didn't look like the all- powerful Darien Chiba anymore.
Now he looked like a child begging to be taken notice of. I changed my mind and reassured myself out of fury. "Okay, just let go you're hurting me," I told him. He immediately let go of my wrist and looked relived. Okay this is it… Time for my ultimate down fall…
"S-Serena, there is something I wanted to tell you before graduation night was over. But since you left so soon, I didn't have a chance to. I didn't know what to do; all you left me was a letter, not even saying where you went. I was worried. I didn't know what had happened to you…"
I had no clue where this was leading to. He couldn't have possibly been that worried about me. I opened my mouth to talk but he silenced me when he held his hand up.
"When I heard your speech I was awestruck. I never thought you even cared to ever notice me … And then I read your letter and then I went to your house and you weren't there anymore… It took me up until two days ago to track you down. Yesterday I was looking all around to find you." He took a break at that; I was still bemused and tense. Where this was going? "I thought I had lost hope, but then you crashed into me and it was the happiest I felt in weeks…"
I looked at him with confused eyes and I felt my body getting tense. I could feel my eyes starting to shed a tear. "Well, all I am trying to say is that… I… I… love you!" he spilled out. I looked up at him shaking my head. No, this could not possibly be happening. This is all just a wonderful dream that I would be waking up from any minute now…
It's just impossible…
"I know this sounds so weird, but I've waited a long time to tell you… Longer than you can imagine… When you made your speech I had a little flame of hope that you could also feel the same way, then you mysteriously disappeared. I read the letter and I knew you MUST at least care for me a little bit…" It was quite a confession, but how-how could he possibly feel the same way?
"No… You can't love me!" I exclaimed shaking my head, backing away from him. But he only pulled me closer and embraced me. I pushed myself away from him with my hand on his chest. I felt a tear running down my cheek. I couldn't let him play with me like this! He knows how much I love him. He just wanted to see me in need of him, so he could laugh before he left again. I pushed him away from me.
"Why can't you accept the way I feel?" He demanded walking towards me. He took me by my arms and shook me. He almost lifted me from the ground. My whole body was shaking with fear of what he might to do.
"D- Darien…" I protested, sobbing, trying to get him to stop.
"I'm sorry… It's just-Why? Why did you leave, why did run away, why can't you accept my true feelings for you?" He threw out for me to answer all at once.
I didn't know how to answer him. I just couldn't believe it was real- that he actually loved me.
"Why?" he demanded again. I took more steps backing away from him; terrified he would snap again and hurt me physically and mentally. I just can't take the risk of him laughing at me and I… I don't love him anymore… I don't… I already decided on that… No, that could never happen. I would always love him, even if it hurts…
"I just don't want to take a risk! I don't want you waking up one day and deciding that you don't love me anymore!" I shouted at him pushing his hand away when he tried to reach me. But he forced himself in and caught me into an embrace. He felt so warm and calm inside, it's like I always belonged here in his arms. I didn't fight back; I just stood there in his arms. I felt so loved and happy; it was just a bother to move away from him.
"I won't ever do anything to hurt you or ever let anything hurt you ever… I love you… I love you and I love you… Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you, nothing…" He said softly leaning down and whispering into my ear. His malleable tone sent chills down to my spine. I felt myself shiver at the thought of what was happening. I could hardly believe this. I never in a million years would have thought he could ever love me.
"I love you too, Darien, I've loved you since the moment I met you. I wanted to tell you. But I always thought you never felt anything for me. I tried to tell you in the letter, but I didn't have the guts to," I confessed to him. I look up at his flashing sapphire eyes and I felt my insides melt like ice cream under the sun.
"You-You love me?" he repeated while placing his hands on my shoulders
"I- Love- You- Darien." I repeated slowly.
He pulled me back into his deep embrace and then bent down. He teased my lips with his own. I felt his hot breath moistening my now dry lips. He pressed his warm, sweet lips to mine, assaulting them with butterfly kisses. He looked into my eyes and then slowly leaned back down for a powerful kiss. His breath tasted of mint and chocolate. I closed my eyes, drifting off in sensation and started to kiss him back with the same force. His muscular arms found themselves behind my back, one hefty hand placed possessively at my collar, holding me to him, molding my small frame in his embrace.
I couldn't count how many minutes we were locked in the deep kiss. We stopped and gasped for air. I pulled him down for another kiss. I still remembered the previous kiss we had just shared. Now the kisses became deeper and deeper. He urged my mouth to open, his tongue probing. He explored my mouth, and my knees began to buckle.
After a long period of kisses we walked to the beach house. "Darien, about college… I already decided on Harvard and you would be going to Yale," I brought up the subject as we ate lunch. He just smiled at me softly.
"I also was accepted to Harvard. I thought you were going to Yale so that's where I said I was going. But then I read your letter, so I just enrolled at Harvard instead. Well you see, I was even going to follow you…" He informed me, leaving me awestruck.
"You know, Darien, you're a butthead," I replied shaking my held disbelievingly.
"Hey… You love this butthead!" he protested with a grin. I leaned up from the table and placed a kiss on his cheeks. "Aren't you going to kiss me on the lips?" He suggested, but I made an evil smile.
"That's for later…" I said teasingly.
I smiled.
I really couldn't believe it had happened. I never expected that someone like Darien or even anyone could love me as much as he loves me. Somehow I feel that this is just a beautiful dream I am going to snap out of. But I do know this, Darien would never hurt me… and I trust him on that. That's what love is all about right? Trusting, caring, giving, and needing… And I know he would always be there and was always there when I needed him…
" I love you, Serena"
" I love you too"
End... reviews are awesome! (hint hint)
